Well I have had a few requests for updates but I am afraid I don't have much to write about. Things went well (as possible I guess) with the miscarriage. Dr. Sanders gave me a clean bill of health but that is pending the results of the test for Celiacs Disease that I asked him to order. I will probably know by the end of next week if I need to go in for a biopsy. He recommended that we think about adoption and even suggested trying a hybrid form of the fertility drug that was unsuccessful for us a couple of years ago. I have a phone consultation scheduled with Dr. D next week so I am going to hold off on making any decisions until I have all of our options.
I am still feeling empty and a little sad that things didn't quite work out the way we had prayed for. Especially with Avery's first birthday approaching so quickly. I thought for sure that I would be expecting when we hit that year mark but once again I am reminded that I have absolutely no control.
The weather is turning colder and the leaves are changing and all of it just takes me back to this time last year. The wind will hit me just right and I will have a flashback of Avery's burial day or the day I left the hospital with empty arms. All the emotions have come back, full force and feel so raw. I feel like I am experiencing the first stages of grieving all over again. I knew that her first birthday would be hard but I never imagined that it would hurt this badly. I can't help but imagine what she would be like if she were still with us. I can see a dark headed, chubby faced, adorable little girl crawling around and starting to stand. I can see her smile and hear her giggle. I can see the way she would have adored her daddy and I can almost feel her sweet little head on my shoulder as I steal hugs when she is sleepy. Oh how I wish that things could have been different for us but at the same time I am grateful for the arms that hold her now.
Skeet and I have decided to go on a little vacation. It will be our first in two years and long overdue. It won't be anything extravagant, just a long weekend in California. It's better than nothing though. We are fortunate to have the opportunity to go and not have to pay for lodging so we are very excited.
My classes are going well and I have submitted my papers to receive my associates degree in May. It has only taken me 3 years to get my associates... pretty sad isn't it? I am hoping that I can get my bachelors a little bit quicker than that. I am pretty proud of myself because I never thought I would get this far.
So that's about it, I warned you that my life is boring. If I get out this weekend I will get and post some pictures of the leaves changing... it's absolutely beautiful.