Friday, October 3, 2008

Welcome to my boring life

Well I have had a few requests for updates but I am afraid I don't have much to write about. Things went well (as possible I guess) with the miscarriage. Dr. Sanders gave me a clean bill of health but that is pending the results of the test for Celiacs Disease that I asked him to order. I will probably know by the end of next week if I need to go in for a biopsy. He recommended that we think about adoption and even suggested trying a hybrid form of the fertility drug that was unsuccessful for us a couple of years ago. I have a phone consultation scheduled with Dr. D next week so I am going to hold off on making any decisions until I have all of our options.
I am still feeling empty and a little sad that things didn't quite work out the way we had prayed for. Especially with Avery's first birthday approaching so quickly. I thought for sure that I would be expecting when we hit that year mark but once again I am reminded that I have absolutely no control.

The weather is turning colder and the leaves are changing and all of it just takes me back to this time last year. The wind will hit me just right and I will have a flashback of Avery's burial day or the day I left the hospital with empty arms. All the emotions have come back, full force and feel so raw. I feel like I am experiencing the first stages of grieving all over again. I knew that her first birthday would be hard but I never imagined that it would hurt this badly. I can't help but imagine what she would be like if she were still with us. I can see a dark headed, chubby faced, adorable little girl crawling around and starting to stand. I can see her smile and hear her giggle. I can see the way she would have adored her daddy and I can almost feel her sweet little head on my shoulder as I steal hugs when she is sleepy. Oh how I wish that things could have been different for us but at the same time I am grateful for the arms that hold her now.

Skeet and I have decided to go on a little vacation. It will be our first in two years and long overdue. It won't be anything extravagant, just a long weekend in California. It's better than nothing though. We are fortunate to have the opportunity to go and not have to pay for lodging so we are very excited.

My classes are going well and I have submitted my papers to receive my associates degree in May. It has only taken me 3 years to get my associates... pretty sad isn't it? I am hoping that I can get my bachelors a little bit quicker than that. I am pretty proud of myself because I never thought I would get this far.

So that's about it, I warned you that my life is boring. If I get out this weekend I will get and post some pictures of the leaves changing... it's absolutely beautiful.

9 comments:

Fullmer Family said...

Hello:
I found your blog through Tina Brown. I hope you don't mind me commenting. First I just want to say that I'm sorry for your loss. Your little angel is so precious. I too have had fertility problems. I do have two biological daughters who are 8 and 6 years old, but getting pregnant again has been rough. We opted to adopt and are going thru the adoption process right now. Our son, Cooper, was born on July 2 and we are just waiting to finalize the adoption in January. Our agency was AWESOME!! If you ever decide that this is something you would consider, let me know. I'd love to give you more info. I live in Cedar and actually know your Grandma Georgia and Grandpa Jay. I just saw them this evening at Chari's house. Anyways, if you ever want some more info, e-mail is jillynnefullmer@msn.com
-Jillynne

Jennifer said...

Thanks so much for updating Candi. I've been concerned about you. I don't think there's anything anyone can say to help you through this sad time but just know I think about you every day and I will never forget Avery or how special she was.

Amy Jo said...

So glad to finally "hear" from you! I think of you often and wish peace and healing for you and Skeet.

Tina said...

Every time I read your blog I am struck by how faithful and amazing you are. We have also just turned in our adoption paperwork. We're still hoping for a pregnancy, but it's nice to know there are other alternatives. Keep smiling and have a good vacation!

Andy and Clare said...

Oh Candi,

Andy just showed me your update and commented that it was like listening to me talk. I know exactly how you feel right now - I am going through the same emotions and it is so hard. I never dreamed that it would hurt so much more this week but it does. I'm so relieved to find I'm not alone and that it is normal for me to feel this way.

Here if you need me. Thinking of you.

Clare xx

Kari said...

Candi,

If you are interested in airline tickets roundtrip from St. George to LA for your California trip. Please let me know. I might be able to help you out. kari.tate06@gmail.com

Take care!

NEILANDSHALON said...

CONGRATULATIONS!! GO YOU!! I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!! YOU HAVE WORKED SO HARD - IT WILL BE A VERY WELL DESERVED DEGREE!! I AM EXCITED FOR YOUR BIG GETAWAY PLANS- THAT WILL BE SO MUCH FUN!!

THINKING OF YOU ALWAYS!! LOVE YOUR GUTS!!

BRYAN'S YAYA said...

I hope you have a nice vacation. Sometimes the best thing is a change of location for a few days. Candi, I think of you often and hope things get better for you soon. Always in my prayers,

Candi
YaYa to Bryan

Danielle said...

I know this is a little late, but I have always followed your blog and missed these last updates. I'm so sorry for your loss, I've been where you are now 3 times, and it isn't easy. My thoughts and prayers are with you.