Friday, January 27, 2012

3 Quarters of a Year

9 MONTHS!!  My baby is 9 months old!  He is so big! And so smart! And so dang Cute!!  We are loving every second with Sawyer.  He really is the perfect fit for our family.  Everyone just adores him and he always keeps us laughing.  I am sad that he's growing up so fast but I have to admit it is a lot of fun to watch him grow and learn every day!  I cherish every second I get to spend with him and everyday I wish it could be more. 

Sawyer had his 9 month check up yesterday so here are his stats...
20 pounds exactly - 43rd percentile
29 inches (although I think it's closer to 30) - 74th percentile
Head is 18 inches which is around the 60th percentile. 

He is pretty healthy for the most part.  Right now he has a stuffy nose but nothing we can't handle. Also, Dr. N wants Sawyer to get an x-ray done of his spine.  He has had the cutest little crooked bum crack for as long as I've known him and I just thought it was just part of what made him so stinkin cute and special.  Well Dr. N is concerned that it could be due to a form of Spina Bifida.  I was freaked out to hear that but calmed down when he assured us that it shouldn't affect Sawyer's life in the slightest.  Except for perhaps a large growth that could form right at the top of his cute little crack.  We have yet to visit radiology but will be doing so soon and I'll let you know what we find out.  For some reason I am not very worried and just have this feeling that my little man is going to be just fine.

Here are a few fun facts about our 9 month old...
Has started step 3 foods and has loved them so far. 
He has also tried french toast, pancakes, eggs, grilled cheese, PF breadstick, noodles, crackers, cutie oranges, and lemonade. 
He is still nursing for the most part but does have one bottle of formula per day.  Starting next month we might bump it up to two as we start to wean him.  We hope to have him fully weaned by one year.
He can crawl, but only army crawl and only backwards.  This upsets him sometimes when he really wants to get at what's in front of him.  I see him taking off any day now though which means we need to get baby-proofed fast!
He can pull himself up to standing and loves to stand up like a big boy.  He also loves to walk in his walker or holding on to some one's hands. 
He loves the opening credits to any TV show as long as there is singing or music. As soon as that part is over he has no interest in the TV at all (unless it's football or Elmo, then he might pay attention for a few more seconds).
He still loves bath time and takes his splashing and kicking very seriously.  We can't wait to take him swimming.
His hair grows crazy fast (like both mommy and daddy's) and has had his 3rd haircut already! 
He's wearing mostly 12 month clothes except for his Gerber stuff which runs small so he has to have 18 month.  He's still in size 3 diapers but we have a box of 4s just waiting to be opened.
He still has only two teeth but Dr. N thinks the top 2 are well on their way.  Sawyer loves to have his teeth brushed too (when mom remembers to do it).
He still loves story time and would sit and listen to his favorite books over and over.
He loves playing peek a boo, especially with mommy and grandma. He also loves playing "Monkey on the Bed" and will jump, fall over and shake his head no along with the song.  He also thinks it's great when mommy sings "Old McDonald Has A Farm" and makes all the animal noises.
When you ask him where the doggie is, he looks around for Callie. 

I cannot get over how much I love my little boy.  He has both his Daddy and I wrapped tightly around his little finger.  I cannot imagine our lives without him and I thank my Heavenly Father every day for letting me be Sawyer's mom.  I miss him so much every minute I am not with him and wonder if that will ever go away?  Not that I want it to but it is so hard to leave him every day.  He is such a busy boy these days too and always keeps us on our toes.  I am looking forward to our spring and summer together, we are going to have so much fun!

Here are some recent pictures, I hope you love them as much as I do! ( I still haven't completely figured out my camera yet and didn't have time to edit any of these so some aren't great quality)

And now, for Sawyer's silly faces... he is too funny!!

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

"I Saw God Today"

This song (by George Strait) came out in early 2008.  When I first heard it, and really listened to the words, I cried.  Like ugly crying that makes your eyes and nose swollen.  It really is such a touching song and I still think of it often and still get teary eyed when it comes on the radio.  I am not a huge fan of Mr. Strait but this song touches my heart in just the right way.  I think mostly because when it came out we were still reeling over the birth/loss/burial of our little girl, but there was something else. 

I have this thing I do.  I have these episodes where I will over analyze things, or maybe over think is a better way to put it.  I give myself anxiety attacks when I start to really think about why things are the way they are, how many people there really are on this earth, how big the universe is, and even how things came to be.  I don't know if other people really think about this stuff but I do.  A lot.  And I am being completely honest when I say that I think about it so much that my heart starts to race, my breathing quickens and I feel like I need to crawl into bed, stick my head under the covers, and hide.  I have never read the Old Testament and wonder if I did, if it would make me more likely to panic or less likely?  I really should try and see if it helps me with these episodes. 

Since we brought our second child into this world these episodes happen more often.  I start to think of his future and what might be in store for him.  I try to imagine what the world will be like when he's 18, graduating high school, and deciding where to go from there.  I read the news these days and it seems like there is bad stuff everywhere!  You rarely hear about the good and that, of course, does not help me with the anxiety at all.  Sawyer is only 8 months old and I am already worried about him starting sports, riding a bike, making friends, going to church or school, getting a cavity filled, riding a bus, his first sleepover, etc., etc., etc.  I am never going to keep him from doing things that he wants to do (within reason) but I know I will worry about him constantly.  I want him to go out, experience the world, learn and grow but at the same time I want to put him in a bubble and never let anything bad ever happen to him.  What if he is bullied at school?  What if he is the bully?  What if he's like me and has major social anxiety?  What if he's too friendly and trusts people he shouldn't?  A mom could go crazy with all of the things there are to worry about these days. 

I guess I got a little off subject.  My point today (yes that was a long rant, sorry) is that despite all of my panic and anxiety I am still amazed at how often I see God in everyday things.  I so often wonder how people don't believe in God.  Yesterday I was driving to work, listening to my sweet little boy talk to himself in the back seat, and the moon was just going down, it was full (or almost full), big (huge) and so very beautiful.  It is something like that, or an amazing sunset, a snow covered mountain, or especially my little boys face, that make me realize that He is everywhere!  I see Him all the time.  If you just think of something like conception and how intricate and complicated it all is.  Everything has to be timed just perfectly and it happens all the time, most of the time without any planning.  I don't think women really think about what is really happening inside their body (or what has happened) while they are pregnant.  Then they give birth to a beautiful, screaming baby (this, unfortunately, isn't always the case but even then... ) and they are instantly in love.  How can you  look into your child's face and not thank a Higher Power for such a miraculous blessing?  Especially as they start growing and their personality starts to show.  I am just in awe of Sawyer, his sweet spirit and his sense of humor.  I know that he was chosen just for our family, just for me, and that he was waiting until the right time to join us. 

Even when Avery was born, I believe that our Heavenly Father sent her to us for a reason.  I will admit that I was angry with him, and I questioned him on a daily basis for years.  I still do at times.  But not once did I ever believe that He wasn't real or didn't exist. 

I also have been thinking a lot about his love for us.  The love I feel for Sawyer every time I look at him or even think of him is so all consuming and I have to believe that our Father in Heaven loves us that much or even more.  I never really got that before Sawyer was born.  I was stuck thinking that He might never forgive me for my past or that I was being punished because of choices I had made.  It is only within the last 8 or so months that I have come to believe that I am probably wrong.  I don't think there is anything Sawyer could do that I wouldn't forgive him for, whether or not he asked for forgiveness.  I could never stop loving him because he made a mistake or a bad choice.  I will always want what is best for him and although he will get punished occasionally, I don't think I could ever intentionally keep him from his dreams.  I also understand now that we have to do what is best for our children, whether they understand it or not.  I know this will become more evident as Sawyer grows but I finally understand that all those times when I thought my prayers weren't being heard, or answered; He was actually just thinking of what would be best for me.  I am sure in the future I will still struggle with this but I am comforted knowing that He does answer our prayers and hope that I can remember that sometimes it won't be in the time or way that we want or expect him to.  He knows what is best for us and I hope that I can remember to have faith in Him and be patient. 

I am grateful for the times that I am able to really look at something/ someone and appreciate it's/their beauty and individuality.

There is one more thing I'd like to get out before I forget to.  I prayed just about every day for 5+ years that I could have a baby.  I prayed and prayed, hoping that one day it would just happen.  I got so frustrated when others would get pregnant easily and I couldn't.  It wasn't until I started praying for a way to have a baby that my prayers were answered and I came across the article on Ovarian Diathermy.  It makes me sick to think that I almost gave up.  I almost quit praying, and searching for a way to make our dreams come true.   I am so glad I didn't give up on my dream.  I am so grateful that I listened to that little something inside of me that told me I wouldn't be okay with being childless and there HAD to be a way!! I am also very grateful for the people along the way that helped us out; financially, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.  Thank you so much! I hope you know who you are! :)

 I Saw God Today

Just walked down the street to the coffee shop
Had to take a break
I'd been by her side for 18 hours straight
Saw a flower growin' in the middle of the sidewalk
Pushin' up through the concrete
Like it was planted right there for me to see
The flashin' lights
The honkin' horns
All seemed to fade away
In the shadow of that hospital at 5:08
I saw God today

I've been to church
I've read the book
I know he's here
But I don't look
Near as often as I should
Yeah, I know I should
His fingerprints are everywhere
I just slowed down to stop and stare
Opened my eyes and man I swear
I saw God today
Saw a couple walkin' by they were holdin' hands
Man she had that glow
Yeah I couldn't help but notice she was startin' to show
Stood there for a minute takin' in the sky
Lost in that sunset
Splash of amber melted in the shades of red

I've been to church
I've read the book
I know he's here
But I don't look
Near as often as I should
Yeah, I know I should
His fingerprints are everywhere
I just slowed down to stop and stare
Opened my eyes and man I swear
I saw God today

Got my face pressed up against the nursery glass
She's sleepin' like a rock
My name on her wrist
Wearin' tiny pink socks
She's got my nose, she's got her mama's eyes
My brand new baby girl
She's a miracle
I saw God today

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Happy New Year!

This year we had a quiet dinner at home with our friends the Buhlers!  We love having them over!  I wish I had gotten more pictures and of course I forgot the family picture, again!  We had so much fun catching up with our awesome friends!  Kadence is gorgeous and so much fun! She was a great helper with Sawyer!  She loved his video monitor and kept an eye on him for me while the grown-ups visited.  She would give me periodic updates too.  She is a doll!

More fun..

Like I said in my last post, I got a new camera for Christmas.  I have been having a blast figuring it out and taking a crazy amount of pictures, mostly of Sawyer of course.  Here are some that I wanted to share.  I am still trying to get the manual setting down so some of them are dark but still too cute to not share.  Have I said how much I love this little guy?  Cause I do! He is the BEST!!

Oh and I forgot to add... Sawyer got a tooth for Christmas!!  The second is not wasting any time either!  My little boy is growing up and it breaks my heart but makes me happy and proud all at the same time!

Can you believe that face in the top right corner... I love it!! In the other pictures he's playing with his new tooth!

I was watching him play one day and he started flippin his toy completely around.  I almost cried I was so proud!

He still adores Callie!!  She is warming up to him too!

Grandpa is one of his favorite people.

This monkey was Sawyer's Christmas gift last year!  He's not sure what to think of it!

His new haircut is so cute but makes him look so grown up.  He didn't cry this time but mom almost did!

Sawyer's First Christmas

This year Christmas was magical!  Of course, at 8 months old Sawyer didn't know what was going on.  He loved the tree and always wanted to touch the "pine needles" (yes our tree is fake). He wanted to pat the gifts but had no interest in opening them.  He laughed when momma sang him Christmas carols but just the same as he does when she sings "Old McDonald" or "Isty Bitsy Spider".  The magic this year was for mom and dad.  On Christmas morning we set our greatest gift ever under the tree and for a moment we were speechless.  No words can describe the amazing feeling of joy that I had when I looked at my Christmas gift (who cares if he came 8 months early).  We feel so very blessed to have such beautiful children; one watching over us from Heaven and one that we cherish every moment with! 

Sawyer was spoiled, of course, even though he had no idea what was going on and loved the boxes more than the toys.  We actually have a few toys that we haven't taken out of the boxes yet because we don't want to overwhelm him!!  We are so grateful to our family and friends for thinking of him and spoiling him along with us! 

I got a new camera for Christmas and took a ton of pictures but wish I could have gotten more.  I also, didn't get one of the three of us together which makes me a little upset with myself!  It was our best Christmas yet and I know they are only going to get better as he gets older. 

Jacie, strking a pose

Grandpa's new hat

Getting loves from Grandma

Playing with tree ornaments! 

Click on this one to see it big.  We've discovered that he LOVES rootbeer!

Some of the pictures don't look that great, it's not the camera's fault... it's the user. I am still learning and trying to take photos on manual setting.  I definitely need a lens for indoor pictures!

It was an amazing Christmas and we were sad that it came and went so quickly!  We hope that everyone out there had a great Christmas as well and we wish you all a very Happy New Year!