Monday, September 29, 2014

Flying Time

Another few months have passed and I am just getting to an update.  At this point this blog is for me to write down things I don't want to forget. I have a terrible memory and I want so badly to remember these precious times with my babies! 
Both of my boys are growing up so fast and are so dang smart I can barely believe it!  I'll start with Mr. Sawyer.

Sawyer is now almost three and a half years old and started preschool on September 4th. He LOVES school! He loves his teacher, Mrs. Woolsey, and he loves the kids he goes to school with. He is big for his age.  He's wearing mostly 4T clothes and size 10 shoes. He is finally potty trained with the exception of pull-ups at night and during naptime. He still loves to color, draw and paint. He loves books and has begun reciting books to his dad, brother and I from memory. He loves to play in the sand box, play hide and seek, have showers, help with just about everything-especially cooking. He loves going to the park and on adventures.  He loves animals but we are working with him on how to treat animals nicely. He has decided that his brother is his buddy, for the most part.  They now share a room at night and one of Skeet and I's favorite things is to listen to them talk and play after we turn out the lights.
He still has some problems with jealousy and is often mean to his brother. Usually it just takes a quick time out and some reassuring cuddles and he's back to his friendly, happy self.
Recently he's started talking in what I like to call his "possessed" voice.  I can't explain it but he'll be talking normal and then change to a  voice that honestly creeps me out a bit.  He can identify almost any smell, loves watching Phineas and Ferb (which he calls Plerry the Platapus), Mickey Mouse, Team Umizoomi, and most of the Leap Frog videos.
He will eat just about everything but loves anything that isn't good for him.  It's a constant struggle. Everything he likes is his "favorite" and all of his friends are either his best buddies or his best cousin.
He is very excited about Halloween and right now, wants to be a dog.

Cooper just turned two and is one of the funniest kids I know.  Not to mention incredibly smart.  He impressed the doctor at his two year well child checkup with his vocabulary. He speaks so well for  a two year old. We can easily understand what he wants and have conversations with him. He's got a quick whit and is really stubborn.  He loves tractors, trains, trucks and his blankies. If the moon isn't full, he says it's broken.  When we pass by any kind of tractor he will say "hey guys, look at the tractors". Anytime I call him a stinker, twerp, goofy, silly, stinky, crazy, or pretty much anything but cute, he tells me "I'm not ...., I'm cute Cooper!".  He knows what he wants and what he doesn't.  When he doesn't want something he will say he doesn't want it anymore.  He's so picky about what he eats and drinks. He hates to get his hands dirty. He has begun to show interest in potty training already and has actually gone on the potty twice voluntarily.  He loves Mickey Mouse "Clubclouse", Letter Factory, Team Umizoomi, Elmo and Dora. He is so independent but such a lovey, cuddly little guy.  He is tall and in the 72nd percentile but only 26th for weight. Still in 18 month clothes but getting close to moving up a size.
He loves the park, loves to ride bikes, will only eat French fries, chicken nuggets, fish sticks and corn dogs. Luckily he loves most fruit and garden tomatoes so at least we have that!  We adore him and his personality.  He is the most difficult kid to discipline.  Plus, because he's so hard headed, most disciplines don't even phase him. 

I just began the Masters of Accountancy program this semester and I don't really feel like myself most days but I try to enjoy every second I get to spend with my boys. I know my days at home with them are numbered and I want to soak in every second of it.  They bring me more joy than I ever imagined was possible.  They both give amazing hugs and they are so good at cuddling.  When they both sit on my lap to read or just watch a show my heart swells with love. I just hope that no matter what, they always know how much they are loved, wanted, cherished.  They are my life and I am so grateful to be their mom. I am so very blessed and I don't want to take a moment of it for granted. Which is much harder said than done with as busy as I've been.

I still miss Avery every day and this time of year is especially hard with her seventh birthday coming up. I can't believe she would be in first grade this year.  I can't believe all we've missed. I just hope she knows how much I love and miss her.

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Do People Read Blogs Anymore???

I know I don't.  It's not because I don't have the desire, it's because I don't have the time.  Any time I spend on the computer anymore is doing homework and looking for rentals.  I can't believe how long it's been since I did a post but I thought I should maybe do one now.  I guess we'll see if anyone reads it but really I think it's just for me. 
I miss doing posts because I think they were a kind of therapy for me.  Somewhere to let out the jumble of thoughts in my head.  I don't think that I have enough time to get out everything that has built up in this crazy brain of mine over the last few months though. 
I am finishing up my last two courses of my undergraduate degree.  I can't believe it! I walked across that stage a couple of weeks ago and they handed me my "degree". (It was actually really funny because the guy sitting next to me was really upset that his actual degree wasn't in the cover, just a letter saying they'd send the degree once grades were posted). 
My family and I have sacrificed a lot to get me to this point.  Living with my parents has been wonderful and trying all at the same time.  My boys love seeing grandma and grandpa all the time and will really miss them when we do find our own place.  Also it's been so nice to have my mom and dad around to keep me company while Skeet is working in St. George.  My parents have been amazing and I will probably never be able to repay them for all they have done for us over the last year.  They claim they don't want us to leave but I am sure they will be so happy to get their space back and not have such chaos to deal with on a daily basis! 
I just got hired part time to work in the Tanner Center while I begin, and try to finish my masters degree.  I feel like I will never be done with school at this point but maybe working a few hours a week will give me the break from school and the kids that I need.  My job is basically to help organize one or two big events a year.  It's only 10 hours a week but pays pretty good so we'll see how it goes.  I am worried about leaving the boys for work at school because it's been a while since they've had to be away from me that long.  It will probably be good for them and will maybe help condition them for when I go back to work full time. 

The boys are doing great.  They are amazing little humans that I just adore!  They try my patience to its very limit on an hourly basis but I can't imagine my life without them and their antics.  Coop has developed quite the personality and I fall more in love with him every day.  He is so silly and smart.  He is a little bit too brave though and still likes to cling to me, especially when I need to get something done.  He has begun singing and it is probably my most favorite thing ever! His favorite song is Old McDonald but his version is Old Donald Duck.  His smile is so big and both that and his adorable belly laugh are so contagious!

Sawyer is our genius child.  The kid never ceases to amaze me.  I can't believe he is three already and going on 8 at least!!  He is going to blow his preschool teacher away. I am afraid he's going to get bored.  He is always saying things to us that make us wonder where our toddler went and who this little boy is.  He is so head strong though and he fights me on everything just to prove that he can. I think he is a lot like his dad in that way.  He wants to do everything himself and gets very upset if he misses a chance to help with just about anything you are doing.  He is very ornery when he gets woken up, something he gets from  his mom.  He loves to draw, loves Mickey Mouse and his new favorite is Blue's Clues.  He'll carry around his "handy dandy notebook" and look for clues all day long.  He's also been asking the past few days if we can go to Disney Land.  He'll say "after we go to the store, we are going to go to Disney Land, right momma?" It breaks my heart to tell him it will be a couple of years before that happens!  The boy is too smart for his own good and so dang cute you can barely stand it.  He still has some of his baby cheeks that I still love to kiss whenever I get a chance.  He still asks to "hold you" and when he tells me he loves me my heart melts over and over again. 

My boys saved my life.  I don't know what I would do without them.  They bring me joy that I never knew existed and I am so grateful I am their mom.  I realized recently that I am still holding on to a lot of anger about Avery's death.  Mostly about the way we were treated at the hospital and the things I feel I was cheated out of.  I still miss her so much it physically hurts.  I will do fine for weeks and then one day it hits me again and I have to pick myself back up and start over again.  I cannot believe that she would have been 7 this year.  I know that if I didn't have the boys things would be so much worse but I am still surprised when these moments of grief hit me.  What I wouldn't give to be able to go back and hold her just a little longer.  Take another picture of her beautiful face.  Kiss her one more time.  I don't know if the longing will ever go away or if I even want it to.  I just know that I still miss my daughter and wish so badly that she could be here with us.