Then I think about poor Cooper. When we brought Sawyer home I didn't want to miss a second of anything with him so I had the hardest time wanting to put him down. I would hold him for hours enjoying the feeling of his warm, tiny body in my arms. I want to still be able to have moments like that with Cooper but am afraid that I will be spending too much time chasing Sawyer around and trying to keep him out of trouble or keep him from hurting himself (we have a dare devil on our hands). It's sad to think that Cooper will spend a lot more time in his swing or bouncy chair than Sawyer ever did but I think that will be the reality of it. It makes me feel bad but I know it has to be done because now I will have 2 babies demanding my time and attention.
I guess my biggest fear is that when I have 2 kids at home to take care of, I won't be a good mom. It's been hard to be a good mom while I am pregnant. I spend more time watching Sawyer play lately, than I do getting down and playing with him (because it hurts too bad to get on his level and don't even get me started about getting up). I've done my best this pregnancy to make sure that Sawyer isn't affected too much by the fact that I am not as energetic and mobile as I would have been otherwise but it's not been easy these last few weeks and I have had to rely on my parents and my sister more and more. When Skeet is home it is so nice to know that I can sit and rest and not feel guilty that I am not taking advantage of every moment because I know their time together is precious too.
I hope I don't come across as ungrateful in this post. I am so incredibly thankful for all that I have. I know what a huge blessing this pregnancy is, especially because I didn't think we'd get lucky enough to have another child. I am so excited to meet Cooper and watch him grow. To see how much he's like Sawyer, like me or like Skeet. To wonder if Avery would have been more like him or like Sawyer. I am excited to see a friendship grow between brothers. I hope that they will love each other, stick up for each other, and lean on each other as they grow. I have discovered that there are so many more emotions that come with having 2 living children. I am sure the worries will double but so will the joy.
I am still scared about my boys growing up though. I don't want them to grow up too fast. Especially Sawyer now that he's going to be a big brother. I hope that we can do everything in our power to make sure he gets to stay a kid as long as possible. Last night I went in to check on him after he was sleeping and I woke him
Well enough of my ramblings... I'm not going to do a regular pregnancy update until next week but I will share a belly shot from 34 weeks...