Monday, March 31, 2008

10 Random Facts

After reading Renay's list of ten random things, I thought I would do mine. I hope I can come up with ten...not much exciting going on here!

10) By the time I graduated High School I had lived in 8 different houses within the same town. 3 were on the same street, and 2 on another. That's life growing up when your father is a contractor!

9) I got braces on my teeth in the 2nd grade and had them on for 6 years. Anyone in my family will tell you that my teeth were awful! But you would never be able to tell now!

8) I was a cheerleader all three years of high school but if you asked 2/3rds of my graduating class they would tell you they didn't know that! How do you miss a 5'10", big nosed cheerleader?? (I was the tallest every year)

7)Skeet and I met on a blind date. We were set up by my brother and Skeet's sister (who are married). We triple dated with my other brother and Skeet's other sister (who are now married too). How confusing is that!!

6) I took almost 4 years of French and still cannot speak a full sentence.

5) When I lived in Texas I had the two most completely opposite jobs at the same time. I was a tech geek at Yahoo! by day and a Hooter's girl by night!

4) I have never broken a bone or been stung by a bee (knock on wood)

3) My childhood dream was to become a supermodel. Great dream for a little girl right? I was under the impression that you only had to be tall to be one. Now I realize I never had a shot!

2) I cannot sing for the life of me, but do it anyway any chance I get and usually at the top of my lungs. Especially when it 's Rascal Flatts (have you noticed that I am obsessed?)

1) I have had my belly button pierced 3 times and now I have the scars to prove it (unfortunately). The only other piercings I have are one on each ear.

That's it... boring I know.

Now that you now 10 random facts about me your instructions are as follows: list 10 random facts about you on your blog and leave a comment here saying you did so or leave your 10 random facts in a comment here if you don't have a blog. It can't be that hard to beat mine!!

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Happy Easter

I hope you all had a beautiful Easter Sunday. I am so grateful today for my Savior and His willingness to give His life for us so that we may return to Him. It is because of His great sacrifice that I will be able to see my daughter again. What an amazing gift. I feel so unworthy of such a gift. As I think back on my life and all the things that I have done that caused him so much pain, it breaks my heart. He died for my selfish sins! What a humbling realization.

I will be eternally grateful for Christ, and for this day and what it stands for. I can only pray that I can continue to strive to be more like Him in my thoughts and my actions and that I might be able to help others to come to that realization as well. A hymn that was sung today at my church meetings, which happens to be one of my favorites, says it all...

I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me,
Confused at the grace that so fully He proffers me.
I tremble to know that for me He was crucified,
That for me, a sinner, He suffered, He bled and died.

Oh it is wonderful, that He should care for me,
Enough to die for me.
Oh it is wonderful, wonderful to me.

I pray that you were all able to ponder this wonderful gift that we have been given on this special day. I know that Easter will from now on have a deeper meaning to me than it ever has before. So blessed is the day that I see my Savior again, and of course my beautiful little girl.

Happy Easter!

Monday, March 17, 2008

Hollywood here I come!

I am officially a TV star! Well not really but I did make it on to CMT this weekend. The footage they shot at the concert was actually just for an advertisement for a contest that Rascal Flatts is doing with their new video. My mom got a call from the girl that does our nails (thanks Jamie!) saying that she just saw us on a preview for CMT Insider. So I set my DVR to record Sunday morning and while I was getting ready for church Skeet yells "you're on TV!!" I looked like a complete idiot who was having way too much fun and my mom looked like she was doing her best to stay out of the shot, but at least we didn't look like the drunk girls that they showed right after us! You could tell that they were completely wasted!
So yes, now you are reading the blog of a real celebrity! I will be signing autographs... just send me your request and I will get it in the mail! Just kidding... I really hope that none of you see it. I doubt they will air it that much, thank goodness, because I really am so embarrassed. Especially because the first thing, and only thing, you notice is my ginormous nose!

Okay, enough of that- moving on, I got through Avery's 5 month birthday without much incident. It was hard and I cried but I dealt with it okay. It seems that the pain doesn't really go away but it just gets easier to bear. Skeet and I stopped by the cemetery on Saturday to put out the solar lights that we received from some family friends after Avery's passing. It will be one of few in her area that have lights at night. I think it was the first time Skeet has seen her headstone and he seemed really impressed with how it turned out. I have been thinking a lot about her lately, if you haven't noticed. We still have not heard a final diagnosis yet even though I have been calling once a week to try to get a hold of them. I am torn about whether or not we should even start trying for another baby until we find out. I think that both of my sister's in law are a little scared to start trying too. We all try to remember that feeling of peace we felt when Avery was born. Sloane told me after Avery was born that she felt that everything was going to be okay. I felt it too but now I can't help but be a little apprehensive about it all. Yesterday, I returned home after receiving my patriarchal blessing, my face was tear stained and I felt exhausted- but more than that, I was full of the spirit. It was an amazing experience that I hope I can remember for the rest of my life. The more I thought about all that had been said the more I focused on my future children. I tried to imagine what it would be like to hold a healthy baby in my arms, knowing that I was responsible for it's life. The thought was completely overwhelming to me. I pictured myself holding this child and crying because I still missed my angel in heaven. Or maybe the tears were tears of relief, I am not sure but that picture in my mind filled me with a feeling that can only be described as bittersweet.

I had better end this now before I get too emotional- I don't want to be sitting at my desk at work crying my eyes out. I know I have been on a lyric kick lately and you are probably all sick of it -but one song has been stuck in my mind the past few days. This song was one that, when I was pregnant, brought be to tears every time I heard it. It reminded me to cherish the time I had with my Avery because it was time I would not get back. It also helped me to remember that there are things in life that may seem huge at the time but those things usually end up being small and unimportant compared to family, friends and love. It is a song by Carrie Underwood. I promise this is my last lyric sharing post!

So Small

What you got if you ain't got love,
The kind that you just want to give away
It's okay to open up
Go ahead and let the light shine through

I know it's hard on a rainy day
You want to shut the world out
And just be left alone
But don't run out on your faith

'Cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
And what you've been out there searching for forever
Is in your hands

And when you figure out
Love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
Seem so small

It's so easy to get lost inside
A problem that seems so big at the time
It's like a river that's so wide
It swallows you hole

While your sitting around thinking 'bout what you can't change
And worrying about all the wrong things
Time's flying by, moving so fast
You better make it count cause you can't get it back

Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
And what you've been out there searching for forever
Is in your hands

And when you figure out
Love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
Seem so small

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Life Changes

Lately I have been thinking about my life, where I want it to go and whether or not I would be happy with it if it were to end tomorrow. I have been striving lately to do what I think my Heavenly Father would want me to do. I have been trying to make decisions based on how He would make the decision if He were to do it for me. I feel lost. I have felt lost for a while now but I know that something is coming, something that is going to help me find my way. Ever since Avery went Home I have wondered if that was my whole purpose in life, to carry her until it was time for her to return to her Father in Heaven. If that was my purpose, I could be okay with that because I know she was perfect. My daughter, my precious little girl, was absolutely perfect and no one can ever change that. But if my life is meant for more, I need to know how to get there.

In my church we have what is called a Patriarchal Blessing. This is where a Patriarch of the church lays his hands on your head and give you a blessing. This blessing is something that you take with you and use as a sort of road map for the rest of your life. Now it is not like a fortune teller, he doesn't attempt to tell you your future. The blessing is meant to help you as you make decisions in your life so that you don't feel lost. It is hard for me to explain because you can only get one blessing in your life and obviously, I haven't had mine yet. Most members of the church get their blessing when they are young adults preparing to enter into the world on their own. I was extremely inactive at that age so I did not even think that I wanted one at the time. In a way, I am so glad that I waited. I know that I need this blessing now, more than ever. I will not be able to share my blessing, because it is sacred and it is only for me, but this is something that I have been looking forward to for months now.

As I approach the 5 month mark since Avery's birth, I have been thinking back to that day. I don't want to forget it, I don't want to forget one second of it. I don't believe that I ever could forget but I am thinking that I may write the events of that day down in detail so that I know it will never be forgotten. I have yet to start this because of my homework load but I hope to start it soon, maybe during my 3 week break from school in May. I still miss her everyday, and when I see her photo I wonder to myself if she misses me as much as I miss her. Every time I visit her grave I tell her how much I love her and how much I am looking forward to holding her again.

I want to share another Rascal Flatts song with you that means a lot to me. This may seem cheesy but I love to listen to the words of songs, that is really how I determine how much I like the song. This song was the RF song that made me a fan, since then I have come to love most of their music.

Bless the Broken Road
I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Now I’m just rollin’ home into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you

One more thing, there was a post recently on Nate's blog that made me think. Mothers were posting what they wish for Tricia, things that she gets to look forward to. I have a few things that I wish I could be doing right now...

Be awaken in the middle of a night to the sound of a crying baby
Take every chance I get to kiss my daughter and breath in her smell
Watch Skeet hold and fuss over his little girl, I know he would be wrapped around her finger
Be able to just sit and watch her sleep
See her smile for the first time
Hear her laugh and coo

These are just a few of a very long list. To all you mothers out there, cherish every moment you have with your child/children. You are very blessed.

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Some Fun!

I had the most fun I have had in a long time this weekend. Last year my sister and I got tickets to see Rascal Flatts in concert. Our seats last year were not great but even so, we had a blast. This year when we saw that they were returning to Las Vegas we got tickets right away. The concert was yesterday at the Mandalay Bay Events Center and it was amazing! Our seats were much better this time, we were so close to the stage and the energy was great. We had so much fun, we didn't want it to end!! And... to those of you who are country fans and watch CMT you may want to keep an eye out for their new video because yours truely may be making her television debut! They were filming segments of the concert for their new video and I had a camera on me for quite some time. I am not saying it is for sure but wouldn't that be fun??
Anyway, Rascal Flatts have some songs that are very inspirational to me and I wanted to share some lines from one of them. If you have never heard them you should definately check them out!

My Wish
I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow
And each road leads you where you want to go
And if you’re faced with the choice and you have to choose
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you
And if one door opens to another door closed
I hope you keep on walkin’ ‘til you find the window
If it’s cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile
But more than anything, more than anything

My wish for youIs that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold
And while you’re out there gettin’ where you’re gettin’ to
I hope you know somebody loves you
And wants the same things too
Yeah, this is my wish

I hope you never look back but you never forget
All the ones who love you
And the place you left
I hope you always forgive and you never regret
And you help somebody every chance you get
Oh, you find God’s grace in every mistake
And always give more than you take
But more than anything, yeah more than anything.

It is one of my many favorites that they sing, I have to warn you though... they are country. But they are still worth a listen. I used to dislike country music very much but I can't get enough of these guys! They are extremely talented
I will let you all know if I make the cut for the music video! ;)