Friday, October 28, 2011

6 Months!! A Half A Year Already??

Little man is a half a year old!  I cannot believe it!!  We are honestly loving every second with this sweet little boy!  I always thought he was an easy baby but I had nothing to really compare him to so when I hear from his sitters that he is such a good, laid back baby, it makes a momma very happy and very proud! 

At six months Sawyer is 16 pounds 14 ounces (39th percentile) and 27.5 inches (85th percentile). 

He is wearing mostly 6-9 month clothes.  Depending on the brand.  In some brands it looks like he is getting close to moving up to 12 month because of how tall he is.  He is still in size 3 diapers and will hopefully stay that way for a while. 

Sawyer has been sitting up and is doing better every day!  He loves to sit up like a big boy and see what is going on around him.  He especially loves his high chair.  That way he can keep a good eye on Callie, who he loves.  He thinks that Callie dog is pretty funny and laughs at her more than anything else lately.

When you put him on his back to play he is usually on his stomach within seconds.  He hated tummy time from day one, but now that is his preferred position.  I think because he can look around a lot better.  He's even been sleeping on his stomach.  And of course I am hating that.  It makes me so nervous and I do roll him to his back multiple times a night but he always ends up back on his tummy.  He has discovered that it's easier to wait for mom to roll him back over to his back so he doesn't try too hard to do it himself.  I have seen him do it before though, so I know he can.  He does sleep so much better on his stomach and looks so cute and comfy that sometimes I leave him but then 5 minutes later I freak myself out and go turn him over.

He has started giving hugs and kisses and as his mom, I am loving this!  I get the majority of his loves and don't mind having my face covered in baby slime (aka drool).  His favorite thing to do these days is grab my face (or hair) and chew on my chin.  Those of you that know my profile know that I don't have much of a chin (therefore making my nose look even bigger than it is) but my chin seems to be the perfect size for Sawyer to chew on so I am loving my scrawny chiny chin chin these days!

Sawyer is loving his solids.  So far he has eaten
rice cereal
sweet potatoes
and prunes

He will eat all of them but doesn't like his rice cereal or apples very much.  I think we will probably try green beans next.  The doctor has even told us to start feeding him solids in the morning as well as at night so he'll be getting solids twice a day now.  I am not too sure how I feel about that.  I wish he would slow down a little bit and stay my baby longer!

Sawyer's smile and his laugh are so adorable and everyone that meets him just instantly loves him.  He adores his Papa Chad and of course his Daddy and always has smiles for them.  Everyone else has to work a little bit harder but it's getting easier and easier to get a big grin out of him. 

He's still not sleeping through the night.  Some nights (most nights) he only wakes up once or twice but then there's the nights that I feel like he's waking me up every hour.  I told myself that I wouldn't use the cry it out method with him if I didn't have to but unfortunately we haven't tried very hard to do it any other way and now I think we are to that point where we need to give it a try.  I don't like the idea of giving up my cuddles at night, I actually hate the thought, but I know it will be better for everyone in the long run.  I am just going to wait until Skeet is back so we can work on it together.  I am too weak and too  much of a pushover to do it alone.  Although, he usually goes down for his naps pretty easily without too much crying so hopefully bedtime won't be too much different. 

As you can tell from most of my posts, I fall more and more in love with this little boy every day.  I can't seem to get enough of him.  His Daddy feels the same way too.  Sawyer is very loved and VERY spoiled.  I am so lucky to have such a beautiful and special family and I thank my Heavenly Father every day for them.  I do sometimes think back to the first few days, weeks and even months of Sawyer's life and it makes me sad to think of how fast it has all gone.  I thought I had been cherishing every moment but I feel like I can barely remember it because it was such a whirlwind.  I try, every day, to make a mental note of how I am feeling and the experiences we have but within a week it is something new and something equally amazing and I just can't keep up. That is why I am so grateful I have this blog.  I have finally printed out the first 3 years in book form and will work on getting the last year as well.  I am so glad that I will have these posts to read and remember. 

Here are some cute current pics... Isn't he handsome?

Such a sweet face (you may have to look at it sideways to get the full effect)

Not sure why it is uploading them like this...

Sitting up all by himself in the bath... he's getting too big too fast!

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Sawyer's 3 Month & Family Pictures

Abbey from AK Studio & Design has once again outdone herself! She did Sawyer's 3 month pictures as well as some family shots back in August and they turned out so great!  We just love Abbey and her talent!  I love how well she captures the emotions, and especially Sawyer's sweet disposition.  She is so incredibly good at what she does and on top of that, you won't meet a nicer gal!  I just love her!  We have so much fun talking and just hanging out during these shoots!  I can hardly wait to see what she did with Sawyer's 6 month pics... Thanks Abbey!!

Mom stuff

I feel like after watching my sister raise my nephew for the first year, I was pretty prepared and new what to expect when it came to being a mom, for the most part.  There are a few things though that I don't think I could have ever been prepared for.  Things I probably wasn't paying attention to and of course there are the emotional things that you have to experience to know how it feels.  I cannot get over how much I love being a mom!! 

I never thought that I could get ready for work in 10 minutes or that I could actually wear the first outfit I put on out the door without even looking in the mirror first.  I used to care a lot more about my appearance but now I care more about those few extra minutes I could be loving on my sweet little boy.  As long as I have some make-up on and my clothes match for the most part I really don't care anymore.  I think that will change as he gets older and I have more time to care about how I look!  I also cut 5 inches off my hair, thinking it would be easier to style and maybe I wouldn't have to pull it back as much.  Now I hate my hair and I rarely go a day without pulling it back!!  Oh well... it keeps it from being pulled and eaten by a cute little boy.

I also never thought I would be so interested in the bowel movements of anyone!  Sawyer has been a little plugged up lately, averaging 1-2 poopy diapers a week if we're lucky, and that's one of the first questions I ask the sitter when I pick him up "did he poop today?"  I also cheer and praise him if he does poop!  It's so crazy!!  Over the last few weeks, thoughts of poop have consumed me! 

I have always been one to love my sleep and sleep is not something I have gotten a lot of in the last six months.  Sawyer slept through the night for the first time the other night and instead of being happy about it (I did check on him multiple times, so still no sleep for me), I was sad that I didn't get my middle of the night cuddle time.  I don't know what is better than picking his warm, sleepy little body up out of his crib and kiss him like crazy (he smells so good!!) and then he cuddles right up to me and I rock him back to sleep, or feed him.  I know that he should be sleeping through the night by now and I should be letting him put himself back to sleep.  I will, someday, soon, I just hate the thought of giving up that time with him when I don't get to see him all day long. 

I couldn't have imagined how a smile, a giggle, or a big, drooly kiss on the face could make my whole world better.  No matter what kind of a day I have had, knowing that I have his adorable face and those big wet kisses to come home to, makes it all easier to deal with.  It is definitely another thing that no one can prepare you for by telling you about it. 

I always thought that I was going to be a tough mom.  One who wouldn't spoil, wouldn't coddle, wouldn't give in at the sign of tears, but so far... I am the biggest softie.  If this continues Mr. Sawyer will be able to get whatever he wants, whenever he wants just from a smile, or a tear. 

I cannot get over how lucky I feel to be his mom.  I honestly don't think I deserve to be this happy but I am so grateful that he is mine, and that I am his!!  I hope and pray that I never take motherhood for granted.  I know how blessed I am and I hope that in the future, when the days do get rough, I will always remember how lucky I am to have such beautiful children and how bad it hurt when I didn't have them. 

Thursday, October 13, 2011

4 Years Ago...

4 years ago today my first child, Avery, was born.  We knew there was a very good chance she would not live long but had hopes that we would get a miracle.  We did eventually get our miracle but it wasn't that one, that day.  Avery was born without a heartbeat and when her heart stopped, a part of my heart stopped with it.  I will forever be changed because of my sweet little daughter's very short time with us.  Her Daddy and I never knew her outside of my body but we still love her and think of her and miss her every day.  I can only imagine what she would be like as a 4 year old.  I am sure she would adore her baby brother and would be a little mommy to him.  At this age she might start noticing that she wasn't the same as other kids but I like to believe that she would know that she was loved and she was important no matter what anyone else said.  I had big plans for my little girl, I still do, but I am going to have a wait a little while.

The events of Avery's birthday 4 years ago are still fresh in my mind.  I hope that I never forget how I felt that day and especially how it felt to hold my firstborn child in my arms for the first and last time.  It is sad, but it's all I have of her.

Hi Avery,

Happy Birthday baby girl!  I can't believe that you would have been 4 years old today!!  The time has passed so quickly.  I still remember holding you like it was just yesterday.  Your daddy and I miss you so much.  We want to thank you for letting your little brother finally come and help us heal.  No one will ever replace you.  You will always be my firstborn and my little girl but having your brother here to hold has helped your mommy and daddy so much.  It has also made us miss you so much more.  Now that we are experiencing all we missed out on with you, we are sad.  I hope that you know how much we love you and how proud we are to be your parents.  We like to talk to Sawyer about you all the time.  He will grow up knowing all about his big sister.  Please continue to watch over him and keep him safe and healthy.  I hope that someday I can be the mother that you and Sawyer deserve and that I can make you proud.  I love you so much Avery.  You and your brother are my greatest accomplishments in this life.


Wednesday, October 12, 2011

The Parents of Angels "Club"

A little something I have been thinking about... the first part might sound a little familiar to some... but I thought I'd write it down and share it with everyone.  It didn't come out exactly as it was in my head but it is close.

There’s this club, no one wants to join, no one asks to join, and you aren’t a member of this club until you are.  Only other members of this club can even come close understanding you, what you’ve been through, what you’re feeling.  And though no one wants to be a part of this club, every member knows exactly what other members need to get through each day, so they lean on and support each other.  We all ask ourselves, why did we have to be a part of this club?  Why couldn’t we have gone on blissfully in life not knowing that this club even exists?  We would have rather lived our lives not knowing the wide variety of extreme emotions that go along with being a club member. 

No, no one wants to be a part of this special club, but here we are.  I like to believe that we were chosen to be here because of our strength and because of our faith.  We were given a very special gift, a child too pure and too good for this world.  Whether we held our children for a few months or for only a short moment or maybe not at all, we all were chosen especially for that child.  If our child had gone to anyone else, they may not have been appreciated or loved the way that they needed to be in order to make a difference on this earth.  Their journey in this life was so short that they needed parents and families that would forever remember them and love them, no matter what the situation.  They needed us to make sure that the rest of the world knew that they existed and that they were loved. 

And maybe we needed them too.  I am sure you have heard, while traveling this rough road, someone say how strong you are and how they could never have survived such an ordeal.  I am sure at some point in our lives we all thought that too.  However, our babies came and showed us how strong we really are.  They showed us how to love, how to cry, how to lose and how to recover.  We would give anything to have them back but because of them we have seen our own strength, strength we never knew we had.  Now, we can reach out to others and help them to find their hidden strength as well. 

Some of our angels made us first time parents with empty arms, or maybe we’ve gone on to have other children, some are even lucky enough to be loved by older siblings.  Our stories are all different but our angels have left us each with a gift, a deeper appreciation for the children that are left to help us heal. Whether they have traveled this journey with us, joined us later on, or have yet to come.  These children know a special kind of love and appreciation they may not have otherwise and are especially blessed with an angel watching over them night and day. 

I am grateful for my angel and the way her life has changed me.  She made me a mother and taught me a love I had never known before.  Although I still miss her every day, my heart has begun to heal and now when I think of her, there are more smiles than tears.