I feel like after watching my sister raise my nephew for the first year, I was pretty prepared and new what to expect when it came to being a mom, for the most part. There are a few things though that I don't think I could have ever been prepared for. Things I probably wasn't paying attention to and of course there are the emotional things that you have to experience to know how it feels. I cannot get over how much I love being a mom!!
I never thought that I could get ready for work in 10 minutes or that I could actually wear the first outfit I put on out the door without even looking in the mirror first. I used to care a lot more about my appearance but now I care more about those few extra minutes I could be loving on my sweet little boy. As long as I have some make-up on and my clothes match for the most part I really don't care anymore. I think that will change as he gets older and I have more time to care about how I look! I also cut 5 inches off my hair, thinking it would be easier to style and maybe I wouldn't have to pull it back as much. Now I hate my hair and I rarely go a day without pulling it back!! Oh well... it keeps it from being pulled and eaten by a cute little boy.
I also never thought I would be so interested in the bowel movements of anyone! Sawyer has been a little plugged up lately, averaging 1-2 poopy diapers a week if we're lucky, and that's one of the first questions I ask the sitter when I pick him up "did he poop today?" I also cheer and praise him if he does poop! It's so crazy!! Over the last few weeks, thoughts of poop have consumed me!
I have always been one to love my sleep and sleep is not something I have gotten a lot of in the last six months. Sawyer slept through the night for the first time the other night and instead of being happy about it (I did check on him multiple times, so still no sleep for me), I was sad that I didn't get my middle of the night cuddle time. I don't know what is better than picking his warm, sleepy little body up out of his crib and kiss him like crazy (he smells so good!!) and then he cuddles right up to me and I rock him back to sleep, or feed him. I know that he should be sleeping through the night by now and I should be letting him put himself back to sleep. I will, someday, soon, I just hate the thought of giving up that time with him when I don't get to see him all day long.
I couldn't have imagined how a smile, a giggle, or a big, drooly kiss on the face could make my whole world better. No matter what kind of a day I have had, knowing that I have his adorable face and those big wet kisses to come home to, makes it all easier to deal with. It is definitely another thing that no one can prepare you for by telling you about it.
I always thought that I was going to be a tough mom. One who wouldn't spoil, wouldn't coddle, wouldn't give in at the sign of tears, but so far... I am the biggest softie. If this continues Mr. Sawyer will be able to get whatever he wants, whenever he wants just from a smile, or a tear.
I cannot get over how lucky I feel to be his mom. I honestly don't think I deserve to be this happy but I am so grateful that he is mine, and that I am his!! I hope and pray that I never take motherhood for granted. I know how blessed I am and I hope that in the future, when the days do get rough, I will always remember how lucky I am to have such beautiful children and how bad it hurt when I didn't have them.