Phone pictures

I love to take pictures of Sawyer with my phone because I usually have it with me and not my camera.  I wanted to post some of the cute pics I have taken here, I have tried to keep them in order so you can see how much he has grown!  The first are the belly shots from the day before induction.

I Survived!!

Yesterday I went back to work.  I had been dreading it for weeks and it came so fast!  We found an awesome babysitter for Sawyer but I still didn't want to leave him.  It had nothing to do with her, it was more that I had been spending my days with the little man and the thought of someone else doing that for me really made me have anxiety.  I thought that he would forget me and I worried that someone that is a stranger to him would be spending more of his waking time with him than I would be.  I was also worried, and I know this sounds silly, that he would forget that I am his mom!  For weeks I have been trying not to think about the dreaded day when I had to leave him for 9+ hours a day but I couldn't avoid it and when I was getting him ready to go yesterday I just kept crying.  When he would smile at me or start talking I would cry harder and when I buckled him into his car seat I thought I was going to have a complete and total breakdown.  I cried all the way to the baby sitter's house and then made the mistake of taking him out of his car seat to say goodbye.  It was awful and I will admit that I "ugly cried" all the way to work. He did spend about an hour and a half at work with me later that afternoon and that helped a ton. I don't know if I would have gotten through the day if I had not had that time. 

So I made it through and I could hardly wait to go pick my little man up and give him hugs, kisses and smell his head ( I love the smell of his head.. I could smell and kiss it all day).  I even made Skeet take us out to get take out last night because I didn't want to spend the time cooking when I could be trying to make my baby boy smile and coo. 

As I was holding Sawyer last night (and smelling his head) I just felt so happy to have him in my arms again and it just reaffirmed that I know my soul purpose in this life is to be a mom to my incredible children and a wife to my amazing husband.  There is nothing better than knowing why you exist!  I may have to work to get the bills paid but my number one job is doing whatever I can to take care of my family.  I can't believe it took me 30 years to figure that out!  I hope that I never forget it and that I take full advantage of the little time I do have with my family.  I am one lucky girl to have them!

Today wasn't much easier, leaving Sawyer with the sitter.  I am sure it will take a week or two until I can leave him there without crying but at least I know he is being taken care of and that I get to see him when my long day is over!  For now that will have to do until we can figure out some way that I can spend more time with him.

Have I said how much I love this little guy?  He is so awesome!!

2 month update

Sawyer went in for his 2 month well baby check up and he did great!!  He is 12 pounds 12 ounces, in the 63rd percentile for his age; 24.5 inches, which is the 88th percentile; and his head is 15.75 inches, which is the 40th percentile.  He looks very healthy and is a tall boy!!  Dr N  thinks that he might have some mild allergies so we will try some Benedryl (sp??) in a couple of days to see if it helps.  Other than that he is good for another 2 months!  He did get 3 shots today and let's just say it was sad.  We have never seen him cry like that but he recovered quickly and seems to be doing just fine!  I think mom and dad were more upset than he was!  We are so proud of our growing boy!!  He has been such a huge blessing!

Picture fix... Introducing...

Sawyer's smile!

I had to add a few cute sleeping pics

This one is my favorite... like father, like son!

Happy 4th of July!  Fun at the park!

Pooped out after the park

Outfit change after the worlds biggest blow-out!  

I have the cutest baby boy ever! I am so in love!!

2 Months

I can't believe that my little boy is already 2 months old!  Can I say it again? Well I am going to... where did the time go?  I wish, oh how I wish, that I could slow it down somehow.  As I write this my little guy is sleeping and has been for well over an hour and for some reason I can't wait for him to wake up!  He is getting so big and watching him grow has been the most amazing experience, although a little bittersweet.  He has me trained well and it's obvious that I am wrapped around every single one of his chubby little fingers.  Looking back to the past two months, well I have to say it all kinds of blurs together.  I still spend most of my days feeding the hungry little man and catching up on sleep.  We do try to get some time outside and I will occasionally put him down to do housework.  I am trying to get him used to sleeping somewhere other than moms' arms so that his babysitter doesn't hate me in two weeks but I have such a hard time putting him down.  I love the feel of his little (well not so little any more) body in my arms and watching his sweet little face while he sleeps.  People might chastise me and tell me that I am spoiling him but after 6 years of trying for a baby I have every right to hold my little boy as much as I want to.

Sawyer started really smiling around 8 weeks.  I can't say a specific day because they came gradually but we love to talk to him and get him to smile! I need to keep my camera with me more so that I can catch it but I usually forget because I am having so much fun watching him smile and try to talk to me or his dad.

He probably weighs around 12.5 pounds now and I have no clue how long his is.. I'll just say again that he is very tall.  He goes in next week for his 2 month appointment and as excited as we are to see how much he's grown, we are dreading all the shots!

He has found his hands and loves to try to get them to stay in his mouth.  The other night I put him in bed with me (yea I know.. bad habits... so what I don't do it every night) and his binkie fell out of his mouth and I just laid there and watched while he tried to literally devour his hands. It was the most adorable thing I have ever seen.  I wish I could have gotten it on video but I didn't want to get up cause I didn't want to miss it.

Most nights he goes to bed at around 10.  Wakes up between 12 and 1 to eat  then sleeps again until 3 or 4 when he wakes up to eat again.  Unfortunately he only sleeps until 5 and then wants to play a little bit before he goes to sleep again.  Then he'll sleep until 8:30 or nine and take another nap around 11.  He eats every 2 to 2.5 hours and I think he gets a new roll somewhere every day!  I have to say though that the night I had him in bed with me, he slept 5 hours straight.  I kept waking up in a panic because he hadn't woken up to eat yet.  It was kind of nice but I want him used to his crib.  The past few nights he has been sleeping by himself in his own room.  (Yes, I slept on the floor the first couple of nights... I am still a little bit paranoid!)  It was so hard for me to leave him in there by himself but I know it needs to be done.  I think I would love him to sleep through the night but I would really miss the middle of the night cuddles I get after he eats.  I put his head on my shoulder to burp him and he likes to snuggle right up to my neck with his little nose.  He makes the cutest little noises while he is nuzzling my neck.  I will really miss that.  It is the sweetest thing!

He is still on medication for mild reflux and another for his colic.  He gets really gassy in the mornings because he doesn't burp well at night.  So he usually wakes up in the morning grunting because he is trying to get out all of the toots.  This boy can really fart!!  He usually spends between 5 am and 7 am farting.  He is definitely a gassy little thing!!  Unfortunately, it is occasionally painful for him and he will wake up in pain.  It breaks my heart.  I hate to see him in pain and his cry is just so sad!  I hope both of these issues clear up soon because I hate giving him medicine.  I feel like I am torturing him.

Speaking of torture, he's had a little stuffy nose the past few days and I have been sucking big ugly boogers out of his nose.  This really kills me.  He cries and looks at me like he is asking me why I would do that to him. It is so sad!  It seems to be clearing up though and there haven't been any fevers or coughing so the doctor says it isn't contagious... thank goodness!

Below are some more recent pictures... Can you see why I am so in love?  Happy 2 Month Birthday Little Man!

He found his hand... so adorable!

Watching SpongeBob... no I am not a bad mom, I only let him watch for a minute. I think he likes the colors.

Sweetest face ever.. Can you believe those lips? Not sure who he got those from.

He wasn't sure what to do with that rattle but it was cute watching him try to figure it out.  Love the onsie!

In Honor of Theo Dungey - 10/10/07

Little Theo was born 3 days before my Avery and his mom, dad and I have become friends despite the very sad circumstances.  Theo had a lethal form of Skeletal Dysplasia as well and I know his mum and dad miss him every day.  His kind momma sent us this outfit, the first she bought for her sweet little boy and he never got to wear it.  We are so touched and honored that she chose to pass it on to our special little guy.  Thank you Clare and Andy! We love you and Mr. Theo too!

The outfit came with cute little booties but Sawyer would kick them off as fast as I could get them on.  We tried many times to get a picture with them on but that boy got them off fast! 

Oh Yay!

So a few people have suggested that I use Firefox to access my blog and although I still get an error page it looks like I can still post!! Yay for Firefox!  So I just have to do a post about how big my boy is!! We went to see Dr. N this week because of a stuffy nose and some red bumps on Mr. Sawyer's legs.  Turns out he just has some boogers that I have to suck out twice a day and a heat rash on his legs.  The big news is that my "little" man now weighs 12 pounds 1 ounce.  I cannot believe it!  He is getting so big!  The infant support in his car seat says to use only until 11 pounds so I took the bottom part out this morning.  I still feel like he needs the head support so that is going to stay for a few more weeks.  They didn't measure his height but Dr. N commented on how long he was.  He really is so tall.  I wish he would stop growing so fast but it really is fun to see him change and see his personality come out even more.  I can't say enough how in love I am with my son.  Being a mom is better than I ever imagined!!  I feel so incredibly lucky to have been given such a sweet little guy!


He is starting to smile and it is the cutest thing ever! He has been wanting to smile for a while now but he kept getting smiling and sticking out his tongue confused.  So when you would talk to him and play with him he'd get all excited and keep sticking out his tongue.  Now it is a combination of both.  He will still stick out his tongue but the corners of his mouth go up too.  I spend most of my day trying to get those cute smiles out of him because he is still pretty stingy with them. His daddy is pretty excited for when he starts smiling on a regular basis.  Skeet can hardly wait for him to be big enough to play with.


Speaking of Skeet, he had a pretty sucky Father's Day.  Only cause he had to work all day.  Sawyer and I took him some lunch at work though and then we went to Skeet's sister's (and my brother's) house for tacos.  Skeet is such an awesome daddy.  Sawyer adores him too.  If he is awake when Skeet gets home he will just stare at Skeet while he is holding him.  He also loves it when his daddy is home to help with bath time.  When it's just me he cries most of the time but when Skeet is there he barely makes a peep, except when we get him out of the bath of course.  Skeet is such a huge help to me too.  When he has a day off (which isn't much these days) he will take Sawyer in the mornings so that I can get a few extra hours of uninterrupted sleep.  Those few hours make a huge difference!  Sawyer, Avery and I are so lucky to have Skeet.  I always knew he would be an amazing dad but he is going above and beyond what I ever expected and I am so grateful for him.  I know he will always be his little boy's hero! 

My return to work is getting ever closer and I am dreading the day when I have to drop my little man off at his awesome babysitter's house and not see him again for almost 10 hours.  (8 hour work day plus lunch and travel time).  I cry every time I think about it.  I don't know how working moms do it and keep their sanity.  I feel like it's the end of the world.  I don't want someone else spending most of my sweet little boys' waking hours with him.  Don't get me wrong. I am so thankful to have a job and I love everyone I work with but now that I have Sawyer, he is my top priority and if we could get by I would stay home with him in a heartbeat.  Unfortunately, we did InVitro and are still paying it off so I will be working a few more years until it is paid off.  I don't regret doing the In Vitro but I do regret not figuring out a better way to pay for it, and I regret buying the Tahoe just months before we knew we were going to have to do the In Vitro.  If we didn't have the car payment, we would be much further ahead with the IVF debt. 

Enough of my sob story though, I know there are so many out there who have had to leave their precious little ones in someone else care and they survived... I just want to know how!! 

Finally!!

Well I am so sorry it has taken me almost a month to do an update. We had a virus on our laptop and the awesome person who fixed it for me was nice enough to install IE9.  I didn't learn until later that IE9 and Blogger are not compatible at all. It took me a long time to realize that I did have a computer in the house that might work.  I hope I can finish this post though because the old desktop computer that I am posting from is very slow and I have little time or patience for this old thing! 
So I missed doing a one month post for Sawyer... and because the time has been flying by so fast I can't remember what I was going to post in the first place.  Now we are quickly approaching his two month birthday so I will just do a quick update of what has been going on with us. 
First of all I need to say, yet again, how much in love I am with this little boy.  I feel so incredibly lucky to be the mommy of such a sweet, precious and adorable little guy.  Every day when I wake up to his chubby cheeks and innocent eyes I am just amazed that he is really mine.. forever!  He is such a sweetie.  He loves to cuddle with mom and I am afraid I have spoiled him a little bit by cuddling him to sleep all day long.  Now when he is tired, he wants to cuddle mom to get to sleep and sometimes gets a little upset if she's not around to cuddle with.  He also likes to give mom kisses, which I totally love too!!  I don't understand it but he always has the sweetest breath and his skin always smells good.  I don't think I smell even half as good as him right out of the shower but he still smells good on day 3 right before he gets his next bath. 

He loves baths, but only if Daddy is there to help.  He adores his Daddy and their time together.  Unfortunately, Skeet is working alot because it is fire season so their time together lately is limited.  Daddy will be able to make up for it though, this winter during his slow season. 

Sawyer is growing like a weed... I am not joking or exaggerating either.  The last time he was weighed he was only 5 weeks and had gained exactly 3 pounds since birth.  I know he has gained at least 2 more since then and he is incredibly tall.  He has outgrown all of his 0-3 month jammies and is now in 3-6 month.  I am thinking that the time to switch to size 2 diapers is near as well, considering the number of blow outs we've had lately!  I love to see him grow but at the same time I wonder where my little baby has gone.  I cried as I was packing up his newborn clothes and most of his 0-3 month clothes as well.  The time is still just flying by!

My favorite time with my little man is when he is eating.  I have always been a strong advocate of breastfeeding, just because of how good it is for a baby.  How no formula out there can replicate the nutrients and nourishment that breast milk gives, but it wasn't until after I started feeding Sawyer that I realized what an amazing bond occurs between a mother and her child while they are nursing.  I think that Sawyer is the sweetest when he is eating and he is looking up at me with those big, sweet, innocent eyes.  Totally trusting that I am giving him everything he needs and that I will always be there to take care of him.  It is really hard to describe.  He also likes to grab onto my shirt with his top hand and tickle my side with his other.  Maybe he doesn't know that he's doing it but it is just so sweet!  Did I say that I love this little boy?  Cause I do! 

Unfortunately I will be returning to work in 3 weeks.  I am a wreck about it.  I want so badly to be there for every second of Sawyer's life but I know it's not possible.  I am going to try to continue to exclusively breastfeed and I hope it works out.  But how I am going to miss those moments during the day when it's just him and me.  Skeet has had the opportunity of feeding him a bottle a few times and he loves it too.  We are trying to get him used to a bottle and to someone other than mom feeding him and we haven't had any problems at all.  I like to believe that I am still his favorite though, I think it's a mom thing! 

On Sunday, June 12th Sawyer was given a name and a blessing.  We did it at home with just family present and it was a really special event.  Sawyer looked so dang handsome in his blessing suit and he was such a good baby all afternoon while being passed around.  Everyone loved holding him.  But who wouldn't? He is so adorable!! 

Well I am out of time for tonight and I want to post a few recent pictures so here they are!

Watching daddy read

Loves his daddy!!

His almost smile

Visiting Miss Avery on Memorial Day

The onsie says it all

napping with mom

bathtime!!

I thought the hat was cute... he didn't

I know this picture is upside down but I had to document his "old man hair" So cute!

Blessing attire

What a stinkin' cute kid