Waiting sucks!

So I don't know how much of this I have posted, if any. And because I am too lazy to go back and check, I might be repeating myself a little bit! A couple of months ago I found an article on a website for women with PCOS. It was about a procedure that is not very well known but is done on women with PCOS who are thin and don't respond to other treatments for PCOS. The article intrigued me and so I printed it off and gave it to Dr. S to find out what he thought about it. I just wrote up a little note asking him to look it over and maybe let me know what he thought, then I left the note and the article with the receptionist at his office. I didn't hear from him for a couple of weeks so I called in to see if he had had a chance to look it over. Come to find out not only had he looked it over, he had been researching the procedure and having people check to see if my insurance would cover it. He had also contacted the OR at the hospital and found out that they have the machine necessary they just needed to order the needle required for the surgery.

Let me back up and tell you a little bit about this procedure. In women with PCOS they generally have high or abnormal levels of androgens or male hormones like testosterone. This is a main cause of PCOS. These hormones are produced by the stromal part of the ovary in women (the stromal area is located in the center of the ovary) while the egg follicles themselves produce the estrogen and progesterone in women. The procedure/surgery that I found online is called Ovarian Diathermy. It's main goal is to destroy parts or all of the stromal area but to try to preserve as much of the ovarian tissue (or follicles) as possible. There is a similar procedure called Ovarian Drilling that is done but it is known to destroy follicles and create scar tissue on the ovary. Diathermy uses a cauterizing needle that can be inserted into the ovary from different points to cauterize and destroy the stromal tissue. In studies done, women were found to begin to have regular cycles and ovulate on their own within a few months after having this surgery. Their follicle count also went down and the few that had to go on to do IVF because of tubal or male factor reasons, had better egg quality. So you can see why I was intrigued by this procedure.

So anyway, I have been waiting to hear back from Dr. S on where we are with being able to do this procedure. Last I heard, about a month ago, was that he was waiting to hear what size of needle he needed. I called last week for an update and heard back this morning that they just received the needed equipment this morning and will be scheduling someone to come out and get everything set up and ready for surgery. I am hoping that because this was my idea, Dr. S will let me be the first to have the procedure done. I have heard from so many different people that he is already suggesting the procedure to a number of his infertility patients. It is so crazy to me that from some random article I found, many people in our area might benefit. I just hope that it works, for me and for everyone else! It is looking like everything might be ready to go the first of the year. I was hoping to get it done in December while I have a break from school and work is a little bit slower but they told me that it might take up to 3 weeks to get everything ready to go. So I will try to be patient and just hope that my insurance will cover it so that we don't have to try to come up with the extra dough in the next few months.

I can't tell you how excited I am. I am not thinking that this will be a miracle cure and I will get pregnant on my own because of it. But I am very hopeful that my egg quality will improve and when we get to do the IVF again we will have some good quality eggs to work with and less chance of another miscarriage.

So that is my update. I hope everyone has a very Happy Thanksgiving and gets to eat all the good food you want, spend time with your loved ones and remember the things in your lives that you are thankful for.

Why?

I guess I have been slacking a little bit lately and I apologize. I have been sick and really not sure what it is that I am fighting. I will start feeling better one day and then the next day feel even worse than before. I am finally going to see a doctor today about it but I'm afraid he's not going to be able to help me. Right now I would be happy with even just a Z-pac to get my head back on straight.

Lately I have been thinking back over the last couple of years. My family has had some tough times. Maybe other families have experience more tragedy over the course of two years but this is the most mine has ever experienced in this short of time... if ever (knock on wood). I want to say that it started with us losing Avery, but I can't really think back much further than that because right now it still seems that losing Avery defines me... I am working on that though. Almost a year after Avery, we lost my beautiful aunt in a tragic plane crash that claimed 10 lives from our small town. To this day I still miss her and her infectious smile. She was so beautiful, inside and out.

Just short of a year after that, my cousin, Jared, took his own life. I never knew Jared very well and I regret that. I need to make a point of getting to know my relatives. It just seems that when you only see each other once or twice a year it's hard to have a relationship. I guess that's something I really need to work on. From stories that I have heard about Jared, I really think he and I would have gotten along well. I believe he was only a year younger than me and was a really fun guy. He loved sports, music and his family and apparently he was a jokester! It makes you wonder what pain he was hiding that would eventually make him want to end it all. It is just so sad. To see his family suffer the pain of his loss tears my heart out. I can only imagine how much they must miss him.

My favorite band has a song on their latest album that makes me think of Jared everytime I hear it. The words describe the questions that families must be asking. I just wanted to share...

WHY

You must have been in a place so dark

You couldn't feel the light

Reaching for you through that stormy cloud

Now here we are gathered in our little home town

This can't be the way you meant to draw a crowd

Oh why, that's what I keep asking

Was there anything i could have said or done

Oh I had no clue you were masking a troubled soul

God only knows what went wrong

and why you'd leave the stage in the middle of a song

Now in my mind i'll keep you frozen as a 17 year old

Rounding third to score the winning run

You always played with passion no matter what the game

When you took the stage you shined just like the sun

Oh why that's what I keep asking

Was there anything I could have said or done

Oh I had no clue you were masking a troubled soul

Oh God only knows what went wrong

and why you would leave the stage in the middle of a song

Now the oak trees a swaying in the early autumn breeze

The golden sun is shining on my face

Tangled thoughts i hear the mocking bird sing

this old world really ain't that bad a place

Oh I there's no comprehending and who am i to try judge or explain

But I do have one burning question

Who told you life wasn't worth the fight

They were wrong They lied Now your gone and we cry

Its just not like you to walk away in the middle of a song

Your beautiful song Your absolutely beautiful song

When I have the energy, I will post the latest of our infertility struggles. A lot of things are still up in the air and I am trying to be patient while I wait for some more answers.

The Story Behind the Story

So I finished posting the last of "Happily After Avery" as some of you might have noticed. Sorry that it took me so long to get it up but I am so happy to have been able to share it. Myndee, my absolutely fabulous friend that wrote it, is one of the most creative, kind and talented people I know. I feel so unworthy of that kind of friendship. Especially because I don't have the talent or imagination to return the favor.

When I first opened the package that this story came in I was surprised to see a beautiful necklace. It was silver with three rings. One ring was inscribed with "Faith", another with"Hope" and the last was made of diamond looking stones. The necklace itself took my breath away but as I read the story and learned the connection between the two it made it even more special to me. I put that necklace on and didn't take it off (only to shower) until the day before we laid Avery to rest and I asked that they place the necklace in her hand to be buried with.

A little more background on the story. At the end when it talks about Avery holding on to pieces of Hope and Faith's wings, in all of her ultrasounds up to that point they had noticed that Avery's hands were always in fists. They could never count her fingers because she never opened her hands. Unfortunately this was one of the signs that her condition was lethal. However, when I read that part of the story I was so touched. Throughout the entire pregnancy we never once did we see her hands unclenched and then when she was born they were still that way. I think that is my favorite part of the story.

Back to Myndee. One of the most amazing people on this earth. She is always thinking of others and sharing her amazing talents to make others smile. She has done so countless times with me and I appreciate her so much. Right now she is in the middle of something great!! Last month she began a Thinking of You 2009 campaign. The description on Facebook reads "We're doing some emotional fundraising. How many people can we impact? All you have to do is send out thinking of you cards and tell the people you love just what you think of them. Then post how many cards or donations you've made to the campaign." They are keeping track of how many cards and notes go out on Facebook. If you are interested and have a Facebook account just let me know and I will point you toward the site. I am sure you can also do a search for the group. I think this is a great idea. Especially this time of year. Even if you aren't on Facebook, you can send a note or a card to those that you love, telling them how much they mean to you and ask them to do the same for those they love. It is kind of a "Pay It Forward" situation but costs almost nothing. I hope that you will participate. I will be sending out my cards and letters this week. I am going to try to do as many as I can.

Happily After Avery - Part 5

There was a crack in Avery’s spirit, “But I need Faith and Hope. Can’t I just remember them?”

“If this is your choice, I’m afraid not.”

Before the Fairy Godmother could continue, they heard a sharp yelp and saw a blast of pixie dust. When the dust settled, the group saw that Faith had used the heel from one of the Fairy Godmother’s glass slippers to slice the tip of her wing off.

“You’ve gotta have a little Faith. Take this with you,” and then Faith placed the wing tip in Avery’s palm and closed her fingers around it. Faith handed the glass to Hope who began to sob and looked a little frightened.

Avery giggled, “It’s okay Hope. You don’t have to do it. I know you love me.”

With a resolve Faith and Avery didn’t know she had, Hope sliced her wing.

“What’s a little Faith without a little Hope,” Hope placed her wing tip in Avery’s other palm.

Avery extended her hands forward and showed the Fairy Godmother her fists, “I have Faith and I have Hope and I believe I am supposed to be Skeet and Candi’s baby. It is my heart’s desire.”

With that, the Fairy Godmother began to chant and she waved her magic wand in quick circles. In a cloud of silver sparks and diamond dust, Avery disappeared.

Avery opened her eyes. She felt like she was living inside a cotton candy sky. It was warm and pink and purple. It was so comforting that she went back to sleep.

Time passed and life went on in Lilac Hollow. A few months later, the hollow was preparing for Faith’s birthday party. They were celebrating with the chocolate tarts Faith and Hope had discovered in the Festival City. The best thing about a pixie's birthday was the gift from her Fairy Godmother. Each pixie on her birthday was allowed to look into the Fairy Godmother’s crystal ball and choose one thing she would like to see.

Faith and Hope made the familiar flight to the Raspberry Cottage where their Fairy Godmother was waiting. “Happy Birthday Faith! I take it you are here for your viewing, and it looks like you have brought a friend.”

“Yes, I did and we’d like to see Avery.”

“I knew you would,” and the Fairy Godmother led them to a table where her crystal ball was waiting. They huddled around and the Fairy Godmother turned the ball until the girls could see the picture.

Candi and Skeet were in a white room and someone appeared to be rubbing a wand all over Candi’s stomach. “I don’t see her,” said Faith. The Fairy Godmother turned the ball again and they saw a machine with a black screen. “Look very closely!”

The screen came to life and, sure enough, there appeared to be a wingless pixie center stage. “Is that her?” asked Faith.

“Yes it is,” exclaimed Hope, “And, Fairy Godmother, you lied to us!”

“Whatever do you mean child?”

“She remembers us. Look at her hands. They are fists. She’s holding our wing tips. She’s holding onto Faith and Hope.”

With a warm smile the Fairy Godmother said, “Well, will you look at that.”

“She does look peaceful,” but still concerned Faith asked, “Will she be okay?”

“Oh, there will be challenges ahead. But let me ask you something. After you met Avery, how did you live?”

“Happily,” said Faith.

“Yeah, happily,” echoed Hope.

“Then so will Candi and Skeet. Because in the end, we all live happily after Avery.”

The End

Happily After Avery - Part 4

Just then a great clap of thunder ripped through the sky. Hope woke with a start, "Faith, wake up! She's found us. She's sending a lightning bolt!"

Faith was wide awake as another clap of thunder rocked the sky. Avery grabbed her friends, "It's getting closer. We have to move away so no one gets hurt. Callie, thank you so much for your hospitality!"

The three girls buzzed to an open space, linked pinky fingers, and blew pixie dust into the sky. Thunder rolled and a great flash of light enveloped the pixies, and they began to move up through the lightning faster than they could ever hope to fly. When the lightning spit them out, they landed back in Lilac Hollow at the feet of a very angry Fairy Godmother.

"My crystal ball tells me you three visited the Festival City, made contact with a mortal child, and took up residence in the fur of a dog. Would you like to explain this trickery?"

"It was a Cotton Candy Expedition. We were chasing the cotton candy clouds and got lost. It was my idea, I'm to blame," said Avery.

Faith came to her defense, "No, I made snap dragon purses to carry the candy back. No one made me go."

"I told them not to go, " Hope grunted as Faith elbowed her in the ribs, "Okay! Fine, I was planning on eating a massive amount of cotton candy had we actually found it."

"Cotton Candy? You risked your lives for sweets? I know you are pixies but sugar is not worth your life. For the next two weeks, you are restricted to the Wizard's Library. At the end of the two weeks, you will report to me all the dangers of leaving the enchanted world," demanded the Fairy Godmother, "Now off to bed!"

Over the next two weeks, the girls studied hard preparing their reports. Avery came across a book buried deep int he tunnels of the library. She found it next to Merlin's biography. It was called, "Pixies to People." The book was about fairies who had become mortals. Faith had chastised her for spending all her time on one book, but Avery couldn't put it down.

Finally their punishment drew to a close. They headed to the Raspberry Cottage where their Fairy Godmother lived. The Fairy Godmother settled into her glass chair and called on Faith to begin.

Faith reported on the lack of belief in the mortal world. How, especially the mortals known as adults, lose the joy of Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the hollow's very own Tooth Fairy. She said she wouldn't want to live in such an unhappy, unbelieving world.

Hope talked about the flying machines she had seen on their quest. More specifically, she reported on Tahoes. She learned how they give off a nasty smoke called exhaust that is full of harmful chemicals. She had come to the conclusion that even though dragon slayers look incredibly sexy driving these machines, Hope wouldn't want to live in a place where people needed such machines to fly.

Then it was Avery's turn. She took a deep breath and began. "I love to fly. I love the Tooth Fairy; she gave me my very first pair of enamel shoes. But I learned there are mortals in the world who have so much love they create miniatures of themselves to share it with. I learned that mortals have golden beasts who guard them at all costs. I learned there is a Festival City with Green Shows and parades and street fairs. And, Faith, while most adults may not believe in Santa, they go to great lengths to ensure that their children believe as long as possible.

Fairy Godmother, I met the two most glamorous mortals in the world. They have riches beyond measure and all they want to do is share them with their own creation. I have so much happiness and I've never once thought about sharing it. Then I saw Candi's eyes and my heart burned and I wanted to give her all the happiness I have.

That's why I have found a way to share my happiness. I want you to make me Skeet and Candi's baby. I know it's possible, I read the book."

Faith and Hope's mouths dropped open in shock, Avery had been quiet since they returned to Lilac Hollow but hey had no idea what she was planning. A thoughtful Fairy Godmother said, "Avery, my dear sweet pixie, did you listen to Faith? Mortals don't always believe. And did you read the entire transfiguration chapter in your 'Pixies to People' book?"

"Yes, I did. I know the sacrifice, " said a confident Avery.

"Okay, then you know that magical species do not always crossover to the mortal world seamlessly. Sometimes there is physical pain. Sometimes the rest of the world laughs at your attempt to be mortal."

"I know. But I also know that no matter what happens to me, I get to keep my happiness if I want to. I can still give that gift no matter what," said Avery.

"Avery, what if THESE mortals don't believe? What if they give up on you?" cried Faith.

"They won't. They believe."

Hope asked, "How do you know?"

"I know because Skeet felt your pixie dust on his lips and Callie said that Candi has a warm touch. That means she has magic in her."

"Is this your true desire?" asked the Fairy Godmother.

An unwavering Avery smiled, "Yes, it is."

"You understand that you will lose all your magic and you can never come back. You won't remember any of us," said the Fairy Godmother very seriously.

** The end is near... I will be posting the last part of the story in a couple of days.**

Happily After Avery - Part 3

"Wow! A real dragon slayer's stallion," Hope circled the machine in awe, "Look! His name is Tahoe."

The pixies loaded in Tahoe and were lured to rest on Candi's magic ring. Then with a rumble, Tahoe was off. The girls were mesmerized by the shiny stone, it glittered with golds and blues and a touch of pink. For some reason, Avery decided to look up. This was the first time she noticed that Candi's eyes seemed to have a hint of sadness. Avery wondered how something so sweet could feel anything but joy. But there it was again, a flash of melancholy.

"Hope! You get back down here this instant," Faith yelled.

Avery turned her head just in time to see Hope trying to plant a kiss on Skeet and leaving quite the trail of pixie dust in her wake. "I'm serious Hope!" Faith was panicking, "If he inhales, you'll be living out your days in a dragon slayer's stomach!"

"Oh, puh-lease! And you two tell me I have no sense of adventure," huffed Hope and she flitted back towards the ring.

"Candi, do you have some chap stick?" asked Skeet, "All of a sudden, my lips feel like they are covered in sand."

"Now look what you did," said Faith.

Avery watched as Candi pulled some kind of lip potion from her purse. Skeet met her eyes as he took the magic tube. He saw the same despair that Avery did. "Candi, we will have a baby, I promise. We'll find a way."

"I know," said Candi softly. And Tahoe carried the group the rest of the way to the Village of Enoch in silence. When they arrived and Tahoe opened his massive doors, the pixies took one look outside and screamed in horror. There was some kind of golden monster running towards them at full speed. Skeet made no move for some kind of dragon slayer sword, so it looked like the girls would be attacked.

In a flash of fur, the monster lept into Candi's lap and buried his face in her chest. "Hello Callie! Did you miss us?" Candi asked as she scratched the monster's ears.

They all exited the Tahoe with Skeet and Candi heading toward their castle. The girls would have followed, but they were paralyzed with fear. They had locked eyes with Callie, The Golden Monster.

"Don't move and don't cry, Hope!" said Avery.

"Is it me or is that monster's tail moving faster and faster?" asked Faith.

"I don't know," said Avery, "It looks as if it might actually be smiling. I'm moving closer."

"Don't you dare," said Hope. But Avery was curious so she approached the beast. And then in one quick motion, the animal opened its mouth and lunged at Avery. Hope and Faith began to cry out in terror but then Callie's giant pink tongue licked Avery head-to-toe. "Ugh! I'm all slimy!" Avery complained.

"Welcome to Enoch. I'm Callie. What is all the screaming about? Haven't you all seen a golden retriever before?"

"A golden retriever?" Hope was excited now, "Do you steal the dragon's gold while the mighty Skeet battles the dragon to the death?"

Callie looked puzzled, "What?"

"Don't mind her," said Faith, "It's nice to meet you Callie. We are pixies from Lilac Hollow. My name is Faith and this is Avery and the crazy one is Hope. We were on a Cotton Candy Expedition and lost our way. Any chance you could tell us how to get back?"

"Lilac Hollow, you say? Hmmmmm. I know Parowan, Bryce Canyon, even the City of Sin but I can't say I'm familiar with your hollow," said Callie.

Discouraged Faith continued, "We're very tired, it's been quite an adventure. Would you mind if we shared your fur for a nap? We'll get some sleep and try to find our way tomorrow."

"I'd love the company," said Callie as she lowered her head and the three girls snuggled into some of the softest gold fur they had ever felt. Hope and Faith drifted off immediately, but Avery was restless. "Callie, are you asleep?"

"Not yet. I like to wait for the lights to go out in the house before I sleep."

"Tell me about Candi, I think she is the sweetest. Why does she seem a bit sad?"

Callie sighed. "She wants a baby to share all that sweetness with. They haven't found one yet."

Avery was confused, "But they have you and a flying machine and a castle. What more do they need?"

"Yes, they have a lot. But they want to share all of those things with a child. Share their stories, their life. Leave a legacy behind."

Avery thought this was one of the most beautiful things she had ever heard. Goblins in the hollow had great fortunes, but they never shared. They never even enjoyed it themselves, spent all their time guarding it and hiding it. Witches were always trying to steal everyone else's treasures, but for themselves, not for anyone else. Here were these to mortals in the far away Village of Enoch who wanted someone else to enjoy their riches. Avery thought that was a miracle. "Callie, do you love them?"

"With all my heart, Avery! They feed me, play with me, and cuddle me when I'm sad. Candi has the softest touch that makes me feel warm all over. And Skeet sneaks me treats when he thinks Candi isn't looking. I'm lucky to have them. I would do anything for them. I'm the luckiest golden retriever in the Festival City!"

** Some of you have asked if I wrote this story. I wish I were this creative!! No, an amazing friend of mine wrote this story for me soon after we found out that there was something wrong with our baby and that she might not make it. I had emailed her after I started the blog to let her know what was going on and within a few days I received a package in the mail with this story (adorably bound and illustrated) and a necklace, which I will tell you about later. I am so blessed to have some amazing friends that have given me so much. Thanks Myn!! You are the best!**

Happily After Avery - Part 2

Hope began to sniffle again and sensing another pixie breakdown, Avery acted fast, "Look! A new story is about to begin. Let's go watch the puppets and then we'll figure this all out." The girls flew to the stage and rested on a rock, ready for the show. Just then a couple of blond pigtails came bounding toward them. The small girl had topaz eyes and a smile that would make a wizard blush.

"Can I have you? Can I put you in my pocket?"

Avery, feeling protective, flew right to the eye level of the girl and exclaimed, "Of course not! If you touch us, our fairy godmother will turn you into a toad!"

Just as Avery was about to spit pixie dust in the child's eye, Faith realized, "You see us! You believe! Oh, sweet child, could you please tell us where we are?"

With a giggle the girl said, "How silly, you are in the Festival City of course!"

Hope's eyes grew bright, "Ooooo. The Festival City. It sounds positively enchanted."

Amused by the fairies, the girl spun her story, "My name is Abbie and I'm six years old. I live on Leigh Hill in a castle!"

"Abbie, are you a princess? Is this your party?" Faith was concerned; she was not dressed to meet royalty.

"Well, my dad is always saying, 'Abbie, quit acting like a princess.' So, I don't think I am. And this is called The Green Show. Soon my grandma will take me home to bed and all the people will move over to the big stage. They will do grown up plays, trust me, it's not fun. You can't understand a word they are saying."

Just as Abbie was finishing, there came a shrieking, "Abbie! Abbie! Where have you been?" Some frantic woman carrying a giant bag swooped down and took Abbie's hand. "Quit talking to this rock, it is not alive. come and join your brother for the puppet show!"

"Wait! We have more questions," Avery called, but it was too late, this crazy woman dragged Abbie away. As her pigtails bounced, Abbie turned and waved goodbye to the pixies.

"The Green Show in The Festival City. I never knew such a place existed. It is so exciting with all the sweets and dancing and adventure!" Avery was definitely taken with the scene.

"It's all grand but I have a feeling we are a long way from the hollow. We need a plan," Faith, always the voice of reason, said.

The girls prepared to link pinkies and tap into their senses again when they heard a great yell. A booming, commanding voice filled the air and it said, "Candy!" The pixie heads all bobbed up at once and they heard it again, "Candy!"

Then they saw him. He was more handsome than any sailor the mermaids had ever seduced. He had hair the color of autumn in the hollow and he was looking for candy! "Candy!" He called out looking right and left. So, the girls did what all pixies do when there is the promise of something sweet.... they chased him!

"He looks strong. Do you think he's a warlock?" asked Faith. "What kind of candy do you think he lost? I hope it's strawberry flavored," wished Hope.

"Candi, where are you?"

"Here I am Skeet! I'm on the hill, over here!" said the most lilting voice Avery had ever heard. "There you are Candi," said the man as he wrapped her up in his warlock, strong arms. When he stepped back the pixies were entranced. This was his candy? It was no wonder; she was the sweetest thing the girls had ever seen. She had hair like black licorice, skin like buttercream frosting, and lips like cherry sours. She was delicious.

"Did you enjoy the show?" Skeet asked. "Yes, but I'm tired and ready to head home," Candi replied.

"Yea, I've got a fire to fight tomorrow anyway," answered Skeet.

Hope about lost her pixie dust! "Did you hear that? He fights fires! He must be a dragon slayer! I've only read about them, I've never seen one." In fact, Hope had read about every single one in Dragon Beat Magazine. "Oh, I think I'm in love!"

Candi and Skeet began to make their way out of the celebration. The pixies were at a loss. Follow the dragon slayer and his candy or stay at this whimsical party? Just then Candi took her left hand and brushed her raven hair from her face, and that's when they saw it. She was wearing some kind of magical stone on her finger. So, they did what all pixies do when they see something sparkly.... they chased it!

They followed the couple to the biggest, shiniest, mortal flying machine they had ever seen.

** Just so this makes a little bit more sense to those of you who don't live nearby... the town we live in hosts a huge Shakespearean Festival every Summer and Fall. Before the plays begin at night they hold a free green show with puppets, treats, singing, and mini plays on the University campus. It's something our town is famous for. Because of this, our town calls itself the Festival City. Also, Leigh Hill is a part of town where a lot of the more "well off" people live. We don't live there!!! **

Happily After Avery - Part 1

Pixies are easily seduced by a sunset, and do you know why? They love sweets. And right at that moment before the sun drifts to sleep, the sky blushes a beautiful pale pink, the clouds look like mounds of cotton candy with sparks of lavender - which to a pixie means there is grape soda near.

This is where our story begins.

Once up on a cotton candy sky, three mischievous pixies were chasing sugary clouds. Faith, Hope and Avery were the furthest they had ever been from Lilac Hollow, but they pressed on desperate for their lifetime supply of cotton candy.

Avery was the brave one and the leader of the Cotton Candy Expedition. She pushed forward with all her pixie dust, "Hope! Faith! Keep up, we're getting closer."

"I don't know Avery, there doesn't seem to be any candy up here," replied Faith, "I'm getting tired." Faith was always the rationale one and also the brains of the operation. She had hallowed out snap dragons and each pixie was going to fill their snap dragon full of the bright pink cotton candy of the sky.

"For the record, I only came along on this trip to keep you two out of trouble," the conservative Hope decided to chime in, "Our Fairy Godmother is going to be so mad at you two if we don't get back soon."

It wasn't long before all the pink had drained from the sky and was replaced by an inky black that made it very difficult to see. Avery stopped on a very ordinary white cloud and called to her friends, "I hearby call a Cotton Candy Expedition conference!"

Hope and Faith caught up to Avery and rested their wings on the same tasteless cloud. "I don't understand," said Avery, "It was right here. I saw the cotton candy with my own eyes!"

"We all did Avery, and it's up here somewhere. But we've got bigger problems unless you were keeping track of how to get back to Lilac Hollow. I seriously doubt that though, since you were flying like a witch on a broomstick," exclaimed Faith.

Hope began to cry and her wings shivered, "What if we never get back? What if we're stuck in this boring cloud forever?"

Avery replied, "Calm down, Hope. Let's use our senses. Close your eyes and concentrate Hope, then tell me what you feel. Faith take a deep breath and tell me what you hear, and I'll try to figure out what I smell."

The girls locked pinkie fingers and conjured up all their pixie magic. Hope spoke first, "I feel some sort of intense joy and happiness. It's like some sort of celebration."

Faith was next, "And I hear music and laughter and, wait a minute, yes, I hear applause."

Then, so excited she could barely contain herself, Avery exclaimed, "I smell TARTS! Berry tarts and lemon tarts with buttery crust."

Their pointed pixie ears directed them to the South were they saw lights that seemed to explode like fireworks. So, they did what all pixies do when something glitters.... they chased it!

As they got closer, the lights took shape. There were great structures that the girls had never seen. The people didn't have wings so they flew in big machines that made angry noises and seemed to be ruled by three lights hanging in the sky. With everything around them, there were great distractions, but the girls followed their senses. They did, in fact, fly directly into some marvelous celebration.

There were men dancing jigs and maidens carrying on around a May Pole, and there were storytellers weaving their tales with puppets and song. And, of course, there were treats. Beautiful girls wore flowers in their hair and carried baskets of tarts, lollipops, chocolates, and ice cream through the crowd. The pixies had forgotten all about their quest for a lifetime supply of cotton candy.

Hope buzzed right up to the ear of the woman with a basket of chocolate tarts. "Excuse me, could you tell me where we are? Oh my, can I please taste your chocolate?"

Much to Hope's surprise, the woman completely ignored her. She didn't understand. Pixies were the cutest most charming creatures in the hollow, no one could refuse them, except their Fairy Godmother.

Seeing Hope's failure and craving a butterscotch truffle, Avery buzzed a different vendor, "One truffle please.... and directions back to Lilac Hollow." This woman actually brushed Avery away like she was some sort of annoying bumblebee.

Faith laughed so hard she almost fell into a passerby's cup of sweet tea. "It's no use! If either of you had taken the time to read 'Outside the Enchanted World', you would know these are mortals. They don't believe, so they can't see or hear us. Most of these fools don't even believe in Santa Clause, which is fine my him, fewer houses to worry about."

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

Today we honor all those little babies too beautiful for this earth. There are so many mothers out there that are remembering their babies today. Please say a prayer for them and if you know one, let them know that you acknowledge their baby/babies and that you care.

Wink Fotos by Emily Clark

I just love Emily! She is an amazing photographer and the cutest, sweetest lady ever!!! She just did a spotlight on her Mommy Models blog of our story, if you have time you should check it out. She is so incredibly talented. Skeet and I don't have a lot of pictures together and I think these turned out great!!

Avery's birthday was bittersweet. We did a balloon release in her memory at the cemetery and then had a small family dinner afterwards. I cried most of the day but I am sure that is to be expected... I only have a huge headache now because of it! I also listened to Avery's song over and over again all day... I seriously love it! I can't thank Mari and Becky enough for it. Thank you to everyone who left comments here and on my facebook account. It means so much to me that you would remember Avery. I am so blessed to have you all in my life.

When I found out that Avery had a skeletal dysplasia, an amazing friend of mine sent me a gift that I will treasure forever. She wrote a beautiful story for Avery and I have been wanting to share it on my blog for a while now. I had hoped, throughout my pregnancy, that I would be able to read the story to Avery someday. Unfortunately she left us before I was able to. So the day after we laid her to rest I went out to the cemetery and read the story out loud. I decided that it would become a tradition so that was one of the things I did yesterday. I went to the cemetery, lit a candle for Avery, and read her the story. Over the next few days I will be posting parts of the story. It is a few pages long so I won't post it all at once but I hope that you enjoy it as much as I did. I will start posting tomorrow.