Looking Back..

I can't believe that a year has come and went since I got my first surprise positive pregnancy test and I didn't even blog about it!!  I remember being in denial about it, thinking there was no way it could really be true and that I was just going to be disappointed yet again.  This time last year I was still trying to convince myself that I was in fact pregnant.  I hadn't shared the news with the world yet so I was trying hard to keep it a secret.  It was the beginning of Fall semester and I was dealing with morning sickness, bloating, and some major fatigue but I was going to work and to class and keeping myself as composed as I could.  We are back to the beginning of Fall semester and I am still working and going to class but now my thoughts are usually on my little boy and I am always looking forward to seeing him again.  I count down the minutes until I can pick him up from the baby sitter, cuddle him, and smell and kiss his head.  A year ago I didn't know what to expect.  Now my life is forever changed.  My priorities have changed.  My attitude towards life has changed.  I can finally say after years of sadness, frustration, and depression that I am truly happy.  I am in love with my son and I have fallen in love with my husband all over again.  He is an amazing father.  I didn't know that I could love him more than I did and then I met Skeet, the Dad, and found a love for him on a whole new level.  I am so proud of him and how he has taken to being a parent.  I love how he is willing to help me with anything and everything.  I love that he looks forward to his time with his family and that he misses us (mostly Sawyer) when we are apart.  I know he missed me before when he would leave but I think it's so much more now.  Sawyer adores him and he lights up as soon as his Daddy walks into the room.  I just know that they are going to be the best of friends and that thought makes me so incredibly happy and hopeful for the future!  It's crazy to look back to my pregnancy and remember how scared Skeet was (we both were) and how he was so hesitant to let himself get excited.  I think if we do get the chance to get pregnant again it will be so different for both of us.  This past year has flown by but we have grown so much.  Isn't it funny how something can change you so completely over night?  Being a mom is the best job in the world!!

4 Months

Our little miracle man is already 4 months old! I know I say it every month, but I can't believe how time is flying!  We fall more in love with Sawyer every day.  He is such a sweet little baby and everyone adores him!  I am really having a hard time with the fact that he is growing up so fast and is getting so big!!  I swear sometimes when he looks at me he doesn't look like a baby anymore!  He gets these expressions that make him look much older than he is. 

Lately we have had some interesting stuff happen, aside from his premature (in my opinion) teething that is.  Last week we started at a new daycare.  I think he was really starting to love his other sitter but she had some things and we had some things and we just decided that we would try out another daycare facility.  He adjusted quickly and has been doing great!  We love the new daycare and the 3 ladies that work there are awesome!  I love to see all the happy kids when I drop him off and pick him up.  I really think he likes it there too, especially because he gets to watch all the other kids play.  It is out of some one's home but it is very structured and they have a very strict "no sick kids" policy which really helped seal the deal for Skeet and I. 

This weekend Sawyer started rolling over.  He has rolled from his back to his stomach and from his stomach to his back.  He doesn't do it all the time though and refuses to do it if I have a camera pointed at him and turned on!.  I guess I need to start watching him more closely now.  Gone are the days when we could set him on the bed, changing table, etc and walk away for a second.  We are also going to have to stop putting his bouncy chair on the coffee table, although I have never seen him even try to roll over while in it.  I don't want to take any chances.  We really need to buy a rug for the living room so that we can let him hang out on the floor in there.  I really didn't think that I was going to have a baby when I chose to put the wood throughout the living room and kitchen.  I think if I could do it over again I would have done tile and carpet... as much as I hate carpet. 

Sawyer has officially Skyped!  Daddy went to Montana for work (ended up being a waste of time but that's another post) and before he left we caved and bought him a new iPhone so that he could video chat with us when he had service.  Luckily Daddy was in a motel the entire 4 days he was gone (he was supposed to be out 2 weeks) and had a good WiFi connection so we were able to Skype with him every night.  Sawyer wasn't really sure what to think but I think Daddy was really happy to see his boy!  Some days I hate technology but most days I just think it's amazing how far we've come. 

I have been back to work for almost 2 months now (boo!) and am still exclusively breastfeeding.  This is something I am pretty proud of.  It's not easy.  I am sure my boss is hating it.  I pump every day, three times a day.  The first pump in the morning takes about 30 minutes and then the next two are about 15-20 minutes each.  So that is an hour or so every day that is spent in a little back office pumping instead of at my desk.  I can't tell you how grateful I am to have a job that allows me to do this so that Sawyer can keep nursing.  I would like to continue nursing him until he's a year old but we will see how it goes.  I have heard that some babies lose interest after they start solids, and I hope that's not the case with us but at the same time it would make weaning easier! Sawyer has become a boob snob and will only eat from the left side if he is half asleep or starving.  It gets to be quite uncomfortable on the weekends because I pump all week from that side so to have him not take it on the weekends... well lets just say it gets a little full and a lot uncomfortable!

Sawyer has his 4 month check up this week, with shots and all, so I will do another post with his stats.  However, since I don't have stats I'll just say that I know my little man is very tall for his age.  He is wearing mostly 6-9 (some 12) month clothes though he does fit in a few 3-6 month onsies, it just depends on the brand.  His PJ's have to be 6-9 because he is so tall!  He is still in size 2 diapers but they are getting too small and I think after I finish the pack of diapers I have I'll be buying size 3. 

He is smiling and laughing so much more now and is still a little cuddle bug.  He loves to sit up so he can see what is going on and thinks it's so funny when he pees on you or himself!  His changing table is still his favorite place in the house.  He still loves bath time with Daddy.  We think he's going to be a little fish but have yet to take him swimming.  I hope that we will get to soon.

I am still in awe of him every second.  I admit, there are times that I wish he would just take a nap so that I can rest, but then 20 or 30 minutes into his nap I am missing him so much I have to keep myself from waking him up. I can't keep track of how many times a day his dad or I say how dang cute he is.  I think we still can't believe we are so lucky to call him ours!  His smiles melt our hearts and his cries are even cute!  Although he can get just about anything when he tears up. It breaks our hearts!  I am loving every second of being a mom. For so long I would hear friends talk about mom things that they were doing and I would always hope that some day I would get to do that and now I finally am!!  I can't tell you how happy it makes me to change a diaper, pack a diaper bag, lug around a car seat, even get drooled on, peed on or spit up on ( you noticed I left out pooped on?  I think that would be pushing it).  I am trying every day to remember all the little things because I know that they were once things that I never thought I would get the chance to do.  Being a mom is the most amazing thing and being Sawyer's mom, well that is better than I ever imagined it could be.  I feel like the luckiest woman ever!! If you asked his dad, he'd probably tell you something similar ( just not so mushy).  We are changed forever and we are loving every second of it!

Anyway, back to Sawyer... He loves story time and gets so excited when we pull books out and open them up in front of him.  His favorite songs are still "You Are My Sunshine" and "I Am A Child of God" which I sing to him every night before bed... mostly because I don't know many other songs.  I have tried to sing "Letter from Avery" to him but hearing my voice singing it just doesn't do it justice after hearing Mari sing it.  I just need to break out the iPod and play it for him more now that he's older.  I do talk to him about Avery frequently though and we look at her picture a lot.  I want him to grow up knowing who she is and how special she is to us.  He's so good at grabbing things and pulling them to his mouth.  He drools all over everything right now and, of course, I just think that it's cute!  I have no problem with kissing him right on the mouth and coming away completely slimed.  Especially because he thinks it's so funny when momma kisses him! 

The last 4 months have been the best of my life. I feel so lucky to be me and to be Sawyer and Avery's mom.  I don't know what I did to deserve such blessings but I will take them and I will try to be grateful for every second!  Now I will leave you with more pictures of my cutie pie!

Playing on his activity mat

Telling Daddy about his day

This is mom's attempt to get his smiles on camera, I think our camera is too slow.

Tummy time.  He's warming up to it...

All bathed and ready for bed!

snoozing on momma's bed...

More smiles (sort of)

He loves his elephant.  He thinks it's great when the elephant gives him kisses.  Then, if you leave the elephant on him he'll grab it and do this.  I love this little guy so much!!

Cutie Patootie!

Cannot get over how much I love this little boy!

Teething

I really can't believe it.  My almost 4 month old is teething!  I never paid attention to when babies teethed but I didn't ever think it was this early.  I know that his teeth might not come through for a while yet but the poor baby has been pretty uncomfortable and it took me a week to figure out why!  It started last week when he stopped taking bottles at feeding time.  He just acted like he wasn't hungry and didn't want anything to do with the bottles.  Then he stopped sleeping well.  He wasn't really sleeping great in the first place, but he'd only wake up once, maybe twice a night to eat and go right back to sleep.  Out of nowhere though, he started waking up every 30 to 45 minutes crying.  He never used to cry either.. just fuss enough that I knew he was hungry.  He stopped self soothing and was just crying all the time.  We thought at first he was dealing with ear issues but after a trip to the doctor we found that his ears look perfect.  It wasn't until the end of the appt with the doctor and no real answers that Dr. N saw Sawyer chewing on his hands and my shoulder.  He asked if he did that a lot lately and I said yep.  He then suggested it may be that Sawyer is teething.  We started him on Tylenol and Baby Orajel (which we only used twice and then switched to teething tablets) and he acted so much better!  He still gets whiney and wants his mommy when he starts to hurt again but he will eat now and sleeps much better.  I feel so bad for the little guy and am almost hoping the teeth cut through soon so that he can feel a little bit better until the next tooth decides to make him cranky.  I am loving all the extra cuddles and that he loves me so much right now but I want the poor boy to feel better and get back to his usual smiley and laughing self! 

I Don't Want To Forget

 These pictures won't upload the right way but I had to add them because they are so cute.

Before bathtime

too cute!

With Daddy at Kate's wedding

love this boy!!

smiles for grandma

He loves books!

eating his blanket! Too cute!

The other day I was holding my little man and started to think back to when he was just little (yea I know he's only 3 months but he's getting so big) and it made me sad to think of all the things that I miss about having a newborn.  I had the idea that periodically I need to make a list of the things he will grow out of that I love and don't want to forget.  Since I am using this blog as sort of a journal I would like to keep it all here and print it out in a book eventually.  Sawyer changes so much every day.  As you can see by the last post, he is now laughing and of course we are thrilled!  It seems like he hits another milestone every day and it is just going by so fast!  I love where he is now and I know that I will love where he will be tomorrow but that doesn't mean I don't miss where he was yesterday.   A few things I miss about the newborn stage...

holding him for hours, watching him sleep
non-stinky diapers
being able to put him down anywhere and knowing he will stay asleep
the tiny clothes (and diapers).. I hate putting bigger and bigger clothes on him.. just a reminder that he is growing so fast


Since he is growing so fast there are a few things that he is doing now that I know he'll grow out of and I am not sure I want him to.

The adorable look he gets on his face when he is eating and he is alert.  He loves to look around and his cute little forehead wrinkles up.  I just love it!  It is such a sweet and innocent look.

I will also miss nursing him.  Knowing that I am his soul source of nourishment, it just gives me a feeling of such great purpose.  I know he could have formula and do just fine but I love meal time and feel such a huge bond to him because I nurse him.  It is an amazing feeling to carry a child and know that you and your body are keeping that little person that you have never met alive.  I think it is even more amazing to know that this little person that you carried for so long is still utterly dependent on your body, even after giving birth.  I plan on nursing him for at least a year but am afraid that once he starts on solids, this feeling might go away.

While he's eating his top hand sometimes flails all over the place until it finds something to grab on to, whether it be my shirt or my nose (yes he'll grab mom's big nose... never been so grateful to have a grabbable nose).  The arm that's underneath him, that I try to wrap around my side while he eats to get it out of the way, will usually just hang out but occasionally he'll give mommy's side or back a nice little tickle.  I love it!

When he's done eating he will sometimes play with his food ( you nursing moms know what I mean) or he will just lay back and smile at me.  I can't get over how cute he is.. how Skeet and I made someone that cute is beyond me!

The way he nuzzles right into my neck when he's tired and I am rocking him.  Sometimes when he's tired but is fighting it he'll try to crawl up my chest.  If it wasn't so dang cute, it would be frustrating!

As much as I miss sleep, I will miss our time together at night.  I swear he reaches out for me when I come into his room and as soon as I pick him up he immediately starts looking for food or he just cuddles right up onto my shoulder.  Holding him in the quiet dark is just so peaceful and perfect.  I'll enjoy the extra sleep for sure, but I think I'll miss this time with him more.  


When he's tired and lying in his bouncy chair he'll talk to himself or whoever is around until he falls asleep. It's a sort of whiny sound but so sweet.  I am not sure he'll grow out of this one any time soon but you never know.  I need to get it on camera so I can have it forever!

Sucking on his hands.  He is still trying to figure out how to keep his thumb in his mouth and sometimes he just decides to stick his whole hand in his mouth. It is adorable to watch him use his other hand to keep the one in place.

He loves to sit up on your lap and look around.  He used to have a bobble head while doing this but it's getting more and more steady but he gets this look on his face that I never want to forget.  His eyes get so big and his mouth makes and "O".  He loves to see what's going on!

His stretches.  This boy can stretch and it is the cutest when he does!  When you take him out of his carseat it's more of a curled arms and legs back arch, and when he wakes up from his naps it's a whole body stretch. 

He has this stuffed bug (at least I think it's a bug) on his car seat and he just stares at it.  I am not sure if it freaks him out (from the look on his face, it might) but he will just sit and stare at that thing until he falls asleep!

The smell of his head.  As his hair gets thicker I have noticed that the smell is starting to change.  He still smells good but not like a newborn anymore.  I wish I could bottle that smell. I think I would make a fortune selling it to moms!

Laughs!

I am not sure how this works but hopefully everyone will be able to see this video. Skeet might kill me for posting it since you can hear him doing baby talk but he was getting Sawyer to laugh and it was so dang cute I just had to share.  He has been laughing more and more since then and I can't get enough.  Such a sweet baby! 

Sawyer's first robe... He looks so cute!

He is so adorable when he's sleeping!

Woah!

One of my favorite things... he loves to cuddle mom!

What a cute boy!

Starting to find his feet!

Mom was trying to get him to wake up and he thought it was funny.

So big!

Daddy's little guy!

Still can't get over those lips!

There are more but I couldn't get them to upload right so I am going to play with them a bit. I hope you enjoy these cute pics as much as I do!  I love this boy so much!