Saturday, April 30, 2011
By the time I got the epidural I was dilated to a 6.5 and the contractions were pretty painful... the epidural however, was not. It went smoothly and within minutes I had relief from the contractions. I could still move my legs though which was great!! I guess in the last 3 years they got a new drug and it doesn't render you completely useless anymore. After that, the only reason I could tell I was having a contraction was because I would get really short of breath when one would hit. At some point Sawyer's heart rate dropped again and we had to back off on the Pitocin. I was so relieved to have had the epidural now, just in case. I did progress pretty quickly after this, even with having to lower the pitocin dose. Before I knew it the nurse was telling me that I was complete and it was time to push. Dr S came in and his excitement to meet Sawyer helped calm me down and prepare myself for what was about to happen. The environment in the room was so laid back, Dr. S was joking with the nurses and me, and my mom and Skeet were just anxiously awaiting Sawyer's arrival. Dr. S joked that we'd be done in 5 pushes... Oh how I wish that would have been true. Even though I could still move my legs, I couldn't feel my contractions or the need to push at all. They tried to tell me when to push but I was so numb I couldn't tell if I was pushing right, and I wasn't. They turned off the epidural pump but it only helped a little bit before Sawyer's heart rate dropped dangerously low. Dr S decided to get him out fast and asked for the vacuum. He also did an episiotomy to help speed things
The look on Skeet's face too... when he saw his boy... it was priceless. The pride and happiness I saw there was something I will never forget. I could tell that like me, he was instantly in love with this sweet little boy. He watched as they took Sawyer to the corner of the room and cleaned him up. I couldn't see much but I could hear Sawyers tiny little cries as they rubbed him down with baby oil and gave him his first shot. He was so quiet the rest of the time, just looking around. I loved the sound of his cries, the were so quiet and so sweet.
Since then things have been going pretty smoothly, considering. Sawyer did have a mild case of Jaundice which required him to lie on Bili Lights for the first two nights he was home. Other than that he seems very healthy. He eats really well and sleeps even better. I can't get enough of his soft skin and sweet smell. I would hold him ever second of every day if I could get away with it. I love him so much and don't know how I survived this long without him. I know Skeet feels the same way. We are both so "over-the-moon" happy right now, it's ridiculous! I still feel, at times, that I am dreaming and that I will wake up any minute and he won't be real. I hope with everything I am that that never happens. I knew being a mother would be amazing but I could have never imagined this. It is definitely something you have to experience to even come close to comprehending. And it was all worth it, all of the treatments, the heartaches, the tears, the worries and the anxiety. Everything we have been through, has made this experience so much more sweet and I hope I never forget how lucky I am.
I welcome this new chapter of our lives with open arms. I still miss Avery more than ever and think about her every time I look at her brother's sweet face. I see so much of her in him and wish that she could be here with us to share in the joy of finally having him here, safe and sound. I know that she is with us in a way though and I look forward to the day when we are all finally reunited! I am the luckiest mom in the world to have two such beautiful and perfect children. I know I don't deserve it but I am going to cherish this feeling and be the best mom I can be for this sweet little boy.