Today we celebrate making it to 15 weeks! The past 11 weeks have gone by so slow but so fast at the same time... if that makes any sense. I still have a hard time believing that I am really pregnant... with a real baby!! If it weren't for my stomach growing every day I would be in complete denial. I think back on my BFP (big fat positive!!) and it all seems like a dream. I don't think I ever posted the story so I will do it now, just so that I have it written down in case I ever forget. I woke up on the morning of August 21 and thought to myself that something didn't seem right. My boobs hurt like crazy and they had been this way for well over 2 weeks. That is how I knew that I had ovulated. I didn't know exactly when but I knew that it had been a while and AF should have arrived by then. Just the day before I had been complaining to a good friend of mine that my stomach was so bloated that I looked pregnant and I told her how much I hate when it does that because it's like my body is teasing me. I did not, at that point, believe I was pregnant... at all. So anyway, on the 21st I finally decided, in the middle of the day, to go to the store and get the cheapest pregnancy test they had. I didn't think it would be positive but I was going to a party later that day and didn't know if I would want to have a drink or not so I thought I had better be safe and just take the dang test. I went home and with what little I had in my bladder, I peed on a stick. Within 2 minutes I saw a hint of a line. I knew if I showed it to anyone else they would probably tell me it was negative but I had heard about these "shadow" lines and I started to let myself believe that it might be possible. I decided that I would test again in the morning and no, I didn't drink anything at the party. Despite the pressure I got from my peers ( you know who you are!!)
The next morning I got up at about 5 a.m. to pee and decided to take the 2nd test. When I didn't see anything right away I put the test down and went back to bed. I had woke Skeet up and when he asked how the test went I told him it was negative. A couple of hours later, when I got up for the day, Skeet was gone to work and I went into my bathroom and just happened to glance at the test I had left on the counter. There was definitely a second line there!! I couldn't believe it!! I called Skeet right away and told him that I had lied and that the test was positive. I don't think he really believed it either! I knew better than to get my hopes up. I decided not to tell anyone until after we had a couple of blood tests to confirm. After our blood tests confirmed the pregnancy that week I told my parents but decided to not start spreading the news until we saw an actual heartbeat. It was after seeing that beautiful heartbeat that I announced that we were pregnant to the world! I feel pretty fortunate that I didn't have to take it back. With every appointment we had I could only picture going in to see Dr. S and getting bad news but every time so far the news has been pretty good!
So why can't I let myself get excited about this baby? It's because I am scared to death! The only thing I know is loss. I have never experienced anything but loss when it comes to pregnancy so who can blame me for being a little hesitant about this one? I am trying to be positive. I try to think about the future and try to imagine what our lives will be like next summer, after our baby is born. I try to picture a nursery in our home and how Callie will treat a new member of the family. However, I can't. I think somewhere deep down I am trying to protect myself from a potential heartbreak. Skeet is much more optimistic than I and it really helps. He brings me back down when I start to feel like I am crawling on the ceiling with anxiety. He talks about our baby as if he knows she will be around this time next year ( and yes he refers to the baby as she... it is so dang cute!). So if it weren't for my amazing hubby, I think I would be a complete and total basket case right now.
Now that I have that all off my chest I will get on with the 15 week update...
How far along: 15 weeks
Size of baby: 4 to 4.5 inches. The size of a large navel orange or an apple. His legs are much closer to being proportionate to her body.
Weight gain: When I checked last week I still had 3 pounds to go before I reached my pre pregnancy weight. I am sure I will be there by my next weigh in.
Maternity clothes: Wearing maternity pants more often now but still trying to wear belly bands when I can get away with it. They are getting to be such a pain though because every time I sit down at work my pants pop out the bottom of the belly band and I have to keep fixing it. I am staying away from maternity shirts as much as possible still, although I have broken out a few t-shirts here and there.
Gender: 3 more weeks. I just don't know really. I will be happy either way... just as long as the baby is healthy!!
Movement: I am feeling the fluttering more frequently and love every second of it!! Although when I can't feel it I freak out, which I know it is way to early for that.
Sleep: Still no problem sleeping. I could sleep all day, every day and still sleep through the night. Getting better at sleeping on my side... the key is pillows... lots of pillows!!
Symptoms: The morning sickness came back for a few days last week but seems to be better again the past couple of days. I just have to be eating constantly. I am still really tired... all the time. I also have been having more and more round ligament pain and have been blessed with an increase in charlie horses (do they still call them that?) or cramps in my feet and legs. Headaches and heartburn (or acid reflux) have also become more frequent.
Cravings: Chocolate milk and ice water. For those of you who really know me you know that I normally prefer to not have ice in my beverages, unless I am drinking through a straw, but now I can't go without ice!!
Best moment this week: Hearing Peanut's heartbeat last week while I was at the Dr.'s office with my mom. It was holding strong at 153 bpm. Such a beautiful sound!
What I am looking forward to: Next Monday is my OB appointment and only 3 more weeks until our BIG ultrasound.