Monday, November 10, 2008

I remember...

There are a few things that I can still remember, that I never want to forget so I am typing them up in my little blog "journal".

The day I found out I was pregnant with Avery. I was waiting for a call from my Dr. in Las Vegas so when Dr. Sanders called me I was a little surprised. This is how the conversation went:
Candi "Hello"
Dr. Sanders " Hi Candice, it's Dr. Sanders"
Candi " Oh Hi!"
Dr. Sanders " I was wondering how everything went with the embryo transfer?"
Candi "It went great, I think, I am actually waiting to get the pregnancy test results today"
Dr. Sanders "Well it was positive"
Candi "It was?" (In tears)
Dr. Sanders "Yes, Congratulations, you're pregnant".

The conversation continued but that part is what I want to stay with me forever. We have been through so much with Dr. Sanders and to have him be the one to tell me that I was expecting was exactly how I would have wanted it.

Then, there was the first time I heard my baby's heartbeat. I was around 6 weeks along and we saw it up on the ultrasound screen, then we heard it... it was music to my ears. It goes hand in hand with the last time I heard her heartbeat. Luckily I can hear it anytime I want- we recorded it just before she passed away.

The next would be the day I found out about Avery's condition. Skeet and I went into our ultrasound thinking we would see our baby and find out the sex. Instead our life came crashing down around us. It was one of the worst days of my life but I still want to remember it because it was a very significant day for me. That is the day that I decided I loved my baby no matter what and as long as it's heart was beating I would do whatever I could to give it every chance to live while it was inside of me.

On to the day we found out our baby was an Avery. We were seeing the peri for another ultrasound and to discuss our amniocentesis results. I asked the tech if she could tell us what the baby was. She looked on the screen quickly and said, it's a girl. I didn't believe her... not even one bit, and I knew that the Dr. would be coming in to tell us that the amnio showed it was a boy in just a few minutes. When he came in and told us it was a girl it was such a bitter sweet moment for me. We were going to have a daughter... a sweet little girl, but we would have to say goodbye too soon. I had been keeping the name Avery in the back of my mind... just in case, so when we were driving home from our appointment and Skeet asked what her name should be, I told him Avery and he agreed. I wanted her middle name to be Grace, but neither of our families do middle names for girls so we decided against it.

Then the first time I felt Avery kick. It wasn't very hard and it took a couple of days before I felt it again but it was the most amazing feeling in the world.

The day Avery was born would have to come next. Another bitter-sweet day that I have shared with you before. It will never fall under the worst category. The day my daughter was born is one of the best days of my life for many reasons. I was lucky enough to hold her and see her beautiful face. I was fortunate enough to see my husband holding his first child. Also, the rest of my family and most of Skeet's were able to hold her and witness one of God's special miracles.

The worst day of my life, that I will never forget, is the day we buried our daughter. That is something no mother should ever have to do.

Avery's first birthday. My parents, grandparents, my sister-in-law, Syd, Skeet and I all went to the cemetery to honor my sweet girl. My mom had picked up a dozen balloons for me since I had to work all day and had not had the opportunity to get away to do so. They were multicolored but there were two pink balloons. My dad said a few words and I released the balloons. It was a cold, but clear day and we were able to watch them for a long time. When I released the balloons they were all tangled but as they floated away the two pink balloons somehow unwound from the rest of the group and floated off by themselves and the rest stayed tangled up in each other. It was almost as Avery had picked her two favorites and separated them. I know she was there with us that day, it is a day I hope to never forget.


Lindsay-Weaver said...

Your baby is beautiful. I think it's so great that you share your feelings, I'm sure there are so many readers out there that are touched by your blog. I know my family thinks the world of you. I don't know if I've ever met you in person before. (I'm Skeet's cousin- formerly Shannon Houston)

Tina said...

How sweet your story is...keep smiling! It's amazing to me that even through your trials you have been able to find all the positives. Keep it up!

Amy Jo said...

Thanks for sharing these memories. I know from experience that they will always stay fresh in your mind. Somehow, I don't know how, they never fade, and that's a great thing!