Thank you, first off, to everyone that has been praying for us. I guess God's plan did not include us having a child at this time. As I am typing this I am experiencing my first miscarriage ever. I am devastated but know that I can get through this.
At my appointment on Thursday Dr. Sanders saw a sac but still no baby. It was determined that I had a blighted ovum or what they now call an early pregnancy failure. The embryo implanted but a baby never started to develop. I was given the choice of waiting for a miscarriage to occur on its own, which could have taken up to 5 more weeks, or I could induce a miscarriage. I decided to get it over with and started the process last night. It has been painful but I take comfort in knowing that there was never a baby. So yes, I am losing a pregnancy, but at least I know I am not losing another baby.
We will speak with our Dr. in Las Vegas after I have recovered and will discuss our options for the future. I am trying not to think about it right now, I don't know if I am ready to go through all this again just yet.
In the mean time I will be praying that the Lord will help me to get through every day. The He will keep me from breaking down every time I am in the presence of a pregnant woman or a sweet little baby. I have no idea how I will cope with that but I don't think I have a choice. Especially because I have two sisters-in-law that are expecting. I want to be happy for them but that doesn't keep my heart from aching.
Avery's 1st birthday is quickly approaching and I think I need to focus on getting through that in one piece. Thank you again for your prayers.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Misleading
I have to apologize to everyone. I think a lot of people believed after my last post that I had miscarried. Well I haven't... yet. At the time of my last post I might as well have. I felt like I had been betrayed in some way. I thought for sure that it was all over and in a way I still feel that it could be.
My doctor wasn't pleased with the 236 beta and decided he wanted to do an ultrasound. Skeet and I went to Las Vegas this past weekend to do that ultrasound and some more blood work. The ultrasound showed a small sac. And when I say small... I mean almost microscopic. Well maybe not that small but it was small. He decided he wanted to just keep watching my numbers and as long as they are going up, even if it is just a small amount, he wants to treat it as a pregnancy. Basically he said that all we can do is wait and see. I interpreted it as I get to wait until I miscarry. He still thinks that it will be the final outcome of this pregnancy.
My beta number came back as a 419 on Friday so it had not even doubled since Monday. It still doesn't look good. I am going to see Dr. Sanders for another ultrasound and more bloodwork on Thursday.
I am starting to have more pregnancy symptoms which only makes this harder. I am trying with all my strength not to get attached but when I feel pregnant, it is hard not to. I cannot express how much all the thoughts and prayers mean to me. I feel so blessed to have such amazing friends, Thank you!
My doctor wasn't pleased with the 236 beta and decided he wanted to do an ultrasound. Skeet and I went to Las Vegas this past weekend to do that ultrasound and some more blood work. The ultrasound showed a small sac. And when I say small... I mean almost microscopic. Well maybe not that small but it was small. He decided he wanted to just keep watching my numbers and as long as they are going up, even if it is just a small amount, he wants to treat it as a pregnancy. Basically he said that all we can do is wait and see. I interpreted it as I get to wait until I miscarry. He still thinks that it will be the final outcome of this pregnancy.
My beta number came back as a 419 on Friday so it had not even doubled since Monday. It still doesn't look good. I am going to see Dr. Sanders for another ultrasound and more bloodwork on Thursday.
I am starting to have more pregnancy symptoms which only makes this harder. I am trying with all my strength not to get attached but when I feel pregnant, it is hard not to. I cannot express how much all the thoughts and prayers mean to me. I feel so blessed to have such amazing friends, Thank you!
Monday, September 8, 2008
Not Good at all
Well I guess that's it... my number only went to 236. That number is about 2000 less than what I was hoping for. I am devestated. I have no clue what to do now... I don't know if I can take any more disappointment and now I get to watch every one around me have babies. I get to sit by and wonder why I can't. I am so lost right now.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Prayers Please!!
I have been debating whether or not to post about this for a few months now and feel it is time because we are in desperate need of prayers. On the 18th of this month Skeet and I did a Frozen Embryo Transfer to try for our second ( and maybe third) child. Everything seemed to work out perfectly and the timing couldn't have been better.
We were supposed to find out the results of our pregnancy test on the day of my aunt's funeral so I had it moved up a day. The results came back positive but the beta number was extremely low. It was a 5. Anything under a 5 is negative, that is so like Skeet and I, we are always pushing the limits. My (amazing) doctor wasn't optimistic, he suggested we do another test in a couple of days but felt that it was a chemical pregnancy. Two days later the number came back as a 14. That ruled out a chemical pregnancy but he still felt the number was way too low. He wanted me to test again in a few days. The third beta came back at an 82. I was excited but again my doctor, not so much. He explained that he was concerned that the number is still much lower than it should be and he feels that even if the pregnancy continues, it will most likely end in miscarriage, and probably soon.
I am going to be doing another test on Monday to check the levels again and see if things are still progressing. I am praying for a number around 2200 (they are supposed to double or triple every couple of days).
I would really appreciate if you could remember Skeet, my baby and I in your prayers. I want so badly for this baby to develop and be healthy. I know it is extremely early to be announcing the news but considering the situation I am desperate. I know that if we are meant to have this baby we will but some extra prayers can't hurt! Thank you!
We were supposed to find out the results of our pregnancy test on the day of my aunt's funeral so I had it moved up a day. The results came back positive but the beta number was extremely low. It was a 5. Anything under a 5 is negative, that is so like Skeet and I, we are always pushing the limits. My (amazing) doctor wasn't optimistic, he suggested we do another test in a couple of days but felt that it was a chemical pregnancy. Two days later the number came back as a 14. That ruled out a chemical pregnancy but he still felt the number was way too low. He wanted me to test again in a few days. The third beta came back at an 82. I was excited but again my doctor, not so much. He explained that he was concerned that the number is still much lower than it should be and he feels that even if the pregnancy continues, it will most likely end in miscarriage, and probably soon.
I am going to be doing another test on Monday to check the levels again and see if things are still progressing. I am praying for a number around 2200 (they are supposed to double or triple every couple of days).
I would really appreciate if you could remember Skeet, my baby and I in your prayers. I want so badly for this baby to develop and be healthy. I know it is extremely early to be announcing the news but considering the situation I am desperate. I know that if we are meant to have this baby we will but some extra prayers can't hurt! Thank you!
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