Monday, January 14, 2008

Beliefs

Thank you to everyone who commented on my last blog entry. At first I was very upset that a web-site could claim to be non-denominational and still turn away a story because it was against the Catholic faith. But, instead of getting bitter, I decided to look further into the matter. The answers that I found were exactly like those that you shared with me. I am not going to say that anyone's beliefs are wrong or right. I will say, however, that I am very sad for those that truly believe that a child born through extensive fertility treatments, such as IVF, are born against God's will and therefore miss out on the opportunity to have a child of their own flesh and blood.

In an article I read it stated that children are not something that is owed to us, they are a gift. I agree that all children are a gift. Some are gifts that are treated carelessly and tossed away, some are gifts that are taken for granted and not enjoyed and loved as they deserve to be, and some are gifts that are forgotten by some but cherished by others. A child born by the means of In Vitro are no less of a gift than those conceived by natural means. If anything, in some cases, they may be considered more. I was devastated when I was told that I would not be able to have children naturally. That I would have to go through extensive treatments and even those weren't a guarantee. The opportunity for couples to bear children, even after they have been told they would never be able to, is truly a gift from God. And, those children are gifts that are cherished above all things because they are miraculous. Now this doesn't mean that I think children that are conceived naturally are not miraculous gifts from God, because they are. All children are miracles and they are all the most precious gift we could ever receive.

I believe that if God did not want me to have a child, the In Vitro would have never worked. If His plan did not consist of us having a child of our own flesh and blood then He would have never allowed those little embryos to latch on and grow and develop. Avery did not come to us naturally because she was meant to be so much more than just a gift to us, she was meant to change our lives in a way that we could have never expected. The fact that she was conceived via IVF made us cherish her so much more because we were told we may never have a child.

Some would argue that if you are not able to have children of your own you should just adopt. I am not against adoption. I plan on adopting, I have always wanted to adopt. I made the choice to do In Vitro because something deep down in my soul told me that I needed to. We didn't have the means to pay for it, but we found a way. We did it because we knew our chances were better if we did so while we were young. Age doesn't have a big impact on adoption. That is something that I can do for years to come. I knew that there was a child waiting for us, so we made the decision to have IVF done before we even knew how we would pay for it. Even if our next attempt at IVF does not result in a pregnancy, I will never regret our decision to do In Vitro. Avery is and always will be my daughter and I would do it all over again just to be able to carry her inside of me and hold her for that very short time.

Thank you all for your kind words and for your love for my little girl. I am so glad that it is not against my faith to have IVF, because I would have gone against my faith in a heartbeat. I know that it sounds terrible, but I wanted a child so very badly I would have tried just about anything!

10 comments:

Tina said...

Candace-I'm in your ward and also worked across the hall from you at Dr. Olsen's office. I see you at church but I've yet had the chance to stop and chat. I've been following your blog, mostly because my husband and I are thinking about IVF ourselves. You are amazing!! I love to read about what's going on with you guys. Your last couple posts came as a real shock to me. I guess I'm suprised that certain religions could be so against IVF. I agree that no matter how a child comes to us, we need to consider it a miracle. Technology these days was brought about for a reason and that reason is to help people like you and I have children of our own flesh and blood. You and I know that there's nothing that touches your heart more than the birth of a child. One of these days I'll have to stop and chat with you. I'm sure that you could answer alot of questions about IVF that I'm still trying to figure out. Keep your head up and sorry about the lengthy post!

Tonya said...

Candi,

EXACTLY! Very good lady, very good!

What upsets me is they came to you. They were willing to have you re-live your experience again to share with others only to turn you away at the door when they got the full story. Such a shame! I think had they read your story with their heart and not their teachings, how many more you could have helped. But, alas, we can share Avery with those who discover our blogs and know you are STILL helping parents by sharing. That is the hardest part, letting others in!

Hugs to you honey, keep up the great work!

Emily said...

Candi I totally agree with everything you said in your latest post. We have adopted 3 children through foster care but still made the decision to do IVF because of that same "gut" feeling of needing to do it. If you ever consider foster adoption-even if it's not for a long time- leave a post on your site for me and I'll find a way to get in touch with you!

Emily said...

Candi, I totally agree with everything you've posted about IVF. We adopted 3 kids through foster care and then still chose to do IVF because of that same "gut" feeling of needing to try. If you ever consider foster adoption-even if it's a long time from now- post on here and I'll find a way to talk with you about it.

Jennifer said...

I know that Avery was a blessing in my life and I never even knew her. Now that's a miracle for sure.

The Valiant Family Updates said...

Amen! Thanks for continuing to share your life with us! Hugs~Renay

Angie Luce said...

Candi,

I read your blog back at the beginning of December and was so touche by your story. But then I forgot the website, and only this morning saw a link on the Dungey blog that led me back here. I just got caught up on what happened with the non-denominational website, and it made me so sad. I feel like they have lost a chance at sharing an incredibly beautiful story with other parents who might be truly helped by hearing it, because of a hang up on IVF. I think what you have to hold on to is the fact that God is the creator and giver of life. He gave you Avery, and she was indeed a gift! Keep writing on here and sharing your story b/c I feel confident that God will use you to help encourage others who are going through similar heartaches.

God bless!

Angie

theragan3 said...

I too went thru IVF and got pregnant with my twin boys. Abraham and Moses were born at 28 weeks. Moses was born with Downs Syndrome and had a heart defect. He went home to be with the Lord at 1 mo. old. One of my best friends at work is Catholic and went thru 2 cycles of IVF to become pregnant. It worked and she has a beautiful 5 yr old. She has talked to me about the way the Catholic faith views IVF and she absolutely does NOT share the same ideas - and doesn't understand it.

I fully believe that the Great Physician gives wisdom and medical knowledge to doctors to help HIS children in any way possible - including to have a family.

May God bless you in your attempts to become pregnant again...
Erinn
MD

www.moses-mackay-ragan.memory-of.com

Anonymous said...

I'm Catholic and I don't necessarily think that any kind of fertility treatment is right or wrong. I think it's similar to the churches views on birth control, many catholics completely ignore it.

One thing that the church is very clear on is that a child, any and every child, is a gift from God.

My husband and I have been married 4 years and have been using natural family planning to avoid having babies and we are just now about to start trying. I have no idea if it will be easy or difficult for us but I trust that God with work it out somehow. Personally I'd rather adopt than go through IVF but because I think it would be easier. I also don't like the idea of "un-used" embryos. I guess it's a catholic thing :-)

There are 2 things that I would suggest (they have nothing to do with religion, only science). 1st, if you get the book "Taking charge of your fertility" you can learn to read your body's natural sign and know when you are ovulating and when wouldn't be the best time to have intercourse.
2nd, acupuncture can do amazing things with regards to fertility. If you haven't tried it yet, it's worth looking into.

Good luck, and God bless.
Sheryl

Anonymous said...

I'm Catholic and I don't necessarily think that any kind of fertility treatment is right or wrong. I think it's similar to the churches views on birth control, many catholics completely ignore it.

One thing that the church is very clear on is that a child, any and every child, is a gift from God.

My husband and I have been married 4 years and have been using natural family planning to avoid having babies and we are just now about to start trying. I have no idea if it will be easy or difficult for us but I trust that God with work it out somehow. Personally I'd rather adopt than go through IVF but because I think it would be easier. I also don't like the idea of "un-used" embryos. I guess it's a catholic thing :-)

There are 2 things that I would suggest (they have nothing to do with religion, only science). 1st, if you get the book "Taking charge of your fertility" you can learn to read your body's natural sign and know when you are ovulating and when would be the best time to have intercourse.
2nd, acupuncture can do amazing things with regards to fertility. If you haven't tried it yet, it's worth looking into.

Good luck, and God bless.
Sheryl