Sunday, October 13, 2013

Happy Heavenly Birthday Miss Avery

I cannot believe that six years have passed since I held your fragile little body in my arms and said hello and goodbye all at the same time.  Not a day goes by that I don't think of you and wonder how different our lives would be if we had only been able to keep you here with us.  So much has happened in the last six years and I know you have been here with us through it all.  Some days I just feel so cheated when I think about much we missed out on.  You would have started kindergarten this year.  That is such a big milestone. So when I saw all of my friends posting pictures of their little ones heading off to their first day of school I felt that ache in my heart knowing that I should have been taking you to your first day of school. I should have been taking pictures, and crying like moms do when their babies take the next step in growing up. 
I can imagine throwing you a princess birthday party with all of your friends and your excitement for Halloween this year.  I wonder what you would have wanted to dress up as.  I wonder if you could help me to get Sawyer to agree to dress up as anything!  I bet you would have been the best big sister and the boys would have adored you.
Your brothers do a very good job at keeping me busy so I don't have as much time to be sad as I used to.  Maybe you had a talk with them to make sure they kept my mind off the pain in my chest when I have bad days.  I hope that you are with them and watch over them every day.  I am afraid they need some extra watching over because they seem determined to get hurt every time I turn my back.  Especially little Cooper. 
You must miss them so much.  I can hardly wait for the day when I get to see all three of you together.  What an amazing reunion that will be.  Please continue to watch over them and keep them safe.  Also, never forget how much I love you and how much you are missed.  I will do my best to be a good mom and a good person and not disappoint you. 
Thank you for being my daughter and for changing me in all the ways that you have.  I am so proud to be your mom and will love and miss you every second of every day until we are together again.  Happy Birthday baby girl.  I love you.

Love always,

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