Wednesday, April 2, 2008

You are not alone

What a crazy past couple of weeks it has been. Skeet has been in and out of town and I have stayed pretty busy with work and school. We have been working hard on getting the back yard in (finally) and I will be posting before and after pictures. I have been waiting 3 years to get this yard in and I know Callie will be excited to have grass instead of the dirt that she brings int he house everyday.

I have been thinking a lot about this blog. I do want to continue to write but was contemplating changing the title of the blog or starting a new one. This blog, when I first started it, was intended to keep everyone up to date on Avery's diagnosis and the status of things. So, even though I am no longer keeping you all up to date on her as much, I am going to leave the name and continue blogging here, to honor her. I don't think I am ready to let go yet.

So I hit a big milestone this last week. I held a newborn baby for the first time since I held Avery. I attended a baby shower and that was a big step for me just being there, but then I made myself hold the baby. I did fine, I didn't hold him very long because I didn't know how long I could keep my composure but at least I can say I finally did it. It only took me almost 6 months to get there but I did it. I did end up having to leave the shower really, really early because I was on the verge of an emotional meltdown. I really hope my friend isn't mad that I didn't even stay to eat but I didn't want to take the attention off her or her new baby in any way. I made up an excuse about Skeet wanting me home and jetted out of there pretty fast. At least I left a gift to make up for it right?

Another exciting thing that has happened recently, and I wasn't sure if I was going to post it but I can't keep it in anymore, is that we have a date for our frozen embryo transfer! I am excited and apprehensive at the same time, but I know that we need to try. There is a reason we were blessed with so many surviving embryos and I need to at least try. I think Skeet is more nervous than I am. He wouldn't admit it to anyone but I really think he is scared. I don't know if it is because he thinks we may get a repeat of our last pregnancy or if he is scared that I am going to get fat again but I can tell he is scared.

On a more somber note... I have been contacted lately by three women, I won't say names because I don't know if they want to go public, but they have all suffered and are in need of prayers. One lost her daughter to lethal skeletal dysplasia 15 years ago and is just now finding others to talk to that have been through something similar. One lost her daughter a couple of months ago to another lethal diagnosis and is struggling with her grief. And yet another that has just received the news from her doctors that one of the twin boys she is carrying most likely has a lethal skeletal dysplasia. Cat has posted the latter's story on her blog if you want to get the whole story. I don't know if any of these women read this blog but if they do I want them to know that I believe 100% that their beautiful little babies do have a purpose and they will see them again. My heart breaks for them but to know that 15 years down the road I can and will still love and miss Avery just as much as I do today gives me peace. I want these women to know that they are not alone. Even if sometimes it feels that way (as it has for me at times). Whether it is finding comfort in others who have been there, or asking for comfort from the Lord; you are never alone. I hope that you will find comfort in that. Please pray for them that they will have the comfort that they are in need of. Pray for the mother of the twin boys that things will not be as the doctors are saying they might be. I would not wish the pain of losing a child on anyone but I believe that good can come out of it. It all depends on how we react and how we use the trial in our life.

Prayers also for Tricia, Nate and Gwyneth as they are waiting on word of a possible set of new lungs for Tricia. Pray for the donor family as well.


Amy said...

I do read your blog and I appreciate your call for prayers on my behalf. I am working through this tough time and it has been so comforting having you and others to communicate with. I pray that your appointment goes well and you are soon blessed with Avery's sibling.

How Life Is Measured said...

I think you are so strong which is why I sent Seve your way. I think you are a shining example of how someone has handled greif with stregnth and unfailing faith. Of course you can post my blog on yours. I already have yours up on my site. Do you mind?
Thank you for sharing and for helping Seve.

Angie Luce said...


I'm so glad that you are going to move forward with this step toward the embryo!! How exciting. I will be praying for you and Skeet and asking God to bless you with another baby.

Thank you so much for your continued thoughts and prayers. you have mine as well


Anonymous said...

Candi Thank you for posting about me on your site. I appreciate the e-mails from you and Cat. My Dr. gave me the NOW official name we're all becoming familiar with Thanatophoric(TD). But from Cat's blog I have read about Kim and Preston and her story matches mine to the T. I went through last week with this black cloud over my head. Then I turned back to the internet and started reading and my hope is rekindled.
I'm so excited for you to try for another baby. Good luck and congratulations on taking such a huge step.
Although nothing will take away the sting in your heart of Avery, having a baby to love and have in your arms will be a blessing.

Andrea said...

I found your blog from What is Normal and I've been deeply touched. I am so sorry for your loss and completely in awe of all that you've gained. You are a true testimony of the love that Heavenly Father has for each of us.

I see that your sister is in the Philly area at dental school. My parents ward in Valley Forge has lots of dental students. I hope you get a chance to visit that beautiful area!

Also, can you pass on my thoughts and prayers to Seve and her family. My brother and his wife lost a twin in utero to a cervical teratoma two years ago. The loss has been hard but they have risen above knowing that Ryan is now in safe and loving hands.