Well Skeet and I both survived 6 days of 100mg of clomid. I go in next Tuesday for an ultrasound to see how my follicles are doing. I am trying to stay positive and think good thoughts but I don't want to be disappointed. I have a bad habit of expecting the worst so that maybe I can save myself some of the pain of disappointment. I can't help it. We don't have a good track record and I have been let down way too many times.
It's been a rough week. I have been dealing with the side effects of this evil drug (I won't think it's evil if it gives me a baby though... I promise I will be singing its praises) as well as suffering through Mother's Day. I have gotten good at hiding my feelings at the family gatherings but it is actually pretty painful to even be there on days like Mother's Day and Father's Day. (I know it doesn't affect Skeet like it does me, so I fret about it enough for the both of us.) Also, with Memorial Day coming up, I just find myself thinking about and missing Miss Avery more than usual. It has also been a year since our last FET and I am reliving some anger issues that I was feeling around this time last year. I guess you could say I am in a funk and I don't really know how to get out of it. For a second on Sunday morning (maybe only a half a second) I thought about going to church, thinking if I got back there I might feel not-so hopeless. Then I remembered what day it was and knew that sitting through a Mother's Day service would probably not help my situation.
I hope to be back on Tuesday with some good news!!