Saturday, December 5, 2009

Seriously?

I don't understand it. Why, when it comes to us trying to have a family, does nothing go right?? I have been so very excited about this procedure that I found. I have been feeling hopeful again for the first time in a long time and then today.... it's like someone punched me in the gut and took all the happiness and hope I had built up, away from me.

This morning at my shift at the hospital I saw Dr. S's truck and knew he was probably inside delivering a baby. So I watched for him and when he was leaving I chased him down to try to get an update. From the look on my face he could tell that his nurse hadn't called me yet. He went on to inform me that my insurance is not going to cover the procedure. It is so frustrating. I asked him how much it would cost if we paid for it and he said that it's not his charges I need to worry about, but the hospital and OR charges. Not to mention the anesthesia. He is going to have someone find out the cost, but who am I kidding? We can't afford to pay for a surgery out of pocket.

I had begun to let myself believe that there might be an answer out there for us. That we might actually be able to have a baby of our own but without this surgery, and the money to do IVF again, it just doesn't seem possible. I am so sad today... I feel like after taking two steps forward, I have taken ten steps back. I don't know what to do or how to feel now. I had hoped that Christmas might be bearable this year but it's not looking good. Skeet's grandma passed away yesterday, and even though we know she is much happier now, we are still so sad to not have her with us anymore. At least I know that Avery has her great-grandma with her now and grandma Houston is reunited with her husband.

Is there such thing as a break? Am I ever going to get one? **Sigh**

8 comments:

Liz - Jess said...

I'm so sorry Candice. I wish there was something we could do to help ease your pain. Just know that we are praying for you guys.

Amy Jo said...

I am so sorry Candi. I can't imagine how you feel...I know that there are grants out there to help people with IVF. Have you checked that out? If I find any info, I'll let you know. Keep your chin up my friend. Sending hugs your way.

Elisha Jones said...

I am thinking about you Candi. I am just so sorry. I know you were looking so forward to this. You will be in my prayers.

Lindsay-Weaver said...

I'm so sorry! Insurance sucks...all the ins and outs of it drive me crazy. Mine would pay for drugs for IUI, but not IVF, even though they use the same stuff. Pretty dumb if you ask me. You should ask them an estimated cost, based on a cash discount. Sometimes they're less than 50% of what they'd bill your insurance, which might still be attainable for you. I still think it's cool that you found that article, because it may be able to help a lot of women because of it. Good luck. I'll be praying for you!

Epitome of Sweetness said...

Its time to get the Utah laws changed regarding how many cycles insurance has to pay for. Seriously. Start writing letters and getting the lawmakers the facts and which states do and don't. Its really not that hard to change a law.

Natalie.Rob.Branson said...

Candi...
So sorry to hear your news about the surgery. Life just isn't fair sometimes. We'll continue to pray that you will feel guided and directed as you continue on your journey. Love you.

Jessica said...

*hugs* I am so sorry Candi what I can do for you is pray for you.

Lightning Strikes said...

I agree with Epitome, maybe you should try writing letters to get some changes in effect! I'll keep you in my prayers!