So I thought I would do a little update on my FET progression. I am currently doing a daily injection of Lupron. I will continue the Lupron until about a week before the transfer. The needle for the Lupron injection is tiny and goes into my thigh. If I do it right I can barely feel it at all. (I have plenty of fat padding in that area) Last night I took my last Aygestin pill (like birth control) and will be expecting Aunt Flow within the next couple of days.
On Friday I will send out my blood to Las Vegas and on Saturday I will be having my baseline ultrasound done with Dr. Heath ( Dr. Sanders is off this weekend). Then, on Sunday, I will begin my Estrace (Estrogen pills). I will be taking 2 pills 3 times a day. This will start the series of blood tests and ultrasounds to make sure my Estrogen levels are good and my lining is developing as it should be. I am sure within the next week or two I will start using Estrogen patches, the pills are never enough for me. By the time we did our last FET I was on 4 patches, changing them every 3 days. That was costing me about $80-$90 every 6 days because there are 8 patches in a package. Last time I also developed some awful rashes about 3 weeks into the patches so they put me on a vaginal form of Estrogen, which is much cheaper. I am hoping the rashes show up earlier this time and we can go the cheaper route sooner... I would even be open to Estrogen injections if it meant avoiding the itchiness!!
So that is where we are as far as the FET goes. We are down to 24 days I think and I get more and more nervous everyday. I think that the fact that I have finals next week is just adding to the nerves and anxiety, so hopefully after those are over (and I have aced them of course) I will be able to relax a little bit before the FET.
On a more depressing note... in church yesterday I sat behind a neighbor of mine who has an adorable little girl. I have a hard time even looking at this little girl though, mostly because she was born a few weeks after Avery. I remember coming home one day shortly after losing Avery and seeing the pink balloons all over their house, and thinking how unfair it was that they were able to celebrate the homecoming of their baby girl while I was still trying to deal with the fact that I had just buried mine. Now every time I look at this adorable little girl I can't help but imagine how my daughter would be if she had lived. Because they are so close in age I can picture about how big Avery would be and her skill level as well. I imagine she would have similar big blue eyes like this little girl but instead of the blond hair it would be dark or reddish. It was torture... I couldn't hold back the tears. The lesson wasn't really a sad one so I know I was probably the only one in the group with tears running down my face. Finally I had to get up and run to the restroom to finish my breakdown. Before we had Avery, when I would see cute little kid I would feel jealousy but I would smile, thinking that someday it would be me. Now it just tears me apart. I feel like I am missing out on so much and now I have no idea if I will ever have that. I hate being bitter but I can't help it sometimes...