Sorry

For those of you that visit the blog regularly I have to apologize for the Rascal Flatts song that plays over and over! I thought when I added it it would be a small little icon on the side bar... but NO... it took up a whole post. I know I am a little obsessed but I really wasn't planning on doing a whole post about Rascal Flatts new album. I just hope this one is better than their last. Don't get me wrong... I love most of their stuff but their last wasn't my favorite.

Anyway, on to more important things. A few days after we buried Avery my sister-in-law gave me a locket with Avery's name engraved on the back. I have worn that locket almost every day since it was given to me. Unfortunately, all that wearing is taking it's toll on the beautiful locket and I think I may have to retire it and put it somewhere safe. I love it so much that it really makes me so sad to think that I won't wear it almost everyday anymore. When I don't wear it, I wear a ring and/or necklace that is Avery's birthstone- an opal. (Someday when I remember I will post pictures of all these.) So I was thinking, what am I going to do without the locket? I can't wear the opals every day because they are so soft and I am afraid of breaking them or losing them. Then I came across this website, http://www.beadcreationsinternational.com/ , and I found a bracelet that I can wear everyday to honor my little Avery. It isn't as good as the locket but it will have to do. I have to say it did turn out beautiful though, they sent me a picture of the final project before they mailed it out yesterday. I am excited to get it!!

They have some really great stuff on this website. I wanted to get a necklace too but that will have to wait. The bracelet will do for now.

Some may think it silly that I feel I need to wear a piece of jewelry every day that is connected to Avery. I know she is with me in my heart everyday but I love having something beautiful that people can ask about and I can tell them about my daughter. So what if I am weird!!

Rascal Flatts Countdown

Her name in the sand

I found this website though others who have lost children. I thought it would be really neat to have Avery's name written in the sand in Austrailia. I think it turned out beautiful!!

Some pictures and stuff

Maddie & Kenny snowmobiling (don't worry they weren't really driving)

Jacie tuckered out after snowmobiling

Ayden and Uncle Skeet

Jacie decked out in her snow gear

Callie and her best bud Lexie

Callie after frolicking in the snow!

Christmas Eve- Skeet, Ayden and Jacie

Fixin' to go see Gary Allan! Yay!

Charise and I excited to see Gary

I think I was most excited!

She's such a good dog. She didn't even complain!

As for the other stuff... there's not a whole lot going on right now. School, church and work have been keeping me pretty busy. I had my first Human Physiology test last week and I feel like I did pretty well. I don't think I will find out until tomorrow.

We have been painting my living room and only have the built in entertainment center to go. I am so ready to have it done and to hang pictures and my shelf for Avery's quilt. I will post a picture when it's all done. I have a picture in my mind of what I want it to look like but I am not sure it will look that good. For the last almost 16 months I have been wanting to display the beautiful quilt that Avery's grandma Jeri Lu made in my living room for everyone to see. I want it to be a reminder to everyone that comes into our home that we have a very special daughter that we love and will never forget. My biggest fear has always been that people will forget her. I know I never will but I want others to know that. I want them to know that I have a daughter that I prayed for everyday for 3 years and even though I don't have her now, I survive every day only on the knowledge that she will always be ours.

Every month that passes without the promise of a new life I wonder what the meaning is. I know there must be a reason, but have a hard time believing that I chose all this pain. I know that I don't experience this pain alone. I know that my Savior experience a pain so much worse so that my pain would be lessened. So that I could survive the crushing pain in my heart every time I think of what could have been. I am so grateful to Him for that. I know that His love and sacrifice are the only reasons I am able to get out of bed everyday. What an amazing gift. I hope that you too will be able to be comforted by our Savior's love for us, no matter the trials you are faced with.

New Year

Hi! It's me again. I know my posts have been pretty boring lately and I apologize. So it's 2009 and I don't feel any different. I had hoped that maybe I would feel a weight lifted or something but no... notta! We spent New Years Eve with some close friends playing Wii. It was fun, we had a great time and I can't think of better people to bring in the New Year with! Thanks Matt, Carrie and Kadence for your hospitality and the good food!! And Nate, Lindsey and Morgan.... it's always good to see you and I hope it's not another year before we see you again!

School started again on Monday and I have quite the schedule. I will be taking 5 hours worth of class during the day each week and 3 hours at night. Plus I have a one credit class that I have been trying to complete on my own and it's not going as well as I had hoped. It has been crazy so far and it's only Tuesday! I mailed my application for the Radiology program in last week so hopefully I will find out in the next few weeks if all this work is going to pay off. Not only is school crazy right now but they moved the secretary out of my office at work and now I am all by myself. It has been crazy trying to keep up on everything by myself.

As far as our infertility journey is concerned we are still unsure of things as of right now. I think that I have lost hope and I need to get a better attitude before we really make any big decisions. I am just not sure how much more I can take. I have never wanted anything more in my life but I think I have accepted that it is out of my hands and I have no control over whether or not it is ever going to happen.

On a lighter note, I have a new calling at church and I LOVE IT! I am in Young Women's and I am the Secretary. I am still not entirely sure about what it is all about but I am really liking it so far. I love all the girls and the other leaders are so much fun. I just hope that I don't mess things up. I am not very outgoing so it makes me nervous week after week. Oh well, maybe that is why I was called, so I could get over myself!

Finally, if you are reading this will you say a quick prayer for Skeet and I that the things we are struggling this month will all work out? There is a lot of stuff going on right now and I won't bore you with the details just yet, but we could really use some extra prayers.