This is a very hard topic for me to write on. I am torn on what to tell people when they ask if I have any children. Of course I do, I have a beautiful daughter who is watching over me from heaven. I have gotten the question a lot, "Do you have any kids?". To which my answer usually is "Yes, I have a daughter." Then I get the questions "What is her name?" or "How old is she?". To the latter I have to explain that she passed away at birth and that she would be 7 months. Then, people feel strange and they usually stop with the questions at that point after they say "oh I am so sorry", or one girl- who's little 9 month old baby happened to share Avery's name- didn't say anything at all just stopped talking to me altogether.
I don't mind talking about my daughter. I am extremely proud to be her mom and am willing to talk about her at any time. A couple of times however, to avoid the follow up questions I say "had" instead of "have". It doesn't mean that I used to have a daughter but don't anymore. It simply means that I have a beautiful daughter who is no longer living on this earth. Some days it is just so much easier, we get the "I'm so sorry's" out of the way a couple of questions earlier and the person can go on feeling uncomfortable.
About two weeks after Avery was born I had a woman stop me in an aisle at the grocery store. She said to me "You look like you have children, can you tell me where the glue sticks are?". I was so taken aback. I was trying not to burst into tears and run off. I answered quickly "I don't, but they are right there." Walking away I realized what I had said and felt extremely guilty. To this day when I think about it I still feel guilty. I should have just pointed her to the dang glue sticks and left it at that. Why did I add the extra statement? I think that perhaps I was so unprepared to face that type of question or comment, I hadn't really had time yet to think about what I would say to strangers when the question came up. Or maybe it was a test and I failed horribly. Whatever it was I hope that Avery knows that I love her and that she will be my daughter forever and no one can change that.
I know I have some friends out there in a similar situation as mine, and even to those who aren't, what would/do you say?