Friday, October 19, 2007

Avery's Birth

On Wednesday the 10th I went into pre-term labor and was admitted into Labor and Delivery. After hours of test and contractions Dr. Sanders was able to stop the contractions with some medications. I was sent home Thursday with a prescription for some medication to keep the contractions at bay. That day I got very sick from the meds they had given me and went into severe dehydration and was admitted back into the hospital late Thursday night. I was released Friday morning only to return Friday evening because I was leaking fluid. Just after testing me and telling me that I was not leaking amniotic fluid, I stood up to use the restroom and my water broke. My little girl was coming 8 weeks early. Skeet's family and my family were called and everyone hung out at the hospital all night long. No one wanted to miss the chance to meet her. Avery was born at 3:17 am on Saturday October 13th surrounded by our family. We did monitor her heart throughout labor but had a difficult time keeping her on the monitor... she was so small she was able to move away from it. About an hour before she was born the nurses were unable to find her on the monitor but hoped that she was just being evasive again.
We began pushing with the hopes that we would hear our daughter's cry. When she finally came I knew that she was already home. It was so hard to breathe knowing that I would never see her look at me, never hear her cry or even see her take a breath. But it was such a peaceful feeling knowing that she would never suffer. She was born breech which was extremely difficult on her little body which was extremely swollen because of fluid build up in her abdomen and around her brain.
We were all able to hold this sweet little girl. Everyone had a chance to hold her and Dr. Sanders stayed to take pictures of her. After a while everyone left Skeet and I alone with her to say our goodbyes. We knew this would be the last time we would see her on this earth and I wanted to cherish every second I had with her even though I knew it was just her body. She was with her Heavenly Father and she was finally safe and happy. I know that we will be with her again someday and I get great comfort knowing that she is always watching over us. I held onto her until I started feeling weak and sick and I knew it was time to let go. That was probably the hardest moment in my life. Skeet took her from me and walked her down to the nursery so that she could be weighed and measured. She was extremely tiny at only 2 pounds 9 ounces and 13 inches long.
Skeet and I made burial arrangements with the help of my mom and sister. As difficult as it was we laid her to rest on October 17th. It was a beautiful, private ceremony that honored my daughter like I had hoped it would. We were surrounded by our families and closest friends and even those that had not met her were blessed by this sweet spirit. I miss her every second of every day and I feel so extremely empty without her. I have a hard time because for so long my only purpose on this earth was to carry this child, to keep her safe and healthy and now I don't know what I am even here for. I know I just need to take it a day at a will get better. My arms ache for her but I know I will hold her again some day.
Thank you all who have been such a great support to me. Thank you for your prayers and your love. I know this time would have been so much more difficult without you. I am waiting for a disc of pictures from Dr. Sanders and will post some when I have them. I feel so blessed to have had you all with me through this difficult journey.


Anonymous said...

Avery was a precious gift and she touched so many lives. I think about you often and will continue to keep you all in my prayers.


Anonymous said...

To say you are in my prayers just does not seen to be enough but I know God knows your pain better than anyone. Lean on him and trust him and He will give you the strength you need. Please know that you are in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

Hugs, prayers and hope for healing.


Anonymous said...

I am so glad you had a chance to hold her and that you have some pictures of your daughter.

You are a strong woman and such a wonderful mother.

Anonymous said...

You don't know me but I am thinking of you and your husband in this difficult time.

I found your blog through Babycenter. We are facing a tough road the rest of our pregnancy with a diagnosis of Congenital Diaphramatic Hernia. I know the emotions of hope and fear you experience and your strength gives me strength.

Good luck to you in the future.
Amy -

Krysta said...

Miss Candi
Ive been waiting for the right words to come to me but I just dont have them. I think of you often and pray for little Avery nightly. You have the most precious angel watching over you now. Shoot me an email when you are up to it.
All my love - Krysta (bbc)

tonya said...

I am sorry for you have had to experience this. Avery has two very caring parents waiting to meet her again. She is loved and she knows it!!


How Life is Measured said...

I'm so sorry. So many people were rooting for Avery. I'm sure God will take almost as good care of her as you would have. We are still here for support if you need it.

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you. Please let us know how you are.



Kate said...

Hi Candice,

It has been years since i have seen you and found your blog on our classmates site. I wanted to send my love to you, the experience that your husband and you went through and still go through is only one to make you stronger in all areas. She is a precious baby, and over a year later to a stranger she has touched my life by reading about her.

Erica said...

I found your blog tonight. I am so sorry for your loss. My heart aches with yours as I know the pain of losing a child. Our little girl is up in heaven with yours.