Monday, August 16, 2010

Taking a break

I don't know if anyone visits this blog anymore.  I know I haven't posted anything worth reading in a while.  Actually, I haven't posted ANYTHING for a while.  I am going to take this opportunity to make my excuses!!  School kept me incredibly busy this summer but I am proud to announce that I got through it okay and ended up with two "A"s and an "A-".  I had hoped to be able to take Fall Semester off and just focus on something else but no such luck.  I have to take a Communications class, which won't be too bad, but the thought of doing more homework makes me want to scream! 

Another reason I have been neglecting my blog is mainly because I have been trying to avoid blogs in general.  A lot of what I was reading everyday was really depressing me.  No offense to any of you.  I normally love reading your blogs but I have been in a funk lately and reading about everyone else's happy news just made me sad.  I know, I am pathetic.  I think I need to start back on my anti-depressants, actually I KNOW I need to start on them again.  I just hate the idea of relying on drugs to feel like a normal person.  It's something I need to just get over, but I really hate dealing with the side effects, and honestly I think Skeet does too! 

You can probably guess that nothing has been happening on the baby front.  I thought, for a minute there, that I might be ready to start looking into adoption.  It is something I have always wanted to do but never realized how much work it is.  I began doing Internet searches for ideas for profiles and what not and every time I began reading into it I would have an anxiety attack.  I don't think the idea of adopting is the problem, I think the process is what freaks me out.  It might have something to do with the fact that I have a fear of being judged.  I have a hard time thinking of reasons why Skeet and I would deserve a baby more than someone else.  How do you put yourself out there so completely to strangers when there is something as precious as a baby involved.  Then there is the fear that we would finally be chosen by a birth mother only to have her change her mind at the last minute, or even months after having the baby in our home.  I think I have a lot of fears to work through before I will be able to begin the process, but I have no idea where to start! 

Because of all this, I have decided to take a little break.  From blogging and from Facebook.  If something blog-worthy happens I may jump on to share but I think I need to try to work through my issues without finding out that every person I know is pregnant or has adopted.  It is not that I am not happy for each of you.  I really am and wish you all the happiness in the world.  I am just ready to be happy for me too.  Maybe it's selfish but it is something I need right now.  Thank you all for your friendship and support!  I hope that you will forgive me if I have offended!  I love you!!


KC said...

Do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself. I am so pathetic that I stop following people when I find out they are pregnant. I just can't handle hearing about their happiness and wondering if it will ever happen to me.
Take care!

Leslie said...

I love you!

The Schexnayders said...

I totally understand and I dont blame you for wanting to hang low for a while. Just make sure you call your sister once in awhile, ok?

Jenell said...

I'm still following your blog! :) I check in regularly to see how you are doing. I will keep you in my prayers Candi, and I truly hope you get your rainbow.

Lora said...

I still check in on you. I wish you all the best!

Erica said...

I check in too...;)