I don't know if anyone visits this blog anymore. I know I haven't posted anything worth reading in a while. Actually, I haven't posted ANYTHING for a while. I am going to take this opportunity to make my excuses!! School kept me incredibly busy this summer but I am proud to announce that I got through it okay and ended up with two "A"s and an "A-". I had hoped to be able to take Fall Semester off and just focus on something else but no such luck. I have to take a Communications class, which won't be too bad, but the thought of doing more homework makes me want to scream!
Another reason I have been neglecting my blog is mainly because I have been trying to avoid blogs in general. A lot of what I was reading everyday was really depressing me. No offense to any of you. I normally love reading your blogs but I have been in a funk lately and reading about everyone else's happy news just made me sad. I know, I am pathetic. I think I need to start back on my anti-depressants, actually I KNOW I need to start on them again. I just hate the idea of relying on drugs to feel like a normal person. It's something I need to just get over, but I really hate dealing with the side effects, and honestly I think Skeet does too!
You can probably guess that nothing has been happening on the baby front. I thought, for a minute there, that I might be ready to start looking into adoption. It is something I have always wanted to do but never realized how much work it is. I began doing Internet searches for ideas for profiles and what not and every time I began reading into it I would have an anxiety attack. I don't think the idea of adopting is the problem, I think the process is what freaks me out. It might have something to do with the fact that I have a fear of being judged. I have a hard time thinking of reasons why Skeet and I would deserve a baby more than someone else. How do you put yourself out there so completely to strangers when there is something as precious as a baby involved. Then there is the fear that we would finally be chosen by a birth mother only to have her change her mind at the last minute, or even months after having the baby in our home. I think I have a lot of fears to work through before I will be able to begin the process, but I have no idea where to start!
Because of all this, I have decided to take a little break. From blogging and from Facebook. If something blog-worthy happens I may jump on to share but I think I need to try to work through my issues without finding out that every person I know is pregnant or has adopted. It is not that I am not happy for each of you. I really am and wish you all the happiness in the world. I am just ready to be happy for me too. Maybe it's selfish but it is something I need right now. Thank you all for your friendship and support! I hope that you will forgive me if I have offended! I love you!!
