Where Did Summer Go?

I know it's been a while since I have update, AGAIN!  I have a hard enough time keeping up with all the blogs I read, let alone writing a couple of new posts  myself.  Things have been crazy with school.  I feel like all I do anymore is homework. It gets pretty frustrating sometimes, knowing that I could be out in the yard pulling weeds, or spending some much needed time on the mountain.  (Callie & I both need the exercise).  I can't believe that in a few short weeks, Fall semester will be starting and work will get crazy busy again. 

So as far as updates go, there's not much to tell.  I did run a 5K (my first race ever!) with my beautiful and inspiring friend Carrie.  We did really good considering that it was our first race and we were both frozen (Carrie more so than I) by the time the race started.  We finished the race in 27.41 minutes.  I am so proud of us.  She keeps saying that next year we will do the 10K but I haven't ran since the race so I'm not sure I will be up for a 10K by then.  No really, I do hope that in a years time I will have improved enough to do a 10K. 

In other news, I did end up ovulating this cycle.  I thought I had ovulated around CD16 but my temps told me otherwise.  Then around CD29 I had a huge spike in temperature and it has stayed up since.  Unfortunately it looks as though AF is on her way.  I wasn't really expecting much from this cycle, really I wasn't.  However, it has been really hard on me.  I don't know why.  I keep thinking about how great it would be if Skeet and I were to have a baby.  I keep wondering what our next baby would look like and what kind of a personality it would have.  I wonder what we would name him/her and how our families would react.  All of these thought are torture, complete torture.  But I can't help it.  These thoughts come out of nowhere and consume me.  I still miss Avery every day and wonder what our lives would be like now, if she were still with us.  The problem is, I don't want to think about these things.  I want to be able to just move on.  To say that it just must not be in the cards for us and to go forward.  I want to be okay with it, but the more I try, the less likely it seems that it will ever happen.  I don't think the Human Development class I am taking is helping either.  I will read about issues that people deal with at every stage of life and it just reminds me of what we are missing out on.  Yea it might suck to have a rebellious teenager or a child with a learning disability, but I feel cheated cause I may never get the chance to find out.  I know that probably sounds messed up... I am kind of messed up these days. 

Oh and one more thing, I had decided to go to the cemetery to visit Miss Avery the other day and I walk up to find her headstone twisted at an angle that it was not supposed to be in.  It looked like someone had hit it with a lawnmower or something.  The cement that was holding it to its base was broken all around it.  Without thinking, I grabbed it and twisted it back, said goodbye to her and stalked off very angrily.  As I was driving home I kicked myself for not getting a picture before I moved it back, or even just leaving it be for evidence.  I have a call in to the cemetery but they haven't called me back.  I really hope they offer to fix it because if they don't, they will be getting a very nasty, very mean phone call or visit from Skeet.  He can be scary when he wants to be.  I wouldn't want to be at the other end of that.  I think he should do a personal visit... he's much more intimidating that way.  Either way, I hope we can get it fixed soon... it makes me sad to think that it's not perfect for her.

Not Much

I know I haven't posted in a while, not much has been going on with us.  Skeet spent 2 weeks in St. George to finish off his Master's class he started last fall.  I have been busy with school, work and volunteering in the Radiology Dept. at the hospital.  I am sure most everyone has figured out by now that our last cycle didn't result in a pregnancy.  I was going to take a nice long break from TTC because of Skeet's unpredictable work schedule during fire season, but I did know where he was going to be around ovulation in June so I decided to go for it again.  I didn't do acupuncture this time though and I am wondering if that made a difference because I am 98% sure that I didn't ovulate this cycle.  I did get positive OPKs and felt all the right twinges around the time that ovulation was supposed to happen, but my temps didn't go up so I don't think ovulation actually happened.  I am now waiting for Aunt Flow to show but if I didn't ovulate, she isn't likely to show.  I will not be doing clomid for a couple of months and that is only if I do decide to go that route again.  I need to meet with Dr. S again and find out what he thinks I should do.  I just wish that someone could tell me one way or the other, yes it is possible that you can get pregnant this way or no, it will definitely not work.  It would be so much easier if I just knew. 
So anyway, other than that we are just praying for some fires (not anything big, just enough to get some overtime and hazard pay) and I keep hoping the summer will slow down a bit so I can enjoy it.  That's not likely to happen though.