Waiting sucks!

So I don't know how much of this I have posted, if any. And because I am too lazy to go back and check, I might be repeating myself a little bit! A couple of months ago I found an article on a website for women with PCOS. It was about a procedure that is not very well known but is done on women with PCOS who are thin and don't respond to other treatments for PCOS. The article intrigued me and so I printed it off and gave it to Dr. S to find out what he thought about it. I just wrote up a little note asking him to look it over and maybe let me know what he thought, then I left the note and the article with the receptionist at his office. I didn't hear from him for a couple of weeks so I called in to see if he had had a chance to look it over. Come to find out not only had he looked it over, he had been researching the procedure and having people check to see if my insurance would cover it. He had also contacted the OR at the hospital and found out that they have the machine necessary they just needed to order the needle required for the surgery.

Let me back up and tell you a little bit about this procedure. In women with PCOS they generally have high or abnormal levels of androgens or male hormones like testosterone. This is a main cause of PCOS. These hormones are produced by the stromal part of the ovary in women (the stromal area is located in the center of the ovary) while the egg follicles themselves produce the estrogen and progesterone in women. The procedure/surgery that I found online is called Ovarian Diathermy. It's main goal is to destroy parts or all of the stromal area but to try to preserve as much of the ovarian tissue (or follicles) as possible. There is a similar procedure called Ovarian Drilling that is done but it is known to destroy follicles and create scar tissue on the ovary. Diathermy uses a cauterizing needle that can be inserted into the ovary from different points to cauterize and destroy the stromal tissue. In studies done, women were found to begin to have regular cycles and ovulate on their own within a few months after having this surgery. Their follicle count also went down and the few that had to go on to do IVF because of tubal or male factor reasons, had better egg quality. So you can see why I was intrigued by this procedure.

So anyway, I have been waiting to hear back from Dr. S on where we are with being able to do this procedure. Last I heard, about a month ago, was that he was waiting to hear what size of needle he needed. I called last week for an update and heard back this morning that they just received the needed equipment this morning and will be scheduling someone to come out and get everything set up and ready for surgery. I am hoping that because this was my idea, Dr. S will let me be the first to have the procedure done. I have heard from so many different people that he is already suggesting the procedure to a number of his infertility patients. It is so crazy to me that from some random article I found, many people in our area might benefit. I just hope that it works, for me and for everyone else! It is looking like everything might be ready to go the first of the year. I was hoping to get it done in December while I have a break from school and work is a little bit slower but they told me that it might take up to 3 weeks to get everything ready to go. So I will try to be patient and just hope that my insurance will cover it so that we don't have to try to come up with the extra dough in the next few months.

I can't tell you how excited I am. I am not thinking that this will be a miracle cure and I will get pregnant on my own because of it. But I am very hopeful that my egg quality will improve and when we get to do the IVF again we will have some good quality eggs to work with and less chance of another miscarriage.

So that is my update. I hope everyone has a very Happy Thanksgiving and gets to eat all the good food you want, spend time with your loved ones and remember the things in your lives that you are thankful for.

Why?

I guess I have been slacking a little bit lately and I apologize. I have been sick and really not sure what it is that I am fighting. I will start feeling better one day and then the next day feel even worse than before. I am finally going to see a doctor today about it but I'm afraid he's not going to be able to help me. Right now I would be happy with even just a Z-pac to get my head back on straight.

Lately I have been thinking back over the last couple of years. My family has had some tough times. Maybe other families have experience more tragedy over the course of two years but this is the most mine has ever experienced in this short of time... if ever (knock on wood). I want to say that it started with us losing Avery, but I can't really think back much further than that because right now it still seems that losing Avery defines me... I am working on that though. Almost a year after Avery, we lost my beautiful aunt in a tragic plane crash that claimed 10 lives from our small town. To this day I still miss her and her infectious smile. She was so beautiful, inside and out.

Just short of a year after that, my cousin, Jared, took his own life. I never knew Jared very well and I regret that. I need to make a point of getting to know my relatives. It just seems that when you only see each other once or twice a year it's hard to have a relationship. I guess that's something I really need to work on. From stories that I have heard about Jared, I really think he and I would have gotten along well. I believe he was only a year younger than me and was a really fun guy. He loved sports, music and his family and apparently he was a jokester! It makes you wonder what pain he was hiding that would eventually make him want to end it all. It is just so sad. To see his family suffer the pain of his loss tears my heart out. I can only imagine how much they must miss him.

My favorite band has a song on their latest album that makes me think of Jared everytime I hear it. The words describe the questions that families must be asking. I just wanted to share...

WHY

You must have been in a place so dark

You couldn't feel the light

Reaching for you through that stormy cloud

Now here we are gathered in our little home town

This can't be the way you meant to draw a crowd

Oh why, that's what I keep asking

Was there anything i could have said or done

Oh I had no clue you were masking a troubled soul

God only knows what went wrong

and why you'd leave the stage in the middle of a song

Now in my mind i'll keep you frozen as a 17 year old

Rounding third to score the winning run

You always played with passion no matter what the game

When you took the stage you shined just like the sun

Oh why that's what I keep asking

Was there anything I could have said or done

Oh I had no clue you were masking a troubled soul

Oh God only knows what went wrong

and why you would leave the stage in the middle of a song

Now the oak trees a swaying in the early autumn breeze

The golden sun is shining on my face

Tangled thoughts i hear the mocking bird sing

this old world really ain't that bad a place

Oh I there's no comprehending and who am i to try judge or explain

But I do have one burning question

Who told you life wasn't worth the fight

They were wrong They lied Now your gone and we cry

Its just not like you to walk away in the middle of a song

Your beautiful song Your absolutely beautiful song

When I have the energy, I will post the latest of our infertility struggles. A lot of things are still up in the air and I am trying to be patient while I wait for some more answers.

The Story Behind the Story

So I finished posting the last of "Happily After Avery" as some of you might have noticed. Sorry that it took me so long to get it up but I am so happy to have been able to share it. Myndee, my absolutely fabulous friend that wrote it, is one of the most creative, kind and talented people I know. I feel so unworthy of that kind of friendship. Especially because I don't have the talent or imagination to return the favor.

When I first opened the package that this story came in I was surprised to see a beautiful necklace. It was silver with three rings. One ring was inscribed with "Faith", another with"Hope" and the last was made of diamond looking stones. The necklace itself took my breath away but as I read the story and learned the connection between the two it made it even more special to me. I put that necklace on and didn't take it off (only to shower) until the day before we laid Avery to rest and I asked that they place the necklace in her hand to be buried with.

A little more background on the story. At the end when it talks about Avery holding on to pieces of Hope and Faith's wings, in all of her ultrasounds up to that point they had noticed that Avery's hands were always in fists. They could never count her fingers because she never opened her hands. Unfortunately this was one of the signs that her condition was lethal. However, when I read that part of the story I was so touched. Throughout the entire pregnancy we never once did we see her hands unclenched and then when she was born they were still that way. I think that is my favorite part of the story.

Back to Myndee. One of the most amazing people on this earth. She is always thinking of others and sharing her amazing talents to make others smile. She has done so countless times with me and I appreciate her so much. Right now she is in the middle of something great!! Last month she began a Thinking of You 2009 campaign. The description on Facebook reads "We're doing some emotional fundraising. How many people can we impact? All you have to do is send out thinking of you cards and tell the people you love just what you think of them. Then post how many cards or donations you've made to the campaign." They are keeping track of how many cards and notes go out on Facebook. If you are interested and have a Facebook account just let me know and I will point you toward the site. I am sure you can also do a search for the group. I think this is a great idea. Especially this time of year. Even if you aren't on Facebook, you can send a note or a card to those that you love, telling them how much they mean to you and ask them to do the same for those they love. It is kind of a "Pay It Forward" situation but costs almost nothing. I hope that you will participate. I will be sending out my cards and letters this week. I am going to try to do as many as I can.