Time

Last week I got an amazing gift.  It came under not so great circumstances but it was amazing all the same.  My poor little boy tested positive for RSV.  It wasn't a severe case of it, he just had a very snotty, runny nose and a really bad cough.  However, because RSV is VERY contagious and can be very dangerous for little babies, we had to keep him home from daycare.  I took 3 days off and Skeet took 2 so that we could keep him home all week until the RSV cleared up.  This is where the gift comes in, we got the gift of time.  Time with our little man that we normally wouldn't have had.  I think I treasured this gift especially because unlike Skeet, I have been working full-time since I went back to work (Skeet was off for 2 month so he spent a lot more time with Sawyer than I did).  Don't get me wrong, I would never, ever wish for Sawyer to be sick.  I hate seeing him sick and miserable with nothing I can do to help him.  But I know that his sickness could have been a lot worse, and he was in pretty good spirits most of the time.  So I was given an extra 3 days to hang out with my little boy.  I was able to watch him grow and learn and it was the BEST. WEEK. EVER!  He is at such a fun age.  He is learning so much and is so very smart.  His daddy and I are so proud of him and we both get so excited when he does something new. 

This last week I saw my little boy:
Get 2 new top teeth - that caused more pain and grief than the RSV did.
Learn to wave Bye-Bye and Hello and use it in the right context.
Pull himself up on furniture and walk along it.
Crawl forward on his hands and knees (he still only does this if he's not really thinking about it.  As soon as he realizes what he's doing he starts going backwards again).
Give himself kisses in the mirror.
Give mommy hugs and kisses when she asks for them.
Point to mommy's nose and eyes.
Clapping his hands by himself ( he still only does it some of the time but he's getting better)
Master the use of his walker.  He can really cruise in that thing.  This includes backing up and 3-point turns.  He will stay in that thing for hours doing laps of the kitchen and living room.  He especially loves it when we let Callie in and he can chase her down.  She hates the walker but Sawyer LOVES it!!

I love to see the look of pride on Sawyer's face when he does something new.  I walked in to his room one day to find him standing up in his crib.  Of course my first reaction was to cry because we had gone so long on the top setting of the crib with nothing to worry about, but now my little boy was big enough to pull himself up and the grin on his face showed just how proud he was of that accomplishment.  Of course I had daddy lower the mattress as soon as he got home that night so that we wouldn't have any problems with a little boy falling out on his head. When he first started really waving Bye-Bye he looked up at me with a "look Mommy I did it" look that just brought me to tears.  I know that had he been at daycare I would have eventually seen him do these things and it would have been wonderful but because I was home with him, I feel like I had a part in teaching him these new tricks and that I was the one to see them for the first time. 

This last week I was also able to get Sawyer to take formula from a bottle for his daytime feedings instead of nursing.  I would have loved to nurse him but it seems that my milk has decided to dry up.  I am still trying to nurse him at night and in the mornings but when I was pumping I was only getting an ounce or two and I knew that it wasn't enough for him.  So he is officially on formula during the day and as much as I miss the bonding, I am surprisingly okay with it.  It took a while for him to want to take a bottle of that stinky stuff from me.  He'd take it from Daddy much easier but I think once he realized that I would still hold and cuddle him while he ate, he was able to accept that it was just the way it is going to be.  He still fights me on it once and a while but the fights don't last too long and he usually gives in.  One thing I won't miss is pumping at work.  I am sure my bosses won't miss that either.  It took a huge chunk out of my day. 

With all the extra time we had, I was also able to get Sawyer to try some new foods and we have a new favorite, blueberry muffins.  I know, not the healthiest thing for him to eat but we don't make them very often and it was so fun to see him so excited to eat.  He did get a lot of fruit popsicles too because of his sore gums.  He's had real bananas, cheerios, peaches, cottage cheese, broccoli and carrots.  He will try anything we give him at least once.
 He is such a good boy!  I just feel so dang lucky to be his mom.  I don't think I deserve this joy and happiness that he brings me but I will take it and I will be grateful every day for him.  I wish I had more time with him.  Taking him back to daycare was so hard.  I wish so badly that there was something I could do right now so that I could spend more time with him but it's just not possible.  I can guarantee though, that I will be looking at every option and keeping an open mind and if something happens to come up that will give me even a few more hours a day with him, I will make whatever sacrifice it takes to do it.  It is so worth it.  I never thought I would envy moms that stay at home but I do, so so much.  I hope someday I will at least be at home part time. So I can be a  bigger part of my child's life!