Pregnancy

This pregnancy is going by so fast and is so different than my other two. I think the morning sickness has been much worse.  It also hasn't helped that I have had a "cold" for over a month now.  It started with a sore throat for about 2 weeks, then Sawyer got RSV and mine turned into a cough and stuffy nose, then just when I thought it was finally getting better... I got a terrible sinus infection.  Now, I am on a 14 day run of antibiotics to try to clear that up so that I can go back to just having morning sickness.  I have been on progesterone because my body can't produce enough of it on it's own to sustain a pregnancy.  The progesterone pills I have to take are HUGE and are capsule type pills that I can't seem to swallow.  They get stuck in my throat or I gag on them and most of you moms out there know that when you gag during the first trimester, you will most likely throw-up.  So needless to say, I hate these pills but I take them as best as I can because I know the baby needs them.  I am also taking a prenatal vitamin that is actually a 2 pill pack.  They are also very large pills and I feel them go all the way down my throat when I take them.  I get those down too because I know both the baby and Sawyer need them and I probably do too.  So when I went in to Dr. S and told him to give me something for the sinus infection NOW, I did mention that I didn't want to take anymore pills and that if he could give me a shot I would love that.  Well Dr. S has a great sense of humor.  I went to pick up my prescription, got it home and read the instructions.  "Take one capsule four times a day for fourteen days".  Yeah, huge capsules that I have to try to get down 4 times a day for 2 whole weeks! To add to the impossibility of this task, these capsules smell absolutely nasty and taste just as bad.  Not nice to do to a pregnant woman... not nice.  Occasionally I forget to take a pill or the nasty little thing just won't stay down so I miss a pill that day.  NOT GOOD!  If I miss just one pill, the sinus headache comes back in full force, to the point where I can barely move without some extreme pain shooting throughout my entire head, including my teeth and ears.  What does this very, very long description of my pill drama have to do with this pregnancy post.  Oh probably nothing but the fact that it's made dealing with the nausea of morning sickness that much worse! 

During my pregnancy with Sawyer I was so in heaven and so grateful to be pregnant that when I did have morning sickness I tried really hard not to complain because I knew how lucky I was to be having that experience.  This time around I feel a little guilty because I complain, a lot.  Don't get me wrong. I am so, so grateful.  I honestly never thought we would get pregnant so easily or so soon.  I know just how lucky I am and I don't want to be whiny or sound ungrateful but this time around I have a lot on my plate with work and school.  Oh and of course an adorable 10 month old who has completely stolen my heart.  I think I am most upset because the sickness and fatigue keep me from playing with him the way that I normally would.  I find myself wishing it were nap time so that I could lie down for a few minutes and I really hate that.  I used to wish he'd wake up so I could see his cute smile and try to make him laugh again.  I don't want Sawyer to have to suffer because I am pregnant.  Does that sound awful? I hope not.  I want to get as much Sawyer time in as I can while it is just him because I know that once the new baby comes things will be so different.  Fun and exciting, but different.  What ALL that was really supossed to say is that I am excited for the first trimester to be over because I am ready to have some energy and not feel like I need to throw-up every 5 minutes. 

It's so weird to me that this pregnancy wasn't planned.  At all.  I never, ever thought I'd say that!  With Avery, my pregnancy was planned right down to the second she was transferred into my uterus.  $25,000 worth of planning.  With Sawyer, the pregnancy was a surprise, only because we weren't planning on "trying" that month but we'd been trying for almost 4 years for him so he was definitely planned.  This time it came out of no where.  No we were not preventing but I was still nursing and we were trying to be "careful".  Skeet had given me a timeline, telling me that we would not be trying for a baby after he was 40 which in reality is only 3 years away.  That had me in a panic so my thought was to start trying as soon as Sawyer was a year old.  We are only 4 months ahead of schedule.  That's not too bad right?  I am starting to really get excited.  Wondering if it's a boy or a girl.  Thinking about all the fun we will have as a family of 4 (missing Avery every second of course).  Still, I can't help but worry about this baby's health.  I know it's a very slim chance that this baby will have OI type II like his/her sister but I can't help but worry.  I don't have a lot of time to sit and think about it but when I do, well let's just say that it doesn't help my already nauseated stomach.  I have 5 more weeks before I go back to Dr. S for another check -up and I really hope that at that point we might be able to get a little piece of mind.  As those who have had losses will tell you, it's really impossible to make plans because you always have that fear in the back of your mind, eating at you and making you question everything.  But I know that all I can do it pray, and be grateful that the Lord has blessed me once again, even if it is much easier said than done.