Hollywood here I come!

I am officially a TV star! Well not really but I did make it on to CMT this weekend. The footage they shot at the concert was actually just for an advertisement for a contest that Rascal Flatts is doing with their new video. My mom got a call from the girl that does our nails (thanks Jamie!) saying that she just saw us on a preview for CMT Insider. So I set my DVR to record Sunday morning and while I was getting ready for church Skeet yells "you're on TV!!" I looked like a complete idiot who was having way too much fun and my mom looked like she was doing her best to stay out of the shot, but at least we didn't look like the drunk girls that they showed right after us! You could tell that they were completely wasted!
So yes, now you are reading the blog of a real celebrity! I will be signing autographs... just send me your request and I will get it in the mail! Just kidding... I really hope that none of you see it. I doubt they will air it that much, thank goodness, because I really am so embarrassed. Especially because the first thing, and only thing, you notice is my ginormous nose!

Okay, enough of that- moving on, I got through Avery's 5 month birthday without much incident. It was hard and I cried but I dealt with it okay. It seems that the pain doesn't really go away but it just gets easier to bear. Skeet and I stopped by the cemetery on Saturday to put out the solar lights that we received from some family friends after Avery's passing. It will be one of few in her area that have lights at night. I think it was the first time Skeet has seen her headstone and he seemed really impressed with how it turned out. I have been thinking a lot about her lately, if you haven't noticed. We still have not heard a final diagnosis yet even though I have been calling once a week to try to get a hold of them. I am torn about whether or not we should even start trying for another baby until we find out. I think that both of my sister's in law are a little scared to start trying too. We all try to remember that feeling of peace we felt when Avery was born. Sloane told me after Avery was born that she felt that everything was going to be okay. I felt it too but now I can't help but be a little apprehensive about it all. Yesterday, I returned home after receiving my patriarchal blessing, my face was tear stained and I felt exhausted- but more than that, I was full of the spirit. It was an amazing experience that I hope I can remember for the rest of my life. The more I thought about all that had been said the more I focused on my future children. I tried to imagine what it would be like to hold a healthy baby in my arms, knowing that I was responsible for it's life. The thought was completely overwhelming to me. I pictured myself holding this child and crying because I still missed my angel in heaven. Or maybe the tears were tears of relief, I am not sure but that picture in my mind filled me with a feeling that can only be described as bittersweet.

I had better end this now before I get too emotional- I don't want to be sitting at my desk at work crying my eyes out. I know I have been on a lyric kick lately and you are probably all sick of it -but one song has been stuck in my mind the past few days. This song was one that, when I was pregnant, brought be to tears every time I heard it. It reminded me to cherish the time I had with my Avery because it was time I would not get back. It also helped me to remember that there are things in life that may seem huge at the time but those things usually end up being small and unimportant compared to family, friends and love. It is a song by Carrie Underwood. I promise this is my last lyric sharing post!

So Small

What you got if you ain't got love,
The kind that you just want to give away
It's okay to open up
Go ahead and let the light shine through

I know it's hard on a rainy day
You want to shut the world out
And just be left alone
But don't run out on your faith

'Cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
And what you've been out there searching for forever
Is in your hands

And when you figure out
Love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
Seem so small

It's so easy to get lost inside
A problem that seems so big at the time
It's like a river that's so wide
It swallows you hole

While your sitting around thinking 'bout what you can't change
And worrying about all the wrong things
Time's flying by, moving so fast
You better make it count cause you can't get it back

Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
And what you've been out there searching for forever
Is in your hands

And when you figure out
Love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
Seem so small