3 Weeks and Some Thoughts on Motherhood

I know I keep saying it but time just keeps flying by!  My little man is already 3 weeks old!!  He grows and changes so much every day.  I still cannot get enough of him.  I keep thinking that if I blink I might miss something cute he does or he might grow 3 inches in an instant.  It sort of reminds me of that Aerosmith song from the Armageddon movie... you know which one I am talking about I think it's called "I Don't Want to Miss A Thing" or something like that. 

I am loving motherhood.  More than I ever thought I would.  I finally feel like I am serving my purpose in life.  Like I was put here to be a mom and I am finally getting to do just that!!  It is such an amazing feeling!!  A few months ago, when I was still pregnant, I was watching some home movies that my dad had given me for Christmas.  In one of them he was interviewing all his kids, asking them how old they were, what grade they were in, if they liked school, what they wanted to be when they grew up, etc.  I was 5 at the time and when my dad asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I told him "a mom".  He asked if there was anything else.  After some shrugging and a minute or two to think about it I added, "and rich".  Even at the age of 5 I knew that I was meant to be a mom.  When I watched that video I cried.  At 5 I was so innocent.  I had no idea that becoming a mom would be one of the things I would have to work hardest to achieve in my life.  I am glad that I had my priorities straight too and that being rich came second.  I am not rich, in the $$ sense, by any means but when I think of my sweet children and amazingly supportive and loving husband, I feel like the richest girl ever!  I know it sounds totally cheesy but it's true! 

I have to admit, I haven't been getting much sleep.  Sawyer is only partly to blame for this.  You see, I was so stressed out when I was pregnant with him, that something would go wrong.  I just wanted him here so that I could just look at him and know he is okay.  Well now I can do just that.  Although I seem to think that looking at him, and making sure he is okay is much more important than sleep.  If anything ever happened to him I just don't know what I would do.  I don't know what is going to happen to Sawyer does still like to wake up every couple of hours to eat and only sometimes does he like to go right back to sleep.  Like last night for instance,  he woke up every 2 hours and then wanted to be held while he looked around for another 30 minutes at least, before he would go back to sleep.  Am I upset about the lost sleep?  If you would have asked me a month ago I would have probably been upset if someone kept me up all night long.  I love, or loved, my sleep.  If you know me, you know just how true that is.  However, now, when I look down at the warm little body in my arms and see his big bright eyes staring up at me, well let's just say I would stay up all night, every night for that moment.  He gives his best cuddles in the middle of the night and I could swear his little head smells sweeter.  I could stare at his sweet little face and kiss his head all night long.  This might change, as I get more sleep deprived.  But for now, I am just going to enjoy it. 

At three weeks Sawyer is still eating like a champ!!  He sleeps like a champ too, but only during the day.  I swear I can see him growing.  He is getting cute little rolls on his arms and legs and I love his chubby cheeks!!  He is finally wearing 0-3 month clothes and is in size 1 diapers. 
Sawyer loves his activity mat and the star that plays music and has flashing lights.  He will stare at it while he kicks and grunts!  So cute!!
Sawyer has the cutest smile EVER!!  We only get to see it when he's got gas or when he's having a good dream but I know we'll be seeing it more soon and I can't wait to show it to you all... seriously... the CUTEST!! 
He has developed reflux, gas and we think he may be a little colicky (sp?) but it's not too bad and we are hoping it doesn't get worse.

With Great Grandma and Grandpa!

He fell asleep like this... too cute!

Sawyer steals any one's heart that meets him.  His grandma Sherrie can't get enough and is more than happy to just sit and hold him whenever she gets the chance.   He is such a sweetie and his daddy and I fall more in love every day!

Chunky Monkey

Our appointment with Sawyer's pediatrician, Dr. N, went great today!  Our little boy is filling out quickly!!  He weighed in at 8 pounds 7 ounces today and 21 and 3/4 inches.  His head grew an inch as well!  He is in the 38 percentile for weight, 84th for height and 56th for head circumference.  Dr. N said that it is normal for most newborns to gain about an ounce a day and our little guy, being the over achiever that he is, almost doubled that in the 10 days since his last appointment.  His daddy and I couldn't be more proud!  I love chunky babies and if he doesn't keep getting taller, we might get a chance at a chubby baby!!  Of course I'll think he's the cutest either way but from the rolls and chins I am seeing develop on this little man, I think we have a chunky monkey in the making!!  Love him!!

2 Weeks and Mother's Day

I haven't been posting as much as I probably would like to lately but I am sure you don't blame me... I just want to spend all my free time loving on my little man.  Right now, he is napping in his crib as I am trying to get him used to it so we can get him sleeping in his own room.  So far he is doing great and seems to like all the room he has to stretch out.  I think the move will be much harder on me than it will be on him. 

Mother's Day this year was so fantastic!  I celebrated my first Mother's Day back in 2007 when I was pregnant with Avery.  We didn't know she would leave us at that point and I just remember being so excited to be a mom!  The next 3 Mother's Days came and went and they were bittersweet.  I was still a mother but I wasn't able to hold my child and people didn't wish me a Happy Mother's Day because I wasn't a "normal" mom.  This year Skeet kept asking me what I wanted for Mother's Day and every time he'd ask my answer would be the same.  I have already received the best gift ever... nothing could top it.  It was an amazing day.  I spent the entire day loving on my little guy and enjoying every second.  I thought a lot about Miss Avery too but I think she wants me to be happy and to enjoy her brother.  I don't think she wants me to be sad right now.  I knew that having another child wouldn't make me forget her and wouldn't heal my heart completely but I could never have imagined how much it does help to hold my little man.  I can't help but be blissfully happy!  Being his mom is just so much better than I ever could have imagined! 

Today is Sawyer's 2 week birthday.  I can't believe how much he changes and grows every day.  Time is just flying by and although I am trying to not focus on that, I can't help but feel a little sad that in 8 weeks I will be returning to work and will be missing out on so much of him.  I wish so badly that I could be a stay at home mom!!  I hope all of you out there that get to stay at home with your kids know how lucky you are!  As much as I adore Kim, Sawyer's soon to be 2nd mom, I am so jealous of all of the time she will have with him that I won't.  It is killing me already!  I can't imagine what a wreck I am going to be in 8 weeks! 

In the last few days Sawyer has had his first bath, which he didn't love.  He did however love his second bath.  Skeet and I are a great team and I don't know what I am going to do when he starts going on fires and I have to bathe Mr. Sawyer myself!!  He still loves having his hair washed and I love how big and bright his eyes are when his daddy is washing his hair!! I always volunteer to hold him while Skeet washes because I get to watch his cute little face! 
Sawyer still hates to have his diaper changed and to be dressed or undressed!  We did however, have a couple of diaper changes in the last couple of days that he didn't scream through.  I think that is good progress! 
He is still sleeping okay.  Not great but I know it could be much worse.  I am getting between 4 and 6 hours of sleep a night, only it is in 1-2 hour increments!  I think he still has his nights and days mixed up because I think he could sleep 5 or 6 hours straight in the day if I didn't wake him up to eat.  But at night he is up every 2 to 2.5 hours wanting to eat!  All of this eating is showing on his chubby little face and his cheeks are getting more kissable every day! 
He has his 2 week check up tomorrow so I will post his stats then!  Let me just say again how much I adore my little boy! I think it's finally sinking in that he is actually mine and that I get to keep him!  He is so cuddly and lovable!  I can't get enough!

With the man who made it all possible, Dr. S

I love this outfit on him!

Cute monkey-butt!!

Wide awake after his first bath!

1 Week

I can't believe my little man is already a week old (I know this post is a couple of days late).  He is already growing up much faster than I am comfortable with.  I guess when your days are filled with feedings every 3 hours, sleeping in between and a lot of visits from all of his many admirers, the days pass pretty quickly. 

What we know about our little Sawyer so far:

He HATES having his diaper changed, which sucks for him cause he is constantly pooing!!
He LOVES having his hair washed.  Especially when Daddy does it!
He is very tall and very skinny and mom has a hard time finding clothes that fit him.
He LOVES to eat and sleeps hard when he sleeps.  Unfortunately for mom though, he has his days and nights mixed up.  He could sleep all day and stay up all night.  I don't get much sleep but I am not complaining at all... I am just so grateful to have a sweet boy to cuddle with all night.  Actually, he's not that bad... he just likes to eat every two hours at night so I only get to sleep in one hour increments.
He LOVES to have daddy read to him and his favorite song is "I Am A Child of God". 
He hates being put into his car seat but loves to go for rides in the car. 
He hates it when mom dresses him, or undresses him. 
He makes the cutest noises and pulls the craziest faces.
He hates being burped and mom is starting to suspect that she isn't that good at it.  He only burbs half of the time and he rarely spits up.

As of Monday, he weighed 7 pounds 6 ounces and was 21 inches long.  He is in the 85th percentile for height and only the 35th for weight. 

On Wednesday, at 8 days old, his umbilical cord fell off. 

His jaundice is slowly clearing up. 

He really is such a sweet little boy and he loves to cuddle.  When he's really hungry he'll give mommy kisses on the cheek, which I love of course.  He gets cuter and cuter every day too.  Skeet and I are head over heels for this little boy.  I think the only way I could be happier is if his big sister were here as well.  We know that she is watching over him though and that brings us such great comfort.  I still feel like it is all a dream and I am going to wake up any second.  I can't believe I am so lucky! 

Yay for Sue!!

My little man is now 5 days old!  The time is already flying and it is making me panic a little bit! I am trying to enjoy every little second with him but the seconds tick by so fast!  He is already changing and looking less like he did the day he was born but he just keeps getting cuter!!  Things have been going really well since we brought him home.  He was taken off the bili lights on Saturday morning but it seems he still has some jaundice.  His numbers were still up today but his doctor (who we love!) thinks that today is his peak and the numbers will start to go down.  Our first night with him home was okay but hard because he was on the bili bed and had to be naked, so we had trouble keeping his body temperature where it needed to be.  Night two was harder because he was still on the bili bed but he also had a little bit of a tummy ache and wanted to be held most of the night, which meant I didn't get much sleep.  Yesterday he didn't want to eat.  Up until then he had been doing great with nursing.  I felt fortunate that we didn't struggle with it that much but then yesterday he wouldn't latch.  I felt so bad because nothing I did helped him and I could tell he was getting more and more hungry and frustrated.  I finally called the lactation specialist, Sue, and after crying into the phone for a few minutes, I explained my dilemma.  She immediately came out to help. Within 5 minutes of her arrival she had him latched and eating away!  My milk had come in the night before and my boobs were so full she said it was like trying to suck on a cantaloupe.  Poor guy, no wonder he couldn't latch!  She stayed for the entire feeding, answered a ton of questions and made Skeet and I both feel so much more confident with a lot of things that we were worried about.  Needless to say, Sue has been added to my list of heroes!  She is amazing and I don't know what we would have done without her!  Since then Sawyer is back to eating like a champ and he even slept most of the night last and only woke mom up twice to eat!  What a good little boy!! 

I seriously cannot get enough of him.  He is so cute and so sweet!!  He is amazing and being his mom is better than I could have ever imagined!  We have had tons of company and as much as I love hearing how cute he is and seeing how much everyone else loves him, I have a hard time handing him over cause I have become a little bit stingy about Sawyer loves.  He is so cuddly and I never want to put him down!!  Skeet has been so great too and is such a proud daddy!  Sawyer looks so much like him too, the ladies are gonna love him!  Actually... they already do! 

I do miss being pregnant, but not as much as I thought I would.  I was so scared that I would cry every day, well I do cry every day but they are tears of pure joy and pride.  Because I have my little man here with me now I don't think much about not being pregnant anymore.  I miss the movements and my tummy, but having my little boy to love on is so much better so I think it's a good trade off! 

I want to thank everyone for the kind messages and comments!  We are so lucky to have so many out there praying for Mr. Sawyer and cheering us on.  I cannot describe how amazing you all have made me feel and reading the comments always make me cry (the good kind).  I am so glad that I am able to share Sawyer with you all.  He is a very special, and very loved little boy and I can guarantee that he will grow up knowing just how much he is loved, wanted and cherished!! 

With that being said, I will leave you with a few more pictures.  I wish I could post more but my internet at home is so slow, it is really frustrating to try to upload pics. I'll try to do more later!  Here is my handsome little guy over the past few days.

3 days old

 My boys!! 

 4 days old in a milk induced coma

 2 days old, on his bili bed (he's already got his daddy's muscles)

4 days old

3 days old (no mom isn't naked in this picture)



Sawyer's Birthday

When I went in for my NST on Tuesday the 26th, I was prepared to beg Dr. Sanders, even bribe him if I had to, to do something to get my labor started.  Luckily, I didn't have to do either.  He walked into the room and asked me how I felt about meeting my little boy the next day.  He had already made the arrangements for me to be induced the next morning at 4 a.m. Because I was already dilated to a 5 and had just made it to 39 weeks, there was no reason we shouldn't just get things started.   I was so happy I couldn't thank him enough!  Skeet wasn't happy about the 4 a.m. thing but we were both so excited to meet our boy! 

So we told very few people and planned on just announcing his birth the next day.  I was so surprised when I slept really well that night and was up and ready to go the next morning!  We checked in at about 10 after 4 and the nurse immediately got me started on Pitocin.  Dr. S had ordered the fast track method, because I was dilated to a 5 and 90% effaced, they didn't want to drag out labor longer than they had to.  So they gave me a very high dose of the Pitocin and would increase it every hour until the contractions did their job.  Unfortunately Mr. Sawyer didn't like that much.  As soon as the Pitocin kicked in his heart rate dropped... it scared the crap out of me.  They turned off the pump, put me on my side, gave me oxygen and increase my fluid drip.  I started to panic and began thinking that we would have to get him out quickly by C-Section but fortunately his heartrate started to go back up.  The contractions however, stopped again.  Once they saw his heart rate had steadied out they started the Pitocin again at a much smaller dose.  The contractions began again but were very mild.  By the time I saw Dr. S at around 8 or 8:30 a.m. I had dilated to a 6 and he broke my water.  After that the contractions got very intense but still didn't have a pattern.    I decided that I would get an epidural in case they needed to get him out quickly since he obviously didn't like the Pitocin at all. 

By the time I got the epidural I was dilated to a 6.5 and the contractions were pretty painful... the epidural however, was not.  It went smoothly and within minutes I had relief from the contractions.  I could still move my legs though which was great!!  I guess in the last 3 years they got a new drug and it doesn't render you completely useless anymore.  After that, the only reason I could tell I was having a contraction was because I would get really short of breath when one would hit.  At some point Sawyer's heart rate dropped again and we had to back off on the Pitocin.  I was so relieved to have had the epidural now, just in case.  I did progress pretty quickly after this, even with having to lower the pitocin dose.  Before I knew it the nurse was telling me that I was complete and it was time to push.  Dr S came in and his excitement to meet Sawyer helped calm me down and prepare myself for what was about to happen.   The environment in the room was so laid back, Dr. S was joking with the nurses and me, and my mom and Skeet were just anxiously awaiting Sawyer's arrival.  Dr. S joked that we'd be done in 5 pushes... Oh how I wish that would have been true.  Even though I could still move my legs, I couldn't feel my contractions or the need to push at all.  They tried to tell me when to push but I was so numb I couldn't tell if I was pushing right, and I wasn't.  They turned off the epidural pump but it only helped a little bit before Sawyer's heart rate dropped dangerously low.  Dr S decided to get him out fast and asked for the vacuum.  He also did an episiotomy to help speed things

Hearing his little whimper for the first time was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard and I couldn't stop the tears.  They set him on my stomach as they cleaned him up and he just looked up at me.  All I could think was how incredibly perfect he was.  Then the nurse told us what time he was born... 10:13 a.m.  I asked her to repeat herself and then informed the room that 10/13 is Avery's birthday.  It was then I knew that she had been there the whole time, watching over her brother and us.  I felt such a huge sense of peace and I was so happy that I knew both of my children would be okay. 

I thanked Dr S over and over again through my tears, for making our miracle baby possible but the words could never express the gratitude I felt toward him for all he had done for us and how his presence there that day had been just what we needed to make it absolutely perfect!  I don't know if he'll ever truly understand how much we appreciate him and all he has done for us. 

The look on Skeet's face too... when he saw his boy... it was priceless.  The pride and happiness I saw there was something I will never forget.  I could tell that like me, he was instantly in love with this sweet little boy.  He watched as they took Sawyer to the corner of the room and cleaned him up.  I couldn't see much but I could hear Sawyers tiny little cries as they rubbed him down with baby oil and gave him his first shot.  He was so quiet the rest of the time, just looking around.  I loved the sound of his cries, the were so quiet and so sweet.

Since then things have been going pretty smoothly, considering.  Sawyer did have a mild case of Jaundice which required him to lie on Bili Lights for the first two nights he was home.  Other than that he seems very healthy.  He eats really well and sleeps even better.  I can't get enough of his soft skin and sweet smell.  I would hold him ever second of every day if I could get away with it.  I love him so much and don't know how I survived this long without him.  I know Skeet feels the same way.  We are both so "over-the-moon" happy right now, it's ridiculous!  I still feel, at times, that I am dreaming and that I will wake up any minute and he won't be real.  I hope with everything I am that that never happens.  I knew being a mother would be amazing but I could have never imagined this.  It is definitely something you have to experience to even come close to comprehending.  And it was all worth it, all of the treatments, the heartaches, the tears, the worries and the anxiety.  Everything we have been through, has made this experience so much more sweet and I hope I never forget how lucky I am. 

I welcome this new chapter of our lives with open arms.  I still miss Avery more than ever and think about her every time I look at her brother's sweet face.  I see so much of her in him and wish that she could be here with us to share in the joy of finally having him here, safe and sound.  I know that she is with us in a way though and I look forward to the day when we are all finally reunited!  I am the luckiest mom in the world to have two such beautiful and perfect children.  I know I don't deserve it but I am going to cherish this feeling and be the best mom I can be for this sweet little boy. 

Introducing...

Sawyer Frank Houston
Born 4/27/11 at 10:13 a.m.
Weighing 7 pounds 9 ounces and measuring 20 inches long. 

We were instantly in love with this sweet little boy.  He is so mellow and just so much fun to cuddle. I am going to post the birth story eventually but right now I am too tired and just don't feel like it yet!  Sawyer is healthy and home with us now although he does have to stay on the Bili Lights for 24 hours because of Jaundice.  Words cannot express how incredibly happy we are!  Thank you to everyone for your love, support and prayers!!

38 Weeks

I honestly never thought I would be doing this post!!  I can't believe we have made it this far!  We did a darn good job at keeping this little boy in... now he's refusing to come out!!  At our appointment today we were told that I am 4.5 cm dilated and 80 % effaced.  If I keep going at this rate, this boy will just be able to climb out on his own without me doing much in the labor department!!  I guess we'll see.  We have had a few false alarms and I think that maybe Skeet's nerves ( who am I kidding... mine too) can't take much more.  We are so excited to meet this little guy and at the same time I think we are both so scared to finally become full time parents. 



How far along: 38 Weeks




Size of baby: Only two more weeks before your baby makes his or her appearance. And what an adorable appearance that will be! Your little one isn't so little anymore — weighing in at close to seven pounds and hitting the height charts at the 21-inch mark (or less).






Weight gain: Ugh... 30+ pounds!!





Maternity clothes: Yes and running out of even those!!  If I could live the last part of this pregnancy in sweats I would be such a happy girl!!





Gender: BOY!!





Movement: Holy cow does this kid move!! I really think he is just ready to get out and stretch!! He pushes so hard sometimes it takes my breath away! I love it!! It is the most amazing feeling ever!






Sleep: My bladder seems to need emptying every 5 minutes, add to that some irregular but very uncomfortable contractions and sleep is getting more and more difficult by the day!






Symptoms: Contractions, back pain, swelling, heartburn, cramping... I think we're getting close!





Cravings: I still want to eat everything in site but the heartburn has been getting worse and so occasionally I'll think twice before eating something that will make the heartburn worse!






Best moment this week: Seeing my little boy twice in less than a week!! We had an ultrasound on Thursday and one again today!  He is so dang cute!!  I can't wait for everyone to see him!





What I am looking forward to: Holding my little man!  I can't wait to finally meet him!!

Waiting!!

I am so not good at waiting for something that I am really excited for.  I still can't sleep in on Christmas morning, I suffer through the days leading up to a big event or vacation, and waiting for this little boy to arrive is no exception.   At my appointment today we were told that I am now dilated to a 4, still 80 % effaced and it could be any day... or it could be another couple of weeks!  Dr. S said that at this point it's not my cervix that is a concern (he believes the delivery will be smooth and go wonderfully.. whew, nice to hear), the concern is whether or not this baby is ready to come into this world.  He said that at our high altitude, sometimes babies are just not ready at 37 weeks.  So, we wait.  He did do a quick ultrasound to measure the fluid levels and the levels look great.  My blood pressure looks great.  Sawyer looks great!!  He even checked the location of the cord for me, because it has been something I have been stressing about.  The cord is great and no where near his head or neck.  He is still head down although he is facing the wrong way... but that doesn't really matter until I am in labor. 

I was hooked up to the NST machine for about an hour and had only 3 big contractions (really big... ouch!) and a whole bunch of small ones, none of which had any kind of pattern.  So we wait...

Another concern is that Dr. S will be going out of town for 3 days next week starting on Thursday.  This makes me worry.  It is a huge deal to me that Dr. S delivers Sawyer.  If it weren't for Dr. S, Sawyer probably wouldn't exist.  It was Dr. S that listened to me when I asked about Ovarian Diathermy.  It was Dr. S that ordered the equipment necessary to do the Ovarian Diathermy.  It was Dr. S that made it possible for us to even do the surgery and it was Dr. S that supported us and cheered us on as we waited month after month to see if the surgery did what it was supposed to do.  Dr. S was a huge part of Averys' delivery too.  We wouldn't have all the amazing pictures of her and her birthday, if it weren't for him.  He has been our doctor throughout our entire infertility journey.  All 6 years of it.  Most importantly, he took my word for it when I told him I thought there was something wrong with me and instead of making us try for a year, he ran tests right away.  He has been the most amazing doctor and I don't think we could EVER have found anyone better.  We feel so lucky to have someone like him on our side fighting for us every step of the way.  He has saved my life and both of my children's lives at some point and I know he would have done anything to save Avery again, if he could have.  I hope you can tell why it is so important to me that it is Dr. S that hands Sawyer to me for the first time.  So knowing that he will be out of town for 3 whole days, this close to our due date, makes me a little crazy.  I want Sawyer to be ready and I want him to come before Thursday, because those 3 days would be complete torture for me with Dr. S gone!!  I don't really have my heart set on anything as far as this delivery goes... I am okay with anything that might come along, EXCEPT Dr. S not being there!!! 

This weekend Skeet will be celebrating his 36th birthday and I can't think of a better gift than a son. So it would be great if he came this weekend, but I won't hold my breath!!  Come on baby boy... anytime you are ready... I am ready for you!! 

37 Weeks - Full Term!!

How far along: 37 Weeks





Size of baby: With just three more weeks to go and at about six and a half pounds (though weight and height vary from fetus to fetus), your baby is doing just fine. You can expect weight gain to be about half an ounce per day. (Boys, though, are likely to be heavier at birth than girls.



Weight gain: Ugh... 30+ pounds!!




Maternity clothes: Yes and running out of even those!!




Gender: BOY!!




Movement: Holy cow does this kid move!! I really think he is just ready to get out and stretch!! He pushes so hard sometimes it takes my breath away! I love it!! It is the most amazing feeling ever!




Sleep: My bladder seems to need emptying every 5 minutes, which makes sleep difficult to come by!!





Symptoms: Contractions, back pain, swelling, heartburn, cramping... I think we're getting close!





Cravings: I still want to eat everything in site but the heartburn has been getting worse and so occasionally I'll think twice before eating something that will make the heartburn worse!





Best moment this week: Finding out that I am 3.5 cm dilated and as of this morning 80% effaced!! I know it could still be a while but it's exciting to know how close we really are!!





What I am looking forward to: Meeting my little man!  We are all ready to go; car seat installed, bags packed, camera charged!! Last night my contractions were regular for about 45 minutes which scared us both but they quickly became irregular again.  It did give Skeet and I both a little bit of a panic attack though, thinking that maybe it was really time!