Sawyer's Birthday

When I went in for my NST on Tuesday the 26th, I was prepared to beg Dr. Sanders, even bribe him if I had to, to do something to get my labor started.  Luckily, I didn't have to do either.  He walked into the room and asked me how I felt about meeting my little boy the next day.  He had already made the arrangements for me to be induced the next morning at 4 a.m. Because I was already dilated to a 5 and had just made it to 39 weeks, there was no reason we shouldn't just get things started.   I was so happy I couldn't thank him enough!  Skeet wasn't happy about the 4 a.m. thing but we were both so excited to meet our boy! 

So we told very few people and planned on just announcing his birth the next day.  I was so surprised when I slept really well that night and was up and ready to go the next morning!  We checked in at about 10 after 4 and the nurse immediately got me started on Pitocin.  Dr. S had ordered the fast track method, because I was dilated to a 5 and 90% effaced, they didn't want to drag out labor longer than they had to.  So they gave me a very high dose of the Pitocin and would increase it every hour until the contractions did their job.  Unfortunately Mr. Sawyer didn't like that much.  As soon as the Pitocin kicked in his heart rate dropped... it scared the crap out of me.  They turned off the pump, put me on my side, gave me oxygen and increase my fluid drip.  I started to panic and began thinking that we would have to get him out quickly by C-Section but fortunately his heartrate started to go back up.  The contractions however, stopped again.  Once they saw his heart rate had steadied out they started the Pitocin again at a much smaller dose.  The contractions began again but were very mild.  By the time I saw Dr. S at around 8 or 8:30 a.m. I had dilated to a 6 and he broke my water.  After that the contractions got very intense but still didn't have a pattern.    I decided that I would get an epidural in case they needed to get him out quickly since he obviously didn't like the Pitocin at all. 

By the time I got the epidural I was dilated to a 6.5 and the contractions were pretty painful... the epidural however, was not.  It went smoothly and within minutes I had relief from the contractions.  I could still move my legs though which was great!!  I guess in the last 3 years they got a new drug and it doesn't render you completely useless anymore.  After that, the only reason I could tell I was having a contraction was because I would get really short of breath when one would hit.  At some point Sawyer's heart rate dropped again and we had to back off on the Pitocin.  I was so relieved to have had the epidural now, just in case.  I did progress pretty quickly after this, even with having to lower the pitocin dose.  Before I knew it the nurse was telling me that I was complete and it was time to push.  Dr S came in and his excitement to meet Sawyer helped calm me down and prepare myself for what was about to happen.   The environment in the room was so laid back, Dr. S was joking with the nurses and me, and my mom and Skeet were just anxiously awaiting Sawyer's arrival.  Dr. S joked that we'd be done in 5 pushes... Oh how I wish that would have been true.  Even though I could still move my legs, I couldn't feel my contractions or the need to push at all.  They tried to tell me when to push but I was so numb I couldn't tell if I was pushing right, and I wasn't.  They turned off the epidural pump but it only helped a little bit before Sawyer's heart rate dropped dangerously low.  Dr S decided to get him out fast and asked for the vacuum.  He also did an episiotomy to help speed things

Hearing his little whimper for the first time was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard and I couldn't stop the tears.  They set him on my stomach as they cleaned him up and he just looked up at me.  All I could think was how incredibly perfect he was.  Then the nurse told us what time he was born... 10:13 a.m.  I asked her to repeat herself and then informed the room that 10/13 is Avery's birthday.  It was then I knew that she had been there the whole time, watching over her brother and us.  I felt such a huge sense of peace and I was so happy that I knew both of my children would be okay. 

I thanked Dr S over and over again through my tears, for making our miracle baby possible but the words could never express the gratitude I felt toward him for all he had done for us and how his presence there that day had been just what we needed to make it absolutely perfect!  I don't know if he'll ever truly understand how much we appreciate him and all he has done for us. 

The look on Skeet's face too... when he saw his boy... it was priceless.  The pride and happiness I saw there was something I will never forget.  I could tell that like me, he was instantly in love with this sweet little boy.  He watched as they took Sawyer to the corner of the room and cleaned him up.  I couldn't see much but I could hear Sawyers tiny little cries as they rubbed him down with baby oil and gave him his first shot.  He was so quiet the rest of the time, just looking around.  I loved the sound of his cries, the were so quiet and so sweet.

Since then things have been going pretty smoothly, considering.  Sawyer did have a mild case of Jaundice which required him to lie on Bili Lights for the first two nights he was home.  Other than that he seems very healthy.  He eats really well and sleeps even better.  I can't get enough of his soft skin and sweet smell.  I would hold him ever second of every day if I could get away with it.  I love him so much and don't know how I survived this long without him.  I know Skeet feels the same way.  We are both so "over-the-moon" happy right now, it's ridiculous!  I still feel, at times, that I am dreaming and that I will wake up any minute and he won't be real.  I hope with everything I am that that never happens.  I knew being a mother would be amazing but I could have never imagined this.  It is definitely something you have to experience to even come close to comprehending.  And it was all worth it, all of the treatments, the heartaches, the tears, the worries and the anxiety.  Everything we have been through, has made this experience so much more sweet and I hope I never forget how lucky I am. 

I welcome this new chapter of our lives with open arms.  I still miss Avery more than ever and think about her every time I look at her brother's sweet face.  I see so much of her in him and wish that she could be here with us to share in the joy of finally having him here, safe and sound.  I know that she is with us in a way though and I look forward to the day when we are all finally reunited!  I am the luckiest mom in the world to have two such beautiful and perfect children.  I know I don't deserve it but I am going to cherish this feeling and be the best mom I can be for this sweet little boy.