I hope you all had a beautiful Easter Sunday. I am so grateful today for my Savior and His willingness to give His life for us so that we may return to Him. It is because of His great sacrifice that I will be able to see my daughter again. What an amazing gift. I feel so unworthy of such a gift. As I think back on my life and all the things that I have done that caused him so much pain, it breaks my heart. He died for my selfish sins! What a humbling realization.
I will be eternally grateful for Christ, and for this day and what it stands for. I can only pray that I can continue to strive to be more like Him in my thoughts and my actions and that I might be able to help others to come to that realization as well. A hymn that was sung today at my church meetings, which happens to be one of my favorites, says it all...
I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me,
Confused at the grace that so fully He proffers me.
I tremble to know that for me He was crucified,
That for me, a sinner, He suffered, He bled and died.
Oh it is wonderful, that He should care for me,
Enough to die for me.
Oh it is wonderful, wonderful to me.
I pray that you were all able to ponder this wonderful gift that we have been given on this special day. I know that Easter will from now on have a deeper meaning to me than it ever has before. So blessed is the day that I see my Savior again, and of course my beautiful little girl.
Happy Easter!
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Life Changes
Lately I have been thinking about my life, where I want it to go and whether or not I would be happy with it if it were to end tomorrow. I have been striving lately to do what I think my Heavenly Father would want me to do. I have been trying to make decisions based on how He would make the decision if He were to do it for me. I feel lost. I have felt lost for a while now but I know that something is coming, something that is going to help me find my way. Ever since Avery went Home I have wondered if that was my whole purpose in life, to carry her until it was time for her to return to her Father in Heaven. If that was my purpose, I could be okay with that because I know she was perfect. My daughter, my precious little girl, was absolutely perfect and no one can ever change that. But if my life is meant for more, I need to know how to get there.
In my church we have what is called a Patriarchal Blessing. This is where a Patriarch of the church lays his hands on your head and give you a blessing. This blessing is something that you take with you and use as a sort of road map for the rest of your life. Now it is not like a fortune teller, he doesn't attempt to tell you your future. The blessing is meant to help you as you make decisions in your life so that you don't feel lost. It is hard for me to explain because you can only get one blessing in your life and obviously, I haven't had mine yet. Most members of the church get their blessing when they are young adults preparing to enter into the world on their own. I was extremely inactive at that age so I did not even think that I wanted one at the time. In a way, I am so glad that I waited. I know that I need this blessing now, more than ever. I will not be able to share my blessing, because it is sacred and it is only for me, but this is something that I have been looking forward to for months now.
As I approach the 5 month mark since Avery's birth, I have been thinking back to that day. I don't want to forget it, I don't want to forget one second of it. I don't believe that I ever could forget but I am thinking that I may write the events of that day down in detail so that I know it will never be forgotten. I have yet to start this because of my homework load but I hope to start it soon, maybe during my 3 week break from school in May. I still miss her everyday, and when I see her photo I wonder to myself if she misses me as much as I miss her. Every time I visit her grave I tell her how much I love her and how much I am looking forward to holding her again.
I want to share another Rascal Flatts song with you that means a lot to me. This may seem cheesy but I love to listen to the words of songs, that is really how I determine how much I like the song. This song was the RF song that made me a fan, since then I have come to love most of their music.
Bless the Broken Road
I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Chorus:
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true
Chorus:
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
Now I’m just rollin’ home into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you
One more thing, there was a post recently on Nate's blog that made me think. Mothers were posting what they wish for Tricia, things that she gets to look forward to. I have a few things that I wish I could be doing right now...
Be awaken in the middle of a night to the sound of a crying baby
Take every chance I get to kiss my daughter and breath in her smell
Watch Skeet hold and fuss over his little girl, I know he would be wrapped around her finger
Be able to just sit and watch her sleep
See her smile for the first time
Hear her laugh and coo
These are just a few of a very long list. To all you mothers out there, cherish every moment you have with your child/children. You are very blessed.
In my church we have what is called a Patriarchal Blessing. This is where a Patriarch of the church lays his hands on your head and give you a blessing. This blessing is something that you take with you and use as a sort of road map for the rest of your life. Now it is not like a fortune teller, he doesn't attempt to tell you your future. The blessing is meant to help you as you make decisions in your life so that you don't feel lost. It is hard for me to explain because you can only get one blessing in your life and obviously, I haven't had mine yet. Most members of the church get their blessing when they are young adults preparing to enter into the world on their own. I was extremely inactive at that age so I did not even think that I wanted one at the time. In a way, I am so glad that I waited. I know that I need this blessing now, more than ever. I will not be able to share my blessing, because it is sacred and it is only for me, but this is something that I have been looking forward to for months now.
As I approach the 5 month mark since Avery's birth, I have been thinking back to that day. I don't want to forget it, I don't want to forget one second of it. I don't believe that I ever could forget but I am thinking that I may write the events of that day down in detail so that I know it will never be forgotten. I have yet to start this because of my homework load but I hope to start it soon, maybe during my 3 week break from school in May. I still miss her everyday, and when I see her photo I wonder to myself if she misses me as much as I miss her. Every time I visit her grave I tell her how much I love her and how much I am looking forward to holding her again.
I want to share another Rascal Flatts song with you that means a lot to me. This may seem cheesy but I love to listen to the words of songs, that is really how I determine how much I like the song. This song was the RF song that made me a fan, since then I have come to love most of their music.
Bless the Broken Road
I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Chorus:
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true
Chorus:
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
Now I’m just rollin’ home into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you
One more thing, there was a post recently on Nate's blog that made me think. Mothers were posting what they wish for Tricia, things that she gets to look forward to. I have a few things that I wish I could be doing right now...
Be awaken in the middle of a night to the sound of a crying baby
Take every chance I get to kiss my daughter and breath in her smell
Watch Skeet hold and fuss over his little girl, I know he would be wrapped around her finger
Be able to just sit and watch her sleep
See her smile for the first time
Hear her laugh and coo
These are just a few of a very long list. To all you mothers out there, cherish every moment you have with your child/children. You are very blessed.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Beliefs
Thank you to everyone who commented on my last blog entry. At first I was very upset that a web-site could claim to be non-denominational and still turn away a story because it was against the Catholic faith. But, instead of getting bitter, I decided to look further into the matter. The answers that I found were exactly like those that you shared with me. I am not going to say that anyone's beliefs are wrong or right. I will say, however, that I am very sad for those that truly believe that a child born through extensive fertility treatments, such as IVF, are born against God's will and therefore miss out on the opportunity to have a child of their own flesh and blood.
In an article I read it stated that children are not something that is owed to us, they are a gift. I agree that all children are a gift. Some are gifts that are treated carelessly and tossed away, some are gifts that are taken for granted and not enjoyed and loved as they deserve to be, and some are gifts that are forgotten by some but cherished by others. A child born by the means of In Vitro are no less of a gift than those conceived by natural means. If anything, in some cases, they may be considered more. I was devastated when I was told that I would not be able to have children naturally. That I would have to go through extensive treatments and even those weren't a guarantee. The opportunity for couples to bear children, even after they have been told they would never be able to, is truly a gift from God. And, those children are gifts that are cherished above all things because they are miraculous. Now this doesn't mean that I think children that are conceived naturally are not miraculous gifts from God, because they are. All children are miracles and they are all the most precious gift we could ever receive.
I believe that if God did not want me to have a child, the In Vitro would have never worked. If His plan did not consist of us having a child of our own flesh and blood then He would have never allowed those little embryos to latch on and grow and develop. Avery did not come to us naturally because she was meant to be so much more than just a gift to us, she was meant to change our lives in a way that we could have never expected. The fact that she was conceived via IVF made us cherish her so much more because we were told we may never have a child.
Some would argue that if you are not able to have children of your own you should just adopt. I am not against adoption. I plan on adopting, I have always wanted to adopt. I made the choice to do In Vitro because something deep down in my soul told me that I needed to. We didn't have the means to pay for it, but we found a way. We did it because we knew our chances were better if we did so while we were young. Age doesn't have a big impact on adoption. That is something that I can do for years to come. I knew that there was a child waiting for us, so we made the decision to have IVF done before we even knew how we would pay for it. Even if our next attempt at IVF does not result in a pregnancy, I will never regret our decision to do In Vitro. Avery is and always will be my daughter and I would do it all over again just to be able to carry her inside of me and hold her for that very short time.
Thank you all for your kind words and for your love for my little girl. I am so glad that it is not against my faith to have IVF, because I would have gone against my faith in a heartbeat. I know that it sounds terrible, but I wanted a child so very badly I would have tried just about anything!
In an article I read it stated that children are not something that is owed to us, they are a gift. I agree that all children are a gift. Some are gifts that are treated carelessly and tossed away, some are gifts that are taken for granted and not enjoyed and loved as they deserve to be, and some are gifts that are forgotten by some but cherished by others. A child born by the means of In Vitro are no less of a gift than those conceived by natural means. If anything, in some cases, they may be considered more. I was devastated when I was told that I would not be able to have children naturally. That I would have to go through extensive treatments and even those weren't a guarantee. The opportunity for couples to bear children, even after they have been told they would never be able to, is truly a gift from God. And, those children are gifts that are cherished above all things because they are miraculous. Now this doesn't mean that I think children that are conceived naturally are not miraculous gifts from God, because they are. All children are miracles and they are all the most precious gift we could ever receive.
I believe that if God did not want me to have a child, the In Vitro would have never worked. If His plan did not consist of us having a child of our own flesh and blood then He would have never allowed those little embryos to latch on and grow and develop. Avery did not come to us naturally because she was meant to be so much more than just a gift to us, she was meant to change our lives in a way that we could have never expected. The fact that she was conceived via IVF made us cherish her so much more because we were told we may never have a child.
Some would argue that if you are not able to have children of your own you should just adopt. I am not against adoption. I plan on adopting, I have always wanted to adopt. I made the choice to do In Vitro because something deep down in my soul told me that I needed to. We didn't have the means to pay for it, but we found a way. We did it because we knew our chances were better if we did so while we were young. Age doesn't have a big impact on adoption. That is something that I can do for years to come. I knew that there was a child waiting for us, so we made the decision to have IVF done before we even knew how we would pay for it. Even if our next attempt at IVF does not result in a pregnancy, I will never regret our decision to do In Vitro. Avery is and always will be my daughter and I would do it all over again just to be able to carry her inside of me and hold her for that very short time.
Thank you all for your kind words and for your love for my little girl. I am so glad that it is not against my faith to have IVF, because I would have gone against my faith in a heartbeat. I know that it sounds terrible, but I wanted a child so very badly I would have tried just about anything!
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