A few days ago I was asked to share Avery's story on a website designed to help mothers and families who have been given a poor prenatal diagnosis. They have yet to have any stories on Skeletal Dysplasias. I am a Christian but I am not Catholic. After submitting my story and photos I was told that the website was a non-denominational but because their board members were Catholic it would be against their faith to post a story about a child that was conceived by In Vitro Fertilization.
For some reason this really upset me and I am trying to figure out why. I guess I don't understand why it would be "against" any faith to just post a story such as ours. Is it In Vitro or is it all fertility treatments? Where is the line drawn? I don't want to offend anyone, I am not saying that your beliefs are wrong if you are Catholic, I just want to understand where this belief comes from and why. Now I am going to have to look deeper into my own religion and see if there are any guidelines for those of us that are unable to conceive naturally. Does this mean that Catholics are told not to use other methods to conceive if they are told that they are unable to do so with "normal" methods? I find this very hard to believe. I also have a hard time believing that every single story I read on that website started with 100% natural conception.
I hope that I have not offended anyone. I would just like to understand why Avery's story was rejected because of my choice to do IVF. I would appreciate your input. I don't want a battle of the religions to start I just want to know where this comes from and why so that I don't have to be upset anymore.
Thank you!
6 comments:
Candi,
I wish I had some answer for you on why, but I don't. However it is my opinion that no matter how Avery came to be that she still is a child of God. She still is your daughter. I think that maybe some people don't look at getting help as part of God's plan, but he would not of provided the people with the knowledge of helping if he did not want us to use it. It makes me wonder what there take on Mary is then? Do they believe that it really happened that way? I just think that so often people mix freedom of religion with politic's. It's not right. Avery is beautiful and she is a daughter of our Heavenly Father. Keep your chin up and keep smiling. Will you e-mail sometime I want to talk to you.
Amber
Perhaps IVF doesn't sit well in Catholic thinking if any fertilised embryos are not used. There is more about if you Google IVF and Catholic, but some of it may be hard to read.
As a Christian and a theologian I disagree with the Catholic line and feel sad that you were put through this extra unnecessary stress. I am praying for you. I do not believe IVF is wrong.
I do believe God is keeping Avery safe until the day you meet her again. Maybe the article would work on this blog though?
God bless you as you go into 2008: you're not alone!
Lucy
www.threescore.wordpress.com
Amber,
I would love to email! I actually was thinking about that the other day. I just don't have your email address!! We miss you and your cute girls!
Candi
Candi, I am a Catholic and I have to admit that sometimes some of the "teachings" of the Church are also a puzzle to me. It's so hard for me to believe that a loving God, who wants only the best for us, and who gives us the knowledge to develop such wonderful technologies as IVF would be judgmental or think that it was wrong to use those technologies. God loved Avery. God is the giver of life. Ultimately he was the one who inspired and allowed this process to be developed. Stay strong and do what you know is right for you.
Candi, I'm a Christian and kind of don't understand that thought process either. I know it's prevalent in some very conservative Christians too. I did IVF and I know when speaking to some Christians I hesitated to say we did IVF because of how I'd be perceived. Personally I think God gave us the technology to be used and that He wouldn't put such a desire in your heart to be a mother if He wasn't going to get you there somehow. We adopted 3 kids through foster care but He still allowed that desire to remain in my heart and then gave us the means to do it which is why IVF became a part of our lives. Have you heard the story of the shipwrecked man? He swore he would wait on the Lord to rescue him. A boat came by and offered to help but he refused, saying he was waiting on the Lord to help. Two other means of rescue came by (I can't remember specifics) both of which he refused for the same reason-waiting on the Lord for help. When he got to heaven, he asked God why didn't he help him? God said, I tried-I sent you a boat, and the other two things and you refused them! That's kinda how I see IVF-some technology God has allowed us to use to help us.
I don't know if your looking for a technical answer, but I will give you my understanding of it. Catholics believe that God created man and women to have intercourse for conception of a human life. Any other modes of acheiveing that life is morally wrong. Catholics believe that "sex" and the life it creates bonds that child and secures the parents love through that child.
Now, my personal feeling. Since you are not Catholic, I wouldn't give any thought to it. Avery was created out of love. You and Skeet want to have children. Regardless of how your children are concieved, they will be loved just the same. Women all over the world have issues with conception, technology allows you the ability to have a biological child through other means than intercourse. Your experience will give you personally a greater love for your child than most currently have. You realize how special having a child is, you will look at your children and know you are in the presence of a miracle. Most parents don't see this. You will cherish their first steps, first word, first boo-boo. It is only when that is threathen do we look at our situation differently and realize there is more to life than what we can see. Life, in anyform is precious. Avery's life was precious. She was created by the two of you. Your blood ran through her, you and Skeet gave her a lifetime of love in the short time she was here, but it doesn't end there. You will continue to love her as you age. You will continue to love her as you have other children. You will continue to claim her as your child. It doesn't matter what a religion or person says. Don't let this get you down. We are not always going to agree with someone else's viewpoint. God views all life as special. Your story is no exception.
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