October 10, 2007

Wednesday October 10, 2007

I woke up today not feeling quite right. I couldn’t quite figure out what it was but something made me want to stay in bed. So I called Tami and told her I didn’t feel well and wouldn’t be in until later this afternoon, if I came in at all. I stayed in bed as long as I could stand but with my stomach protruding as much as it is, I couldn’t find a comfortable position. I am 31 weeks along, 32 this Friday, but I only look like I am between 25-28 weeks so I really shouldn’t complain. Avery must be tiny but Dr. Sanders isn’t worried because we shouldn’t expect that she, or I, will get very big with her arms and legs being only half the “normal” size.

I finally got out of bed around 11:00 and started getting ready to go into work. This is when I realized that I was having cramps but they were mainly in my back. They didn’t feel like contractions, I have been having Braxton hicks for weeks now and the cramps are nothing like those. I thought about lying down again but didn’t think it would help at all. So I called Dr. Sanders office. When I told Carrie, my favorite nurse, about the cramping she suggested I stop into Labor and Delivery to get checked out. I really wanted to avoid going there, especially because Avery isn’t due for another 8 weeks, but it’s better to be safe than sorry. I finished getting ready assuming that I would be headed to work in no time.

I put on my new black maternity tee from Old Navy and some capris, no need to get dressed up for only a few hours of work. When I looked in the mirror I thought once again about how I didn’t look like I was 8 weeks away from having a baby. Brushing it off, I headed to the hospital.

So far I had been lucky enough to avoid Labor and Delivery although I had spent some time in the ER and MedSurg after my tube ruptured at 11 weeks. As I walked through the hospital doors I tried to remember the last time I had been to Labor and Delivery. It was almost a year ago when Charise had Ayden. His delivery was so scary but thankfully everything had turned out okay. Unfortunately no one believed that ours would have even a similar outcome.

When I explained to the nurse what was going on she led me into a room to strap me up to the monitors. I was pretty excited about this because Avery hates the monitors and I feel her move a lot when they are attached. Today however, she was sort of quiet, only a few kicks and nudges. Her heartbeat was strong and I breathed a huge sigh of relief. I am not ready to let go yet. They did however find after a few minutes that I was having contractions and they were pretty regular, probably 8 minutes or so apart but not very strong. I started to panic a little bit. They called Dr. Sanders and I called Skeet. Skeet left work early to come and hang out with me and my mom showed up a few minutes later.

Dr. Sanders came in and confirmed that I was having labor pains and wanted to know what we wanted to do. They could try to stop the labor and we could keep Avery with us for a little while longer, or they can let it go and there would be a good chance I would deliver her in the next day or so. I opted for them to attempt to stop the labor. I know it isn’t likely that she will survive long after birth but I want to give her every chance she can to live. And like I said before… I’m not ready to let go. I can’t even explain how uncomfortable the process is when they stop labor. They stick pills in places I never want anyone to even look at, and they give you shots in the arm that hurt really bad! As embarrassing as it is, it worked. My contractions began to slow down and eventually became nonexistent. By this time I was in a gown and hooked up to an IV, I didn’t think they were going to let me go anywhere any time soon, and I was right. Dr. Sanders wants to monitor me overnight and pending any complications, they will let me go home in the morning.

I told Skeet to go home and sleep, he isn’t going to do any good here and if he ends up having to work tomorrow he will hate me for making him sleep on that stupid pull out bed. Before he left they gave me the results of the Fetal Fibronectin test. It is positive; there is a very good chance that Avery will be born in the next couple of weeks. They may as well have punched me in the gut too… I could barely breathe. I did keep it together for Skeet though, I didn’t want him to see me freak out and insist on staying with me tonight. He needs his sleep and I need time to think it all through. For the past 3 years all I have thought about is having a baby and now I am so close but it is nothing like I thought it would be. There is a very good chance that once my baby is born, she will stop breathing, her heart will stop and I will have to watch her die. I don’t know if anyone can be prepared for that. Luckily, they have given me some Ambien to help me sleep, and everyone has gone home. Maybe I will get some sleep tonight after all.

As I was experiencing everything on this day, I had no idea that half way across the world a beautiful baby boy was being born. Theo Dungey passed through this life peacefully on Wednesday October 10, 2007. Theo we will always remember you and we love you. To Andy and Clare, I wish that I could take away the pain that you are experiencing today. However, I am so thankful to have found you and to know that Theo and Avery are together, watching over us. I love you guys!!