Today we celebrate making it to 15 weeks! The past 11 weeks have gone by so slow but so fast at the same time... if that makes any sense. I still have a hard time believing that I am really pregnant... with a real baby!! If it weren't for my stomach growing every day I would be in complete denial. I think back on my BFP (big fat positive!!) and it all seems like a dream. I don't think I ever posted the story so I will do it now, just so that I have it written down in case I ever forget. I woke up on the morning of August 21 and thought to myself that something didn't seem right. My boobs hurt like crazy and they had been this way for well over 2 weeks. That is how I knew that I had ovulated. I didn't know exactly when but I knew that it had been a while and AF should have arrived by then. Just the day before I had been complaining to a good friend of mine that my stomach was so bloated that I looked pregnant and I told her how much I hate when it does that because it's like my body is teasing me. I did not, at that point, believe I was pregnant... at all. So anyway, on the 21st I finally decided, in the middle of the day, to go to the store and get the cheapest pregnancy test they had. I didn't think it would be positive but I was going to a party later that day and didn't know if I would want to have a drink or not so I thought I had better be safe and just take the dang test. I went home and with what little I had in my bladder, I peed on a stick. Within 2 minutes I saw a hint of a line. I knew if I showed it to anyone else they would probably tell me it was negative but I had heard about these "shadow" lines and I started to let myself believe that it might be possible. I decided that I would test again in the morning and no, I didn't drink anything at the party. Despite the pressure I got from my peers ( you know who you are!!)
The next morning I got up at about 5 a.m. to pee and decided to take the 2nd test. When I didn't see anything right away I put the test down and went back to bed. I had woke Skeet up and when he asked how the test went I told him it was negative. A couple of hours later, when I got up for the day, Skeet was gone to work and I went into my bathroom and just happened to glance at the test I had left on the counter. There was definitely a second line there!! I couldn't believe it!! I called Skeet right away and told him that I had lied and that the test was positive. I don't think he really believed it either! I knew better than to get my hopes up. I decided not to tell anyone until after we had a couple of blood tests to confirm. After our blood tests confirmed the pregnancy that week I told my parents but decided to not start spreading the news until we saw an actual heartbeat. It was after seeing that beautiful heartbeat that I announced that we were pregnant to the world! I feel pretty fortunate that I didn't have to take it back. With every appointment we had I could only picture going in to see Dr. S and getting bad news but every time so far the news has been pretty good!
So why can't I let myself get excited about this baby? It's because I am scared to death! The only thing I know is loss. I have never experienced anything but loss when it comes to pregnancy so who can blame me for being a little hesitant about this one? I am trying to be positive. I try to think about the future and try to imagine what our lives will be like next summer, after our baby is born. I try to picture a nursery in our home and how Callie will treat a new member of the family. However, I can't. I think somewhere deep down I am trying to protect myself from a potential heartbreak. Skeet is much more optimistic than I and it really helps. He brings me back down when I start to feel like I am crawling on the ceiling with anxiety. He talks about our baby as if he knows she will be around this time next year ( and yes he refers to the baby as she... it is so dang cute!). So if it weren't for my amazing hubby, I think I would be a complete and total basket case right now.
Now that I have that all off my chest I will get on with the 15 week update...
How far along: 15 weeks
Size of baby: 4 to 4.5 inches. The size of a large navel orange or an apple. His legs are much closer to being proportionate to her body.
Weight gain: When I checked last week I still had 3 pounds to go before I reached my pre pregnancy weight. I am sure I will be there by my next weigh in.
Maternity clothes: Wearing maternity pants more often now but still trying to wear belly bands when I can get away with it. They are getting to be such a pain though because every time I sit down at work my pants pop out the bottom of the belly band and I have to keep fixing it. I am staying away from maternity shirts as much as possible still, although I have broken out a few t-shirts here and there.
Gender: 3 more weeks. I just don't know really. I will be happy either way... just as long as the baby is healthy!!
Movement: I am feeling the fluttering more frequently and love every second of it!! Although when I can't feel it I freak out, which I know it is way to early for that.
Sleep: Still no problem sleeping. I could sleep all day, every day and still sleep through the night. Getting better at sleeping on my side... the key is pillows... lots of pillows!!
Symptoms: The morning sickness came back for a few days last week but seems to be better again the past couple of days. I just have to be eating constantly. I am still really tired... all the time. I also have been having more and more round ligament pain and have been blessed with an increase in charlie horses (do they still call them that?) or cramps in my feet and legs. Headaches and heartburn (or acid reflux) have also become more frequent.
Cravings: Chocolate milk and ice water. For those of you who really know me you know that I normally prefer to not have ice in my beverages, unless I am drinking through a straw, but now I can't go without ice!!
Best moment this week: Hearing Peanut's heartbeat last week while I was at the Dr.'s office with my mom. It was holding strong at 153 bpm. Such a beautiful sound!
What I am looking forward to: Next Monday is my OB appointment and only 3 more weeks until our BIG ultrasound.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
2nd Trimester!!
How far along: 14 weeks
Size of baby: Around 3 and a half inches (the size of a lemon). Peanut weighs 1 and a half ounces too! If all is going well, by the end of the week Peanut's arms will be proportionate to the rest of her body. But his legs still have some catching up to do!
Weight gain: Still not sure..I really need to invest in a scale!
Maternity clothes: Still wearing belly bands most of the time but have broken out the maternity pants and have worn them a couple of times... I just forgot how ugly they can be!!
Gender: Only 4 more weeks until we find out... what do you think? Skeet is sure that Peanut is a girl.
Movement: I now think that the fluttering is in fact Peanut dancing around. If I hold really still sometimes I can feel it!
Sleep: Still no problem sleeping. I could sleep all day, every day and still sleep through the night. Getting better at sleeping on my side... the key is pillows... lots of pillows!!
Symptoms: I have been feeling so much better! Occasionally if I don't eat every couple of hours I will start to feel sick and even get really shaky and faint. I have been having more and more headaches and heartburn. I am starting to feel round ligament pains too. My gut is getting huge (as you may have seen in my last post) and my boobs are keeping up rather well! I am still tired all the time but I am hoping that will start getting better so that I have more energy to work out or even clean my house!
Cravings: Mexican food and chocolate milk... although I don't think I could handle them together!
Best moment this week: Making it to the 2nd trimester!! We are about a third of the way through this pregnancy!!
What I am looking forward to: 2 more weeks until my next OB appt and 4 until our level II ultrasound in St. George. I am getting so nervous!
Size of baby: Around 3 and a half inches (the size of a lemon). Peanut weighs 1 and a half ounces too! If all is going well, by the end of the week Peanut's arms will be proportionate to the rest of her body. But his legs still have some catching up to do!
Weight gain: Still not sure..I really need to invest in a scale!
Maternity clothes: Still wearing belly bands most of the time but have broken out the maternity pants and have worn them a couple of times... I just forgot how ugly they can be!!
Gender: Only 4 more weeks until we find out... what do you think? Skeet is sure that Peanut is a girl.
Movement: I now think that the fluttering is in fact Peanut dancing around. If I hold really still sometimes I can feel it!
Sleep: Still no problem sleeping. I could sleep all day, every day and still sleep through the night. Getting better at sleeping on my side... the key is pillows... lots of pillows!!
Symptoms: I have been feeling so much better! Occasionally if I don't eat every couple of hours I will start to feel sick and even get really shaky and faint. I have been having more and more headaches and heartburn. I am starting to feel round ligament pains too. My gut is getting huge (as you may have seen in my last post) and my boobs are keeping up rather well! I am still tired all the time but I am hoping that will start getting better so that I have more energy to work out or even clean my house!
Cravings: Mexican food and chocolate milk... although I don't think I could handle them together!
Best moment this week: Making it to the 2nd trimester!! We are about a third of the way through this pregnancy!!
What I am looking forward to: 2 more weeks until my next OB appt and 4 until our level II ultrasound in St. George. I am getting so nervous!
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Belly Shot!
This is my 13 week belly shot! I think I look huge for 13 weeks. I don't really know why I am so big... I don't think it is fat really but whatever it is, I love it!!
Skeet tried to get the belly in the shot but the flash just got my really pale face instead!! You can use your imagination!
We were lucky enough to go to a couple of fun Halloween parties this year! I was a 1920's flapper and Skeet was a GYN with a kind of gross name so I won't put it here...
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
13 weeks!
How far along: 13 weeks
Size of baby: Around 3 inches (the size of a medium shrimp)
Weight gain: Not sure, I guess I should start weighing myself more often but I don't own a scale!! The last time I was weighed I had lost 11 pounds total.
Maternity clothes: Just belly bands right now but my mom and sister picked out some really cute stuff and now I can't wait to wear it!!
Gender: Only 5 more weeks until we find out!!
Movement: Every once and a while I feel a fluttering and though I am sure it is gas, I like to think that I can feel the baby moving. I think I am a few weeks away from that still.
Sleep: Still no problem sleeping. I could sleep all day, every day and still sleep through the night. Although I have been trying to sleep on my left side (so I can get in the habit) and that has not been easy!
Symptoms: The nausea still comes at night and occasionally during the day if I don't eat constantly. Still tired constantly and am looking forward to getting some energy back. Boobs still hurt like crazy and are getting huge! Heartburn is starting to occur more frequently and unfortunately Tums are starting to make me nauseous.
Cravings: Nothing has really stood out this last week other than chips and salsa. I want Mexican food all the time but that doesn't really help with the heartburn.
Best moment this week: Well it starts with a bad moment. Yesterday I had some pretty severe pain in my lower stomach and it freaked me out pretty bad. I called Dr. S and he had me come in right away. There was no spotting or any reason to believe I was miscarrying but the pain was so bad at times that I couldn't stand up straight or even walk. It would come and go so I didn't know if it was serious or not. Dr. S did an ultrasound and saw a small sac of fluid in my cervix but didn't think it was anything to be too concerned with. His other two suggestions were that I have kidney stones or that I was having really bad gas. The best part of it all was that I was able to see Peanut for a moment. I don't know if I can call her Peanut anymore because he's starting to look like a baby! She was waving her arms and kicking her legs around. He was so dang cute!! He wouldn't hold still long enough for them to measure the heartbeat but Dr. S said she looked great!
What I am looking forward to: Only 3 more weeks until our next check-up and our BIG ultrasound is scheduled for Dec. 1st. This one I am looking forward to and dreading at the same time. I can't wait to feel this baby move!!
Size of baby: Around 3 inches (the size of a medium shrimp)
Weight gain: Not sure, I guess I should start weighing myself more often but I don't own a scale!! The last time I was weighed I had lost 11 pounds total.
Maternity clothes: Just belly bands right now but my mom and sister picked out some really cute stuff and now I can't wait to wear it!!
Gender: Only 5 more weeks until we find out!!
Movement: Every once and a while I feel a fluttering and though I am sure it is gas, I like to think that I can feel the baby moving. I think I am a few weeks away from that still.
Sleep: Still no problem sleeping. I could sleep all day, every day and still sleep through the night. Although I have been trying to sleep on my left side (so I can get in the habit) and that has not been easy!
Symptoms: The nausea still comes at night and occasionally during the day if I don't eat constantly. Still tired constantly and am looking forward to getting some energy back. Boobs still hurt like crazy and are getting huge! Heartburn is starting to occur more frequently and unfortunately Tums are starting to make me nauseous.
Cravings: Nothing has really stood out this last week other than chips and salsa. I want Mexican food all the time but that doesn't really help with the heartburn.
Best moment this week: Well it starts with a bad moment. Yesterday I had some pretty severe pain in my lower stomach and it freaked me out pretty bad. I called Dr. S and he had me come in right away. There was no spotting or any reason to believe I was miscarrying but the pain was so bad at times that I couldn't stand up straight or even walk. It would come and go so I didn't know if it was serious or not. Dr. S did an ultrasound and saw a small sac of fluid in my cervix but didn't think it was anything to be too concerned with. His other two suggestions were that I have kidney stones or that I was having really bad gas. The best part of it all was that I was able to see Peanut for a moment. I don't know if I can call her Peanut anymore because he's starting to look like a baby! She was waving her arms and kicking her legs around. He was so dang cute!! He wouldn't hold still long enough for them to measure the heartbeat but Dr. S said she looked great!
What I am looking forward to: Only 3 more weeks until our next check-up and our BIG ultrasound is scheduled for Dec. 1st. This one I am looking forward to and dreading at the same time. I can't wait to feel this baby move!!
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
12 Weeks! Yay!!
How far along: 12 weeks
Size of baby: Peanut should be about 2 1/2 inches, the size of a large plum
Weight gain: As of last week I have lost 11 lbs.
Maternity clothes: Just belly bands, but the belly is growing... you never know!
Gender: Most think girl but there are a few that are sure it's a boy! We'll see in another 6 weeks!
Movement: Not yet but I am looking forward to that day!
Sleep: I could sleep all day! Sleeping is not a problem yet and I am trying to enjoy it while I can!
Symptoms: The nausea is letting up a little bit. I still get it in the mornings and at night before bed, but there are a couple of hours in the middle of the day that, if I keep food in my stomach, I feel somewhat normal. My boobs are still swollen and sore and I am tired ALL THE TIME!!
Cravings: It changes from day to day. Lately it's been cheeseburgers... you know the good kind from Top Spot or Brads, but in a pinch McDonalds will do. I also love chips and salsa!!
Best Moment this week: Making it to 12 weeks of course!
What I am looking forward to: Feeling the baby move for the first time. Also, we go back in 4 weeks for a check up... don't know how I will make it that long!
Size of baby: Peanut should be about 2 1/2 inches, the size of a large plum
Weight gain: As of last week I have lost 11 lbs.
Maternity clothes: Just belly bands, but the belly is growing... you never know!
Gender: Most think girl but there are a few that are sure it's a boy! We'll see in another 6 weeks!
Movement: Not yet but I am looking forward to that day!
Sleep: I could sleep all day! Sleeping is not a problem yet and I am trying to enjoy it while I can!
Symptoms: The nausea is letting up a little bit. I still get it in the mornings and at night before bed, but there are a couple of hours in the middle of the day that, if I keep food in my stomach, I feel somewhat normal. My boobs are still swollen and sore and I am tired ALL THE TIME!!
Cravings: It changes from day to day. Lately it's been cheeseburgers... you know the good kind from Top Spot or Brads, but in a pinch McDonalds will do. I also love chips and salsa!!
Best Moment this week: Making it to 12 weeks of course!
What I am looking forward to: Feeling the baby move for the first time. Also, we go back in 4 weeks for a check up... don't know how I will make it that long!
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Ultrasound update
Well Peanut looks great! Measuring ahead a few days at 11 weeks 4 days and has a very strong heartbeat. We didn't get to see him move to much but she must have been moving a lot when they were trying to get his heartbeat on the doppler cause all they could hear was her moving around but could never get the heartbeat. I have to admit that had both mom and dad panicking a little bit. We are so relieved that our baby looks good. Dr. S doesn't want to see us back for 5 WHOLE WEEKS!! I don't know how I am going to make it that long. I am a nervous wreck every day, I really need to find something to take my mind off of it all.
As for me, I woke up this morning with the worst headache ever and my stomach refused to let me take anything for it, even after Skeet was sweet enough to run to Maverick at 6 a.m. to buy me Tylenol and a Sprite. I have been able to keep some water and a piece of toast down since then so Dr. S just told me to let him know if the headache comes back or if the vomiting gets worse. I DO NOT want to go to the hospital so I am taking it easy at home and praying that by tomorrow I feel somewhat normal again so that I can make it to the Wave of Light Memorial!
As for me, I woke up this morning with the worst headache ever and my stomach refused to let me take anything for it, even after Skeet was sweet enough to run to Maverick at 6 a.m. to buy me Tylenol and a Sprite. I have been able to keep some water and a piece of toast down since then so Dr. S just told me to let him know if the headache comes back or if the vomiting gets worse. I DO NOT want to go to the hospital so I am taking it easy at home and praying that by tomorrow I feel somewhat normal again so that I can make it to the Wave of Light Memorial!
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Happy Birthday Avery
Wow, has it really been 3 years? Today is the only day of the year that I really let myself go back and think about everything that happened that day and the days leading up to it. I can still remember it like it was yesterday and it is still bittersweet. I am very emotional this year and I blame it mostly on the hormones but I am also really sad about all we missed out on this year. 3 year olds are so much fun. Learning all that they can and asking every and any question they can think of. They are learning about the world and experimenting with everything around them. I know that she would be a handful and I would be twice as exhausted as I already am because I believe we would still be pregnant. Mostly because when we were pregnant with Avery we thought we would wait until she was about 3 before we tried again. I know I would be okay though. Moms do it all the time. I have an amazing friend who has 3 young kids and is pregnant with her 4th... honestly I think she is supermom, I don't know how she does it.
We had Avery's birthday party last night because my parents left this morning for Philly to visit my sister and the little monster (who I miss tremendously... hint hint). We did a balloon release at the cemetery with the help of my gorgeous nieces and then had pizza (Midvalley Pizza of course) and a Blizzard cake. I am so grateful to my family for being so understanding of my need to celebrate Avery's birthday. It's the one day a year that I make sure that everyone remembers her. This year my cute 5 year old niece had all kinds of questions about Avery and about the new baby in my tummy. It was adorable. I love the innocence of children. I wish they could stay that way forever!
We get to celebrate Miss Avery twice this week, on Friday we will be attending a Wave of Light Memorial to observe Infant and Pregnancy Loss Awareness Day. I am so excited for this event because Mari and Beckie will be performing Avery's song live. I will finally get to thank them face-to-face and let them know how much it really means to Skeet and I, and our families. I know the song has touched so many lives and I feel so unworthy of such an amazing gift. (If you can't make it to the memorial, and you haven't heard the song, there is a small player on the right side of my blog that will play the song if you hit the play button).
Today I went to the cemetery, lit a candle, and sat and talked to Avery for almost 20 minutes. (I wanted to read her story to her but I couldn't find my hard copy in my mess of a house so I may have to do it later this week or this weekend). I like to believe that she could hear me and that she knows how much I love her and miss her. I feel like Skeet and I have missed out on so much because we had to say goodbye to her so soon, but I also know that she is very special and was needed back in Heaven. We are so proud to be her parents and we can't wait to tell her new brother or sister all about her.
One thing that has been especially tough is remembering all the details of her birth and the days afterward when we had to put our daughter in the ground. I have had a hard time with that mostly because I know that I am not strong enough to do that again. I hope and pray that this child I am carrying is healthy. Losing another baby may put me over the edge. Most would think that the fact that I am expecting again would make this birthday easier but it is actually the opposite. It stresses me out.
Thank you to all of our family and friends that have expressed their thoughts and prayers to us over the last couple of days. We are so grateful for all of you and appreciate all you do. We love you!! I will update tomorrow after our ultrasound.
We had Avery's birthday party last night because my parents left this morning for Philly to visit my sister and the little monster (who I miss tremendously... hint hint). We did a balloon release at the cemetery with the help of my gorgeous nieces and then had pizza (Midvalley Pizza of course) and a Blizzard cake. I am so grateful to my family for being so understanding of my need to celebrate Avery's birthday. It's the one day a year that I make sure that everyone remembers her. This year my cute 5 year old niece had all kinds of questions about Avery and about the new baby in my tummy. It was adorable. I love the innocence of children. I wish they could stay that way forever!
We get to celebrate Miss Avery twice this week, on Friday we will be attending a Wave of Light Memorial to observe Infant and Pregnancy Loss Awareness Day. I am so excited for this event because Mari and Beckie will be performing Avery's song live. I will finally get to thank them face-to-face and let them know how much it really means to Skeet and I, and our families. I know the song has touched so many lives and I feel so unworthy of such an amazing gift. (If you can't make it to the memorial, and you haven't heard the song, there is a small player on the right side of my blog that will play the song if you hit the play button).
Today I went to the cemetery, lit a candle, and sat and talked to Avery for almost 20 minutes. (I wanted to read her story to her but I couldn't find my hard copy in my mess of a house so I may have to do it later this week or this weekend). I like to believe that she could hear me and that she knows how much I love her and miss her. I feel like Skeet and I have missed out on so much because we had to say goodbye to her so soon, but I also know that she is very special and was needed back in Heaven. We are so proud to be her parents and we can't wait to tell her new brother or sister all about her.
One thing that has been especially tough is remembering all the details of her birth and the days afterward when we had to put our daughter in the ground. I have had a hard time with that mostly because I know that I am not strong enough to do that again. I hope and pray that this child I am carrying is healthy. Losing another baby may put me over the edge. Most would think that the fact that I am expecting again would make this birthday easier but it is actually the opposite. It stresses me out.
Thank you to all of our family and friends that have expressed their thoughts and prayers to us over the last couple of days. We are so grateful for all of you and appreciate all you do. We love you!! I will update tomorrow after our ultrasound.
11 weeks
How far along: 11 weeks
Size of baby: Peanut should be about 2 inches, the size of a small plum
Weight gain: um.. not sure.. will update tomorrow
Maternity clothes: Just belly bands, hoping the maternity clothes can stay in the closet for at least another month or two.
Gender: Unknown
Movement: Not yet but I am looking forward to that day!
Sleep: I could sleep all day! Sleeping is not a problem yet and I am trying to enjoy it while I can!
Symptoms: The nausea is letting up a little bit. I still get it in the mornings and at night before bed, but there are a couple of hours in the middle of the day that, if I keep food in my stomach, I feel somewhat normal. My boobs are still swollen and sore and I am tired ALL THE TIME!!
Cravings: Frozen burritos (I eat them cooked of course), salty foods, fruit, salads, Midvalley Pizza and occasionally chips with my mother-in-law's yummy homemade salsa
Best Moment this week: Hitting 11 weeks! Only 1 more until the 12 week mark!
What I am looking forward to: Our ultrasound tomorrow and then hitting the 12 week mark! Then it's goodbye Metformin and goodbye Progesterone! It will be nice to only have to take a Prenatal vitamin every day!
Size of baby: Peanut should be about 2 inches, the size of a small plum
Weight gain: um.. not sure.. will update tomorrow
Maternity clothes: Just belly bands, hoping the maternity clothes can stay in the closet for at least another month or two.
Gender: Unknown
Movement: Not yet but I am looking forward to that day!
Sleep: I could sleep all day! Sleeping is not a problem yet and I am trying to enjoy it while I can!
Symptoms: The nausea is letting up a little bit. I still get it in the mornings and at night before bed, but there are a couple of hours in the middle of the day that, if I keep food in my stomach, I feel somewhat normal. My boobs are still swollen and sore and I am tired ALL THE TIME!!
Cravings: Frozen burritos (I eat them cooked of course), salty foods, fruit, salads, Midvalley Pizza and occasionally chips with my mother-in-law's yummy homemade salsa
Best Moment this week: Hitting 11 weeks! Only 1 more until the 12 week mark!
What I am looking forward to: Our ultrasound tomorrow and then hitting the 12 week mark! Then it's goodbye Metformin and goodbye Progesterone! It will be nice to only have to take a Prenatal vitamin every day!
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Wave of Light Memorial
To all my local friends out there... I know some of you have experienced pregnancy loss and would like to extend this invitation to you. Please let me know if you would be interested in attending. We would love for this to be an annual event and it would be great if we could get a good turn out this year. Plus, Mari and Beckie will be singing Avery's song live! I can't wait! We do need to keep count of how many will be attending though, so if you would like to pleast let me know. Also, if you know of others who might be interested please let them know. Thank you!!
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