10 Weeks

How far along: 10 weeks

Size of baby: Peanut should be about an inch and a half at this point, the size of a prune. 

Weight gain: -8 lbs.
Maternity clothes: None yet but I finally broke out the belly bands!

Gender: Unknown
Movement: Not yet but I am looking forward to that day!

Sleep: I could sleep all day!  Sleeping is not a problem yet and I am trying to enjoy it while I can!

Symptoms: Nausea, headaches, sore boobies (sorry TMI), fatigue, you name it, I've got it!
Cravings: Frozen burritos (I eat them cooked of course), salty foods, fruit, salads.

Best Moment this week: Hitting 10 weeks!  Only 2 more until the 12 week mark!

What I am looking forward to: Our ultrasound next week and then hitting the 12 week mark! Then it's goodbye Metformin and goodbye Progesterone!  It will be nice to only have to take a Prenatal vitamin every day!

Gummi Bear!!!

I was lucky enough to see our Peanut again today!  Everything looks great! My fluid levels are good and the baby is growing perfectly!  Heartbeat is measuring at 174 bpm and I was able to see our baby moving her arms and legs!!  She is also measuring 1 inch long!  Dr. S seems very pleased with our progress but is still concerned about getting us past 12 weeks.  Today I am 9 weeks 2 days so I have a little under 3 weeks before we hit that 12 week mark and I may drive myself crazy with nerves before then! 
Dr. S also tried to get me a 3D pic but the baby kind of looked like a bumpy blob... but like Dr. S said, it's a beautiful blob and it's my blob!!  I personally think the baby looks like a Gummi Bear at this point!  So cute! 
At my appointment today they took down all of my history and gave me books, pamphlets and other info on pregnancy.  I thought for sure when they handed me that bag this pregnancy would feel more real, but it didn't.  I still have to pinch myself multiple times a day just to see if I am dreaming.  Even watching our baby move around on the screen seemed so unreal to me.  I wish Skeet could have been there.  He has been out of town for our last 3 ultrasounds.  I go back in two weeks for our last ultrasound for a while and he just HAS to be there!!  I will reschedule that appointment over and over if I have to, just so that he can be there and experience it.  Our appt. is currently on 10/14, the day after Avery's birthday.  I think I might try to change it to her birthday.  It might be something special that Skeet and I do together that day since we have to have her birthday party the day before so that my parents can participate.  (They are going to Philly to visit my sister and her family.. I am sooo jealous!) 
As far as pregnancy symptoms go I am still nauseous on a daily basis but it is bearable. I even gained some of the weight I had lost back because I have been able to eat more than I could the first few weeks.  Actually, it was kind of sad to see how much I had gained back but as long as I don't get too far beyond my pre pregnancy weight too quickly, I think I can handle it.  I can't button up most of my pants at this point and will be pulling out the belly bands if I can find them this weekend.  I may have to start shopping for a new bra as well.  Tums have become my best friend because just about everything gives me heartburn... even water at times.  Luckily the Tums are working (they didn't when I was pregnant with Avery) and I hope that they will continue to. 
Right now I think I am mostly worried about whether or not this baby is healthy.  If he has OI type II like Avery, there is nothing we can do about it but I still pray every day that she is healthy and that we will get to keep him.  I figured it out and we will find out one way or the other, right before Christmas.  Oh I hope we have a GREAT Christmas this year! 

So there you have my pregnancy rant... I will try to post again next week but my next appt is not for another 2 weeks so I may not have much to report!

7 years!!

Today Skeet and I celebrate our 7th anniversary!  7 years has gone by so quickly but so much has happened!  We got married at a beautiful little venue in Enoch called Willow Glen Inn.  The trees at this place are amazing! It was a beautiful day, so green and warm!  I look back now and think of how naive I was back then.  Never would I have ever believed that we would suffer from infertility, or that we would have to spend tens of thousands of dollars to get pregnant with our first child, only to have to say goodbye and bury her only months later.  A lot of marriages wouldn't have survived what we have been through but our marriage is stronger than ever.  For a couple that met on a blind date and didn't even know each other a year before they got married, we have a love, and a marriage, stronger than most I have known.  I am so thankful, everyday, for Skeet and the love and support that I get from him on a daily basis.  He is my rock and my best friend.  I look forward to spending the rest of my life loving him.  He is going to be an amazing dad! I can't believe that when we celebrate our next anniversary we will have a little baby to celebrate with! How awesome is that?

I love you Skeet! More today than ever and even when I think it's impossible you find ways to make me love you more.  Happy Anniversary baby! You are the BEST!!!

Rainbows

Rainbow Baby is the term given to the babies that come after a loss.  It has been almost 3 years since we lost Avery and I think I needed that 3 years to fully grieve.  Today, as I was driving into town to see Dr. S for my 3rd ultrasound I looked up to see a big, beautiful rainbow.  At that instant all the anxiety I was having about the appointment disappeared.  It was almost like someone was telling me not to worry, that my rainbow baby was okay. 

Baby Bean has officially graduated to a Peanut!!  He/She is measuring right on at 8 wks 1 day (or 1.69 cm) and has a heartbeat of 170 bpm.  My fluid levels looked great today and Peanut is starting to look more like something each week!  I have lost another 3 pounds which brings my total weight loss to 11 pounds.  I have been eating more because I haven't felt quite as sick since Dr. S lowered my Metformin dose from 1500 mg to 1000 mg daily.  It has made a huge difference.  I still feel nauseous most of the day but I can at least eat without feeling like I am going to die!  As of today I have only thrown up once which is huge for me because I fight back the urge many times a day.  I hate throwing up... you have no idea how much.  So when I feel it coming on I breathe through it and try to think of something else and it usually works... except for that one time. 

At our first ultrasound Dr. S said that I had ovulated from my left side, but today after I insisted he check my right tube (I know I am too paranoid) he said that I in fact, ovulated from the right side.  My ovary on that side is huge and swollen and it really hurt when he pushed on it.  Actually it still hurts. 

Another thing that was brought up at this scan was that Dr. S wants me to go to St. George for a detailed scan at around 18 weeks to make sure this baby doesn't have any of the genetic problems we ran into with Miss Avery.  I can't believe I have to wait another 10 weeks to know if this baby is healthy or not.  I guess all I can do is keep praying and try to stay positive.  At least I don't have to see Dr. G because I heard a rumor he's not around anymore... Yay!!  I go back to Dr. S next week for my first OB appointment and another scan.

I want to thank everyone for  your encouraging words and especially for your prayers.  It means so much to us that there are so many out there praying for our peanut!! 

7 Weeks

I went in today for my second ultrasound.  Our bean has grown and is measuring at exactly 7 weeks.  It has a heartbeat still (whew), 132 bpm.  Dr. S said that everything looked okay except that the fluid around the baby is low, which is a cause for concern this early on.  He said that there isn't really anything I can do so I will go back in next week for another ultrasound to check on our bean.  I guess all we can do now is pray... which is what I have been doing constantly since I got the first positive pregnancy test. 
I have been really, really nauseous and tired along with some other symptoms that I won't discuss here!  Today I finally asked for some phenegren gel (sp?). I am not sure it's going to work cause it didn't with Avery but I will try it anyway.  I have lost almost 8 pounds since I found out so I am thinking I need to be eating a little bit more and the only way I can do that is to stop feeling so sick all the time (which, don't get me wrong, I am totally, 100% grateful for!!). 
One of these days I will write down the story of the first couple of days of this pregnancy but for now I was just hoping that I could ask for you to pray again for our baby bean, that it will continue to grow and be healthy and that the fluid issue will resolve itself.  Thank you!!

You are NOT going to believe this!

(Kate this picture was taken just for you!!  Sorry I didn't have any granite for a background!)

I know the picture isn't great but yep... that's right!  We're pregnant!  It is really early, I shouldn't be spreading the news just yet cause there is still a chance I might have to take it back.  It's actually really stupid of me to be telling anyone just yet, I hope I don't jinx myself but I just can't hold it in any longer!  Today we were able to see our little bean's heartbeat and it was AMAZING!! 

Just a quick recap of how this happened... well let's just say it was a COMPLETE surprise!  I wasn't taking anything, I wasn't tracking anything, and I definitely wasn't expecting anything like this.  I feel so blessed.  I have just become one of those woman that I have always envied and I am loving every minute!  We are around 6 weeks along, which puts us due around the first of May. Dr. S says I am not out of the woods yet, which I totally get, am I ever really out of the woods? We are going back in next week for another ultrasound to check on little bean.  I hope that it's okay if I ask anyone who reads this to pray for our little bean, that it will continue to grow into a healthy baby.  We would appreciate any help we can get!  Thank you!

Mommy Models time again!!

This year I was lucky enough to do Mommy Models with my mom and my sister! I love how the pictures turned out and I LOVE Emily!!!  Go here to vote! Make sure you click on "Vote Here" and then vote for #3 or #7. 

Taking a break

I don't know if anyone visits this blog anymore.  I know I haven't posted anything worth reading in a while.  Actually, I haven't posted ANYTHING for a while.  I am going to take this opportunity to make my excuses!!  School kept me incredibly busy this summer but I am proud to announce that I got through it okay and ended up with two "A"s and an "A-".  I had hoped to be able to take Fall Semester off and just focus on something else but no such luck.  I have to take a Communications class, which won't be too bad, but the thought of doing more homework makes me want to scream! 

Another reason I have been neglecting my blog is mainly because I have been trying to avoid blogs in general.  A lot of what I was reading everyday was really depressing me.  No offense to any of you.  I normally love reading your blogs but I have been in a funk lately and reading about everyone else's happy news just made me sad.  I know, I am pathetic.  I think I need to start back on my anti-depressants, actually I KNOW I need to start on them again.  I just hate the idea of relying on drugs to feel like a normal person.  It's something I need to just get over, but I really hate dealing with the side effects, and honestly I think Skeet does too! 

You can probably guess that nothing has been happening on the baby front.  I thought, for a minute there, that I might be ready to start looking into adoption.  It is something I have always wanted to do but never realized how much work it is.  I began doing Internet searches for ideas for profiles and what not and every time I began reading into it I would have an anxiety attack.  I don't think the idea of adopting is the problem, I think the process is what freaks me out.  It might have something to do with the fact that I have a fear of being judged.  I have a hard time thinking of reasons why Skeet and I would deserve a baby more than someone else.  How do you put yourself out there so completely to strangers when there is something as precious as a baby involved.  Then there is the fear that we would finally be chosen by a birth mother only to have her change her mind at the last minute, or even months after having the baby in our home.  I think I have a lot of fears to work through before I will be able to begin the process, but I have no idea where to start! 

Because of all this, I have decided to take a little break.  From blogging and from Facebook.  If something blog-worthy happens I may jump on to share but I think I need to try to work through my issues without finding out that every person I know is pregnant or has adopted.  It is not that I am not happy for each of you.  I really am and wish you all the happiness in the world.  I am just ready to be happy for me too.  Maybe it's selfish but it is something I need right now.  Thank you all for your friendship and support!  I hope that you will forgive me if I have offended!  I love you!!

Where Did Summer Go?

I know it's been a while since I have update, AGAIN!  I have a hard enough time keeping up with all the blogs I read, let alone writing a couple of new posts  myself.  Things have been crazy with school.  I feel like all I do anymore is homework. It gets pretty frustrating sometimes, knowing that I could be out in the yard pulling weeds, or spending some much needed time on the mountain.  (Callie & I both need the exercise).  I can't believe that in a few short weeks, Fall semester will be starting and work will get crazy busy again. 

So as far as updates go, there's not much to tell.  I did run a 5K (my first race ever!) with my beautiful and inspiring friend Carrie.  We did really good considering that it was our first race and we were both frozen (Carrie more so than I) by the time the race started.  We finished the race in 27.41 minutes.  I am so proud of us.  She keeps saying that next year we will do the 10K but I haven't ran since the race so I'm not sure I will be up for a 10K by then.  No really, I do hope that in a years time I will have improved enough to do a 10K. 

In other news, I did end up ovulating this cycle.  I thought I had ovulated around CD16 but my temps told me otherwise.  Then around CD29 I had a huge spike in temperature and it has stayed up since.  Unfortunately it looks as though AF is on her way.  I wasn't really expecting much from this cycle, really I wasn't.  However, it has been really hard on me.  I don't know why.  I keep thinking about how great it would be if Skeet and I were to have a baby.  I keep wondering what our next baby would look like and what kind of a personality it would have.  I wonder what we would name him/her and how our families would react.  All of these thought are torture, complete torture.  But I can't help it.  These thoughts come out of nowhere and consume me.  I still miss Avery every day and wonder what our lives would be like now, if she were still with us.  The problem is, I don't want to think about these things.  I want to be able to just move on.  To say that it just must not be in the cards for us and to go forward.  I want to be okay with it, but the more I try, the less likely it seems that it will ever happen.  I don't think the Human Development class I am taking is helping either.  I will read about issues that people deal with at every stage of life and it just reminds me of what we are missing out on.  Yea it might suck to have a rebellious teenager or a child with a learning disability, but I feel cheated cause I may never get the chance to find out.  I know that probably sounds messed up... I am kind of messed up these days. 

Oh and one more thing, I had decided to go to the cemetery to visit Miss Avery the other day and I walk up to find her headstone twisted at an angle that it was not supposed to be in.  It looked like someone had hit it with a lawnmower or something.  The cement that was holding it to its base was broken all around it.  Without thinking, I grabbed it and twisted it back, said goodbye to her and stalked off very angrily.  As I was driving home I kicked myself for not getting a picture before I moved it back, or even just leaving it be for evidence.  I have a call in to the cemetery but they haven't called me back.  I really hope they offer to fix it because if they don't, they will be getting a very nasty, very mean phone call or visit from Skeet.  He can be scary when he wants to be.  I wouldn't want to be at the other end of that.  I think he should do a personal visit... he's much more intimidating that way.  Either way, I hope we can get it fixed soon... it makes me sad to think that it's not perfect for her.

Not Much

I know I haven't posted in a while, not much has been going on with us.  Skeet spent 2 weeks in St. George to finish off his Master's class he started last fall.  I have been busy with school, work and volunteering in the Radiology Dept. at the hospital.  I am sure most everyone has figured out by now that our last cycle didn't result in a pregnancy.  I was going to take a nice long break from TTC because of Skeet's unpredictable work schedule during fire season, but I did know where he was going to be around ovulation in June so I decided to go for it again.  I didn't do acupuncture this time though and I am wondering if that made a difference because I am 98% sure that I didn't ovulate this cycle.  I did get positive OPKs and felt all the right twinges around the time that ovulation was supposed to happen, but my temps didn't go up so I don't think ovulation actually happened.  I am now waiting for Aunt Flow to show but if I didn't ovulate, she isn't likely to show.  I will not be doing clomid for a couple of months and that is only if I do decide to go that route again.  I need to meet with Dr. S again and find out what he thinks I should do.  I just wish that someone could tell me one way or the other, yes it is possible that you can get pregnant this way or no, it will definitely not work.  It would be so much easier if I just knew. 
So anyway, other than that we are just praying for some fires (not anything big, just enough to get some overtime and hazard pay) and I keep hoping the summer will slow down a bit so I can enjoy it.  That's not likely to happen though.