The Houston Family

3 Quarters of a Year

2012-01-27T11:55:00.000-07:00

9 MONTHS!! My baby is 9 months old! He is so big! And so smart! And so dang Cute!! We are loving every second with Sawyer. He really is the perfect fit for our family. Everyone just adores him and he always keeps us laughing. I am sad that he's growing up so fast but I have to admit it is a lot of fun to watch him grow and learn every day! I cherish every second I get to spend with him and everyday I wish it could be more.

Sawyer had his 9 month check up yesterday so here are his stats...
20 pounds exactly - 43rd percentile
29 inches (although I think it's closer to 30) - 74th percentile
Head is 18 inches which is around the 60th percentile.

He is pretty healthy for the most part. Right now he has a stuffy nose but nothing we can't handle. Also, Dr. N wants Sawyer to get an x-ray done of his spine. He has had the cutest little crooked bum crack for as long as I've known him and I just thought it was just part of what made him so stinkin cute and special. Well Dr. N is concerned that it could be due to a form of Spina Bifida. I was freaked out to hear that but calmed down when he assured us that it shouldn't affect Sawyer's life in the slightest. Except for perhaps a large growth that could form right at the top of his cute little crack. We have yet to visit radiology but will be doing so soon and I'll let you know what we find out. For some reason I am not very worried and just have this feeling that my little man is going to be just fine.

Here are a few fun facts about our 9 month old...
Has started step 3 foods and has loved them so far.
He has also tried french toast, pancakes, eggs, grilled cheese, PF breadstick, noodles, crackers, cutie oranges, and lemonade.
He is still nursing for the most part but does have one bottle of formula per day. Starting next month we might bump it up to two as we start to wean him. We hope to have him fully weaned by one year.
He can crawl, but only army crawl and only backwards. This upsets him sometimes when he really wants to get at what's in front of him. I see him taking off any day now though which means we need to get baby-proofed fast!
He can pull himself up to standing and loves to stand up like a big boy. He also loves to walk in his walker or holding on to some one's hands.
He loves the opening credits to any TV show as long as there is singing or music. As soon as that part is over he has no interest in the TV at all (unless it's football or Elmo, then he might pay attention for a few more seconds).
He still loves bath time and takes his splashing and kicking very seriously. We can't wait to take him swimming.
His hair grows crazy fast (like both mommy and daddy's) and has had his 3rd haircut already!
He's wearing mostly 12 month clothes except for his Gerber stuff which runs small so he has to have 18 month. He's still in size 3 diapers but we have a box of 4s just waiting to be opened.
He still has only two teeth but Dr. N thinks the top 2 are well on their way. Sawyer loves to have his teeth brushed too (when mom remembers to do it).
He still loves story time and would sit and listen to his favorite books over and over.
He loves playing peek a boo, especially with mommy and grandma. He also loves playing "Monkey on the Bed" and will jump, fall over and shake his head no along with the song. He also thinks it's great when mommy sings "Old McDonald Has A Farm" and makes all the animal noises.
When you ask him where the doggie is, he looks around for Callie.

I cannot get over how much I love my little boy. He has both his Daddy and I wrapped tightly around his little finger. I cannot imagine our lives without him and I thank my Heavenly Father every day for letting me be Sawyer's mom. I miss him so much every minute I am not with him and wonder if that will ever go away? Not that I want it to but it is so hard to leave him every day. He is such a busy boy these days too and always keeps us on our toes. I am looking forward to our spring and summer together, we are going to have so much fun!

Here are some recent pictures, I hope you love them as much as I do! ( I still haven't completely figured out my camera yet and didn't have time to edit any of these so some aren't great quality)

And now, for Sawyer's silly faces... he is too funny!!

"I Saw God Today"

2012-01-10T11:38:00.001-07:00

This song (by George Strait) came out in early 2008. When I first heard it, and really listened to the words, I cried. Like ugly crying that makes your eyes and nose swollen. It really is such a touching song and I still think of it often and still get teary eyed when it comes on the radio. I am not a huge fan of Mr. Strait but this song touches my heart in just the right way. I think mostly because when it came out we were still reeling over the birth/loss/burial of our little girl, but there was something else.

I have this thing I do. I have these episodes where I will over analyze things, or maybe over think is a better way to put it. I give myself anxiety attacks when I start to really think about why things are the way they are, how many people there really are on this earth, how big the universe is, and even how things came to be. I don't know if other people really think about this stuff but I do. A lot. And I am being completely honest when I say that I think about it so much that my heart starts to race, my breathing quickens and I feel like I need to crawl into bed, stick my head under the covers, and hide. I have never read the Old Testament and wonder if I did, if it would make me more likely to panic or less likely? I really should try and see if it helps me with these episodes.

Since we brought our second child into this world these episodes happen more often. I start to think of his future and what might be in store for him. I try to imagine what the world will be like when he's 18, graduating high school, and deciding where to go from there. I read the news these days and it seems like there is bad stuff everywhere! You rarely hear about the good and that, of course, does not help me with the anxiety at all. Sawyer is only 8 months old and I am already worried about him starting sports, riding a bike, making friends, going to church or school, getting a cavity filled, riding a bus, his first sleepover, etc., etc., etc. I am never going to keep him from doing things that he wants to do (within reason) but I know I will worry about him constantly. I want him to go out, experience the world, learn and grow but at the same time I want to put him in a bubble and never let anything bad ever happen to him. What if he is bullied at school? What if he is the bully? What if he's like me and has major social anxiety? What if he's too friendly and trusts people he shouldn't? A mom could go crazy with all of the things there are to worry about these days.

I guess I got a little off subject. My point today (yes that was a long rant, sorry) is that despite all of my panic and anxiety I am still amazed at how often I see God in everyday things. I so often wonder how people don't believe in God. Yesterday I was driving to work, listening to my sweet little boy talk to himself in the back seat, and the moon was just going down, it was full (or almost full), big (huge) and so very beautiful. It is something like that, or an amazing sunset, a snow covered mountain, or especially my little boys face, that make me realize that He is everywhere! I see Him all the time. If you just think of something like conception and how intricate and complicated it all is. Everything has to be timed just perfectly and it happens all the time, most of the time without any planning. I don't think women really think about what is really happening inside their body (or what has happened) while they are pregnant. Then they give birth to a beautiful, screaming baby (this, unfortunately, isn't always the case but even then... ) and they are instantly in love. How can you look into your child's face and not thank a Higher Power for such a miraculous blessing? Especially as they start growing and their personality starts to show. I am just in awe of Sawyer, his sweet spirit and his sense of humor. I know that he was chosen just for our family, just for me, and that he was waiting until the right time to join us.

Even when Avery was born, I believe that our Heavenly Father sent her to us for a reason. I will admit that I was angry with him, and I questioned him on a daily basis for years. I still do at times. But not once did I ever believe that He wasn't real or didn't exist.

I also have been thinking a lot about his love for us. The love I feel for Sawyer every time I look at him or even think of him is so all consuming and I have to believe that our Father in Heaven loves us that much or even more. I never really got that before Sawyer was born. I was stuck thinking that He might never forgive me for my past or that I was being punished because of choices I had made. It is only within the last 8 or so months that I have come to believe that I am probably wrong. I don't think there is anything Sawyer could do that I wouldn't forgive him for, whether or not he asked for forgiveness. I could never stop loving him because he made a mistake or a bad choice. I will always want what is best for him and although he will get punished occasionally, I don't think I could ever intentionally keep him from his dreams. I also understand now that we have to do what is best for our children, whether they understand it or not. I know this will become more evident as Sawyer grows but I finally understand that all those times when I thought my prayers weren't being heard, or answered; He was actually just thinking of what would be best for me. I am sure in the future I will still struggle with this but I am comforted knowing that He does answer our prayers and hope that I can remember that sometimes it won't be in the time or way that we want or expect him to. He knows what is best for us and I hope that I can remember to have faith in Him and be patient.

I am grateful for the times that I am able to really look at something/ someone and appreciate it's/their beauty and individuality.

There is one more thing I'd like to get out before I forget to. I prayed just about every day for 5+ years that I could have a baby. I prayed and prayed, hoping that one day it would just happen. I got so frustrated when others would get pregnant easily and I couldn't. It wasn't until I started praying for a way to have a baby that my prayers were answered and I came across the article on Ovarian Diathermy. It makes me sick to think that I almost gave up. I almost quit praying, and searching for a way to make our dreams come true. I am so glad I didn't give up on my dream. I am so grateful that I listened to that little something inside of me that told me I wouldn't be okay with being childless and there HAD to be a way!! I am also very grateful for the people along the way that helped us out; financially, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Thank you so much! I hope you know who you are! :)

I Saw God Today

Just walked down the street to the coffee shop
Had to take a break
I'd been by her side for 18 hours straight
Saw a flower growin' in the middle of the sidewalk
Pushin' up through the concrete
Like it was planted right there for me to see
The flashin' lights
The honkin' horns
All seemed to fade away
In the shadow of that hospital at 5:08
I saw God today

I've been to church
I've read the book
I know he's here
But I don't look
Near as often as I should
Yeah, I know I should
His fingerprints are everywhere
I just slowed down to stop and stare
Opened my eyes and man I swear
I saw God today
Saw a couple walkin' by they were holdin' hands
Man she had that glow
Yeah I couldn't help but notice she was startin' to show
Stood there for a minute takin' in the sky
Lost in that sunset
Splash of amber melted in the shades of red

I've been to church
I've read the book
I know he's here
But I don't look
Near as often as I should
Yeah, I know I should
His fingerprints are everywhere
I just slowed down to stop and stare
Opened my eyes and man I swear
I saw God today

Got my face pressed up against the nursery glass
She's sleepin' like a rock
My name on her wrist
Wearin' tiny pink socks
She's got my nose, she's got her mama's eyes
My brand new baby girl
She's a miracle
I saw God today

Happy New Year!

2012-01-05T11:20:00.000-07:00

This year we had a quiet dinner at home with our friends the Buhlers! We love having them over! I wish I had gotten more pictures and of course I forgot the family picture, again! We had so much fun catching up with our awesome friends! Kadence is gorgeous and so much fun! She was a great helper with Sawyer! She loved his video monitor and kept an eye on him for me while the grown-ups visited. She would give me periodic updates too. She is a doll!

More fun..

2012-01-05T11:11:00.001-07:00

Like I said in my last post, I got a new camera for Christmas. I have been having a blast figuring it out and taking a crazy amount of pictures, mostly of Sawyer of course. Here are some that I wanted to share. I am still trying to get the manual setting down so some of them are dark but still too cute to not share. Have I said how much I love this little guy? Cause I do! He is the BEST!!

Oh and I forgot to add... Sawyer got a tooth for Christmas!! The second is not wasting any time either! My little boy is growing up and it breaks my heart but makes me happy and proud all at the same time!

Can you believe that face in the top right corner... I love it!! In the other pictures he's playing with his new tooth!

I was watching him play one day and he started flippin his toy completely around. I almost cried I was so proud!

He still adores Callie!! She is warming up to him too!

Grandpa is one of his favorite people.

This monkey was Sawyer's Christmas gift last year! He's not sure what to think of it!

His new haircut is so cute but makes him look so grown up. He didn't cry this time but mom almost did!

Sawyer's First Christmas

2012-01-05T10:59:00.001-07:00

This year Christmas was magical! Of course, at 8 months old Sawyer didn't know what was going on. He loved the tree and always wanted to touch the "pine needles" (yes our tree is fake). He wanted to pat the gifts but had no interest in opening them. He laughed when momma sang him Christmas carols but just the same as he does when she sings "Old McDonald" or "Isty Bitsy Spider". The magic this year was for mom and dad. On Christmas morning we set our greatest gift ever under the tree and for a moment we were speechless. No words can describe the amazing feeling of joy that I had when I looked at my Christmas gift (who cares if he came 8 months early). We feel so very blessed to have such beautiful children; one watching over us from Heaven and one that we cherish every moment with!

Sawyer was spoiled, of course, even though he had no idea what was going on and loved the boxes more than the toys. We actually have a few toys that we haven't taken out of the boxes yet because we don't want to overwhelm him!! We are so grateful to our family and friends for thinking of him and spoiling him along with us!

I got a new camera for Christmas and took a ton of pictures but wish I could have gotten more. I also, didn't get one of the three of us together which makes me a little upset with myself! It was our best Christmas yet and I know they are only going to get better as he gets older.

Jacie, strking a pose

Grandpa's new hat

Getting loves from Grandma

Playing with tree ornaments!

Click on this one to see it big. We've discovered that he LOVES rootbeer!

Some of the pictures don't look that great, it's not the camera's fault... it's the user. I am still learning and trying to take photos on manual setting. I definitely need a lens for indoor pictures!

It was an amazing Christmas and we were sad that it came and went so quickly! We hope that everyone out there had a great Christmas as well and we wish you all a very Happy New Year!

8 Months!!

2011-12-29T09:32:00.000-07:00

I honestly can't believe it. I keep looking at that title and thinking to myself "that can't be right". 8 months already? That means in 4 short months my little miracle will be a year old! It is really unbelievable how fast the time has gone since Sawyer joined our family. My dad was saying just last night how crazy it is that last year at this time we were still so worried that Sawyer would come early. I was on very restricted activity and thanking my Father In Heaven every day that Sawyer stayed put! How were we to know that he would go to 39 weeks and have to practically be pulled out! I wish I could have known to save myself a lot of stress! I feel so very fortunate and have to say that this Christmas was the BEST EVER! I am sure that in the years to come they will only get better but I got the best gift I could have ever imagined this year. Who cares if the gift arrived 8 months before Christmas! It was still the best gift under my tree Christmas morning! I will do an entire post on Christmas with pictures and everything but today I am doing Sawyer's 8 month post... two days late.

Our little guy is just amazing. He is funny and smart and of course, adorable in every way. Just when we think we can't love him any more, all we have to do is look at him and our hearts swell with more love and joy than we ever imagined possible. He has the sweetest spirit, the most heart melting smile, the very best hugs, and guess what.... he's all mine! I have been back to work 5 months now and every minute I spend away from Sawyer is still painful. I hate the thought of someone else getting all the sweet hugs, kisses, smiles and laughs that I should be getting. I guess if I have to leave him though, he couldn't be in better hands! He adores his babysitters and it's really nice to know that he is being taken good care of.

He is close to 19 pounds and 30 inches long.

Sawyer has cut his first tooth and the second is right behind it. Needless to say he's been a little cranky the last few days. I feel bad for him when he hurts. He is usually such a happy guy and doesn't complain about much at all so when he does I know it's really bothering him. We try to keep it under control with Acetometiphin and Teething Tablets, those at least help him sleep. He is going to be cute no matter what but I am sure going to miss that adorable toothless grin!

He isn't quite crawling yet but does the most adorable inch worm impression I have ever seen. He lies on his tummy with his arms under him, sticks his cute bum in the air and pushes himself forward. It gets him where he needs to go and that's all that matters, right? He does rock back and forth on his hands and knees and has gone backwards a time or two so I think it is coming soon. I am not in a hurry for him to be mobile at all! He can take his time as far as I am concerned! It's nice to be able to put him down and know that if you walk out of the room for a few minutes, he's likely to stay put!

Sawyer eats just about anything we give him with the exeption of his green veggies. He has just started on meats like Turkey and Sweet Potatoes and Chicken Noodle. We have also been giving him tastes of our food here and there. I'd love to say that we stay away from sweets but in our family it's just not possible. Someone is going to give him sweets whether I like it or not. Daddy is the biggest culprit! He loves, and I mean LOVES, rootbeer. He has had little pieces of bread, jello, pumpkin pie, frosting, and of course popsicles. We have also been giving him the little flavored Puffs.

He is sleeping through the night... for the most part (bed at 8, up at 4 or 5 to eat, up again at 6) He also has 2 short naps throughout the day and one long one.

Sawyer is still wearing 9 month clothes but does fit in some of his 12 month stuff. He is also still in size 3 diapers but we've been having a few leaks lately so we may start buying size 4 soon.

He still loves bathtime and gets so excited when he hears the bath running! He loves to splash and play with his bath toys!

Sawyer is starting to learn how to wave bye bye.

He thinks it is hilarious when mommy eats his fingers or gets his nose. He loves to grab mommys nose too, he even tries to stick his fingers up there... eww!

He gives the best hugs and loves to cuddle. I hope he doesn't grow out of it anytime soon because I don't know what I'll do when he does! It is my favorite thing ever!

I am sure that there is so much more I could add but this is already too long and I still need to add pictures! We are so proud of our boy and love him more than words can say!!

Christmas with Jesus

2011-12-20T09:21:00.000-07:00

I can't believe this is our fourth Christmas since Avery was born. The fourth year that there won't be presents for her under the tree. The fourth year her stocking will hang empty Christmas morning. And the fourth year that I will look around while the family is gathered and think about who is missing and how different our lives would be if our sweet little girl were there, running around with her cousins.
I remember that first Christmas. I didn't want to celebrate, I wanted to crawl into a hole and hide until it was all over. I didn't decorate and I had a bad attitude. We should have been spending Christmas with our brand new baby, who if she had come on her due date, would have only been 3 weeks old. Then I got this poem from a group of ladies who had all lost children. It reminded me that my sweet little girl was being taken good care of and most importantly, it reminded me of the reason for the season, our Savior, Jesus Christ and that His life has made it possible for me to see my daughter again. That reminder didn't make the incredible pain I was feeling go away but it did give me a little peace that holiday season. Every year since I have taken out that sheet of paper and put it up on my fridge so whenever I start missing my little girl I can read it again and remember why we celebrate Christmas and how lucky I am that I have a perfect angel waiting for me in Heaven.
A few years back a very special friend of mine, who is the mommy of a beautiful angel too, had the idea that we should do trees for our angels. She bought the trees and together we made beautiful feather ornaments. This year we put that tree up in Sawyer's room. He loves it! It is hard to get him to focus on anything else when we are near the tree because he just wants to touch it and stare at it. I am so glad we have that tree and that Sawyer is able to enjoy it this year.
Another thing I finally did this year (I have been meaning to do it for the last 3 years) is I participated in an angel tree. I have been wanting to buy a gift for a girl who is the same age as Avery would be every year. This year they had an angel tree at State Bank, where my mom works, so I went out and bought a gift and some clothes for a 4 year old and my mom took them in for me. I hope that some little girl in this city has a better Christmas because of that gift.

I still think about Avery every day. When I am playing with her little brother I think of her and wonder who she would look like and if she'd like dancing, singing and dolls like I did at that age. I still feel cheated. I feel such joy when I see Sawyer smile, hear his laugh, or pretty much when I just look at him and I feel like I should be experiencing all of it for the second time, not the first. I feel so lucky to have Sawyer but I also feel like I have missed out on so much with my little girl. I really do hope that she is happy and watching over us. Most of all, I hope she knows how much I love her.

Spending Christmas with Jesus Christ This Year

I see the countless Christmas trees
Around the world below,
With tiny lights like heaven's stars
Reflecting in the snow.

The sight is so spectacular
Please wipe away that tear
For I'm spending Christmas
With Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs
That people hold so dear
But earthly music can't compare
With the Christmas choir up here.

I have no words to tell you
The joy their voices bring
For it's beyond description
To hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me,
Trust God and have no fear
For I'm spending Christmas
With Jesus Christ this year.

I can't tell you of the splendor
Or the peace here in this place.
Can you imagine Christmas
With our Savior, face to face?

May God uplift your spirit
As I tell Him of your love
Then pray for one another
As you lift your eyes above.

So let your hearts be joyful
And let your spirits sing
For I'm spending Christmas in Heaven
And I'm walking with the king!

Author: Wanda Bencke. (1998)

Merry Christmas Baby Girl. I love you and miss you so much!

Random pictures

2011-11-30T09:53:00.001-07:00

Most of these pictures haven't been posted because they were taken by my dad's camera and I haven't had time to get them off. They go back quite a ways.

This one cracks me up because I roll him over and he landed with his head perfectly in the center of the star.

Avery's Birthday

2011-11-30T09:51:00.001-07:00

I haven't had these pictures to post so here they are a little late!

Sawyer's 6 month pictures

2011-11-30T09:33:00.001-07:00

Once again Abbey, at AK Studio & Design, has worked her magic and given us some amazing pictures of our little miracle! I wish I could have her take his pictures every month. She does such an amazing job and I just love how these turned out! I cannot get over how cute this little guy is and how much he has changed in the month since these pictures were taken! I hope you like them as much as I do! Thanks Abbey!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

2011-11-29T11:19:00.001-07:00

7 Months!

2011-11-28T15:01:00.001-07:00

I can't believe I haven't posted for almost a month! I have been so busy having fun with my little man and my big man that I just haven't had time! That and work, school, Thanksgiving, etc. It has kept me pretty busy but I couldn't miss the opportunity to show off our little miracle baby some more. He brightens our lives so much and we just adore him more and more every day. His personality is really starting to show and we are constantly marveling at his incredible cuteness and his intelligence. He even has a great sense of humor! First I'll start with pictures because they are my favorite!

This cute little boy has survived his first croup and besides the side effects from the steroids, he was a trooper! It was so hard to see my little man sick and his cough had me freaking out in the middle of the night but after a week at home with mom and dad, his cough cleared up and he was back to his cute and smiley self! I don't know his exact weight or height but the last time he was weighed a little over a week ago he was 17 pounds 6 ounces. We are guessing that he is pretty close to 30 inches now because he is quickly outgrowing his car seat (which has a max height of 30 inches). This makes me sad because we were given the best car seat out there from a friend and he has outgrown it in just 7 months and now we have to buy a new one!! My dilemma is that for most of the convertible car seats I have researched, the height limit for rear facing is also 30 inches so I am not sure what we are supposed to do. If anyone out there has had a tall baby and has a solution please, I'd love some advice!

He is in mostly 9 month clothes with a couple of 12 month PJs. We tried putting shoes on him but his little feet are too fat! He is still in size 3 diapers.

As you can see from the pictures above, this little man loves to smile. He has started smiling every time I pull out the camera which I love!! He has the most adorable, toothless grin I have ever seen but we are thinking that it won't be toothless for much longer. It looks like we could get a tooth any time now.

You can also see from the pictures that he adores his puppy, Callie. If Callie is in the room, no one else exists. He laughs at everything she does and I love to see him craning his cute little neck to follow her every move.

He has the most adorable belly laugh! He is incredibly ticklish and when you get him going and his belly laugh comes out it almost makes me cry because I love that sound so much!

Sawyer is sitting up all by himself. He rarely falls over unless he wants to get on his belly. I am guessing this means the next step is crawling which I am not ready for AT ALL! He loves to sit on mom's bed and watch cartoons while chewing on something (he'll chew on anything but I try to make sure it's a baby-friendly toy).

He loves to see his reflection in the mirror and will grin immediately when you put him in front of one. He likes to be close enough to hit his reflection too.

Daddy has introduced Sawyer to running water and although it gets very messy at times, it is so cute. He will reach and reach toward the running water until you let him put his hands under it. He also loves bath time and splashing. To him, splashing is very serious business that he has to concentrate very hard on. I love to watch his face in the tub while he's splashing.. too cute!

Sawyer has learned to cluck his tongue. He also does the cutest thing with his tongue that I really can't describe but will try to get it on video. He looks like a little lizard when he does it and it always makes us laugh.

This boy can eat!! He will eat just about anything I try to feed him, except his green veggies. We have tried a ton of new foods with him and his new favorites are butternut squash and corn as well as bananas. Although, I think he might be allergic to bananas because he all of a sudden developed a rash on his bum. So we will try again later and see if the rash comes back. I would hate it if he were allergic because he has never reacted to a food the way he did to his bananas. He has started drinking water out of a sippy cup but most of it still ends up all over his shirt or all over the floor/high chair/mom. I think he's getting the hang of it though and we are so proud!

He has been doing really well at bedtime. We had a rough patch there because of the croup but just last night I put him in his crib wide awake and he played with his crib mirror for about 15 minutes then rolled over and went to sleep. Not one peep... seriously.. how did I get so lucky? He woke up once to eat too so I was able to get some good sleep! \

Lastly, he has found his feet and they are now his favorite thing to chew on, which means soggy socks. Which is a little ironic because his new nickname seems to be Sogger. Not by my choice at all but my 2 year old niece can't say Sawyer, so she says Sogger. Now, everyone else calls him Sogger, even his own father. I can't get them to stop. I hope it doesn't stick! I can only imagine the teasing he would get at school because of that nickname.

Well that's it for today. I will do a Thanksgiving post and if you haven't see enough pictures you might want to check back because I will be posting some old pictures that my dad took over the last 7 months!!

Halloween 2011

2011-11-08T11:28:00.003-07:00

I have always loved Halloween but I know I am going to love it so much more now that I have a little one to dress up and show off! This year was pretty laid back. We didn't attend any parties like we usually do because Skeet was gone and Sawyer had just had his 6 months shots which included a flu shot and ended up with a fever the next day. I could tell he wasn't feeling well because he wouldn't let me put him down all day and he just wanted to cuddle. I felt really bad for him but at the same time I enjoyed a full day of doing nothing but cuddling the cutest little guy ever! On Halloween I left work a little early to dress him up so that I could bring him to my office and show off our cute little monkey. It was a very warm day and his costume was pretty warm too so I kept taking it off and putting it back on. By the time we got the camera out to take pictures he had had it with the costume so I was surprised to get a smile for the pictures.

Yes that is a banana on his head. A lot of people couldn't tell that he was a monkey... I guess I can see it now that I see the pictures. Whatever he was, he was dang cute!!

Here are some other fun pictures that we've taken lately.

This time of year is hard for me. I miss Avery so much more in the Fall. I think it's because of all the family togetherness that happens this time of year. Also, something about the Fall air just takes me back to the week she was born. At four years old she would have loved Halloween this year. I know that she would have loved her baby brother and would be wanting to help mom with him all the time. I just think of how much Sawyer would have loved her. I watch him stare at Callie and laugh at her and I think that he probably would have liked his sister a lot more because she wouldn't ignore him like Callie does. I wish my little girl was still with us... so much.. but I wonder if I would appreciate my children as much if she were. I like to think that I would but I will never know.

I am also driving myself crazy. Maybe I shouldn't say this out loud but I think my heart is still afraid that Sawyer is going to be taken away from me. I will be watching him sleep and just become sick with fear that something is going to happen. When I was pregnant I used to pray every night that God wouldn't take this baby away from me. I still pray that, every night, every morning, all day long. I don't know if this fear is what is keeping me from accepting that I am a mom and I have this amazing little boy? I love him so much that I can't even describe it but I still can't believe he is mine. Seriously, can someone tell me if that feeling ever goes away? Will I ever get used to the idea? I honestly feel like I am going crazy! Ugh! I just want to stop worrying but I have a feeling that I will worry about this little boy forever!

Cute Boy!

2011-11-04T10:02:00.003-06:00

I just can't get over how incredibly adorable this little face is! I keep thinking that the shock of being a mom and loving this little guy so much will go away or I'll get used to it... well it's not going away. I am still in awe of him every day and my heart feels like it is going to burst sometimes because of the immense love I feel for this little boy! These are just pictures from my phone, which explains the terrible quality but they are still too cute to not share!

6 Months!! A Half A Year Already??

2011-10-28T21:36:00.003-06:00

Little man is a half a year old! I cannot believe it!! We are honestly loving every second with this sweet little boy! I always thought he was an easy baby but I had nothing to really compare him to so when I hear from his sitters that he is such a good, laid back baby, it makes a momma very happy and very proud!

At six months Sawyer is 16 pounds 14 ounces (39th percentile) and 27.5 inches (85th percentile).

He is wearing mostly 6-9 month clothes. Depending on the brand. In some brands it looks like he is getting close to moving up to 12 month because of how tall he is. He is still in size 3 diapers and will hopefully stay that way for a while.

Sawyer has been sitting up and is doing better every day! He loves to sit up like a big boy and see what is going on around him. He especially loves his high chair. That way he can keep a good eye on Callie, who he loves. He thinks that Callie dog is pretty funny and laughs at her more than anything else lately.

When you put him on his back to play he is usually on his stomach within seconds. He hated tummy time from day one, but now that is his preferred position. I think because he can look around a lot better. He's even been sleeping on his stomach. And of course I am hating that. It makes me so nervous and I do roll him to his back multiple times a night but he always ends up back on his tummy. He has discovered that it's easier to wait for mom to roll him back over to his back so he doesn't try too hard to do it himself. I have seen him do it before though, so I know he can. He does sleep so much better on his stomach and looks so cute and comfy that sometimes I leave him but then 5 minutes later I freak myself out and go turn him over.

He has started giving hugs and kisses and as his mom, I am loving this! I get the majority of his loves and don't mind having my face covered in baby slime (aka drool). His favorite thing to do these days is grab my face (or hair) and chew on my chin. Those of you that know my profile know that I don't have much of a chin (therefore making my nose look even bigger than it is) but my chin seems to be the perfect size for Sawyer to chew on so I am loving my scrawny chiny chin chin these days!

Sawyer is loving his solids. So far he has eaten
rice cereal
oatmeal
carrots
sweet potatoes
squash
apples
pears
peaches
and prunes

He will eat all of them but doesn't like his rice cereal or apples very much. I think we will probably try green beans next. The doctor has even told us to start feeding him solids in the morning as well as at night so he'll be getting solids twice a day now. I am not too sure how I feel about that. I wish he would slow down a little bit and stay my baby longer!

Sawyer's smile and his laugh are so adorable and everyone that meets him just instantly loves him. He adores his Papa Chad and of course his Daddy and always has smiles for them. Everyone else has to work a little bit harder but it's getting easier and easier to get a big grin out of him.

He's still not sleeping through the night. Some nights (most nights) he only wakes up once or twice but then there's the nights that I feel like he's waking me up every hour. I told myself that I wouldn't use the cry it out method with him if I didn't have to but unfortunately we haven't tried very hard to do it any other way and now I think we are to that point where we need to give it a try. I don't like the idea of giving up my cuddles at night, I actually hate the thought, but I know it will be better for everyone in the long run. I am just going to wait until Skeet is back so we can work on it together. I am too weak and too much of a pushover to do it alone. Although, he usually goes down for his naps pretty easily without too much crying so hopefully bedtime won't be too much different.

As you can tell from most of my posts, I fall more and more in love with this little boy every day. I can't seem to get enough of him. His Daddy feels the same way too. Sawyer is very loved and VERY spoiled. I am so lucky to have such a beautiful and special family and I thank my Heavenly Father every day for them. I do sometimes think back to the first few days, weeks and even months of Sawyer's life and it makes me sad to think of how fast it has all gone. I thought I had been cherishing every moment but I feel like I can barely remember it because it was such a whirlwind. I try, every day, to make a mental note of how I am feeling and the experiences we have but within a week it is something new and something equally amazing and I just can't keep up. That is why I am so grateful I have this blog. I have finally printed out the first 3 years in book form and will work on getting the last year as well. I am so glad that I will have these posts to read and remember.

Here are some cute current pics... Isn't he handsome?

Such a sweet face (you may have to look at it sideways to get the full effect)

Not sure why it is uploading them like this...

Sitting up all by himself in the bath... he's getting too big too fast!

Sawyer's 3 Month & Family Pictures

2011-10-25T16:54:00.001-06:00

Abbey from AK Studio & Design has once again outdone herself! She did Sawyer's 3 month pictures as well as some family shots back in August and they turned out so great! We just love Abbey and her talent! I love how well she captures the emotions, and especially Sawyer's sweet disposition. She is so incredibly good at what she does and on top of that, you won't meet a nicer gal! I just love her! We have so much fun talking and just hanging out during these shoots! I can hardly wait to see what she did with Sawyer's 6 month pics... Thanks Abbey!!

Mom stuff

2011-10-25T16:33:00.000-06:00

I feel like after watching my sister raise my nephew for the first year, I was pretty prepared and new what to expect when it came to being a mom, for the most part. There are a few things though that I don't think I could have ever been prepared for. Things I probably wasn't paying attention to and of course there are the emotional things that you have to experience to know how it feels. I cannot get over how much I love being a mom!!

I never thought that I could get ready for work in 10 minutes or that I could actually wear the first outfit I put on out the door without even looking in the mirror first. I used to care a lot more about my appearance but now I care more about those few extra minutes I could be loving on my sweet little boy. As long as I have some make-up on and my clothes match for the most part I really don't care anymore. I think that will change as he gets older and I have more time to care about how I look! I also cut 5 inches off my hair, thinking it would be easier to style and maybe I wouldn't have to pull it back as much. Now I hate my hair and I rarely go a day without pulling it back!! Oh well... it keeps it from being pulled and eaten by a cute little boy.

I also never thought I would be so interested in the bowel movements of anyone! Sawyer has been a little plugged up lately, averaging 1-2 poopy diapers a week if we're lucky, and that's one of the first questions I ask the sitter when I pick him up "did he poop today?" I also cheer and praise him if he does poop! It's so crazy!! Over the last few weeks, thoughts of poop have consumed me!

I have always been one to love my sleep and sleep is not something I have gotten a lot of in the last six months. Sawyer slept through the night for the first time the other night and instead of being happy about it (I did check on him multiple times, so still no sleep for me), I was sad that I didn't get my middle of the night cuddle time. I don't know what is better than picking his warm, sleepy little body up out of his crib and kiss him like crazy (he smells so good!!) and then he cuddles right up to me and I rock him back to sleep, or feed him. I know that he should be sleeping through the night by now and I should be letting him put himself back to sleep. I will, someday, soon, I just hate the thought of giving up that time with him when I don't get to see him all day long.

I couldn't have imagined how a smile, a giggle, or a big, drooly kiss on the face could make my whole world better. No matter what kind of a day I have had, knowing that I have his adorable face and those big wet kisses to come home to, makes it all easier to deal with. It is definitely another thing that no one can prepare you for by telling you about it.

I always thought that I was going to be a tough mom. One who wouldn't spoil, wouldn't coddle, wouldn't give in at the sign of tears, but so far... I am the biggest softie. If this continues Mr. Sawyer will be able to get whatever he wants, whenever he wants just from a smile, or a tear.

I cannot get over how lucky I feel to be his mom. I honestly don't think I deserve to be this happy but I am so grateful that he is mine, and that I am his!! I hope and pray that I never take motherhood for granted. I know how blessed I am and I hope that in the future, when the days do get rough, I will always remember how lucky I am to have such beautiful children and how bad it hurt when I didn't have them.

4 Years Ago...

2011-10-13T21:35:00.000-06:00

4 years ago today my first child, Avery, was born. We knew there was a very good chance she would not live long but had hopes that we would get a miracle. We did eventually get our miracle but it wasn't that one, that day. Avery was born without a heartbeat and when her heart stopped, a part of my heart stopped with it. I will forever be changed because of my sweet little daughter's very short time with us. Her Daddy and I never knew her outside of my body but we still love her and think of her and miss her every day. I can only imagine what she would be like as a 4 year old. I am sure she would adore her baby brother and would be a little mommy to him. At this age she might start noticing that she wasn't the same as other kids but I like to believe that she would know that she was loved and she was important no matter what anyone else said. I had big plans for my little girl, I still do, but I am going to have a wait a little while.

The events of Avery's birthday 4 years ago are still fresh in my mind. I hope that I never forget how I felt that day and especially how it felt to hold my firstborn child in my arms for the first and last time. It is sad, but it's all I have of her.

Hi Avery,

Happy Birthday baby girl! I can't believe that you would have been 4 years old today!! The time has passed so quickly. I still remember holding you like it was just yesterday. Your daddy and I miss you so much. We want to thank you for letting your little brother finally come and help us heal. No one will ever replace you. You will always be my firstborn and my little girl but having your brother here to hold has helped your mommy and daddy so much. It has also made us miss you so much more. Now that we are experiencing all we missed out on with you, we are sad. I hope that you know how much we love you and how proud we are to be your parents. We like to talk to Sawyer about you all the time. He will grow up knowing all about his big sister. Please continue to watch over him and keep him safe and healthy. I hope that someday I can be the mother that you and Sawyer deserve and that I can make you proud. I love you so much Avery. You and your brother are my greatest accomplishments in this life.

Love,
Mommy

The Parents of Angels "Club"

2011-10-12T16:10:00.002-06:00

A little something I have been thinking about... the first part might sound a little familiar to some... but I thought I'd write it down and share it with everyone. It didn't come out exactly as it was in my head but it is close.

There’s this club, no one wants to join, no one asks tojoin, and you aren’t a member of this club until you are. Only other members of this club can even comeclose understanding you, what you’ve been through, what you’re feeling. And though no one wants to be a part of thisclub, every member knows exactly what other members need to get through eachday, so they lean on and support each other. We all ask ourselves, why did we have to be a part of this club? Why couldn’t we have gone on blissfully in lifenot knowing that this club even exists? We would have rather lived our lives not knowing the wide variety ofextreme emotions that go along with being a club member.

No, no one wants to be a part of this special club, but herewe are. I like to believe that we werechosen to be here because of our strength and because of our faith. We were given a very special gift, a childtoo pure and too good for this world. Whether we held our children for a few months or for only a short momentor maybe not at all, we all were chosen especially for that child. If our child had gone to anyone else, theymay not have been appreciated or loved the way that they needed to be in orderto make a difference on this earth. Their journey in this life was so short that they needed parents andfamilies that would forever remember them and love them, no matter what thesituation. They needed us to make surethat the rest of the world knew that they existed and that they wereloved.

And maybe we needed them too. I am sure you have heard, while travelingthis rough road, someone say how strong you are and how they could never havesurvived such an ordeal. I am sure atsome point in our lives we all thought that too. However, our babies came and showed us howstrong we really are. They showed us howto love, how to cry, how to lose and how to recover. We would give anything to have them back butbecause of them we have seen our own strength, strength we never knew wehad. Now, we can reach out to others andhelp them to find their hidden strength as well.

Some of our angels made us first time parents with emptyarms, or maybe we’ve gone on to have other children, some are even lucky enoughto be loved by older siblings. Ourstories are all different but our angels have left us each with a gift, adeeper appreciation for the children that are left to help us heal. Whetherthey have traveled this journey with us, joined us later on, or have yet tocome. These children know a special kindof love and appreciation they may not have otherwise and are especially blessedwith an angel watching over them night and day.

I am grateful for my angel and the way her life has changedme. She made me a mother and taught me alove I had never known before. AlthoughI still miss her every day, my heart has begun to heal and now when I think ofher, there are more smiles than tears.

8 Years and 5 Months

2011-09-27T11:54:00.000-06:00

8 years ago today I married my best friend, my dream guy, my rock, my everything, my Skeeter!! Words cannot express how much I love and appreciate this man! He is an amazing husband and father and is more to me than I could have ever dared to imagine. My wedding may not have been exactly what I wanted it to be but I have learned over the years that, even though weddings are fun, it is the marriage that matters the most. Skeet and I have an awesome marriage. We rarely fight. We don't sweat the small stuff. We know how to appreciate each other (I think this is because he is gone so much). Our marriage has survived some pretty stressful stuff and what might normally tear people apart, has brought us so much closer together. Together we have a deeper appreciation for family and especially for our children. We might not have everything we think we want but we have what is important and we realize that. I couldn't have picked a better person to experience life with and I am so glad that he picked me!

Skeeter, Thank you for being the man that you are! I don't know how I would survive without you. You are my everything and I love you more every day. I am the luckiest lady ever to have found someone as handsome, thoughtful, sweet, smart and sexy as you! Thank you for being an awesome daddy to Sawyer and Avery too! They are so lucky to have you!

Guess who is 5 months today? Yep that's right... my smiley little cutie has been making our lives bright and well.. pretty much perfect for the last 5 months! I can't believe how fast they have flown by and how big he has gotten! I weighed him this weekend and he has hit 16 pounds and I am pretty sure he is 27 inches by now. He gets so big every day!! Skeet couldn't believe how big he got in just 2 weeks! He has turned our world upside down and we are loving every second of it!

Sawyer is in size 3 diapers and is mostly in 6-9 month size clothes. He can still wear some 3-6 month and even 0-3 month pants because his legs are shorter and his waist is skinny. He has a crazy long torso though so he grows out of footed jammies and onsies really quick!

For the last 3 weeks Sawyer has been eating rice cereal and he has recently started oatmeal which he loves!! We are thinking we might try some sweet potatoes next but I am not in a hurry because I feel like he is growing up to fast and I can maybe control it a little if he doesn't get to eat big boy food!

I have seen Sawyer roll from his back to his tummy multiple times but his tummy to back only twice about a a month ago, but yesterday I learned that he rolls from his tummy to his back all the time at the babysitter. Not sure why he does it there and not at home but as long as he's doing it, I am okay. He is getting really good at sitting up and I think by 6 months he will have it down for sure.

He loves his jumper and his legs are getting so strong because of all the time he spends in there. I think he may be an early stander/walker because of this. He loves to stand up on our laps and can do so for a few minutes with just barely any support.

He is still a cuddle bug and loves his mommy and daddy the most. Especially daddy, he always has a smile and a giggle for his dad.

He has yet to sleep through the night but has had a few nights recently that he's only woken up once. Mom on the other hand wakes up all night long to check on him. I am not sure I'll be able to stop doing that. I am much too paranoid. He is even getting good at putting himself to sleep. I know that his babysitter has been making him do it at her house so I tried it over the weekend and even last night and he's been doing pretty good. Last night he didn't even cry when I put him down... just looked around for a little bit and eventually fell asleep (thank goodness for video monitor, don't know if I would survive without it). However, his favorite place to sleep is still next to mommy. He will be half asleep and have to reach out and grab mommy's face to make sure she's still there.

He is getting to where he grabs at everything. Especially if mommy is holding it. Then he really wants it. I think it's the cutest thing ever! Honestly, I find everything that this little man does cute, even his poops and burps are cute to me. I just love him so much!!

Sawyer still loves story time and his favorite book is "Itsy Bitsy Spider" by Kate Toms. He loves this book and is always trying to grab the spider on the front cover. I don't know if any of you have seen it but this book has the most adorable illustrations and I wish they sold a spider that looked like this one because I would buy it for him in a heartbeat! If I was more crafty I might try to make it for him!

We fall more in love with this little guy every day! I am loving being his mom and I pretty much think he is the best and cutest little thing ever! I am such a lucky mommy!!

Winter

2011-09-26T08:29:00.000-06:00

Normally I hate the cold. I dread winter coming... especially Utah winters but this year I have this to look forward to and that makes me excited! What a cute boy! And he's sporting Dad's favorite baseball team!!

Just a side note, I have not been feeding him punch or red popsicles... his cheekers get red from him sucking his hands. They don't usually look this bad. I think the beanie brings out the red in his cheeks!

For Me

2011-09-22T10:53:00.001-06:00

This post is for me, so that if I ever do have another baby I can look back and compare. I also want to record some more things that I want to remember about this age with Sawyer.

I am almost 5 months postpartum. Right now my hair is falling out in big handfuls, my arms have little red bumps up and down them (that the dermatologist has said isn't easy to get rid of and incredibly common) and although I have lost all of my pregnancy weight, my body is flabby and saggy all over. The acne that I suffered from the first couple of months has cleared up pretty good with a couple of exceptions here and there. I fit in my pre-pregnancy clothes for the most part but most just don't fit right because I am still sporting a very flabby pooch around my tummy area. I am okay if my pants are cut a little higher cause I can tuck it in but the low cut pants will have to stay in the closet indefinitely. The stretch marks that I thought that I would hate are lightening up a ton (thanks to Bio Oil) and are just another reminder of the miracle that I hold in my arms every day. I don't love them but they are endearing for sure.

Breastfeeding is still going well. I am able to pump enough at work, usually, to get Sawyer through the next day at the sitters and even have some extra to put in his cereal at night. I have cut dairy and chocolate completely from my diet. Dairy gives Sawyer a rumbly tummy and some pretty watery diapers. Chocolate just makes him scream and I mean SCREAM! We learned that early on and it was reaffirmed a time or two when we weren't sure if it was the chocolate or something else. If I eat an excess of raw onions (which I don't usually do) that will give him a tummy ache as well. Too much caffiene causes tummy problems too so I try to go easy on it but it is necessary from time to time. On the plus side, I think that cutting dairy has really helped me with my weight loss. I still eat a ton and not the healthiest diet but I have dropped 6 pounds in the last few weeks and it looks like I might be still losing weight. Now if I could only find the energy and time to do some weight training and running and I might actually have a body that doesn't gross me out when I look in the mirror.

Sawyer is growing so fast and getting cuter every day. His smiles seriously make me ridiculously happy and his laughs just about put me over the edge. I think when he smiles it makes everyone happy. I know that my parents both agree that they brighten their day for sure! I am going to miss his toothless grin and his cute little giggle. I know it will change as he gets older and it will probably still be cute but it won't be the same.
I am also going to miss his soft skin. I knew babies had soft skin but it is crazy soft. I love to hold on to his little hand while I am feeding him or while he is sleeping and just rub it across my cheek or lips. It always smells good too!
I love his natural mohawk and will miss how it is always sticking up in every direction and there is nothing I can do about it. It is starting to get really long on top but the thought of cutting it makes me want to cry. Maybe we'll see how long we can get it before Daddy makes me cut it!
I love how when he's eating he wants so badly to look around and see what's going on. He'll eat for a while and then it's almost like he can't take it anymore and pulls off dramatically, lays his head back and just looks all over the place all at once. After a while he'll eat some more and then do the same thing again. It is too cute and always makes me laugh.
I will miss the way he smiles with his tongue and how when he thinks something funny he'll blow a raspberry/spit instead of laughing. And also how he likes to talk around his fingers or binkie. He likes to blow raspberries when he's got them in his mouth too.
He is getting really good at taking his binkie but he's getting even better at spitting it out. Sometimes when I put it in his mouth he'll suck on it for a second and then spit it out as hard as he can and it makes a popping noise and shoots a few feet. He'll do it in his sleep too. I'll put him to bed with it in his mouth and watch on the video monitor as he shoots it across his crib.
He has a new thing where he'll hide his head in my shoulder when someone talks to him or looks at him while I am holding him. Like he's shy or something. So cute!!
He hardly cries anymore. He has a whine that he does when he's hungry or tired and I can usually tell which is which by his schedule. The whine is pretty cute and I can honestly say I will miss it because I am sure when he gets older he'll still whine but it won't be as cute!

I am sure I have a ton more but that's all I can think of at the moment. Skeet will be home tonight and I am so looking forward to a day off with him. We haven't had a day off together since I went back to work (which was over 2 months ago). It will be nice to have some time as a family!!

Reality?

2011-09-15T12:19:00.002-06:00

I don't know if it is because I am not getting even close to enough sleep or if there is some other reason but I am having the hardest time accepting my reality. It's not as bad as it sounds. My reality is amazing! Better than I ever imagined my life could be. I am happier than I ever thought possible. So why then, do I feel like I am walking around in a dreamy fog? I love being a mom, I love being Sawyer's mom, but I still can't believe that I am. When he laughs and smiles at me my heart feels like it is going to explode with joy and that sensation is so unreal that I have a hard time believing that it is, in fact, real. Watching Skeet and Sawyer together gives me the same feeling. I always knew Skeet would be an amazing dad but I never thought that being a dad would change him as much as it has. My love and respect for him has grown immensely and it also doesn't feel real. I will be sitting at work, doing my thing, and just happen to look at the adorable picture I have of Sawyer on my desktop, it then hits me that I am a mom and that cute little boy is mine, but it doesn't feel real. About halfway through my work day the need to see and hold Sawyer gets so strong that sometimes it is painful and makes me want to ugly cry right there at my desk, but then I wonder if he'll be real when I pick him up from the sitter.

I don't know why I am having these feelings. Is it because I have never experienced this happiness before? Is it because I am so tired that I constantly feel like I am in a dream? Is my mind still trying to protect me from the pain I felt after losing Avery? I can't quite figure it out. Does anyone else feel this way?

The days are passing so fast and I know that it is because they are filled with, well work during the week, but then it's play time, nap time, meal time, bed time, etc. When Sawyer is not sleeping or eating (well sometimes when he's eating) I am constantly doing my best to make him smile or laugh. I second guess myself all the time though, wondering if he is getting enough stimulation, or the right kinds. I wonder if he is on track developmentally or if something I am doing or not doing is holding him back. What if I am not spending enough time talking to him, singing to him, reading to him? What if he's not getting the physical stimulation he needs? I feel like motherhood is just something that I automatically do. I don't really question the things that need to be done like feeding, diaper changing and those basic care type of things but when it comes to all the other stuff that the websites and books are constantly saying you need to do to make sure your baby grows up to be strong or smart, how do I know I am doing it right or enough? I feel guilty when I put him down and walk away. Especially because I don't see him very much during the week. Occasionally I have let the TV entertain him while I get myself something to eat, or even use the bathroom but then I feel guilty for that as well. I want nothing more than to be the best mom for Sawyer because he deserves that and so much more. I think having Skeet gone, and being his primary caregiver, has intensified these feelings because I feel more pressure to be both mom and dad for Sawyer. The last week has felt like a month in regards to Skeet being gone and we still have another week to go! I give props to all those single parents out there doing both jobs. I don't know how you do it and stay sane!

I am 100% okay with putting every single one of Sawyer's needs before mine. That is what I am here for. However, if the lack of sleep or the loss of my sense of self is the reason that I feel like my life is a dream, then I should probably try to fix it right? It's not just the last 4 months that have seemed like a blur, it's the last few years! I try to look back 4 years to when we had Avery and it all seems so unreal to me. Even trying to remember my pregnancy with Sawyer gives me a blurry headache. If I didn't have pictures of my big fat belly, I might believe that Sawyer was dropped off by a stork.

I also want to give a shout out to all those working moms out there. I never thought it was a big deal. My mom worked the entire time I was growing up and I don't know if maybe after 4 kids, work was an escape for her (probably). But, only having one and knowing that there is a chance he could be our last, makes going to work torture. I am good for a half a day. I feel like I get a breather and time to regroup but then at about noon I am dying to see him. I wonder what he's doing, if he's being good, if he is eating, sleeping or pooping good for his sitter. I start counting down the minutes until I get to pick him up, see him smile, smell his head. Of all the things I thought would be difficult after becoming a mom, I never thought that going back to work would be up there with watching them get shots. At least with shots you can immediately pick them up and comfort them. I know he's fine at the baby sitter but I am in pain at work wondering how long before he starts thinking of B or T as his second and third mommies. Don't get me wrong. I like my job, love the people I work with and am so thankful that I am fortunate enough to have such a good job but my job would be the best thing ever if it was only part-time! I doubt it will ever happen but I can dream. And in the mean time I can try to take advantage and enjoy every second I do get with my handsome little man. There is nothing better than a yummy Sawyer fix after a 9 hour long, excruciating, day without him. My heart breaks for Skeet. 9 hours without holding Sawyer is the absolute worst! Skeet has gone 9 days so far, it must be killing him!

I have some more cute phone pictures I want to share. I can't wait to get a new phone with a better camera but that's not going to happen until around February so you'll have to endure with the crappy quality of these photos. At least the subject is really fun to look at!!

Love this boy!!

2011-09-07T16:23:00.004-06:00

He loves to roll on his side

Doesn't like swings much... especially this smaller portable one.

Getting so much better at tummy time

Love the messy hair!

Working on his tan... well just his Vitamin D

Hanging out while he soaks up some rays

He misses his big sister (he was actually mad that I put him down to take a picture of his cute T-shirt)

Look at that big boy!!

He LOVES his jumper!! It's his new favorite place to be.

I hate that his feet touch the ground though.. he's too big!!

The next few pictures are a result of a small, impromptu, photoshoot. He was being so cute and I couldn't help but capture it on camera... enjoy!

Hmm... Basketball Scholarship Here We COME!

2011-09-02T17:24:00.001-06:00

Mr. Sawyer did great at his 4 month check up today!! Our little basketball star is 26.5 inches long (92nd percentile) and 14 pounds 11 ounces (42nd percentile). I can't believe how fast he is growing and how incredibly tall he is!!! He's just a tall and skinny guy!
I was so worried about his shots but he really did so good. I was able to distract him for the first part and when he did figure out that they were hurting him he only cried for a second. He's been all smiles since. I hope it stays this way and he doesn't have any bad side effects from the vaccinations. He was such a good boy for Dr. N too... smiling at him while he was checking his ears and his nose. I am still trying to decide if we are going to wait a while to start cereal or if we are going to give it a try soon. He seems very ready to start solids but I am not sure I am ready for it. I guess I'll take a couple days to think about it before I decide.

Looking Back..

2011-08-31T10:18:00.000-06:00

I can't believe that a year has come and went since I got my first surprise positive pregnancy test and I didn't even blog about it!! I remember being in denial about it, thinking there was no way it could really be true and that I was just going to be disappointed yet again. This time last year I was still trying to convince myself that I was in fact pregnant. I hadn't shared the news with the world yet so I was trying hard to keep it a secret. It was the beginning of Fall semester and I was dealing with morning sickness, bloating, and some major fatigue but I was going to work and to class and keeping myself as composed as I could. We are back to the beginning of Fall semester and I am still working and going to class but now my thoughts are usually on my little boy and I am always looking forward to seeing him again. I count down the minutes until I can pick him up from the baby sitter, cuddle him, and smell and kiss his head. A year ago I didn't know what to expect. Now my life is forever changed. My priorities have changed. My attitude towards life has changed. I can finally say after years of sadness, frustration, and depression that I am truly happy. I am in love with my son and I have fallen in love with my husband all over again. He is an amazing father. I didn't know that I could love him more than I did and then I met Skeet, the Dad, and found a love for him on a whole new level. I am so proud of him and how he has taken to being a parent. I love how he is willing to help me with anything and everything. I love that he looks forward to his time with his family and that he misses us (mostly Sawyer) when we are apart. I know he missed me before when he would leave but I think it's so much more now. Sawyer adores him and he lights up as soon as his Daddy walks into the room. I just know that they are going to be the best of friends and that thought makes me so incredibly happy and hopeful for the future! It's crazy to look back to my pregnancy and remember how scared Skeet was (we both were) and how he was so hesitant to let himself get excited. I think if we do get the chance to get pregnant again it will be so different for both of us. This past year has flown by but we have grown so much. Isn't it funny how something can change you so completely over night? Being a mom is the best job in the world!!

4 Months

2011-08-30T08:05:00.001-06:00

Our little miracle man is already 4 months old! I know I say it every month, but I can't believe how time is flying! We fall more in love with Sawyer every day. He is such a sweet little baby and everyone adores him! I am really having a hard time with the fact that he is growing up so fast and is getting so big!! I swear sometimes when he looks at me he doesn't look like a baby anymore! He gets these expressions that make him look much older than he is.

Lately we have had some interesting stuff happen, aside from his premature (in my opinion) teething that is. Last week we started at a new daycare. I think he was really starting to love his other sitter but she had some things and we had some things and we just decided that we would try out another daycare facility. He adjusted quickly and has been doing great! We love the new daycare and the 3 ladies that work there are awesome! I love to see all the happy kids when I drop him off and pick him up. I really think he likes it there too, especially because he gets to watch all the other kids play. It is out of some one's home but it is very structured and they have a very strict "no sick kids" policy which really helped seal the deal for Skeet and I.

This weekend Sawyer started rolling over. He has rolled from his back to his stomach and from his stomach to his back. He doesn't do it all the time though and refuses to do it if I have a camera pointed at him and turned on!. I guess I need to start watching him more closely now. Gone are the days when we could set him on the bed, changing table, etc and walk away for a second. We are also going to have to stop putting his bouncy chair on the coffee table, although I have never seen him even try to roll over while in it. I don't want to take any chances. We really need to buy a rug for the living room so that we can let him hang out on the floor in there. I really didn't think that I was going to have a baby when I chose to put the wood throughout the living room and kitchen. I think if I could do it over again I would have done tile and carpet... as much as I hate carpet.

Sawyer has officially Skyped! Daddy went to Montana for work (ended up being a waste of time but that's another post) and before he left we caved and bought him a new iPhone so that he could video chat with us when he had service. Luckily Daddy was in a motel the entire 4 days he was gone (he was supposed to be out 2 weeks) and had a good WiFi connection so we were able to Skype with him every night. Sawyer wasn't really sure what to think but I think Daddy was really happy to see his boy! Some days I hate technology but most days I just think it's amazing how far we've come.

I have been back to work for almost 2 months now (boo!) and am still exclusively breastfeeding. This is something I am pretty proud of. It's not easy. I am sure my boss is hating it. I pump every day, three times a day. The first pump in the morning takes about 30 minutes and then the next two are about 15-20 minutes each. So that is an hour or so every day that is spent in a little back office pumping instead of at my desk. I can't tell you how grateful I am to have a job that allows me to do this so that Sawyer can keep nursing. I would like to continue nursing him until he's a year old but we will see how it goes. I have heard that some babies lose interest after they start solids, and I hope that's not the case with us but at the same time it would make weaning easier! Sawyer has become a boob snob and will only eat from the left side if he is half asleep or starving. It gets to be quite uncomfortable on the weekends because I pump all week from that side so to have him not take it on the weekends... well lets just say it gets a little full and a lot uncomfortable!

Sawyer has his 4 month check up this week, with shots and all, so I will do another post with his stats. However, since I don't have stats I'll just say that I know my little man is very tall for his age. He is wearing mostly 6-9 (some 12) month clothes though he does fit in a few 3-6 month onsies, it just depends on the brand. His PJ's have to be 6-9 because he is so tall! He is still in size 2 diapers but they are getting too small and I think after I finish the pack of diapers I have I'll be buying size 3.

He is smiling and laughing so much more now and is still a little cuddle bug. He loves to sit up so he can see what is going on and thinks it's so funny when he pees on you or himself! His changing table is still his favorite place in the house. He still loves bath time with Daddy. We think he's going to be a little fish but have yet to take him swimming. I hope that we will get to soon.

I am still in awe of him every second. I admit, there are times that I wish he would just take a nap so that I can rest, but then 20 or 30 minutes into his nap I am missing him so much I have to keep myself from waking him up. I can't keep track of how many times a day his dad or I say how dang cute he is. I think we still can't believe we are so lucky to call him ours! His smiles melt our hearts and his cries are even cute! Although he can get just about anything when he tears up. It breaks our hearts! I am loving every second of being a mom. For so long I would hear friends talk about mom things that they were doing and I would always hope that some day I would get to do that and now I finally am!! I can't tell you how happy it makes me to change a diaper, pack a diaper bag, lug around a car seat, even get drooled on, peed on or spit up on ( you noticed I left out pooped on? I think that would be pushing it). I am trying every day to remember all the little things because I know that they were once things that I never thought I would get the chance to do. Being a mom is the most amazing thing and being Sawyer's mom, well that is better than I ever imagined it could be. I feel like the luckiest woman ever!! If you asked his dad, he'd probably tell you something similar ( just not so mushy). We are changed forever and we are loving every second of it!

Anyway, back to Sawyer... He loves story time and gets so excited when we pull books out and open them up in front of him. His favorite songs are still "You Are My Sunshine" and "I Am A Child of God" which I sing to him every night before bed... mostly because I don't know many other songs. I have tried to sing "Letter from Avery" to him but hearing my voice singing it just doesn't do it justice after hearing Mari sing it. I just need to break out the iPod and play it for him more now that he's older. I do talk to him about Avery frequently though and we look at her picture a lot. I want him to grow up knowing who she is and how special she is to us. He's so good at grabbing things and pulling them to his mouth. He drools all over everything right now and, of course, I just think that it's cute! I have no problem with kissing him right on the mouth and coming away completely slimed. Especially because he thinks it's so funny when momma kisses him!

The last 4 months have been the best of my life. I feel so lucky to be me and to be Sawyer and Avery's mom. I don't know what I did to deserve such blessings but I will take them and I will try to be grateful for every second! Now I will leave you with more pictures of my cutie pie!

Playing on his activity mat

Telling Daddy about his day

This is mom's attempt to get his smiles on camera, I think our camera is too slow.

Tummy time. He's warming up to it...

All bathed and ready for bed!

snoozing on momma's bed...

More smiles (sort of)

He loves his elephant. He thinks it's great when the elephant gives him kisses. Then, if you leave the elephant on him he'll grab it and do this. I love this little guy so much!!

Cutie Patootie!

2011-08-19T10:38:00.003-06:00

Cannot get over how much I love this little boy!

Teething

2011-08-18T14:09:00.000-06:00

I really can't believe it. My almost 4 month old is teething! I never paid attention to when babies teethed but I didn't ever think it was this early. I know that his teeth might not come through for a while yet but the poor baby has been pretty uncomfortable and it took me a week to figure out why! It started last week when he stopped taking bottles at feeding time. He just acted like he wasn't hungry and didn't want anything to do with the bottles. Then he stopped sleeping well. He wasn't really sleeping great in the first place, but he'd only wake up once, maybe twice a night to eat and go right back to sleep. Out of nowhere though, he started waking up every 30 to 45 minutes crying. He never used to cry either.. just fuss enough that I knew he was hungry. He stopped self soothing and was just crying all the time. We thought at first he was dealing with ear issues but after a trip to the doctor we found that his ears look perfect. It wasn't until the end of the appt with the doctor and no real answers that Dr. N saw Sawyer chewing on his hands and my shoulder. He asked if he did that a lot lately and I said yep. He then suggested it may be that Sawyer is teething. We started him on Tylenol and Baby Orajel (which we only used twice and then switched to teething tablets) and he acted so much better! He still gets whiney and wants his mommy when he starts to hurt again but he will eat now and sleeps much better. I feel so bad for the little guy and am almost hoping the teeth cut through soon so that he can feel a little bit better until the next tooth decides to make him cranky. I am loving all the extra cuddles and that he loves me so much right now but I want the poor boy to feel better and get back to his usual smiley and laughing self!

I Don't Want To Forget

2011-08-09T16:58:00.000-06:00

These pictures won't upload the right way but I had to add them because they are so cute.

Before bathtime

too cute!

With Daddy at Kate's wedding

love this boy!!

smiles for grandma

He loves books!


eating his blanket! Too cute!

The other day I was holding my little man and started to think back to when he was just little (yea I know he's only 3 months but he's getting so big) and it made me sad to think of all the things that I miss about having a newborn. I had the idea that periodically I need to make a list of the things he will grow out of that I love and don't want to forget. Since I am using this blog as sort of a journal I would like to keep it all here and print it out in a book eventually. Sawyer changes so much every day. As you can see by the last post, he is now laughing and of course we are thrilled! It seems like he hits another milestone every day and it is just going by so fast! I love where he is now and I know that I will love where he will be tomorrow but that doesn't mean I don't miss where he was yesterday. A few things I miss about the newborn stage...

holding him for hours, watching him sleep
non-stinky diapers
being able to put him down anywhere and knowing he will stay asleep
the tiny clothes (and diapers).. I hate putting bigger and bigger clothes on him.. just a reminder that he is growing so fast

Since he is growing so fast there are a few things that he is doing now that I know he'll grow out of and I am not sure I want him to.

The adorable look he gets on his face when he is eating and he is alert. He loves to look around and his cute little forehead wrinkles up. I just love it! It is such a sweet and innocent look.

I will also miss nursing him. Knowing that I am his soul source of nourishment, it just gives me a feeling of such great purpose. I know he could have formula and do just fine but I love meal time and feel such a huge bond to him because I nurse him. It is an amazing feeling to carry a child and know that you and your body are keeping that little person that you have never met alive. I think it is even more amazing to know that this little person that you carried for so long is still utterly dependent on your body, even after giving birth. I plan on nursing him for at least a year but am afraid that once he starts on solids, this feeling might go away.

While he's eating his top hand sometimes flails all over the place until it finds something to grab on to, whether it be my shirt or my nose (yes he'll grab mom's big nose... never been so grateful to have a grabbable nose). The arm that's underneath him, that I try to wrap around my side while he eats to get it out of the way, will usually just hang out but occasionally he'll give mommy's side or back a nice little tickle. I love it!

When he's done eating he will sometimes play with his food ( you nursing moms know what I mean) or he will just lay back and smile at me. I can't get over how cute he is.. how Skeet and I made someone that cute is beyond me!

The way he nuzzles right into my neck when he's tired and I am rocking him. Sometimes when he's tired but is fighting it he'll try to crawl up my chest. If it wasn't so dang cute, it would be frustrating!

As much as I miss sleep, I will miss our time together at night. I swear he reaches out for me when I come into his room and as soon as I pick him up he immediately starts looking for food or he just cuddles right up onto my shoulder. Holding him in the quiet dark is just so peaceful and perfect. I'll enjoy the extra sleep for sure, but I think I'll miss this time with him more.

When he's tired and lying in his bouncy chair he'll talk to himself or whoever is around until he falls asleep. It's a sort of whiny sound but so sweet. I am not sure he'll grow out of this one any time soon but you never know. I need to get it on camera so I can have it forever!

Sucking on his hands. He is still trying to figure out how to keep his thumb in his mouth and sometimes he just decides to stick his whole hand in his mouth. It is adorable to watch him use his other hand to keep the one in place.

He loves to sit up on your lap and look around. He used to have a bobble head while doing this but it's getting more and more steady but he gets this look on his face that I never want to forget. His eyes get so big and his mouth makes and "O". He loves to see what's going on!

His stretches. This boy can stretch and it is the cutest when he does! When you take him out of his carseat it's more of a curled arms and legs back arch, and when he wakes up from his naps it's a whole body stretch.

He has this stuffed bug (at least I think it's a bug) on his car seat and he just stares at it. I am not sure if it freaks him out (from the look on his face, it might) but he will just sit and stare at that thing until he falls asleep!

The smell of his head. As his hair gets thicker I have noticed that the smell is starting to change. He still smells good but not like a newborn anymore. I wish I could bottle that smell. I think I would make a fortune selling it to moms!

Laughs!

2011-08-08T08:47:00.000-06:00

I am not sure how this works but hopefully everyone will be able to see this video. Skeet might kill me for posting it since you can hear him doing baby talk but he was getting Sawyer to laugh and it was so dang cute I just had to share. He has been laughing more and more since then and I can't get enough. Such a sweet baby!

Sawyer's first robe... He looks so cute!

He is so adorable when he's sleeping!

Woah!

One of my favorite things... he loves to cuddle mom!

What a cute boy!

Starting to find his feet!

Mom was trying to get him to wake up and he thought it was funny.

So big!

Daddy's little guy!

Still can't get over those lips!

There are more but I couldn't get them to upload right so I am going to play with them a bit. I hope you enjoy these cute pics as much as I do! I love this boy so much!

3 Months!

2011-07-28T12:13:00.001-06:00

Yesterday our little man hit his 3 month mark. He is growing up so fast and we are loving every second of him!

Last week he weighed 13 pounds 3 ounces so I am sure he is a few ounces more than that by now. He seems to get taller every day though. I am guessing he is over 25 inches now but we haven't measured him. He is in size 2 diapers and wearing mostly 3-6 month clothing although because of his height we do have him in 6-9 month pajamas. His smiles are still adorable and coming more often but he still makes you work for them. They are worth it though. On my days off I spend most of his awake time making funny noises and faces to get him to smile and giggle at me. He loves to have his feet kissed, especially when mom tells him how yummy they are! I have a hard time getting his smiles on camera because as soon as I pull out my phone or the camera, he suddenly becomes very shy and wants to just stare at them instead!

My mom told me a couple of months ago that at 3 months a baby's habits change and they get easier. Sawyer has never really been difficult but he has been waking up 2 or 3 times a night to eat. Well last night he only woke up once. Maybe my mom was right? I guess we'll see tonight! I know he's still a growing boy so I am not worried that he wants to eat in the middle of the night but I am wondering if 2-3 times is 1-2 times too many. He won't take a binkie though and won't go back to sleep unless he eats so who am I to deny him food? :) I hate to admit that even though I am tired, I love the good cuddles I get at night and most nights I don't mind his little cries calling me into his room! Speaking of his room... he has been sleeping in his own bed for quite a while now and sleeps there most of the night. If he does get up within the hour or so before I have to get up for work, I like to bring him to bed with me to cuddle a little bit more before I turn him over to his sitter. I love having him in bed with me, I don't sleep much when he's there, but his face is so sweet and he sleeps so much better when he's cuddled up to mommy! I don't want to get him in the habit of it, that's why I only allow him to do it for an hour or so in the morning.

Sawyer still hates tummy time but is getting so strong. He can sit up pretty well in his Bumbo Chair and loves to sit on pretty much anyone's lap, as long as he can look around and see what it going on. He's great at holding his head up. He has discovered that his hands taste really good and is now trying to master thumb sucking. He can get it in there but keeping it in is a little more difficult. With the hand sucking has come and increase in saliva productions. Yep, my baby boy is a slobber monster! If you put a rattle or toy in his hand he will hold it but isn't really sure what to do with it just yet!

His favorite place in the house is his changing table. If he is without clothing or a diaper it's even better! This is the place we get the most smiles. He'll even tell us stories. He still adores his daddy and saves his best smiles just for Skeet!

One last story I have to add for this 3 month update. Yesterday I was holding the cutest little guy ever, he was sitting on my stomach, leaning back against my knees. We were just playing and talking when he pooped! I praised him for a good one and went back to trying to get some smiles. After a few minutes I decided it was time to change him so I stood up and that is when I looked down and saw poop all over the front of my shirt. I exclaimed to Skeet how I had officially been pooped on and he pointed out that I also had poop all over my back. Then we found it on the blanket and pillow that were on the chair I was sitting on. We have decided it was the poop of all poops! The little guy must be cute cause I didn't even get upset or grossed out! My cute little pooper...

Visiting mommy at work!

More Ponderings... (I ponder a lot don't I?)

2011-07-20T09:09:00.000-06:00

Well today my little man is 12 weeks old! I seriously cannot believe it! It has gone by so fast. I still have moments when I am holding him or just looking at him where I wonder if it is all a dream. I just can't believe that he is here and he is ours! He seriously is so amazing. Sure, he may not be sleeping through the night but I will take that any day over going back to not having him at all! He really could be a lot worse too. He gets up 1-3 times a night (depending on the night) and usually eats and goes right back to sleep. Occasionally he will decide that he wants to play or that he doesn't want to sleep unless mom is holding him and that's okay. I am just so glad that he is here and he is healthy. Most nights (unless I am extremely sleep deprived) I enjoy our little moments at night because he is extra cuddly when mom picks him up out of his crib. Even if I do get a little frustrated that he won't go back to sleep, or won't let me put him down, I just have to look at his sweet little face and the frustration just melts away. I am loving every minute of being his mom. I can't believe how lucky I am to have such amazing children and such a loving and supportive husband. Actually can I brag about my husband for a second? Well I am gonna anyway...

Skeet has been nothing short of amazing the past 3 months. He adores his little man, even more than I ever thought he would. He has turned into the biggest softy when it comes to Sawyer. I love to hear him talk to him and watch Sawyer just stare up at him, smile and talk back to his dad. You can tell that Sawyer adores Skeet too! Every other night they have a bath together (so much easier than trying to do the baby bathtub thing, which Sawyer has grown out of really fast). Skeet doesn't normally do baths unless his back is acting up or he is sick but he so looks forward to his baths now. He is such a huge help to me too. When we have days off together (which doesn't happen much anymore since I am back to work and he works weekends) he will give Sawyer a bottle at his 4 or 5 a.m. feeding and take him for a few hours so I can sleep in. He also will watch Sawyer on his days off and looks forward to this too! Not only does it save us some money but it makes me feel so much better knowing that Sawyer is spending quality time with his daddy. It also gave Skeet an idea of what my days at home alone with the boy were like and I think he has a new respect for me as a mommy. Also, when it comes time to get ready for work he really pitches in and helps out a ton! I don't think I would ever get to work on time if it weren't for him. He will help me make a lunch the night before, he'll even help me wash bottles and pump stuff so that I am set for the next day. In the mornings he will load everything in my car for me and watch the little guy while I get ready (if he's awake yet). He'll get everything in the diaper bag, put together a breakfast for me and make sure the bottles are ready to go. He is seriously such a huge help and I am so very grateful that I was able to marry such a great guy! I couldn't ask for a better husband or father. He even cooks dinner on those nights when I come home from work exhausted. If it weren't for him there are some days when I don't think I would eat at all and I probably would have had a nervous breakdown by now! He doesn't even complain when I kick him out of bed in the middle of the night so that I can put Sawyer in bed with me just so I can get some sleep!

I can't say enough nice things about my Hubby, but I'll stop for now and move on. Some of you may be wondering whether or not we are going to try for another baby. Uh yea! I refuse to go on any type of birth control because I believe it is evil and had a lot to do with my infertility problems in the first place. No, we don't want to get pregnant right away (if we even can) but we are willing to take the chance. Dr. S wants us to wait at least a year before getting pregnant (if we even can) again because of the high risk of preterm problems when you have babies too close together. I am not sure if it will happen again for us. I know that we are done with extensive fertility treatments (unless we come into some big time money, ha... ha...) so if we do get pregnant again it will be a huge miraculous blessing... just like Mr. Sawyer was. We are just so grateful to have two beautiful children, even if one is watching over us from heaven. We will consider ourselves blessed beyond what we deserve if it turns out that Avery and Sawyer are our only children. So do I want another baby? Yes! I would love another but I am not going to stress about it too much because I have an angel in heaven and a miracle in my arms. I would be selfish to expect any more than that!!

As for Mr. Sawyer, I will do an update on him at his 3 month mark which is only a week away! As of Monday though, he weighed in at 13 pounds 3 ounces. He is getting so big! The first three months of his life were amazing, although they flew by. I am excited to see what month 4 brings!

Phone pictures

2011-07-14T16:09:00.000-06:00

I love to take pictures of Sawyer with my phone because I usually have it with me and not my camera. I wanted to post some of the cute pics I have taken here, I have tried to keep them in order so you can see how much he has grown! The first are the belly shots from the day before induction.

I Survived!!

2011-07-12T13:17:00.000-06:00

Yesterday I went back to work. I had been dreading it for weeks and it came so fast! We found an awesome babysitter for Sawyer but I still didn't want to leave him. It had nothing to do with her, it was more that I had been spending my days with the little man and the thought of someone else doing that for me really made me have anxiety. I thought that he would forget me and I worried that someone that is a stranger to him would be spending more of his waking time with him than I would be. I was also worried, and I know this sounds silly, that he would forget that I am his mom! For weeks I have been trying not to think about the dreaded day when I had to leave him for 9+ hours a day but I couldn't avoid it and when I was getting him ready to go yesterday I just kept crying. When he would smile at me or start talking I would cry harder and when I buckled him into his car seat I thought I was going to have a complete and total breakdown. I cried all the way to the baby sitter's house and then made the mistake of taking him out of his car seat to say goodbye. It was awful and I will admit that I "ugly cried" all the way to work. He did spend about an hour and a half at work with me later that afternoon and that helped a ton. I don't know if I would have gotten through the day if I had not had that time.

So I made it through and I could hardly wait to go pick my little man up and give him hugs, kisses and smell his head ( I love the smell of his head.. I could smell and kiss it all day). I even made Skeet take us out to get take out last night because I didn't want to spend the time cooking when I could be trying to make my baby boy smile and coo.

As I was holding Sawyer last night (and smelling his head) I just felt so happy to have him in my arms again and it just reaffirmed that I know my soul purpose in this life is to be a mom to my incredible children and a wife to my amazing husband. There is nothing better than knowing why you exist! I may have to work to get the bills paid but my number one job is doing whatever I can to take care of my family. I can't believe it took me 30 years to figure that out! I hope that I never forget it and that I take full advantage of the little time I do have with my family. I am one lucky girl to have them!

Today wasn't much easier, leaving Sawyer with the sitter. I am sure it will take a week or two until I can leave him there without crying but at least I know he is being taken care of and that I get to see him when my long day is over! For now that will have to do until we can figure out some way that I can spend more time with him.

Have I said how much I love this little guy? He is so awesome!!

2 month update

2011-07-07T13:04:00.000-06:00

Sawyer went in for his 2 month well baby check up and he did great!! He is 12 pounds 12 ounces, in the 63rd percentile for his age; 24.5 inches, which is the 88th percentile; and his head is 15.75 inches, which is the 40th percentile. He looks very healthy and is a tall boy!! Dr N thinks that he might have some mild allergies so we will try some Benedryl (sp??) in a couple of days to see if it helps. Other than that he is good for another 2 months! He did get 3 shots today and let's just say it was sad. We have never seen him cry like that but he recovered quickly and seems to be doing just fine! I think mom and dad were more upset than he was! We are so proud of our growing boy!! He has been such a huge blessing!

Picture fix... Introducing...

2011-07-05T17:40:00.000-06:00

Sawyer's smile!

I had to add a few cute sleeping pics

This one is my favorite... like father, like son!

Happy 4th of July! Fun at the park!

Pooped out after the park


Outfit change after the worlds biggest blow-out!

I have the cutest baby boy ever! I am so in love!!

2 Months

2011-06-29T10:40:00.000-06:00

I can't believe that my little boy is already 2 months old! Can I say it again? Well I am going to... where did the time go? I wish, oh how I wish, that I could slow it down somehow. As I write this my little guy is sleeping and has been for well over an hour and for some reason I can't wait for him to wake up! He is getting so big and watching him grow has been the most amazing experience, although a little bittersweet. He has me trained well and it's obvious that I am wrapped around every single one of his chubby little fingers. Looking back to the past two months, well I have to say it all kinds of blurs together. I still spend most of my days feeding the hungry little man and catching up on sleep. We do try to get some time outside and I will occasionally put him down to do housework. I am trying to get him used to sleeping somewhere other than moms' arms so that his babysitter doesn't hate me in two weeks but I have such a hard time putting him down. I love the feel of his little (well not so little any more) body in my arms and watching his sweet little face while he sleeps. People might chastise me and tell me that I am spoiling him but after 6 years of trying for a baby I have every right to hold my little boy as much as I want to.

Sawyer started really smiling around 8 weeks. I can't say a specific day because they came gradually but we love to talk to him and get him to smile! I need to keep my camera with me more so that I can catch it but I usually forget because I am having so much fun watching him smile and try to talk to me or his dad.

He probably weighs around 12.5 pounds now and I have no clue how long his is.. I'll just say again that he is very tall. He goes in next week for his 2 month appointment and as excited as we are to see how much he's grown, we are dreading all the shots!

He has found his hands and loves to try to get them to stay in his mouth. The other night I put him in bed with me (yea I know.. bad habits... so what I don't do it every night) and his binkie fell out of his mouth and I just laid there and watched while he tried to literally devour his hands. It was the most adorable thing I have ever seen. I wish I could have gotten it on video but I didn't want to get up cause I didn't want to miss it.

Most nights he goes to bed at around 10. Wakes up between 12 and 1 to eat then sleeps again until 3 or 4 when he wakes up to eat again. Unfortunately he only sleeps until 5 and then wants to play a little bit before he goes to sleep again. Then he'll sleep until 8:30 or nine and take another nap around 11. He eats every 2 to 2.5 hours and I think he gets a new roll somewhere every day! I have to say though that the night I had him in bed with me, he slept 5 hours straight. I kept waking up in a panic because he hadn't woken up to eat yet. It was kind of nice but I want him used to his crib. The past few nights he has been sleeping by himself in his own room. (Yes, I slept on the floor the first couple of nights... I am still a little bit paranoid!) It was so hard for me to leave him in there by himself but I know it needs to be done. I think I would love him to sleep through the night but I would really miss the middle of the night cuddles I get after he eats. I put his head on my shoulder to burp him and he likes to snuggle right up to my neck with his little nose. He makes the cutest little noises while he is nuzzling my neck. I will really miss that. It is the sweetest thing!

He is still on medication for mild reflux and another for his colic. He gets really gassy in the mornings because he doesn't burp well at night. So he usually wakes up in the morning grunting because he is trying to get out all of the toots. This boy can really fart!! He usually spends between 5 am and 7 am farting. He is definitely a gassy little thing!! Unfortunately, it is occasionally painful for him and he will wake up in pain. It breaks my heart. I hate to see him in pain and his cry is just so sad! I hope both of these issues clear up soon because I hate giving him medicine. I feel like I am torturing him.

Speaking of torture, he's had a little stuffy nose the past few days and I have been sucking big ugly boogers out of his nose. This really kills me. He cries and looks at me like he is asking me why I would do that to him. It is so sad! It seems to be clearing up though and there haven't been any fevers or coughing so the doctor says it isn't contagious... thank goodness!

Below are some more recent pictures... Can you see why I am so in love? Happy 2 Month Birthday Little Man!

He found his hand... so adorable!

Watching SpongeBob... no I am not a bad mom, I only let him watch for a minute. I think he likes the colors.

Sweetest face ever.. Can you believe those lips? Not sure who he got those from.

He wasn't sure what to do with that rattle but it was cute watching him try to figure it out. Love the onsie!

In Honor of Theo Dungey - 10/10/07

2011-06-23T10:11:00.000-06:00

Little Theo was born 3 days before my Avery and his mom, dad and I have become friends despite the very sad circumstances. Theo had a lethal form of Skeletal Dysplasia as well and I know his mum and dad miss him every day. His kind momma sent us this outfit, the first she bought for her sweet little boy and he never got to wear it. We are so touched and honored that she chose to pass it on to our special little guy. Thank you Clare and Andy! We love you and Mr. Theo too!

The outfit came with cute little booties but Sawyer would kick them off as fast as I could get them on. We tried many times to get a picture with them on but that boy got them off fast!

Oh Yay!

2011-06-22T16:50:00.000-06:00

So a few people have suggested that I use Firefox to access my blog and although I still get an error page it looks like I can still post!! Yay for Firefox! So I just have to do a post about how big my boy is!! We went to see Dr. N this week because of a stuffy nose and some red bumps on Mr. Sawyer's legs. Turns out he just has some boogers that I have to suck out twice a day and a heat rash on his legs. The big news is that my "little" man now weighs 12 pounds 1 ounce. I cannot believe it! He is getting so big! The infant support in his car seat says to use only until 11 pounds so I took the bottom part out this morning. I still feel like he needs the head support so that is going to stay for a few more weeks. They didn't measure his height but Dr. N commented on how long he was. He really is so tall. I wish he would stop growing so fast but it really is fun to see him change and see his personality come out even more. I can't say enough how in love I am with my son. Being a mom is better than I ever imagined!! I feel so incredibly lucky to have been given such a sweet little guy!

He is starting to smile and it is the cutest thing ever! He has been wanting to smile for a while now but he kept getting smiling and sticking out his tongue confused. So when you would talk to him and play with him he'd get all excited and keep sticking out his tongue. Now it is a combination of both. He will still stick out his tongue but the corners of his mouth go up too. I spend most of my day trying to get those cute smiles out of him because he is still pretty stingy with them. His daddy is pretty excited for when he starts smiling on a regular basis. Skeet can hardly wait for him to be big enough to play with.

Speaking of Skeet, he had a pretty sucky Father's Day. Only cause he had to work all day. Sawyer and I took him some lunch at work though and then we went to Skeet's sister's (and my brother's) house for tacos. Skeet is such an awesome daddy. Sawyer adores him too. If he is awake when Skeet gets home he will just stare at Skeet while he is holding him. He also loves it when his daddy is home to help with bath time. When it's just me he cries most of the time but when Skeet is there he barely makes a peep, except when we get him out of the bath of course. Skeet is such a huge help to me too. When he has a day off (which isn't much these days) he will take Sawyer in the mornings so that I can get a few extra hours of uninterrupted sleep. Those few hours make a huge difference! Sawyer, Avery and I are so lucky to have Skeet. I always knew he would be an amazing dad but he is going above and beyond what I ever expected and I am so grateful for him. I know he will always be his little boy's hero!

My return to work is getting ever closer and I am dreading the day when I have to drop my little man off at his awesome babysitter's house and not see him again for almost 10 hours. (8 hour work day plus lunch and travel time). I cry every time I think about it. I don't know how working moms do it and keep their sanity. I feel like it's the end of the world. I don't want someone else spending most of my sweet little boys' waking hours with him. Don't get me wrong. I am so thankful to have a job and I love everyone I work with but now that I have Sawyer, he is my top priority and if we could get by I would stay home with him in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, we did InVitro and are still paying it off so I will be working a few more years until it is paid off. I don't regret doing the In Vitro but I do regret not figuring out a better way to pay for it, and I regret buying the Tahoe just months before we knew we were going to have to do the In Vitro. If we didn't have the car payment, we would be much further ahead with the IVF debt.

Enough of my sob story though, I know there are so many out there who have had to leave their precious little ones in someone else care and they survived... I just want to know how!!

Finally!!

2011-06-16T20:39:00.000-06:00

Well I am so sorry it has taken me almost a month to do an update. We had a virus on our laptop and the awesome person who fixed it for me was nice enough to install IE9. I didn't learn until later that IE9 and Blogger are not compatible at all. It took me a long time to realize that I did have a computer in the house that might work. I hope I can finish this post though because the old desktop computer that I am posting from is very slow and I have little time or patience for this old thing!
So I missed doing a one month post for Sawyer... and because the time has been flying by so fast I can't remember what I was going to post in the first place. Now we are quickly approaching his two month birthday so I will just do a quick update of what has been going on with us.
First of all I need to say, yet again, how much in love I am with this little boy. I feel so incredibly lucky to be the mommy of such a sweet, precious and adorable little guy. Every day when I wake up to his chubby cheeks and innocent eyes I am just amazed that he is really mine.. forever! He is such a sweetie. He loves to cuddle with mom and I am afraid I have spoiled him a little bit by cuddling him to sleep all day long. Now when he is tired, he wants to cuddle mom to get to sleep and sometimes gets a little upset if she's not around to cuddle with. He also likes to give mom kisses, which I totally love too!! I don't understand it but he always has the sweetest breath and his skin always smells good. I don't think I smell even half as good as him right out of the shower but he still smells good on day 3 right before he gets his next bath.

He loves baths, but only if Daddy is there to help. He adores his Daddy and their time together. Unfortunately, Skeet is working alot because it is fire season so their time together lately is limited. Daddy will be able to make up for it though, this winter during his slow season.

Sawyer is growing like a weed... I am not joking or exaggerating either. The last time he was weighed he was only 5 weeks and had gained exactly 3 pounds since birth. I know he has gained at least 2 more since then and he is incredibly tall. He has outgrown all of his 0-3 month jammies and is now in 3-6 month. I am thinking that the time to switch to size 2 diapers is near as well, considering the number of blow outs we've had lately! I love to see him grow but at the same time I wonder where my little baby has gone. I cried as I was packing up his newborn clothes and most of his 0-3 month clothes as well. The time is still just flying by!

My favorite time with my little man is when he is eating. I have always been a strong advocate of breastfeeding, just because of how good it is for a baby. How no formula out there can replicate the nutrients and nourishment that breast milk gives, but it wasn't until after I started feeding Sawyer that I realized what an amazing bond occurs between a mother and her child while they are nursing. I think that Sawyer is the sweetest when he is eating and he is looking up at me with those big, sweet, innocent eyes. Totally trusting that I am giving him everything he needs and that I will always be there to take care of him. It is really hard to describe. He also likes to grab onto my shirt with his top hand and tickle my side with his other. Maybe he doesn't know that he's doing it but it is just so sweet! Did I say that I love this little boy? Cause I do!

Unfortunately I will be returning to work in 3 weeks. I am a wreck about it. I want so badly to be there for every second of Sawyer's life but I know it's not possible. I am going to try to continue to exclusively breastfeed and I hope it works out. But how I am going to miss those moments during the day when it's just him and me. Skeet has had the opportunity of feeding him a bottle a few times and he loves it too. We are trying to get him used to a bottle and to someone other than mom feeding him and we haven't had any problems at all. I like to believe that I am still his favorite though, I think it's a mom thing!

On Sunday, June 12th Sawyer was given a name and a blessing. We did it at home with just family present and it was a really special event. Sawyer looked so dang handsome in his blessing suit and he was such a good baby all afternoon while being passed around. Everyone loved holding him. But who wouldn't? He is so adorable!!

Well I am out of time for tonight and I want to post a few recent pictures so here they are!

Watching daddy read

Loves his daddy!!

His almost smile

Visiting Miss Avery on Memorial Day

The onsie says it all

napping with mom

bathtime!!

I thought the hat was cute... he didn't

I know this picture is upside down but I had to document his "old man hair" So cute!

Blessing attire

What a stinkin' cute kid

Cutest Baby Boy EVER!!

2011-05-25T19:12:00.000-06:00

Abbey Kyhl from AK Studio and Design (http://www.akstudiodesign.com/) also did Sawyer's newborn pics. I have to say she did an amazing job. I am so in love with ever single picture. There are more but I didn't have the patience to upload all of them. They turned out amazing and captured my little man's sweetness so well. I am so glad that we have all of these amazing pictures and I don't think I have enough wall space in my house to display all of them like I want to! Sawyer was exactly a week old when these were taken. Skeet got pooped and peed on and I took my turn getting peed on too but it didn't even phase either of us. Who would have thought that only a week after becoming parents we would be okay with getting peed on?? But seriously, how could you get upset when it comes from someone so dang cute? I think cute is actually an understatement... there is not a word good enough to describe how incredibly adorable my little man is!! Can you tell I am in love? He does get cuter every day too... not lying.. he really does!

Maternity Photos

2011-05-24T09:31:00.000-06:00

Abbey Kyhl from AK Studio and Design (http://www.akstudiodesign.com/) did my maternity and Sawyer's newborn pics (will be seen in a later post). I could not be happier with the way they turned out. I have always regretted not getting pictures done when I was pregnant with Avery and since we don't know if Sawyer will be our last or not, I wanted to make sure I got them this time around. I absolutely adore Abbey. She did an amazing job and is so sweet. We clicked instantly. She made me feel so beautiful at a time when I know to most people I just looked large and puffy!! Thanks Abbey!! I will cherish these forever!!

3 Weeks and Some Thoughts on Motherhood

2011-05-19T13:07:00.000-06:00

I know I keep saying it but time just keeps flying by! My little man is already 3 weeks old!! He grows and changes so much every day. I still cannot get enough of him. I keep thinking that if I blink I might miss something cute he does or he might grow 3 inches in an instant. It sort of reminds me of that Aerosmith song from the Armageddon movie... you know which one I am talking about I think it's called "I Don't Want to Miss A Thing" or something like that.

I am loving motherhood. More than I ever thought I would. I finally feel like I am serving my purpose in life. Like I was put here to be a mom and I am finally getting to do just that!! It is such an amazing feeling!! A few months ago, when I was still pregnant, I was watching some home movies that my dad had given me for Christmas. In one of them he was interviewing all his kids, asking them how old they were, what grade they were in, if they liked school, what they wanted to be when they grew up, etc. I was 5 at the time and when my dad asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I told him "a mom". He asked if there was anything else. After some shrugging and a minute or two to think about it I added, "and rich". Even at the age of 5 I knew that I was meant to be a mom. When I watched that video I cried. At 5 I was so innocent. I had no idea that becoming a mom would be one of the things I would have to work hardest to achieve in my life. I am glad that I had my priorities straight too and that being rich came second. I am not rich, in the $$ sense, by any means but when I think of my sweet children and amazingly supportive and loving husband, I feel like the richest girl ever! I know it sounds totally cheesy but it's true!

I have to admit, I haven't been getting much sleep. Sawyer is only partly to blame for this. You see, I was so stressed out when I was pregnant with him, that something would go wrong. I just wanted him here so that I could just look at him and know he is okay. Well now I can do just that. Although I seem to think that looking at him, and making sure he is okay is much more important than sleep. If anything ever happened to him I just don't know what I would do. I don't know what is going to happen to Sawyer does still like to wake up every couple of hours to eat and only sometimes does he like to go right back to sleep. Like last night for instance, he woke up every 2 hours and then wanted to be held while he looked around for another 30 minutes at least, before he would go back to sleep. Am I upset about the lost sleep? If you would have asked me a month ago I would have probably been upset if someone kept me up all night long. I love, or loved, my sleep. If you know me, you know just how true that is. However, now, when I look down at the warm little body in my arms and see his big bright eyes staring up at me, well let's just say I would stay up all night, every night for that moment. He gives his best cuddles in the middle of the night and I could swear his little head smells sweeter. I could stare at his sweet little face and kiss his head all night long. This might change, as I get more sleep deprived. But for now, I am just going to enjoy it.

At three weeks Sawyer is still eating like a champ!! He sleeps like a champ too, but only during the day. I swear I can see him growing. He is getting cute little rolls on his arms and legs and I love his chubby cheeks!! He is finally wearing 0-3 month clothes and is in size 1 diapers.
Sawyer loves his activity mat and the star that plays music and has flashing lights. He will stare at it while he kicks and grunts! So cute!!
Sawyer has the cutest smile EVER!! We only get to see it when he's got gas or when he's having a good dream but I know we'll be seeing it more soon and I can't wait to show it to you all... seriously... the CUTEST!!
He has developed reflux, gas and we think he may be a little colicky (sp?) but it's not too bad and we are hoping it doesn't get worse.

With Great Grandma and Grandpa!

He fell asleep like this... too cute!

Sawyer steals any one's heart that meets him. His grandma Sherrie can't get enough and is more than happy to just sit and hold him whenever she gets the chance. He is such a sweetie and his daddy and I fall more in love every day!

Chunky Monkey

2011-05-12T11:31:00.000-06:00

Our appointment with Sawyer's pediatrician, Dr. N, went great today! Our little boy is filling out quickly!! He weighed in at 8 pounds 7 ounces today and 21 and 3/4 inches. His head grew an inch as well! He is in the 38 percentile for weight, 84th for height and 56th for head circumference. Dr. N said that it is normal for most newborns to gain about an ounce a day and our little guy, being the over achiever that he is, almost doubled that in the 10 days since his last appointment. His daddy and I couldn't be more proud! I love chunky babies and if he doesn't keep getting taller, we might get a chance at a chubby baby!! Of course I'll think he's the cutest either way but from the rolls and chins I am seeing develop on this little man, I think we have a chunky monkey in the making!! Love him!!

2 Weeks and Mother's Day

2011-05-11T16:13:00.000-06:00

I haven't been posting as much as I probably would like to lately but I am sure you don't blame me... I just want to spend all my free time loving on my little man. Right now, he is napping in his crib as I am trying to get him used to it so we can get him sleeping in his own room. So far he is doing great and seems to like all the room he has to stretch out. I think the move will be much harder on me than it will be on him.

Mother's Day this year was so fantastic! I celebrated my first Mother's Day back in 2007 when I was pregnant with Avery. We didn't know she would leave us at that point and I just remember being so excited to be a mom! The next 3 Mother's Days came and went and they were bittersweet. I was still a mother but I wasn't able to hold my child and people didn't wish me a Happy Mother's Day because I wasn't a "normal" mom. This year Skeet kept asking me what I wanted for Mother's Day and every time he'd ask my answer would be the same. I have already received the best gift ever... nothing could top it. It was an amazing day. I spent the entire day loving on my little guy and enjoying every second. I thought a lot about Miss Avery too but I think she wants me to be happy and to enjoy her brother. I don't think she wants me to be sad right now. I knew that having another child wouldn't make me forget her and wouldn't heal my heart completely but I could never have imagined how much it does help to hold my little man. I can't help but be blissfully happy! Being his mom is just so much better than I ever could have imagined!

Today is Sawyer's 2 week birthday. I can't believe how much he changes and grows every day. Time is just flying by and although I am trying to not focus on that, I can't help but feel a little sad that in 8 weeks I will be returning to work and will be missing out on so much of him. I wish so badly that I could be a stay at home mom!! I hope all of you out there that get to stay at home with your kids know how lucky you are! As much as I adore Kim, Sawyer's soon to be 2nd mom, I am so jealous of all of the time she will have with him that I won't. It is killing me already! I can't imagine what a wreck I am going to be in 8 weeks!

In the last few days Sawyer has had his first bath, which he didn't love. He did however love his second bath. Skeet and I are a great team and I don't know what I am going to do when he starts going on fires and I have to bathe Mr. Sawyer myself!! He still loves having his hair washed and I love how big and bright his eyes are when his daddy is washing his hair!! I always volunteer to hold him while Skeet washes because I get to watch his cute little face!
Sawyer still hates to have his diaper changed and to be dressed or undressed! We did however, have a couple of diaper changes in the last couple of days that he didn't scream through. I think that is good progress!
He is still sleeping okay. Not great but I know it could be much worse. I am getting between 4 and 6 hours of sleep a night, only it is in 1-2 hour increments! I think he still has his nights and days mixed up because I think he could sleep 5 or 6 hours straight in the day if I didn't wake him up to eat. But at night he is up every 2 to 2.5 hours wanting to eat! All of this eating is showing on his chubby little face and his cheeks are getting more kissable every day!
He has his 2 week check up tomorrow so I will post his stats then! Let me just say again how much I adore my little boy! I think it's finally sinking in that he is actually mine and that I get to keep him! He is so cuddly and lovable! I can't get enough!

With the man who made it all possible, Dr. S

I love this outfit on him!

Cute monkey-butt!!

Wide awake after his first bath!

1 Week

2011-05-06T13:37:00.000-06:00

I can't believe my little man is already a week old (I know this post is a couple of days late). He is already growing up much faster than I am comfortable with. I guess when your days are filled with feedings every 3 hours, sleeping in between and a lot of visits from all of his many admirers, the days pass pretty quickly.

What we know about our little Sawyer so far:

He HATES having his diaper changed, which sucks for him cause he is constantly pooing!!
He LOVES having his hair washed. Especially when Daddy does it!
He is very tall and very skinny and mom has a hard time finding clothes that fit him.
He LOVES to eat and sleeps hard when he sleeps. Unfortunately for mom though, he has his days and nights mixed up. He could sleep all day and stay up all night. I don't get much sleep but I am not complaining at all... I am just so grateful to have a sweet boy to cuddle with all night. Actually, he's not that bad... he just likes to eat every two hours at night so I only get to sleep in one hour increments.
He LOVES to have daddy read to him and his favorite song is "I Am A Child of God".
He hates being put into his car seat but loves to go for rides in the car.
He hates it when mom dresses him, or undresses him.
He makes the cutest noises and pulls the craziest faces.
He hates being burped and mom is starting to suspect that she isn't that good at it. He only burbs half of the time and he rarely spits up.

As of Monday, he weighed 7 pounds 6 ounces and was 21 inches long. He is in the 85th percentile for height and only the 35th for weight.

On Wednesday, at 8 days old, his umbilical cord fell off.

His jaundice is slowly clearing up.

He really is such a sweet little boy and he loves to cuddle. When he's really hungry he'll give mommy kisses on the cheek, which I love of course. He gets cuter and cuter every day too. Skeet and I are head over heels for this little boy. I think the only way I could be happier is if his big sister were here as well. We know that she is watching over him though and that brings us such great comfort. I still feel like it is all a dream and I am going to wake up any second. I can't believe I am so lucky!

Yay for Sue!!

2011-05-02T14:40:00.000-06:00

My little man is now 5 days old! The time is already flying and it is making me panic a little bit! I am trying to enjoy every little second with him but the seconds tick by so fast! He is already changing and looking less like he did the day he was born but he just keeps getting cuter!! Things have been going really well since we brought him home. He was taken off the bili lights on Saturday morning but it seems he still has some jaundice. His numbers were still up today but his doctor (who we love!) thinks that today is his peak and the numbers will start to go down. Our first night with him home was okay but hard because he was on the bili bed and had to be naked, so we had trouble keeping his body temperature where it needed to be. Night two was harder because he was still on the bili bed but he also had a little bit of a tummy ache and wanted to be held most of the night, which meant I didn't get much sleep. Yesterday he didn't want to eat. Up until then he had been doing great with nursing. I felt fortunate that we didn't struggle with it that much but then yesterday he wouldn't latch. I felt so bad because nothing I did helped him and I could tell he was getting more and more hungry and frustrated. I finally called the lactation specialist, Sue, and after crying into the phone for a few minutes, I explained my dilemma. She immediately came out to help. Within 5 minutes of her arrival she had him latched and eating away! My milk had come in the night before and my boobs were so full she said it was like trying to suck on a cantaloupe. Poor guy, no wonder he couldn't latch! She stayed for the entire feeding, answered a ton of questions and made Skeet and I both feel so much more confident with a lot of things that we were worried about. Needless to say, Sue has been added to my list of heroes! She is amazing and I don't know what we would have done without her! Since then Sawyer is back to eating like a champ and he even slept most of the night last and only woke mom up twice to eat! What a good little boy!!

I seriously cannot get enough of him. He is so cute and so sweet!! He is amazing and being his mom is better than I could have ever imagined! We have had tons of company and as much as I love hearing how cute he is and seeing how much everyone else loves him, I have a hard time handing him over cause I have become a little bit stingy about Sawyer loves. He is so cuddly and I never want to put him down!! Skeet has been so great too and is such a proud daddy! Sawyer looks so much like him too, the ladies are gonna love him! Actually... they already do!

I do miss being pregnant, but not as much as I thought I would. I was so scared that I would cry every day, well I do cry every day but they are tears of pure joy and pride. Because I have my little man here with me now I don't think much about not being pregnant anymore. I miss the movements and my tummy, but having my little boy to love on is so much better so I think it's a good trade off!

I want to thank everyone for the kind messages and comments! We are so lucky to have so many out there praying for Mr. Sawyer and cheering us on. I cannot describe how amazing you all have made me feel and reading the comments always make me cry (the good kind). I am so glad that I am able to share Sawyer with you all. He is a very special, and very loved little boy and I can guarantee that he will grow up knowing just how much he is loved, wanted and cherished!!

With that being said, I will leave you with a few more pictures. I wish I could post more but my internet at home is so slow, it is really frustrating to try to upload pics. I'll try to do more later! Here is my handsome little guy over the past few days.

3 days old

My boys!!

4 days old in a milk induced coma

2 days old, on his bili bed (he's already got his daddy's muscles)

4 days old

3 days old (no mom isn't naked in this picture)

Sawyer's Birthday

2011-04-30T15:45:00.000-06:00

When I went in for my NST on Tuesday the 26th, I was prepared to beg Dr. Sanders, even bribe him if I had to, to do something to get my labor started. Luckily, I didn't have to do either. He walked into the room and asked me how I felt about meeting my little boy the next day. He had already made the arrangements for me to be induced the next morning at 4 a.m. Because I was already dilated to a 5 and had just made it to 39 weeks, there was no reason we shouldn't just get things started. I was so happy I couldn't thank him enough! Skeet wasn't happy about the 4 a.m. thing but we were both so excited to meet our boy!

So we told very few people and planned on just announcing his birth the next day. I was so surprised when I slept really well that night and was up and ready to go the next morning! We checked in at about 10 after 4 and the nurse immediately got me started on Pitocin. Dr. S had ordered the fast track method, because I was dilated to a 5 and 90% effaced, they didn't want to drag out labor longer than they had to. So they gave me a very high dose of the Pitocin and would increase it every hour until the contractions did their job. Unfortunately Mr. Sawyer didn't like that much. As soon as the Pitocin kicked in his heart rate dropped... it scared the crap out of me. They turned off the pump, put me on my side, gave me oxygen and increase my fluid drip. I started to panic and began thinking that we would have to get him out quickly by C-Section but fortunately his heartrate started to go back up. The contractions however, stopped again. Once they saw his heart rate had steadied out they started the Pitocin again at a much smaller dose. The contractions began again but were very mild. By the time I saw Dr. S at around 8 or 8:30 a.m. I had dilated to a 6 and he broke my water. After that the contractions got very intense but still didn't have a pattern. I decided that I would get an epidural in case they needed to get him out quickly since he obviously didn't like the Pitocin at all.

By the time I got the epidural I was dilated to a 6.5 and the contractions were pretty painful... the epidural however, was not. It went smoothly and within minutes I had relief from the contractions. I could still move my legs though which was great!! I guess in the last 3 years they got a new drug and it doesn't render you completely useless anymore. After that, the only reason I could tell I was having a contraction was because I would get really short of breath when one would hit. At some point Sawyer's heart rate dropped again and we had to back off on the Pitocin. I was so relieved to have had the epidural now, just in case. I did progress pretty quickly after this, even with having to lower the pitocin dose. Before I knew it the nurse was telling me that I was complete and it was time to push. Dr S came in and his excitement to meet Sawyer helped calm me down and prepare myself for what was about to happen. The environment in the room was so laid back, Dr. S was joking with the nurses and me, and my mom and Skeet were just anxiously awaiting Sawyer's arrival. Dr. S joked that we'd be done in 5 pushes... Oh how I wish that would have been true. Even though I could still move my legs, I couldn't feel my contractions or the need to push at all. They tried to tell me when to push but I was so numb I couldn't tell if I was pushing right, and I wasn't. They turned off the epidural pump but it only helped a little bit before Sawyer's heart rate dropped dangerously low. Dr S decided to get him out fast and asked for the vacuum. He also did an episiotomy to help speed things

Hearing his little whimper for the first time was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard and I couldn't stop the tears. They set him on my stomach as they cleaned him up and he just looked up at me. All I could think was how incredibly perfect he was. Then the nurse told us what time he was born... 10:13 a.m. I asked her to repeat herself and then informed the room that 10/13 is Avery's birthday. It was then I knew that she had been there the whole time, watching over her brother and us. I felt such a huge sense of peace and I was so happy that I knew both of my children would be okay.

I thanked Dr S over and over again through my tears, for making our miracle baby possible but the words could never express the gratitude I felt toward him for all he had done for us and how his presence there that day had been just what we needed to make it absolutely perfect! I don't know if he'll ever truly understand how much we appreciate him and all he has done for us.

The look on Skeet's face too... when he saw his boy... it was priceless. The pride and happiness I saw there was something I will never forget. I could tell that like me, he was instantly in love with this sweet little boy. He watched as they took Sawyer to the corner of the room and cleaned him up. I couldn't see much but I could hear Sawyers tiny little cries as they rubbed him down with baby oil and gave him his first shot. He was so quiet the rest of the time, just looking around. I loved the sound of his cries, the were so quiet and so sweet.

Since then things have been going pretty smoothly, considering. Sawyer did have a mild case of Jaundice which required him to lie on Bili Lights for the first two nights he was home. Other than that he seems very healthy. He eats really well and sleeps even better. I can't get enough of his soft skin and sweet smell. I would hold him ever second of every day if I could get away with it. I love him so much and don't know how I survived this long without him. I know Skeet feels the same way. We are both so "over-the-moon" happy right now, it's ridiculous! I still feel, at times, that I am dreaming and that I will wake up any minute and he won't be real. I hope with everything I am that that never happens. I knew being a mother would be amazing but I could have never imagined this. It is definitely something you have to experience to even come close to comprehending. And it was all worth it, all of the treatments, the heartaches, the tears, the worries and the anxiety. Everything we have been through, has made this experience so much more sweet and I hope I never forget how lucky I am.

I welcome this new chapter of our lives with open arms. I still miss Avery more than ever and think about her every time I look at her brother's sweet face. I see so much of her in him and wish that she could be here with us to share in the joy of finally having him here, safe and sound. I know that she is with us in a way though and I look forward to the day when we are all finally reunited! I am the luckiest mom in the world to have two such beautiful and perfect children. I know I don't deserve it but I am going to cherish this feeling and be the best mom I can be for this sweet little boy.

Introducing...

2011-04-28T18:15:00.000-06:00

Sawyer Frank Houston
Born 4/27/11 at 10:13 a.m.
Weighing 7 pounds 9 ounces and measuring 20 inches long.

We were instantly in love with this sweet little boy. He is so mellow and just so much fun to cuddle. I am going to post the birth story eventually but right now I am too tired and just don't feel like it yet! Sawyer is healthy and home with us now although he does have to stay on the Bili Lights for 24 hours because of Jaundice. Words cannot express how incredibly happy we are! Thank you to everyone for your love, support and prayers!!

38 Weeks

2011-04-19T13:04:00.000-06:00

I honestly never thought I would be doing this post!! I can't believe we have made it this far! We did a darn good job at keeping this little boy in... now he's refusing to come out!! At our appointment today we were told that I am 4.5 cm dilated and 80 % effaced. If I keep going at this rate, this boy will just be able to climb out on his own without me doing much in the labor department!! I guess we'll see. We have had a few false alarms and I think that maybe Skeet's nerves ( who am I kidding... mine too) can't take much more. We are so excited to meet this little guy and at the same time I think we are both so scared to finally become full time parents.

How far along: 38 Weeks

Size of baby: Only two more weeks before your baby makes his or her appearance. And what an adorable appearance that will be! Your little one isn't so little anymore — weighing in at close to seven pounds and hitting the height charts at the 21-inch mark (or less).

Weight gain: Ugh... 30+ pounds!!

Maternity clothes: Yes and running out of even those!! If I could live the last part of this pregnancy in sweats I would be such a happy girl!!

Gender: BOY!!

Movement: Holy cow does this kid move!! I really think he is just ready to get out and stretch!! He pushes so hard sometimes it takes my breath away! I love it!! It is the most amazing feeling ever!

Sleep: My bladder seems to need emptying every 5 minutes, add to that some irregular but very uncomfortable contractions and sleep is getting more and more difficult by the day!

Symptoms: Contractions, back pain, swelling, heartburn, cramping... I think we're getting close!

Cravings: I still want to eat everything in site but the heartburn has been getting worse and so occasionally I'll think twice before eating something that will make the heartburn worse!

Best moment this week: Seeing my little boy twice in less than a week!! We had an ultrasound on Thursday and one again today! He is so dang cute!! I can't wait for everyone to see him!

What I am looking forward to: Holding my little man! I can't wait to finally meet him!!

Waiting!!

2011-04-15T12:02:00.000-06:00

I am so not good at waiting for something that I am really excited for. I still can't sleep in on Christmas morning, I suffer through the days leading up to a big event or vacation, and waiting for this little boy to arrive is no exception. At my appointment today we were told that I am now dilated to a 4, still 80 % effaced and it could be any day... or it could be another couple of weeks! Dr. S said that at this point it's not my cervix that is a concern (he believes the delivery will be smooth and go wonderfully.. whew, nice to hear), the concern is whether or not this baby is ready to come into this world. He said that at our high altitude, sometimes babies are just not ready at 37 weeks. So, we wait. He did do a quick ultrasound to measure the fluid levels and the levels look great. My blood pressure looks great. Sawyer looks great!! He even checked the location of the cord for me, because it has been something I have been stressing about. The cord is great and no where near his head or neck. He is still head down although he is facing the wrong way... but that doesn't really matter until I am in labor.

I was hooked up to the NST machine for about an hour and had only 3 big contractions (really big... ouch!) and a whole bunch of small ones, none of which had any kind of pattern. So we wait...

Another concern is that Dr. S will be going out of town for 3 days next week starting on Thursday. This makes me worry. It is a huge deal to me that Dr. S delivers Sawyer. If it weren't for Dr. S, Sawyer probably wouldn't exist. It was Dr. S that listened to me when I asked about Ovarian Diathermy. It was Dr. S that ordered the equipment necessary to do the Ovarian Diathermy. It was Dr. S that made it possible for us to even do the surgery and it was Dr. S that supported us and cheered us on as we waited month after month to see if the surgery did what it was supposed to do. Dr. S was a huge part of Averys' delivery too. We wouldn't have all the amazing pictures of her and her birthday, if it weren't for him. He has been our doctor throughout our entire infertility journey. All 6 years of it. Most importantly, he took my word for it when I told him I thought there was something wrong with me and instead of making us try for a year, he ran tests right away. He has been the most amazing doctor and I don't think we could EVER have found anyone better. We feel so lucky to have someone like him on our side fighting for us every step of the way. He has saved my life and both of my children's lives at some point and I know he would have done anything to save Avery again, if he could have. I hope you can tell why it is so important to me that it is Dr. S that hands Sawyer to me for the first time. So knowing that he will be out of town for 3 whole days, this close to our due date, makes me a little crazy. I want Sawyer to be ready and I want him to come before Thursday, because those 3 days would be complete torture for me with Dr. S gone!! I don't really have my heart set on anything as far as this delivery goes... I am okay with anything that might come along, EXCEPT Dr. S not being there!!!

This weekend Skeet will be celebrating his 36th birthday and I can't think of a better gift than a son. So it would be great if he came this weekend, but I won't hold my breath!! Come on baby boy... anytime you are ready... I am ready for you!!

37 Weeks - Full Term!!

2011-04-12T13:14:00.000-06:00

How far along: 37 Weeks

Size of baby: With just three more weeks to go and at about six and a half pounds (though weight and height vary from fetus to fetus), your baby is doing just fine. You can expect weight gain to be about half an ounce per day. (Boys, though, are likely to be heavier at birth than girls.

Weight gain: Ugh... 30+ pounds!!

Maternity clothes: Yes and running out of even those!!

Gender: BOY!!

Movement: Holy cow does this kid move!! I really think he is just ready to get out and stretch!! He pushes so hard sometimes it takes my breath away! I love it!! It is the most amazing feeling ever!

Sleep: My bladder seems to need emptying every 5 minutes, which makes sleep difficult to come by!!

Symptoms: Contractions, back pain, swelling, heartburn, cramping... I think we're getting close!

Cravings: I still want to eat everything in site but the heartburn has been getting worse and so occasionally I'll think twice before eating something that will make the heartburn worse!

Best moment this week: Finding out that I am 3.5 cm dilated and as of this morning 80% effaced!! I know it could still be a while but it's exciting to know how close we really are!!

What I am looking forward to: Meeting my little man! We are all ready to go; car seat installed, bags packed, camera charged!! Last night my contractions were regular for about 45 minutes which scared us both but they quickly became irregular again. It did give Skeet and I both a little bit of a panic attack though, thinking that maybe it was really time!

When??

2011-04-08T09:40:00.000-06:00

I think I got a little over excited with our news yesterday! I didn't think to ask Dr. S how long we could go at a 3.5 and 70%. With Avery, my water broke and I was only 1 cm dilated. From what I have heard in the last hour or so, we could go another 3 weeks where we are at right now. I am not sure that is going to happen, with my malfunctioning cervix and all. So Sawyer could come this weekend, or he could wait until much closer to his May 3 due date... we just don't know. I promise though, that I will try to keep everyone posted on things. We are hoping to remember to grab the laptop before heading to the hospital so that Skeet has something to play with and so that I can do an update here and there. But if for some reason we forget it, I am sure my sister would be happy to log on to my blog and post the news!! I am trying to not get my hopes up just yet. I plan on making sure my house is in order and cleaned and then I'll just take things one day at a time. As long as this little boy stays healthy and strong, I'll let him stay put until he is ready to meet us!

Progression!!

2011-04-07T18:52:00.000-06:00

At my appt. today we found out that I am 3.5 cm dilated and 70% effaced... I can't believe we could be meeting him really soon! I go back on Tuesday for another non-stress test. Maybe we'll make it to Tuesday!

36 weeks! Seriously? Wow!!

2011-04-05T08:46:00.000-06:00

I am not going to go off this week on one of my little vents... just want to say how incredibly awesome it feels to make it to 36 weeks and to know that in one week little Sawyer will be considered full term and could come any time! It is crazy to think that within the next 4 weeks, we will have a little boy. That we will finally be holding our miracle! So awesome!

How far along: 36 Weeks

Size of baby: Your baby is now about six pounds in weight and measures slightly more than 20 inches in length. Growth will experience a slowdown now, both so your baby will be able to fit the narrow passageway to the outside and also so he or she can store up all the energy needed for delivery.

Weight gain: Ugh... 30+ pounds!!

Maternity clothes: Don't even get me started... it takes me 30 minutes just to find something to wear that still fits! My belly likes to hang out of the bottom of even my maternity shirts these days! Skeet was even laughing at me over the weekend because I was wearing a maternity t shirt and the lower half of my belly kept sneaking out. I do think that the shirt had shrunk though...

Gender: BOY!!

Movement: Holy cow does this kid move!! I really think he is just ready to get out and stretch!! He pushes so hard sometimes it takes my breath away! I love it!! It is the most amazing feeling ever!

Sleep: Sleep this past week has been almost impossible! I have been sick with a bad cold and it has been rough. I think I am finally starting to feel better though so hopefully for the last few weeks of this pregnancy I'll be able to get at least some sleep so I don't start out this motherhood thing sleep deprived!

Symptoms: Back pain, feet and hands swelling, heartburn, headaches, braxton hicks, occasional cramping, gas, constipation, itchy skin, acne (bad acne), ... the list goes on and on but to be honest... I LOVE IT!!

Cravings: I still crave everything... and eat almost everything, but in the last week I have noticed the discomfort of eating too much. Not sure why it started out of nowhere but I am having issues with being full without feeling full. I know I can't fit anything else in there because I am already so uncomfortable, but my brain is telling me I am still hungry. Oh well!!

Best moment this week: Maternity photo shoot went great!! I can't wait to get the edited pictures back to show everyone! I was able to see the non-edited proofs and pick out my favorites. My face has really filled out but I will still pleased with most of them and cannot wait to see how they look edited!

What I am looking forward to: I have an appointment with Dr. S this week!! I am curious to see if we are progressing any more. I wonder when this little boy will make his debut? I have been trying to cherish every moment of the remainder of this pregnancy but being as sick as I have been it's not been easy. Every time I sneeze or cough I chance peeing my pants... and we all know that isn't a pleasant experience. I think we are finally ready for him though, meaning we have everything we need. We still need to set up his swing but other than that I feel like he could come and I wouldn't be too stressed out. Mentally, we are not really going to ever be ready. We will just be thrown into this parenthood thing like all other first time parents and we'll figure it out as we go! I can hardly wait!!

35 Weeks

2011-03-29T09:59:00.000-06:00

Every week, when I do my posts, I am reminded how incredibly blessed I am. 35 weeks, I just can't believe it. I am getting pretty big and so is my little man. Sometimes I will lift my shirt up and look at my ever growing belly in the mirror and I still cannot believe that this is happening for us... finally!! Honestly, and I don't mean to be a downer, but I still feel like it isn't real and that any minute it will be taken from me. On the outside I put on a pretty good front. I am able to show the excitement and joy that I am feeling and I am able to hide the fear and anxiety that I feel right along with it. Lately though, it's become harder for me to push the bad feelings aside. I can't comprehend that I could possibly deserve to be this happy. Or, that I deserve to be blessed with this sweet little boy. Don't get me wrong. I am still over-the-moon, happy about the fact that we are expecting and that this little boy could arrive anytime now (although he and I have an understanding... he's going to wait until 37 weeks at least), it is just when I really stop to think about it, I wonder what is going to go wrong to balance it all out. It sounds terrible, I know, but I think it comes from experiencing the worst pain anyone could ever imagine... losing a child. I think that only those who have experienced it, know what I mean. Okay, I am really done being the Debby Downer now, I just needed to get that out.

At my appointment last week Dr. S was very pleased! Sawyer is doing great and so am I! I am about a centimeter and a half dilated and 50 % effaced. This week we will do our last progesterone injection and Dr. S has told me that as of 36 weeks I can stop taking the nifedipine. I haven't taken it for a while though and seem to be doing okay. I have noticed an increase in Braxton Hicks contractions but they are very irregular so they are nothing to worry about at this point. I will go back to see Dr. S at 36 weeks and after that we will do weekly appointments. Right now we are just watching for signs of high blood pressure. Because I got preeclampsia pretty badly after Avery was born, I have a 30% chance of getting preeclampsia again, whether it be before or after. So I am just keeping an eye out for the warning signs and praying that I don't turn into the Marshmallow Man again!

How far along: 35 Weeks

Size of baby: At about 20 inches and five and a half pounds (but with about five more weeks to grow), most of your baby's growth over the next month or so before you meet will be in weight (with a gain of anywhere from one pound to several), not height (baby's pretty much reached the in utero limit in that department). Accordingly, fat continues to accumulate at a rapid pace these days (on baby, not just on your hips). Back in the middle of your pregnancy, your baby's weight was made up of only two percent fat; now at 35 weeks pregnant, that percentage has soared to closer to 15 percent (and will increase to 30 percent at term). Which means your baby's once skinny arms and legs are now quite plump…and irresistibly, squeezably soft.

Weight gain: Ugh... 30+ pounds!!

Maternity clothes: Don't even get me started... it takes me 30 minutes just to find something to wear that still fits! My belly likes to hang out of the bottom of even my maternity shirts these days!

Gender: BOY!!

Movement: I can tell that this little guy is getting stronger by the day. Some days I think he is trying to escape. I wish that I could some how capture it so that I can always remember how amazing it feels when he moves.

Sleep: It is getting harder and harder to sleep through the night but I am sure my body is just preparing me for what is to come. I can't get comfortable and have been starting to get up 2 or 3 times a night to pee. I have been lucky most of this pregnancy because I have been able to go most nights without getting up but I think with him getting so big, and maybe dropping or starting to, my bladder just can't handle the pressure.

Symptoms: Back pain, feet and hands swelling, heartburn, headaches, braxton hicks, occasional cramping, gas, constipation, itchy skin, acne (bad acne), ... the list goes on and on but to be honest... I LOVE IT!!

Cravings: Food!! I never feel full these days! I have heard that because the baby is so big, your stomach is supposed to get full faster, but you have to eat more frequently. This has not been a problem for me. I could probably eat all day every day and still not feel satisfied. Although, because of my weight gain, I am trying to not fill the void.

Best moment this week: Nothing too exciting has happened this week. I did pack my hospital bag, although I don't anticipate having to use it for another few weeks. Having my appointment go well was a huge relief and I am just enjoying the time I have left in this pregnancy. I am trying to cherish it all... good and bad... because I know I will miss it when it's over.

What I am looking forward to: I am finally getting my maternity pictures taken this week!!! Also, we will be going to Prenatal class #3 and I think Skeet will actually be able to go with this time!! I haven't learned much yet, because we have been through a delivery before, but it's been a good refresher course and once they start getting into what to do after you take the baby home, I think we will be glad we took the class.

Room and Belly

2011-03-22T18:05:00.000-06:00

32 weeks

I have had requests for pics of Sawyer's room as well as my belly as of late. So the wait is over.. here you go! His room is not exactly like I want it but I think it will have to do for now... I have more plans for it but Skeet told me to stop so I stopped!

34 Weeks!!

2011-03-22T09:27:00.000-06:00

How far along: 34 Weeks! I am so glad we have made it to this point!!

Size of baby: Your baby could be as tall as 20 inches right now and about five pounds.

Weight gain: Ugh... 27 pounds!!

Maternity clothes: If I didn't have only 6 weeks left I might be shopping for a bigger size in maternity clothes. I don't think it's worth it though at this point so I am trying to make do with what I have!! Surprisingly, I still fit in some of my regular shirts!

Gender: BOY!!

Movement: My entire family has been enjoying watching my belly dance around on it's own! He moves a lot and is getting so strong!! I seriously love every second of it and wish that I could somehow remember that feeling forever.

Sleep: It is getting harder and harder to sleep through the night but I am sure my body is just preparing me for what is to come. I can't get comfortable and have been starting to get up 2 or 3 times a night to pee. I have been lucky most of this pregnancy because I have been able to go most nights without getting up but I think with him getting so big, and maybe dropping or starting to, my bladder just can't handle the pressure.

Symptoms: Back pain, feet and hands swelling, heartburn, headaches, braxton hicks, occasional cramping, gas, constipation, itchy skin, acne (bad acne), ... the list goes on and on but to be honest... I LOVE IT!!

Cravings: I still love everything for the most part! Broccoli has not been my friend this pregnancy but I force myself to eat it occasionally, just for Sawyer's sake. I crave anything and everything sweet and then occasionally I will crave a salad or something healthy... but not very often!! No wonder I have gained as much as I have!

Best moment this week: I attended my first childbirth class, that was easier than I thought but then again I didn't learn anything that I didn't already know from past experience. Also, I was able to see my little monkey during our ultrasound and let me tell you, he is a cutie! Unfortunately he didn't cooperate so we didn't get face shots. My sister would agree though, he's gonna be a handsome little guy! The best news was that he is healthy and growing very well... maybe too well! ;)

What I am looking forward to: Childbirth class #2 and we have an appt. with Dr. S on Thursday. I am so happy that we have made it to 34 weeks and so from now on, we can deliver in Cedar, hopefully with Dr. S. I know that if Sawyer came now he would probably have to stay in the hospital for a week or two but he would most likely be just fine. I don't see that happening though. I think this little boy is going to surprise us all and stay put for a few more weeks. As excited as I am to finally meet our miracle, I am not in a hurry for him to arrive. I would like him to be fully cooked, and I want to cherish what I have left of this pregnancy, because I know I will miss it when it's over. It will be so bittersweet because I will be so happy that I am finally holding my baby but I will miss that special bond that only I have with him. We tried for so long to get pregnant and it went by so fast!! I think Skeet is starting to realize how close it all is to happening and he is starting to panic a little bit too! I can't believe our lives will be permanently changed in just a few short weeks!!

Big Boy

2011-03-15T14:50:00.000-06:00

The ultrasound went well today!! He looks very healthy and is weighing in at around 4 pounds 12 ounces. If he keeps going at this rate and we go full term he may be around 8 or 9 pounds!! That's a big boy!! The most important part though, is that he looks healthy! I feel so blessed!! Oh and despite what my wacky dreams have been telling me, he is still very much a boy!

33 Weeks - (only 49 days to go!!)

2011-03-15T09:39:00.000-06:00

How far along: 33 Weeks!

Size of baby: This week your baby may be anywhere between 17 to 19 inches in length and weigh more than four and a half pounds. At this stage in fetal development, your baby could grow a full inch more this week alone — especially if he or she has been on the shorter side. Weight gain can range from a third more growth to a full doubling before the big debut.

Weight gain: Ugh... 25 pounds!!

Maternity clothes: Mostly. Some of my longer shirts still fit and may until I deliver! Although I do seem to be growing out of some of my maternity clothes... I wish it would get warm already so I could live in my gauchos and flip flops!

Gender: BOY!!

Movement: Wow! Have we been feeling a lot of movement... and seeing it too! It seems as though he is trying to get out! He pushes and stretches constantly and sometimes it hurts! I love it so much! I know I am going to miss that most!

Sleep: Oh I am so tired! It has become very hard to get comfortable and stay comfortable. It has also become hard to breathe while I am lying down so I have to prop myself up on a lot of pillows! I won't lie, sleep is one of my favorite things in the world, but I am still very happy to be pregnant and I will deal with this minor inconvenience. I know it's only going to get worse so I sleep when and where I can!

Symptoms: Back pain, feet and hands swelling, heartburn, headaches, braxton hicks, occasional cramping, gas, constipation, itchy skin, acne (bad acne), ... the list goes on and on but to be honest... I LOVE IT!!

Cravings: My sister-in-law made these delicious brownies this weekend... I was craving them so I got the recipe and made some myself... yea, not even close! I wonder if it's just cause someone else made them that I loved them so much. They were delish!

Best moment this week: Well Dr S said that everything looked great at our last appt. My cervix is still high and posterior which he says is a good thing! No further dilation this week and he feels comfortable going another 2 weeks before seeing me again. I really haven't felt a whole lot of contractions lately which makes me really happy! This little boy may just go the full 40 weeks (fingers crossed!)

What I am looking forward to: We are having an ultrasound today!! I get to see my little monkey and I can't wait! Unfortunately, Skeet is out of town and won't be there. But my sister is in town and since she won't be here when Sawyer makes his debut, she will be joining me for the show today. I hope we get some good shots of him and I cannot wait to see how much he has grown. It must be a lot cause my belly is getting huge!! Also, we start our childbirth classes this week... Skeet won't be here for the first one but my mom has agreed to go with me even though it's her birthday that day. She is the best mom ever!!

32 Weeks

2011-03-08T09:55:00.000-07:00

As of 3:17 a.m. today, I am more pregnant than I have ever been. Avery was born at exactly 32 weeks and I remember that day like it was yesterday. Today has been surreal. Thinking back on our little girl, and looking forward to our little boy. I can't believe we have made it this far. Only 2 more weeks and we will be able to deliver in Cedar City. When we had Avery, we had to get special permission from a couple of different specialists up in Salt Lake first. They had to look at her ultrasounds and determine whether or not her condition was 100% lethal. If there was any chance that she could survive, they would have insisted that we deliver in St. George or at another hospital with a higher level NICU. We were able to get the okay to deliver in Cedar the day my water broke. Hearing them tell me that 2 different specialists had agreed that my daughter was definitely going to die, well that wasn't easy to hear but we were glad that Dr. S would be able to deliver her. (He is the reason we have such great pictures too. He stayed to take them and then photoshopped each one) He has been with us through our entire journey and it just wouldn't be right if he couldn't deliver Sawyer too. I haven't told him this yet but I am going to throw a mighty large fit if I go into labor on a weekend when he isn't on call. I think I'd better warn him about that soon!!

How far along: 32 Weeks!

Size of baby: This week your baby weighs almost four pounds and could be up to 19 inches long. And though that's a head-to-toe length, your baby is actually back to a curled-up position (you try standing up in those cramped quarters!). At 32 weeks pregnant, you're likely feeling tapping and squirming (yea that's an understatement) instead of your baby's signature rocking and rolling. That's because, while comfy, your baby is a bit tight for exercise space right now. Your baby has also probably settled into the head-down, bottoms-up position in your pelvis in preparation for birth.

Weight gain: 22 pounds. (that's a guess.. I don't get weighed until Thursday and it's been 2 weeks!)

Maternity clothes: Mostly. Some of my longer shirts still fit and may until I deliver! Although I do seem to be growing out of some of my maternity clothes... I wish it would get warm already so I could live in my gauchos and flip flops!

Gender: BOY!!

Movement: Wow! Have we been feeling a lot of movement... and seeing it too! It seems as though he is trying to get out! He pushes and stretches constantly and sometimes it hurts! Especially when he decides to punch, or push down on, my cervix. Owee!

Sleep: Oh I am so tired! It has become very hard to get comfortable and stay comfortable. It has also become hard to breathe while I am lying down so I have to prop myself up on a lot of pillows! I won't lie, sleep is one of my favorite things in the world, but I am still very happy to be pregnant and I will deal with this minor inconvenience. I know it's only going to get worse so I sleep when and where I can!

Symptoms: Back pain, feet and hands swelling, heartburn, headaches, braxton hicks, occasional cramping, gas, constipation, itchy skin, acne (bad acne), ... the list goes on and on but to be honest... I LOVE IT!!

Cravings: Everything! Pastry Pub salads have been at the top of the list as well as the Heads or Tails Oreos.. Yummy!

Best moment this week: We've almost gotten through 2 weeks without seeing Dr. S (and we only called once). That is a huge deal for me!! It also seems that Sawyer is much more active and I have loved feeling him move around.

What I am looking forward to: Seeing how things are going this week at my appt. with Dr. S. I am curious to see if I have dilated any more ( I have been feeling "contractions" and have had to take the evil drug a few times). I am hoping Dr. S will tell me that we still have a ways to go because Skeet will be leaving town for a few days and I don't want him to be gone and me go into labor! That would suck! Plus, I am going to sign up for our childbirth classes this week! Skeet will miss the first one unfortunately, but I am curious to see how he does with them! I think it will be a reality check for both of us! (yes I know we have done child birth before, but we haven't done the "taking the child home" part so we are hoping for some help with that).

31 Weeks

2011-03-01T12:08:00.000-07:00

I think the next couple of weeks are going to be hard, but incredible for me at the same time. I was 31 weeks and 3 days pregnant when I went into labor for the first time with Avery. We don't know if I went into labor because she was sick or because my body had had enough with being pregnant. I do remember that my body started to get puffy the weekend before that... and this morning I woke up to puffy fingers and pants that were much tighter on my thighs than they were last week. (Last time, I had to wear Skeet's pants because I couldn't fit in any of my maternity clothes... not even the baggy ones and it was all because of swelling). I have faith that everything is going to be okay with Sawyer but I can't help but think back to my last 31 week experience. I don't have an appointment with Dr. S this week, we are going to try going two weeks and see how it goes. I will however, be listening to my body very closely and taking every precaution. If I end up in labor and delivery over a stupid pain, I wouldn't be surprised. I really want Sawyer to stay put until at least 37 weeks. The further we get into this pregnancy the higher that number gets! I am ready to meet him, definitely, but I am not ready to not be pregnant anymore... I also want him to be as healthy as possible when he does come, so no preemie baby for us!! We are all ready though, in case he comes early. His nursery is put together, his clothes and blankets are washed, we have huge stockpiles of diapers and wipes and although we haven't done our childbirth classes yet, I think we could handle it without them. But he still needs to wait... I am still nesting and there is still a lot of my house that isn't clean enough, according to me, so I have a lot I still want to do. Plus, we can't deliver in Cedar until 34 weeks and I REFUSE to deliver anywhere else!! At my last appointment with Dr. S I was dilated to just about 1 cm. Nothing to freak out about and Dr. S wasn't too concerned so I hope it doesn't progress.
Anyway... here is my update...

How far along: 31 Weeks!

Size of baby: As far as growth goes, your baby's still on a roll, measuring an impressive 18 inches and weighing in at more than three pounds. At 31 weeks pregnant, you can still expect your baby to gain at least three to five pounds, possibly more, before you two meet.

Weight gain: 20 pounds.

Maternity clothes: Mostly. I can still get away with a few of my regular shirts but my belly is starting to hang out of the bottom now!!

Gender: BOY!!

Movement: I LOVE to watch my stomach move! It is the most amazing feeling and something I never got to see when pregnant with Avery. I get sad when he is not moving because I love feeling it so much. I am sure when he comes I will be thankful for those quiet periods but right now I am just enjoying every second!

Sleep: Sleep is definitely more difficult, but it's not from a lack of trying. I am tired enough to sleep 10-12 hours a night but am lucky to get in 5 or 6. Guess I had better get used to it!

Symptoms: Back pain, feet and hands swelling, heartburn, headaches, braxton hicks, occasional cramping, gas, constipation, itchy skin... the list goes on and on but to be honest... I LOVE IT!!

Cravings: Hmm... this week I really want mexican food. I haven't gotten it yet because I want the good stuff and Skeet has been sick. I hope he gets better soon cause I really want some yummy food!

Best moment this week: Nothing much has happened this week but I guess I could put that Dr. S and I agreed to take a 2 week break from each other and see how it goes. After seeing him every week for the last couple of months, I am afraid that the withdrawls might kick in around Friday. I am just hoping the next week and a half are uneventful and when I see him next week everything looks good!

What I am looking forward to: Skeet feeling better, for one. I hope to spend as much time with my sister and my nephew as I can too. They will be leaving before I know it and I always regret not spending more time with them while they are here. I have felt awful that I haven't been able to play with him like I normally do so I need to come up with some ideas of fun things he and I can do together that don't require a lot of running around!
Also, now that the furniture is where I want it in the nursery, my sis is going to come and help me finish decorating! I can't wait for it to be done so I can post pictures! My little monkey is so spoiled!

30 Weeks!

2011-02-22T11:33:00.001-07:00

How far along: 30 Weeks! Only 10 more to go!

Size of baby: Your belly’s increasing size is a definite clue that your baby is getting bigger every day, weighing in at over three pounds now (he’ll be packing on the weight at a rate of half a pound per week for the next seven weeks). Also growing daily is his brain, which is actually starting to look like the real thing with those characteristic grooves and wrinkles. And now that your little genius can regulate his own body temperature and turn up the heat, he'll start shedding lanugo, the downy body hair that's been keeping him warm up until now. (However, if he's anything like me, he'll be born hairy and stay that way most of his life!! My little monkey indeed!)

Weight gain: 22 pounds.

Maternity clothes: Mostly. I can still get away with a few of my regular shirts!

Gender: BOY!!

Movement: Counting movements now and although he does move enough every day, some days it's less than others and I start to freak out. I need to relax but at this point in my pregnancy I have accepted that relaxing is just not possible!

Sleep: Sleep is definitely more difficult, but it's not from a lack of trying. I am tired enough to sleep 10-12 hours a night but am lucky to get in 5 or 6. Guess I had better get used to it!

Symptoms: Back pain, feet and hands swelling, heartburn, headaches, braxton hicks, occasional cramping, gas, constipation, itchy skin... the list goes on and on but to be honest... I LOVE IT!!

Cravings: Heads or Tails Oreos... if you haven't tried them you need to!! I try not to have them every day but they are so tempting...with a cold glass of milk!

Best moment this week: My sister came over this weekend and organized Sawyer's room. We do have to talk Skeet into moving the dresser (for the 3rd time... yes he is frustrated with me) and then she will come over and help me put up the decorations on the walls. I will post pictures of the finished product when it is done. SO CUTE! It feels nice to have it almost done though... one less thing to worry about!

What I am looking forward to: Nothing big this week.. just watching my belly grow and feeling him move around like he's practicing kickboxing or something like that! He has been moving like crazy the last few days and I am trying to cherish every second cause I know that I will miss that feeling, even when I am holding him in my arms!